Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:24     Subject: My son is about to marry a blonde
It's very typical of Asian parents to give huge amount of savings to their children. The flip side is that they expect total respect and obedience in return. It's a form of control.

At this point, OP sounds like he's trying to buy his son's good grace. Your son either loves you or he doesn't. Any relationship built on guilt or obligations is not a healthy one.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:23     Subject: My son is about to marry a blonde
This thread is a good example of how little Americans understand Asian culture or any other cultures in that matter.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:23     Subject: Re:My son is about to marry a blonde
Anonymous wrote:So her only requirement is the daughter in law speak Vietnamese? Doesn't matter if she's a good person who loves your son?

I hate to break it to your wife but it's not your son's duty to marry a woman who will be a friend for your wife. He could have married a woman who speaks Vietnamese and is horrible.


+1

:APPLAUSE:
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:21     Subject: My son is about to marry a blonde
Anonymous wrote:My wife will not be attending the wedding and I am not allowed to attend either.


That
Is
Hilarious
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:20     Subject: Re:My son is about to marry a blonde
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I did have a long talk to both of them, wish them nothing but happiness. I also told them that when they are ready to move back to VA, the house will be theirs. I told my DIL to be that my wife has nothing against her personally and hope she will understand. She sound sincere so I do not doubt her intention. I think I can see the grand children when the time come, hopefully. Btw, he is my only kid

And yes, I did give them a wedding gift before they left for CA. I deposited $50k in their bank account so that they can spend it on their honeymoon before starting the next chapter in their lives.

Now I just hope my wife will come around soon...


Um, what? No one needs a 50k honeymoon. You sound out of touch, and like you use money to control people.


Give OP a break, nobody said he was using the money to bribe or control. It was simply a gesture, a wedding gift.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:15     Subject: Re:My son is about to marry a blonde
Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I did have a long talk to both of them, wish them nothing but happiness. I also told them that when they are ready to move back to VA, the house will be theirs. I told my DIL to be that my wife has nothing against her personally and hope she will understand. She sound sincere so I do not doubt her intention. I think I can see the grand children when the time come, hopefully. Btw, he is my only kid

And yes, I did give them a wedding gift before they left for CA. I deposited $50k in their bank account so that they can spend it on their honeymoon before starting the next chapter in their lives.

Now I just hope my wife will come around soon...


Um, what? No one needs a 50k honeymoon. You sound out of touch, and like you use money to control people.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:13     Subject: My son is about to marry a blonde
Anonymous wrote:You and your wife have only had a week to come around to this idea, and I understand it's not what you pictured. The thing is, your son is an American. He's not Vietnamese. Please try to talk some sense into your wife and make your own choices if that doesn't work. She can't stop you from going to the wedding on your own.
Yes, I found this curious. On one hand, it wasn't fair of the son to give the parents only a week to come to terms with the fact that he has a white girlfriend - or any girlfriend at all. On the other, it made me wonder if there was already tension between son and mom and son knew that this would happen so maybe it made sense to spring it suddenly on the parents.

OP, I hope you go to the wedding on your own. Let your wife be angry but you don't have to take this on just because she is. Hope things get better!
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:11     Subject: My son is about to marry a blonde
He finished residency at 26??? when did he start medical school ?
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:10     Subject: My son is about to marry a blonde
Anonymous wrote:First generation Asian American here and I know 100% what your family is going through. Your wife is essentially cutting off her nose to spite the face. Unfortunately I don't have any sympathy for her and the likes of her. B/c she's not getting the DIL she wanted, she's pushing away the only son she has. How supremely idiotic, not to mention selfish, of her.

Unfortunately you can't reason with her since she won't listen to reason. I've found that when unreasonable people throw tantrums to get their way (and your wife is throwing a giant tantrum by forbidding you to attend the wedding), the only way to deal is stare them down and not give an inch. She's wrong and you know she's wrong. You need to stand up for your son and for what's right. Tell her you're going to the wedding and go.


At this point, they probably don't even want her there. I know I wouldn't.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:09     Subject: My son is about to marry a blonde
NP. I can't believe how delusional the OP is.

He thinks the couple will come back with kids and want these people to be grandparents for them? Hahahaha.

He thinks that the couple will happily forgive his vile wife in the future, just because he's Asian? Haha. You know that she's not Asian, right? Your son already upset your wife and went against your wishes to marry his wife. He is going to choose his wife over you and your wife, he already has. And she's not going to want you in her life or around her kids.

He thinks they can bribe the couple with money? You think that they'll come back so they get the house? Hahahaa. She's a part time model with an accounting degree, who by all accounts has incredible social skills (ESPECIALLY to have has the self restraint to not have told her racist parents in law where to go after they shunned her) and the son is now a full fledged doctor.

They don't need your money, OP. And after you've behaved so appallingly, I'd bet that they won't want you to be grandparents either.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:08     Subject: My son is about to marry a blonde
First generation Asian American here and I know 100% what your family is going through. Your wife is essentially cutting off her nose to spite the face. Unfortunately I don't have any sympathy for her and the likes of her. B/c she's not getting the DIL she wanted, she's pushing away the only son she has. How supremely idiotic, not to mention selfish, of her.

Unfortunately you can't reason with her since she won't listen to reason. I've found that when unreasonable people throw tantrums to get their way (and your wife is throwing a giant tantrum by forbidding you to attend the wedding), the only way to deal is stare them down and not give an inch. She's wrong and you know she's wrong. You need to stand up for your son and for what's right. Tell her you're going to the wedding and go.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:05     Subject: My son is about to marry a blonde
Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll? Please be a troll!

You clearly don't know many Asians of a certain age.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 14:03     Subject: Re:My son is about to marry a blonde
Anonymous wrote:I'm a first generation Asian. I think OP is doing the best he could under these circumstances. His wife is his wife and he has to respect her position even if he disagrees.

The fact that OP is financially generous (50K for honeymoon and a house in the future) means a lot. That's really helpful for a young couple. I'm sure that his wife knows about this. If she was really dead set against the fiancee, then she would've been looking to disinherit the son and OP wouldn't have been able to send the money. So the wife's angry and disappointed but she will eventually get over it. Asian parents act tough but show that they still love their children with their actions.

In Asian families, it's always easier to ask forgiveness than permission. But that usually comes with a period of adjustment where everyone is pissed off at each other while a new normal is being established. Once a new normal is established, people will do what they need to do in order to accept it because family is important. OP's wife will eventually accept her new DIL because the DIL is a permanent fixture in her son's life.





I think the difference between western and eastern culture is, western culture is very individualistic. All about me first, everyone comes after that. Eastern cultures are about family first, and extends to the ILs as well. As in, ILs become close relatives and friends after marriage. The difference in cultures is real and I can understand why OPs wife wanted a Vietnamese DIL. It's easier to relate. Simple as that. OP and his wife probably made numerous sacrifices ( Asian parents go overboard with this!) immigrating to a new country and raising this kid to be a doctor. The least he could have done was given them enough notice about who he was marrying, intro'd her to the family before marrying. I am actually angrier at him than OP or his wife.they wouldn't have taken it well but it wouldn't be a total shock to them at least. OP you have no reason to feel guilty. You are doing above and beyond for this ungrateful kid you raised. Try to ease your wife's mind. I like that you are a supportive husband while being a great father. Ease your DIL into your family and it will all work out.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 13:59     Subject: Re:My son is about to marry a blonde
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your wife is a racist b**tch.


+1

I hope she never sees her grandkids. You should go to the wedding if you want to see them. If I were your DIL, I wouldn't want anything to do with her after this. Oh wait--I AM a DIL in those shoes. I don't care if my MIL falls off the edge of the world. She never even met me, once she heard that I wasn't _______, she refused to meet me.

Her loss.

(left blank, because it's really irrelevant isn't it?)


Not saying your position is not understandable nor unjustifiable, but kids tend to emulate their parents behavior when they grow up. May MIL see her grandkids if she has a genuine change of heart? Would that be good enough? One thing I've learnt in my life is to never hold permanent grudges and people do in fact change. It may never happen, but there's always that chance.



A change of hear that isn't drive from pure self interest, sure. But that's not happening. Kids are teens now anyway. Hard to fit 20 yrs into a few sentences. But I know what you're saying, and don't disagree with the sentiment at all.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2018 13:59     Subject: Re:My son is about to marry a blonde
Troll...