My best friends mom was the fun one, so I benefited from that. She was the one that had crazy theme parties and took us to Bob's Big Bob in our pajamas early one morning to celebrate a birthday.

My parents were great, but they were not the "fun" parents in the neighborhood. My mom believed that once you hit double digits (ie, 10), you were too old for birthday parties. A fun family outing on the weekend was a visit to a Civil War site. We had plenty of chores and rules and consequences.

But there were also nights we laughed so hard at dinner that we cried. And both parents volunteered in support of my extracurricular activity in high-school though chaperoning and other service. They may not have the "fun" parents, but we were completely loved and knew it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I always felt like an afterthought, my parents had their adult lives and adult interests and they fit me into their life. For instance, we would go out to a fancy restaurant on Saturday nights because that's what they liked, or my mother cooked gourmet meals every night with spicy food because that's what they liked. I would have loved to go to a kid-friendly restaurant instead or eat grilled cheese for dinner (and as an adult I don't eat spicy food because of my childhood). I wish my childhood had been more kid-friendly but my mother would say things like, "I'm not making a whole Thanksgiving dinner for just the 3 of us," etc. It made me feel like we didn't have a real family and that I was not enough.

Hmm. It's hard to tell whether you have a whiny and resentful personality, or whether your parents really never did anything you asked for.
Parents of the old persuasion were taught to think that children did NOT come first, unlike modern parenting philosophy. Neither my friends nor I had parents who bent over backwards to make everything kid-friendly, however, they showed they loved us in other ways, such as occasionally doing things we really wanted. Those occasions were rare and treasured.

You're in absolutely no position to judge that or even raise it.

My mom was fun, but my dad committed suicide when I was 11, so although she still tried to be fun for us, things were harder. She did try very hard, though, and I appreciate her so much for that. She let us be kids, and she tried to make things special for us. We didn't have much financially, because after his death she was also going to college, but she still made plenty of time for us and our friends. All of our friends wanted to hang out at our house because they all loved my mom and how much she laughed and how laid-back she was. Even with a tragedy in our lives, she still made our lives worth living.

One of the pieces of advice my mom gave me when we started was to remember in the middle of the grind to have fun with your kids. It seemed so simple and obvious at the time but now in the thick of it, I think of it always. We try to make sure we are laughing a lot together - which can easily fall by the wayside with how busy we all get.

OMG we were just reminiscing on this... My parents were so fun. We were definitely the house all the kids wanted to hang out at. They did not smoke or drink and would have beat us if we did, but they'd make jokes about it (mum had a character we called "Reefer Steve" and would pretend to be baked and they were cool discussing anything with us. We'd riff on things and just laugh for hours. We'd talk sex and politics a lot, and just tell funny stories about things family members did/experiences we'd had. They gave good advice and listened and got sad or mad at the right points... and they let us have our emotions. Education and manners were really important to them, which made it even funnier when they acted up.

They would also let us make them the brunt of jokes/let us dress them up like it was 'cool' and do silly things we asked. My mum did a great werewolf howl and a textbook overacting of turning into a werewolf and she'd do it whenever/wherever we asked. On time we made her hair into a greasy mullet, put a sleeveless plaid shirt on her and made her get ice cream for us in a Joe Dirt accent. She's British and sounded like she was having a stroke and we were dying! She was a really great dresser and had good taste but would also do crazy things like she would make glittery headdresses out of the turkey carcass after Christmas and pretend to tell the future on new years eve.

My mum had been a teacher and I think she was the reason we extended our playfulness so long- and my dad was just straight up funny- my siblings and I still joke about everything. We will literally tell each other something horrible about our day and after the usual consoling we will say 'too soon?' and then start to make fun of the other for whatever horrible thing happened. We got this from my mum who would listen with 100% eye contact and then say insulting or superficial things because it would make us laugh and help us get over ourselves. Nothing was off limits except being mean for the sake of being mean.

My dad would usually make an appearance, chat about our day/tell jokes/offer insights... then he'd leave us alone to hang out with friends but when I was in high school we put my (huge tall muscular) dad in my sister's wife beater/belly shirt that said "beat it" in glitter and he let us just LOL at him and take blackmail photos. He then proceeded to steal it from her without us knowing and just be seen around the (fancy gated) neighbourhood wearing it while mowing the lawn, picking up the newspaper etc and when we'd cringe/cry laughing and beg him to put something normal on he'd say because we'd be in front of other friends who hadn't been there to understand the 'joke'... "but you kids said I looked so cool...!" He still has it tucked away and the grandkids do not 'get it' yet but they still laughed like hell. He also used the blackmail photos in an attention whore way... 'accidentally' slipping them into albums, glove compartments, etc.

They'd sneak up on us and scare us when we were down at the beach having a bonfire. They'd yell things out the window when they were driving, like my mum would whistle at men and make animal noises. My parents were self-aware attention whores who were just funny as hell. We all have the same personality.

My mum once picked out the 'queen bee' of the school based on watching behavior at pick up time and she would affect this OMG accent and yell crap at her as we drove by and pretend to run her off the road (it wasn't obvious to anyone not in the car)... loud enough that it passed for talking to us/she wasn't bullying this bully... but she'd say things like "O my freaking gah.... I only wish my flat iron could...like...get my hair... flatter..."

So much randomness. So we just do the same with our kids. If an idea occurs to us, we do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents would swing back and forth between fun and abusive. They’d get in a fight and threaten to divorce each other and argue in front of us about who would get the kids, then they’d make up and take us to a hotel with a pool for the weekend so we could have family time. Or they’d start off joking or teasing with something cute and funny, then taking it way too far to the point of bullying and torment, then teasing horrifically because we kids were too sensitive and couldn’t take a joke. Their fun always came with a high price.

In contrast, I’m not fun because I don’t allow much teasing or practical jokes, especially if I detect even a hint of meanness or bullying. We do fun things like outings (without threatening divorce or custody battles), fun classes, fun activities at home, and watching funny movies and telling jokes that aren’t hurtful.

That is interesting PP. My family did a ton of teasing and practical jokes and sarcastic mocking but it was all done in love and I have nothing but good memories of those times.

That’s nice. My parents would do things like block the door so I couldn’t exit a room (sometimes for more than half an hour), pretend to leave me home alone without telling me where they went, tickle me until I peed on myself even after I begged them to stop so I could go to the bathroom, or dress up like a clown and wake me in the middle of the night to scare me. Then if I cried I’d be mocked for being too sensitive. What kind of fun pranks did your parents pull?

That sounds awful, pp. I'm so sorry that happenned to you. Curious do you still have a relationship with them?

Not anymore. I’d been distancing myself from them slowly for years. We moved far away years ago, and we only pretty much stopped visiting. We accepted visits, but they had to stay in a hotel and they’re not allowed in my home because they can’t be nice and have to be insulting. DH started refusing to see them at all about 6 years ago but told me he’d never ask me to cut off my parents. He let me get there on my own. We finally got to a point where they crossed a line that’s so unforgivable I can’t see ever salvaging my relationship with them. My mom still calls and leaves messages on holidays and birthdays but I’ve gone no contact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No but I don't think it was that common back then. Parents weren't just as involved in their kids' lives as they are now. In the summer we were literally sent out in the morning, came home for lunch and then again for dinner. My parents had no idea we were riding our bikes all over finding cool areas of Rock Creek Park. We climbed trees, played in the creek and occasionally would find a random stash of beer or a homeless encampment.

I did have two friends whose parents were very good friends with each other. They'd go to fancy locales with each other and have each other's familes over on the weekend. I was very envious of that. Their parents also drank and mine didn't. Now those fun parents have a dozen grandchildren and all of their kids live within walking distance of where they grew up. They obviously did something right.

When was "back then"?!? I'm 38 and my parents were immensely involved in my and my brother's lives. And both of my parents worked.

I'm 41, and my parents were involved, but not like parents are now. I spent hours riding my bike around the neighborhood by myself or with neighbor kids. My mom would send me outside in the summer and I'd return for lunch and dinner. Parents attended games and plays and stuff, but did not attend sports practices or rehearsals. I think most kids were expected to entertain themselves a lot more. My parents were loving and fun--they took us camping, planned special stuff for birthdays, etc., but they would be incredibly hands-off compared to parents today. And they were absolutely normal for the time I grew up.

Anonymous wrote:Mine weren't "fun", but we were obviously their first priority and it was clear they cared about us above all. They had limited means and my mom didn't drive, so we didn't do a lot of activities, kid-focused or otherwise. But I never doubted our importance to them.

+1

My parents were not "fun." They came from a generation and a culture where parents were the parents not the kids' friends or entertainment. They were also working class immigrants who didn't speak English very well so we didn't do a lot of kid-centered activities. My parents didn't have the money or didn't know about them. When I was older (upper ES and onward), I learned about free after-school activities and navigated that for me and my sibling. I remember going to the neighborhood park a lot, playing with the other kids in my building courtyard, and family dinners. I never doubted that my parents loved us and that their hard work and sacrifices were for us.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's interesting how parenting has changed. Why do you think that is? My mother is always shocked by how many "fun things" I do with my kids--she's always commenting about it, like "you sure do fun things with him." All our vacations are kid-friendly, and every weekend we do one or two kid-friendly activities.

My weekends growing up were all about staying in and watching TV. They never would have attended a family holiday event or taken me to a fair/festival growing up. It was all about what they wanted to do and I just tagged along. I really resented this when I was a child. I was bored a lot and spent a lot of time in my room feeling bored or being bored at fancy restaurants.

I don't think anything has changed, at least not in my family. My parents did tons of "fun things" with me growing up. We did lots of vacations and other activities that, looking back, were clearly about the kids and not at all about my parents (i.e. they would not have chosen to do those activities had they not had kids). I grew up in Southern California, so maybe it's a regional thing? Both of my parents were from poor families with strict parents, so they didn't grow up in fun houses at all. My parents definitely had their own lives (they went on dates, played in a bridge group, and traveled without us), and they also took us to adult places (i.e. fancy restaurants, the ballet), so there was no all-kid or all-adult lifestyle, it was more of a mix.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you an only child? I find that with siblings, things usually become more kid-friendly.

Yeah...it generally sucks being an only / the experience is a lot like OP's

I was an only and my experience was the opposite. I was everything to my parents and it felt suffocating. Everything was kid friendly and revolved around me. It took a lot of work later on to learn how to share and things like that.

Anonymous wrote:No but I don't think it was that common back then. Parents weren't just as involved in their kids' lives as they are now. In the summer we were literally sent out in the morning, came home for lunch and then again for dinner. My parents had no idea we were riding our bikes all over finding cool areas of Rock Creek Park. We climbed trees, played in the creek and occasionally would find a random stash of beer or a homeless encampment.

I did have two friends whose parents were very good friends with each other. They'd go to fancy locales with each other and have each other's familes over on the weekend. I was very envious of that. Their parents also drank and mine didn't. Now those fun parents have a dozen grandchildren and all of their kids live within walking distance of where they grew up. They obviously did something right.

When was "back then"?!? I'm 38 and my parents were immensely involved in my and my brother's lives. And both of my parents worked.

Yes, my mom (who worked my whole life) made a big deal out of the holidays, decorating the house, etc. She also threw amazing parties for me and my friends. We had a doll party that I remember where she made miniature versions of all of our food (sandwiches, cookies, fruit) for the dolls. She even let them drink out of the crystal jiggers while we had lemonade in the crystal goblets. My dad was very outdoorsy and we had a lot of fun doing tons of activities outside. I am silly sometimes with my girls (singing, dancing, etc.), and I try to plan events that they will enjoy in fun ways. My husband also has a goofy side, and I love it when he breaks it out for our kids. His family is decidedly un-fun.

Mine weren't "fun", but we were obviously their first priority and it was clear they cared about us above all. They had limited means and my mom didn't drive, so we didn't do a lot of activities, kid-focused or otherwise. But I never doubted our importance to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents would swing back and forth between fun and abusive. They’d get in a fight and threaten to divorce each other and argue in front of us about who would get the kids, then they’d make up and take us to a hotel with a pool for the weekend so we could have family time. Or they’d start off joking or teasing with something cute and funny, then taking it way too far to the point of bullying and torment, then teasing horrifically because we kids were too sensitive and couldn’t take a joke. Their fun always came with a high price.

In contrast, I’m not fun because I don’t allow much teasing or practical jokes, especially if I detect even a hint of meanness or bullying. We do fun things like outings (without threatening divorce or custody battles), fun classes, fun activities at home, and watching funny movies and telling jokes that aren’t hurtful.

That is interesting PP. My family did a ton of teasing and practical jokes and sarcastic mocking but it was all done in love and I have nothing but good memories of those times.

That’s nice. My parents would do things like block the door so I couldn’t exit a room (sometimes for more than half an hour), pretend to leave me home alone without telling me where they went, tickle me until I peed on myself even after I begged them to stop so I could go to the bathroom, or dress up like a clown and wake me in the middle of the night to scare me. Then if I cried I’d be mocked for being too sensitive. What kind of fun pranks did your parents pull?

That sounds awful, pp. I'm so sorry that happenned to you. Curious do you still have a relationship with them?

My dad was definitely a fun parent. I mean he was very responsible and took care of us well too. He had very strict and serious parents growing up and wanted us to experience things he never got to experience. Our childhood was full of adventures- trips to Disney or local amusement parks, silly made-up games, playing with us in the backyard all the time, taking us to the movies, going out to dinner to new restaurants. He loved the sense of adventure and on Sunday’s he would say let’s go for a ride in the car and go on an adventure. We would end up in random towns and places and it was always fun. I love that he was like this. He was amazing. My mother, while loving, was more serious. But she always came along for the ride and participated in a lot of my dad’s activities with us.