Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you and your husband discussed what you do vs what he does? Like what your "chores" are and what "his" are? In our household, for instance, I do laundry and DH does trash and dishes. I refuse to believe that he just doesn't do anything, other than sit on the sofa and take up space.

Op here. We've discussed this dozens of times, including in therapy.

My responsibilities: finances, all cooking, babyproofing house, dishes, laundry, taxes, pet care for our dog, managing daycare, insurance, doctor's appointments, dentist, travel planning, cars and maintenance, coordinating/arranging lawncare.

His: electronics (wifi, home security system), relationship with his family. Sometimes he grills in the summer.

We've talked about how to move things off my plate onto his. Whenever this happens he does such an astonishingly bad job at the task that he gets banned from it (e.g-he's broken our dishwasher and garbage disposal, when he cooks it takes hours and he trashes the kitchen in the process, then I have to pretend to be grateful that he made dinner and spend an hour cleaning up). He will use pure bleach on our hardwood floors. He's ruined hundreds of dollars of clothes because he can't do laundry. He also broke our washing machine by overloading it. He tried to clean the inside of our gas fireplace once. He did a shit job putting it back together and the hot glass cover fell off and landed on me. When I had to travel for work for 3 days, I returned and the dogs water dish was bone dry.

I made a very big mistake marrying this man.

Do you not realize the crux of your problem is that you are expecting him to perform these tasks up to your standards and, if he doesn't, you then, OF YOUR OWN ACCORD, take it upon yourself to relieve him of the responsibility? You are creating your own problems. Change your expectations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you and your husband discussed what you do vs what he does? Like what your "chores" are and what "his" are? In our household, for instance, I do laundry and DH does trash and dishes. I refuse to believe that he just doesn't do anything, other than sit on the sofa and take up space.

Op here. We've discussed this dozens of times, including in therapy.

My responsibilities: finances, all cooking, babyproofing house, dishes, laundry, taxes, pet care for our dog, managing daycare, insurance, doctor's appointments, dentist, travel planning, cars and maintenance, coordinating/arranging lawncare.

His: electronics (wifi, home security system), relationship with his family. Sometimes he grills in the summer.

We've talked about how to move things off my plate onto his. Whenever this happens he does such an astonishingly bad job at the task that he gets banned from it (e.g-he's broken our dishwasher and garbage disposal, when he cooks it takes hours and he trashes the kitchen in the process, then I have to pretend to be grateful that he made dinner and spend an hour cleaning up). He will use pure bleach on our hardwood floors. He's ruined hundreds of dollars of clothes because he can't do laundry. He also broke our washing machine by overloading it. He tried to clean the inside of our gas fireplace once. He did a shit job putting it back together and the hot glass cover fell off and landed on me. When I had to travel for work for 3 days, I returned and the dogs water dish was bone dry.

I made a very big mistake marrying this man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you and your husband discussed what you do vs what he does? Like what your "chores" are and what "his" are? In our household, for instance, I do laundry and DH does trash and dishes. I refuse to believe that he just doesn't do anything, other than sit on the sofa and take up space.

Op here. We've discussed this dozens of times, including in therapy.

My responsibilities: finances, all cooking, babyproofing house, dishes, laundry, taxes, pet care for our dog, managing daycare, insurance, doctor's appointments, dentist, travel planning, cars and maintenance, coordinating/arranging lawncare.

His: electronics (wifi, home security system), relationship with his family. Sometimes he grills in the summer.

We've talked about how to move things off my plate onto his. Whenever this happens he does such an astonishingly bad job at the task that he gets banned from it (e.g-he's broken our dishwasher and garbage disposal, when he cooks it takes hours and he trashes the kitchen in the process, then I have to pretend to be grateful that he made dinner and spend an hour cleaning up). He will use pure bleach on our hardwood floors. He's ruined hundreds of dollars of clothes because he can't do laundry. He also broke our washing machine by overloading it. He tried to clean the inside of our gas fireplace once. He did a shit job putting it back together and the hot glass cover fell off and landed on me. When I had to travel for work for 3 days, I returned and the dogs water dish was bone dry.

I made a very big mistake marrying this man.

Do you not realize the crux of your problem is that you are expecting him to perform these tasks up to your standards and, if he doesn't, you then, OF YOUR OWN ACCORD, take it upon yourself to relieve him of the responsibility? You are creating your own problems. Change your expectations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Counseling. You need to get DH to take on more of the load; and you need to reduce your own anxiety. A space heater is not going to overheat and kill your toddler, I promise (although it may not be the right solution, especially when she gets out of her crib.)

Op here. We've tried counseling. He will never change. I think I just want a divorce but don't trust him to care for our child.

If I left him for awhile would he get the message? Kick him out? Move into the guest bedroom?

Oh good god. If you want a divorce for legitimate reasons other than the space heater hire a lawyer and get a divorce. Stop threatening to play games by moving out or giving him hints - put your big girl pants on and ask for what you want.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you and your husband discussed what you do vs what he does? Like what your "chores" are and what "his" are? In our household, for instance, I do laundry and DH does trash and dishes. I refuse to believe that he just doesn't do anything, other than sit on the sofa and take up space.

Op here. We've discussed this dozens of times, including in therapy.

My responsibilities: finances, all cooking, babyproofing house, dishes, laundry, taxes, pet care for our dog, managing daycare, insurance, doctor's appointments, dentist, travel planning, cars and maintenance, coordinating/arranging lawncare.

His: electronics (wifi, home security system), relationship with his family. Sometimes he grills in the summer.

We've talked about how to move things off my plate onto his. Whenever this happens he does such an astonishingly bad job at the task that he gets banned from it (e.g-he's broken our dishwasher and garbage disposal, when he cooks it takes hours and he trashes the kitchen in the process, then I have to pretend to be grateful that he made dinner and spend an hour cleaning up). He will use pure bleach on our hardwood floors. He's ruined hundreds of dollars of clothes because he can't do laundry. He also broke our washing machine by overloading it. He tried to clean the inside of our gas fireplace once. He did a shit job putting it back together and the hot glass cover fell off and landed on me. When I had to travel for work for 3 days, I returned and the dogs water dish was bone dry.

I made a very big mistake marrying this man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you and your husband discussed what you do vs what he does? Like what your "chores" are and what "his" are? In our household, for instance, I do laundry and DH does trash and dishes. I refuse to believe that he just doesn't do anything, other than sit on the sofa and take up space.

Op here. We've discussed this dozens of times, including in therapy.

My responsibilities: finances, all cooking, babyproofing house, dishes, laundry, taxes, pet care for our dog, managing daycare, insurance, doctor's appointments, dentist, travel planning, cars and maintenance, coordinating/arranging lawncare.

His: electronics (wifi, home security system), relationship with his family. Sometimes he grills in the summer.

We've talked about how to move things off my plate onto his. Whenever this happens he does such an astonishingly bad job at the task that he gets banned from it (e.g-he's broken our dishwasher and garbage disposal, when he cooks it takes hours and he trashes the kitchen in the process, then I have to pretend to be grateful that he made dinner and spend an hour cleaning up). He will use pure bleach on our hardwood floors. He's ruined hundreds of dollars of clothes because he can't do laundry. He also broke our washing machine by overloading it. He tried to clean the inside of our gas fireplace once. He did a shit job putting it back together and the hot glass cover fell off and landed on me. When I had to travel for work for 3 days, I returned and the dogs water dish was bone dry.

I made a very big mistake marrying this man.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a husband. My solution is to tell your husband that until there is a solution for the heat problem in her room, DD will sleep in your bed with you and he will sleep in her bed. If he has to sleep in her room, he'll probably find a solution to the cooling problem quickly.

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you and your husband discussed what you do vs what he does? Like what your "chores" are and what "his" are? In our household, for instance, I do laundry and DH does trash and dishes. I refuse to believe that he just doesn't do anything, other than sit on the sofa and take up space.