The fear of hugs on these boards is irrational. It's like y'all have troubled past or something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.

It is not appropriate for you to force a child that doesn’t want to hug you to do so. They need to feel that they have agency over there own bodies so that if another adult with bad intentions tries to pressure them into physical contact they will know they can say no. It’s not a big deal if you don’t get a hug.


However, his father should be teaching him to say Thank You since you hosted him.

I think I saw an article on this but it's getting overblown. There's a difference between hugging nice family members (like the OP) goodbye versus some molester. Geez...

How are young children to know the difference? Except by following their instincts that they don't want to hug someone? Right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you cooked and hosted doesn't mean you deserve a hug. Gross.

Well I do think I deserved some thanks.

you said he did show gratitude earlier - how many times does he have to thank you? I think your expectations are a bit odd- and it's weird it bothered you so much you are fixated on it. he's an 11 year old kid for goodness sake. even a good kid doesn't have the fully developed social skills of an adult.

It's not about how many times he has to thank me. It's about acknowledging the hosts before leaving their place. Is that so odd to understand? When I said he showed gratitude earlier in the visit, I meant that he would say "Yes/no, thank you" if we offered something. But over time, I think the visit wore him down because he became restless and started horsing around, poking his nose into things and not being as well-behaved as he was at the beginning. Anyway, disagree with me about my expectations if you like. It doesn't matter at this point anyway.

He is an 11 yo boy forced to hang out with his step grandma. You neee to adjust your expectations.

Not petty. Lots of VERY rude kids around these days. Parents like the ones here are enabling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn't about you. Remember he is 11. Sure, he want a gem at that moment, but he is 11 with limited tools to express disappointment about not spending Christmas where he wanted. It just isn't about you.

What makes you think this isn't where he wanted to be??? He said it has been fun. Of course it's not about me. We wanted him to have a good time.

I just assumed from how unwelcoming you sound that he would have preferred to be elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you cooked and hosted doesn't mean you deserve a hug. Gross.

Well I do think I deserved some thanks.

you said he did show gratitude earlier - how many times does he have to thank you? I think your expectations are a bit odd- and it's weird it bothered you so much you are fixated on it. he's an 11 year old kid for goodness sake. even a good kid doesn't have the fully developed social skills of an adult.

It's not about how many times he has to thank me. It's about acknowledging the hosts before leaving their place. Is that so odd to understand? When I said he showed gratitude earlier in the visit, I meant that he would say "Yes/no, thank you" if we offered something. But over time, I think the visit wore him down because he became restless and started horsing around, poking his nose into things and not being as well-behaved as he was at the beginning. Anyway, disagree with me about my expectations if you like. It doesn't matter at this point anyway.

OP, I am guessing you did not have children of your own or only had daughters. You certainly have not been around many elementary or middle school boys, or if you have been your memory is very short.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.

I come from a very big huggy kissy hands on family.

I distinctly remember right around 11 or 12 going in to give my uncle a standard goodbye hug/kiss and suddenly out of the blue getting VERY embarrassed, pulling away, crossing my arms and refusing to hug him or do more than rudely mumble "bye".

I was done with hugs for anyone but my grandparents for a while.

Your grandson is at the age where he is getting into the puberty awkwardness. His lack of a hug and standoffish goodbye is just a natural part of growing up.

Do not blow this up by getting offended, especially if he is normally a nice kid.

He is hitting the awkward mean phase that we all went through...even you

You don't even refer to them as your son and grandson... they're supposed to be family, but you call them DH son and his 11 year old son? Hah. I wouldn't hug you either and having that expectation is ridiculous of you. If a child doesn't want to hug you, that's their choice. It's not rude of him to not want to hug you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you cooked and hosted doesn't mean you deserve a hug. Gross.

Well I do think I deserved some thanks.

you said he did show gratitude earlier - how many times does he have to thank you? I think your expectations are a bit odd- and it's weird it bothered you so much you are fixated on it. he's an 11 year old kid for goodness sake. even a good kid doesn't have the fully developed social skills of an adult.

It's not about how many times he has to thank me. It's about acknowledging the hosts before leaving their place. Is that so odd to understand? When I said he showed gratitude earlier in the visit, I meant that he would say "Yes/no, thank you" if we offered something. But over time, I think the visit wore him down because he became restless and started horsing around, poking his nose into things and not being as well-behaved as he was at the beginning. Anyway, disagree with me about my expectations if you like. It doesn't matter at this point anyway.

NP here. But you tthen or us that he told you that he was having fun and glad to be there.

It doesn’t matter how we read the OP’s posts. Clearly she expects perfection from 11 year olds, even when traveling on the holidays, but it’s ok for her to be out of sorts over perceived imperfect manners from a child, no matter how well behaved he was at the beginning of the visit. All that matters is one time, the child didn’t feel like talking and hugging, and that’s not acceptable. I hope he shapes up before next year, because passes are over after 11.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you cooked and hosted doesn't mean you deserve a hug. Gross.

Well I do think I deserved some thanks.

you said he did show gratitude earlier - how many times does he have to thank you? I think your expectations are a bit odd- and it's weird it bothered you so much you are fixated on it. he's an 11 year old kid for goodness sake. even a good kid doesn't have the fully developed social skills of an adult.

It's not about how many times he has to thank me. It's about acknowledging the hosts before leaving their place. Is that so odd to understand? When I said he showed gratitude earlier in the visit, I meant that he would say "Yes/no, thank you" if we offered something. But over time, I think the visit wore him down because he became restless and started horsing around, poking his nose into things and not being as well-behaved as he was at the beginning. Anyway, disagree with me about my expectations if you like. It doesn't matter at this point anyway.

NP here. But you tthen or us that he told you that he was having fun and glad to be there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you cooked and hosted doesn't mean you deserve a hug. Gross.

Well I do think I deserved some thanks.

you said he did show gratitude earlier - how many times does he have to thank you? I think your expectations are a bit odd- and it's weird it bothered you so much you are fixated on it. he's an 11 year old kid for goodness sake. even a good kid doesn't have the fully developed social skills of an adult.

It's not about how many times he has to thank me. It's about acknowledging the hosts before leaving their place. Is that so odd to understand? When I said he showed gratitude earlier in the visit, I meant that he would say "Yes/no, thank you" if we offered something. But over time, I think the visit wore him down because he became restless and started horsing around, poking his nose into things and not being as well-behaved as he was at the beginning. Anyway, disagree with me about my expectations if you like. It doesn't matter at this point anyway.