Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with behavioral issues.

One of the ABSOLUTE WORST things that happened to him in K was repeated suspensions for behavioral episodes (this was with an IEP for ASD). Because he learned that if he did X, he would get rewarded with a day away from school. Suspending a child with behaviors is literally the most counterproductive thing this school can do. It took us years to recover from the fallout from this shitshow.

How well did you follow up at home with other consequences? Was your child watching TV, playing consoles and/or playing with his toys all day? Or was he sitting in a boring room thinking about the reasons why he was suspended?

Schools aren't responsible for raising your kid(s). They need your help. If they suspend a child and his parents then reward him with a few days off school as if it's the weekend, then yeah, I can see why some kids would just want to do it again. Schools can't do all the heavy lifting. You need to help. (And yes, I have a child with SN.)

If you were doing your part as a parent, and having your child sit at the dining table or whatever for large parts of the day (whatever your child can not-comfortably manage) and reading quietly and thinking about why he's not at school playing and having fun like the other kids, and he was still WANTING to do that again (which is very different from not being able to control the behaviors, but actually trying to misbehave to get the reward), then I'd be seriously considering whether there's some kind of bullying or abuse going on at school, and trying to address that.

I've 100% been involved in trying to help my son. He has gone to an independent psychologist, he is in OT, he got his computer and all video games taken away. I've read Dr. Ross Greene. He's not this way at home to this degree, it seems to be mainly a school issue.

Read the post about the child changing teachers. Please do this and demand a classroom change. The teacher fit is important. My child is doing much better this year as its a much better teacher/classroom fit. I know its easy to blame the kids and say suck it up and deal with the teacher you have but these kids are young and cannot always advocate for themselves and having a good fit can make them successful so they can deal with a bad fit later on.

So sorry OP. My kids are NT but they've hit rough patches in school with behavior. IMO a 4-day suspension for roughhousing/disobedience in a 7yo is inappropriate (and yes, I totally disapprove of kicking the para but it's far cry from assault.)

OP:

I can't tolerate this thread right now so didn't read it all but think there might be a mismatch between your child's needs and the parapro.

Sounds like you are doing what you need to do. Please be patient. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your seven year old kicked a teacher. That's all the information you need. I honestly wish they would remove any (neurotypical) kid who gets physical with a teacher from the school permanently. Special placement in a class for behavior disorders. Or find a private.

I hate to say this but I kind of agree. I have the utmpst empathy for those of you with SN kids and the struggles you face. My DD is in K though and has been pushed, hit and choked by 2 different kids with autism. I know those kids cant help it and I have tried to tell DD that but the fact remains she should not have to be at school with the threat of bodily harm from other students.
I think the mainstreaming of SN kids has gone too far. I dont understand why there cant be smaller classes with special educators and have all the SN kids in one class learning what they need to learn at their own pace.

New Poster here: Get off the SN forum. It's not for you.

My slight 7 yr old child with dyslexia was beat up by two neurotypical girls on two separate occasions. Once at school. Nothing happened to him although he was bloody. I caught them the second time.

NT children are mean to SN kids. Don't think your DD isn't. also, teach her some kindness and appreciation that she doesn't have a SN.

OP, You’re seeing the best and the worse of parents in this thread. There are many who will judge you and make this all your fault and your child’s fault. Some of the most high and mighty will be other SN parents who like to create distance between their (“good") SN kid and your (“bad”) SN kid. It seems to them feel better somehow about their own child’s disabilities to be able to point at your kid and pat themselves on the back for doing a good job not having a kid with behaviors. But really behaviors are part of certain disabilities and the kids are born with them so it is not something in their control or your control. You can help with therapy, positive reinforcement and a lot of love at home but at a certain point there is only so much you can do.

You seem like you are a good mom and doing a lot already but you could also try to get an outside specialist to observe your child for a day. We did this and were surprised at the report we got. We were looking for deficits in our own chid but the observer found huge problems with the school staff instead. Our child does have a diagnosis that makes the school day difficult, but the things that were triggering the big behaviors like meltdowns were scarily similar to the mocking by the substitute that you described. We asked for DS to be switched to a different teacher, and while he continued to be the same spacey kid who had trouble keeping up with the work, there were no further behavioral issues that year or any year after that.

I would also let them know you are considering private and see if the principal will take away the suspension. She may agree because it’s in her best interest. I am certain a principal who suspends a 7 year old for 4 days isn’t a fan of SN kids and does not want to “partner” with you to try to help your child. The easiest way to resolve the issue is for your child to leave and if you can afford it it may be better for your child to find a happier place.

if you don’t want to leave the public school I would fight like hell to make sure your child has adequate supports in place to make sure the issue doesn’t happen again. I would make sure to put in writing your child’s concerns about the TA, the substitute’s mocking and any other issues and cc the cluster supervisor so they can follow up. Ask the cluster if they can do an observation and give the school some advice on how to work better with your child. That will put your school’s staff on notice that someone else is watching over them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has been suspended for 4 days for kicking a paraeducator. I feel awful about it. I'm trying to see what my next steps should be. The incident started on the playground where according to him he was throwing mulch and rocks on the ground. Another student went to the paraeducator and said that he was throwing rocks at them. The paraeducator then came to my son and according to him yelled "NO THROWING ROCKS" and said he had to go to the office after recces.

My son did not do that, he proceeded to go to the special he had after recess because he didn't think he had done anything wrong. The paraeducator sees him standing in line at his special and tells him again to go to the office, in front of the other children and the substitute teacher, as the normal special teacher was out that day. He then asks the substitute if he can stay in class because he didn't do anything wrong. The substitute proceeds to mock him and repeats in a high pitched voice "I didn't do anything wrong." My son then runs away. He runs through the hallways at school and knocks over a recycling bin. He then runs down the stairs towards the office and is confronted by the assistant principal. As he is talking to her the paraeducator who has been following him walks up as well. He then kicks her in the knee.

A little background on my son. He has been having behavioral issues this year in class where this same paraeducator is his TA. He did not have any issues in K or 1st grade. He has stated to me prior to this incident that she picks on him. He's had a difficult year so far with acting out in class, being easily frustrated, and leaving when upset, and last week I met with the school regarding a FBA. They are in the process of observing him to create a Behavior Intervention Plan. The school is also aware that he is getting tested on Thursday for potential ADHD, etc. We talked about triggers etc. but I'm unsure they were shared with the paraeducator in question.

He obviously should never have kicked anyone and will be punished in that regard.

What should I do in this situation? Any input is appreciated.

You threw that in - whether it's true or not - to make it seem like it wasn't really your DS's fault for all the events that occurred after that.

OP here: I reported what my son said occured and the chain of events. I'm not removing or assigning blame to anyone.

Exactly. And even if your son didn't report correctly what the sub said, what's key here is that he THOUGHT he was being mocked, and how that interpretation and feeling lead to his meltdown. (Again, this is NOT to excuse his behavior, but to understand it and prevent it in the future.)

I know my child would say someone is yelling if they slightly raised their voice at that age so I'd be careful with both sides of the story and assume both are not being accurately reported. However, it is this person's job to deescalate the situation as that is what she was hired to do (although to her credit she probably does not have a huge amount of training) and deal with it. It sounds like she escalated and he freaked out and at that point once the meltdown started he did his best to deescalate and reasonably continue with his day.

Paraeducators in MCPS usually get no training at all, let alone in handling SN kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For what it's worth, your son sounds just like mine in how he reacts. Mine would feel as though the had been accused of something he didn't think he had done, wouldn't want to accept the consequence, would run away and/or become aggressive (fight or flight mentality). Luckily he is in a good program, where the emphasis is on supporting him rather than punishing him (so suspensions have not been as long). He has ADHD and anxiety, and it is the anxiety that caused him to act out so much when his impulsive behavior gets him in trouble. Once we started to treat him for anxiety, things started to get better.

OP here: Thank you so much for this. I'm hopeful that once the exact issues are determined we will see improvement. This has all come on so quickly.

Question - you mentioned there were no issues in K or 1st for behavior. Would ADHD present at this age without hints earlier? Asking out of ignorance, but this part struck me.

I'll bite and answer (I'm not the OP). ADHD generally will present before 2nd grade. That doesn't mean that she would necessarily see behavior like this before 2nd grade. If he had even a remotely appropriate environment in K and 1st, he might have been able to function without melt-downs. Imagine a kid with asthma. If they are in a clean environment, they are going to be mostly okay. Now put them in a room full of smokers, and you're going to have an asthma attack that requires hospitalization. Putting a kid with this kind of ADHD around adults that don't know how to deal with kids with ADHD (or really, any kids, if they were mocking the child for how he spoke) is like putting an asthmatic kid in a room full of smokers. It pretty much guarantees you are going to have an extreme episode.

OP, in addition to the other stuff, I'd look for an cognitive behavioral program that can help teach him flexible thinking, modulation of emotional response in response to set-backs or criticism, and other things. in the meantime, you can try something like "How to take the Grrr Out of Anger" (on amazon). Your son sounds a lot like mine -- the good news is that if he's cognitively advanced, a lot of times you can take a calm moment and problem-solve with him about how he can deal with problems like this when they do arise. I guarantee he doesn't like to respond like this. He just needs to develop the tools to respond differently. And teachers mocking him or telling him he's just a bad kid aren't going to give him those tools. Is there a good counselor at your school? Ours is great, and really helps my child. When he is upset, he asks to go see her now and she knows how to talk him down. I've also given them some pointers about things that I think help him to get his cool back.

I posted the question. Thanks for answering. That makes sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with behavioral issues.

One of the ABSOLUTE WORST things that happened to him in K was repeated suspensions for behavioral episodes (this was with an IEP for ASD). Because he learned that if he did X, he would get rewarded with a day away from school. Suspending a child with behaviors is literally the most counterproductive thing this school can do. It took us years to recover from the fallout from this shitshow.

How well did you follow up at home with other consequences? Was your child watching TV, playing consoles and/or playing with his toys all day? Or was he sitting in a boring room thinking about the reasons why he was suspended?

Schools aren't responsible for raising your kid(s). They need your help. If they suspend a child and his parents then reward him with a few days off school as if it's the weekend, then yeah, I can see why some kids would just want to do it again. Schools can't do all the heavy lifting. You need to help. (And yes, I have a child with SN.)

If you were doing your part as a parent, and having your child sit at the dining table or whatever for large parts of the day (whatever your child can not-comfortably manage) and reading quietly and thinking about why he's not at school playing and having fun like the other kids, and he was still WANTING to do that again (which is very different from not being able to control the behaviors, but actually trying to misbehave to get the reward), then I'd be seriously considering whether there's some kind of bullying or abuse going on at school, and trying to address that.

You are responding to the pp whose K dc with autism was suspended
multiple times. Your response shows you are completely ignorant on this topic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with behavioral issues.

One of the ABSOLUTE WORST things that happened to him in K was repeated suspensions for behavioral episodes (this was with an IEP for ASD). Because he learned that if he did X, he would get rewarded with a day away from school. Suspending a child with behaviors is literally the most counterproductive thing this school can do. It took us years to recover from the fallout from this shitshow.

How well did you follow up at home with other consequences? Was your child watching TV, playing consoles and/or playing with his toys all day? Or was he sitting in a boring room thinking about the reasons why he was suspended?

Schools aren't responsible for raising your kid(s). They need your help. If they suspend a child and his parents then reward him with a few days off school as if it's the weekend, then yeah, I can see why some kids would just want to do it again. Schools can't do all the heavy lifting. You need to help. (And yes, I have a child with SN.)

If you were doing your part as a parent, and having your child sit at the dining table or whatever for large parts of the day (whatever your child can not-comfortably manage) and reading quietly and thinking about why he's not at school playing and having fun like the other kids, and he was still WANTING to do that again (which is very different from not being able to control the behaviors, but actually trying to misbehave to get the reward), then I'd be seriously considering whether there's some kind of bullying or abuse going on at school, and trying to address that.

I've 100% been involved in trying to help my son. He has gone to an independent psychologist, he is in OT, he got his computer and all video games taken away. I've read Dr. Ross Greene. He's not this way at home to this degree, it seems to be mainly a school issue.

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with behavioral issues.

One of the ABSOLUTE WORST things that happened to him in K was repeated suspensions for behavioral episodes (this was with an IEP for ASD). Because he learned that if he did X, he would get rewarded with a day away from school. Suspending a child with behaviors is literally the most counterproductive thing this school can do. It took us years to recover from the fallout from this shitshow.

How well did you follow up at home with other consequences? Was your child watching TV, playing consoles and/or playing with his toys all day? Or was he sitting in a boring room thinking about the reasons why he was suspended?

Schools aren't responsible for raising your kid(s). They need your help. If they suspend a child and his parents then reward him with a few days off school as if it's the weekend, then yeah, I can see why some kids would just want to do it again. Schools can't do all the heavy lifting. You need to help. (And yes, I have a child with SN.)

If you were doing your part as a parent, and having your child sit at the dining table or whatever for large parts of the day (whatever your child can not-comfortably manage) and reading quietly and thinking about why he's not at school playing and having fun like the other kids, and he was still WANTING to do that again (which is very different from not being able to control the behaviors, but actually trying to misbehave to get the reward), then I'd be seriously considering whether there's some kind of bullying or abuse going on at school, and trying to address that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if OP could afford to switch him to private school, and found a non-SN private school that would take him, that 4 day suspension is going to be a huge barrier to getting admitted.

Op here: We were in the process of looking at privates and this is EXACTLY what I was thinking.

Ah yes, I didn't consider that when I mentioned accepting the suspension and starting fresh after break. Based on that, you MUST appeal. And keep the red tape going until you find a private school for him.

Its way to long of a suspension for a 7 year old. One day, ok, accept it and move on but not 4 days.

Anonymous wrote:OP, has anyone mentioned testing for ASD and anxiety? I only bring this up because rigid thinking is a big red flag. It sounds like he knew he didn't do anything wrong and his lack of flexibility in responding to a reprimand led to this whole series of events.

And I agree that this para needs to be kept away from your DS. Unfortunately we're dealing with the same thing right now with a TA who keeps escalating with my DS. Yes, kids with ADHD and/or ASD can be difficult but there's one adult in that dynamic so the weight should be on them to deescalate.

Rigidity is not found only in ASD kids. A kid with ADHD, mixed anxiety will be super inflexible!

Anonymous wrote:OP, has anyone mentioned testing for ASD and anxiety? I only bring this up because rigid thinking is a big red flag. It sounds like he knew he didn't do anything wrong and his lack of flexibility in responding to a reprimand led to this whole series of events.

And I agree that this para needs to be kept away from your DS. Unfortunately we're dealing with the same thing right now with a TA who keeps escalating with my DS. Yes, kids with ADHD and/or ASD can be difficult but there's one adult in that dynamic so the weight should be on them to deescalate.

There are more to things than just ASD and anxiety. Lots of other options or it may be none at all and just a bad school fit. OP should get her child evaluated rather than allow those on here to do the ASD, ADHD, Anxiety diagnosis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if OP could afford to switch him to private school, and found a non-SN private school that would take him, that 4 day suspension is going to be a huge barrier to getting admitted.

Op here: We were in the process of looking at privates and this is EXACTLY what I was thinking.

Ah yes, I didn't consider that when I mentioned accepting the suspension and starting fresh after break. Based on that, you MUST appeal. And keep the red tape going until you find a private school for him.

OP, has anyone mentioned testing for ASD and anxiety? I only bring this up because rigid thinking is a big red flag. It sounds like he knew he didn't do anything wrong and his lack of flexibility in responding to a reprimand led to this whole series of events.

And I agree that this para needs to be kept away from your DS. Unfortunately we're dealing with the same thing right now with a TA who keeps escalating with my DS. Yes, kids with ADHD and/or ASD can be difficult but there's one adult in that dynamic so the weight should be on them to deescalate.