Pulling for you and your wife, OP!

Anonymous wrote:Gah. We’re back to the bottle.

I didn’t read the entire thread, but it’s nothing unusual. Does your wife want to quit? Why is she self-medicating and what is she trying to eacape? I highly recommend Annie Grace’s The Naked Mind.

Gah. We’re back to the bottle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law is a full on alcoholic. Manages, though, to keep a job! Is up in the morning. Her husband makes sure she has enough alcohol from 5 pm on. She can't remember anything the next day. Fascinating to watch.

kids? This stresses me out. Why is husband making sure she has enough alcohol?

It's probably what passes for foreplay in that house. Not that it matters. He could be the opposite and get rid of every trace of alcohol in the house. Alcoholics ALWAYS have their drink(s) of choice available.

Great news, OP - thanks for the update. You sound like an amazing dad and husband. Hope all continues to go well with your wife and her addiction.

Anonymous wrote:This thread was a little hard to read as I’m 11 months sober and a mom- but all of you with semi functional alcoholic moms give me great hope that I did the right thing in gettin help and getting sober before my kids were in double digits. I was super high functioning as well- worked out every morning kept a perfect home raised great kids - but was dying inside from the pressure of it all.

OP I’m so glad to hear your update. I wish you and your wife all the best.

You did. Best wishes for your family and in your continued sobriety.

This thread was a little hard to read as I’m 11 months sober and a mom- but all of you with semi functional alcoholic moms give me great hope that I did the right thing in gettin help and getting sober before my kids were in double digits. I was super high functioning as well- worked out every morning kept a perfect home raised great kids - but was dying inside from the pressure of it all.

OP I’m so glad to hear your update. I wish you and your wife all the best.

Glad to hear things are better, OP!

Anonymous wrote:Update: on Christmas Day, after the kids went to bed, I told her she needed to get help, absolute non-negotiable if she wanted to stay married.

She spent five days in an inpatient program, and now sees an AODA counselor once a week as well as a “regular” therapist for counseling once a week as well.

Four months sober on Thursday.

SO glad to hear it! Thanks for the update.

Anonymous wrote:I would strongly encourage you talk to a counselor and then create an intervention, possibly with her family or other loved ones. We had to do this with my mom and I am certain it saved her life. Sober 20+ years now

She's 4 months sober and in therapy, maybe read the thread first...

Anonymous wrote:Child of an alcoholic mom. I know you are but I can't reiterate enough: GET HER HELP. Your kids absolutely require it. I could go on for pages about the ways I became attuned to my moms alcoholism growing up and the repercussions it has had on me as an adult (some of which I am still discovering, in my 30s). It will impact their relationship with her *for life* if she doesn't get a handle on it. And they will unequivocally, 100% believe that even though she loved them, she loved alcohol more. And that is what will be what they'll never forget.

+1

Also the child of an alcoholic mom. She held down a job (started her own company, worked with big banks), threw great parties, kept our house nice, etc., so this all happened during my UMC childhood. Her drinking got worse as I got older, and at one point while drunk she told me she wished I'd never been born. She doesn't remember saying this and of course says she didn't mean it, but I'll never forget it. We are not close. My kids have met her once. Get your wife help NOW. Your kids are being affected.

Anonymous wrote:You mean you're 100% sure.
She is killing herself, OP. You need to take action NOW. Doctor. Rehab. AA.

Well, yes, something like that.

I would strongly encourage you talk to a counselor and then create an intervention, possibly with her family or other loved ones. We had to do this with my mom and I am certain it saved her life. Sober 20+ years now

My brother in n law is a full on alcoholic, wino. He’s been out of work for 5+ years. He drinks and drives, acts very odd, and is shady as f$ck. My sister refuses to acknowledge the issue. Their child is going to be messed up. There’s lots of drama with the child finding the open mini wine bottle in the car and “tattling” on the Dad to the Mom. Verbal arguments ensue and then they argue about why the dad can’t get a freaking job. It’s sad. My sister won’t fivirce because she’s all about keeping up appearances. I’ve told my spouse that if she/he acted like this, our kids would be living with a single parent. I find no excuse for alcoholism. Yes, it’s a disease, but it’s self-inflicted. And it destroys families, and the kids are the most affected. So. OP, consider getting out while your kids are young.

Thanks everyone. Her intake at the rehab clinic and with her counselors revealed significant anxiety issues ...and she was using the alcohol to self medicate. She tells me that getting treatment for the anxiety has *really* helped her not feel the need to drink. So I think treating the “root”’of the issue has been really important and will continue to be important going forward.