Anonymous wrote:I......would put this in the category of "no."

Seems perfectly reasonable to say to DH "Look. I know you like running and I know Stacey is a nice person. And I trust you, but I have to be honest it makes me very uncomfortable that you run with her so often. Would you be willing to stop doing that for me? I don't feel good about it, and if you asked me to stop meeting a male friend 5x a week because it made you feel bad I would like to think I'd honor that."

I'm not sure if you are the same PP who often posts advice on how to say something in these threads, but if you are, I'd just like to tell you that you have such a good way of wording awkward or tough conversations. If I were the OP I would be like "Will you PLEASE STOP with the 6 day a week predawn runs with Ms. Hot?" and that would be how I;'d put it. And it wouldn't go well.

OP, what did he say in response to “happy birthday gorgeous”?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is an insecure person.

I think OP is jealous because someone else has something in common with her husband and she wishes she had an activity she could share with him, but doesn’t.

OP’s husband has done absolutely nothing—zip, zilch, nada, NOT ONE THING—that indicates infidelity or even disinterest in OP. So, go ahead, OP. Take advice from all the bitter, controlling nut jobs on this board. Start making accusations. Start controlling who he can be friends with. See how wonderful that works for your marriage. Go ahead! Report back please.

This board is full of insecure women who always jump to the "he's cheating" line whenever someone brings up a completely benign situation. None of these women would even think of asking their husbands to stop running with her...but it's sooo easy to tell OP to do it.

I know! It’s nuts.

OP, with your follow up about being paranoid about cheating because of your mom, I’d suggest therapy before asking him to change his ways. I know if DH asked me to stop working out with a guy after seeing tremendous results physically and mentally, I’d resent the hell out of him and the situation. I’d respect his wishes, but I’d probably just drop that whole category of workout because I’d get resentful every time I had to run alone or with someone who wasn’t a great fit. Running is hard, especially consistently at those distances. They clearly click as running partners. I’m guessing the wives who are asking why he doesn’t run alone or with some rando aren’t serious runners.

I know several mixed gender running partners. All are married, most spouses run too, none are having affairs. Runners bodies look good, so of course she’s hot. If you feel like her body is better, step up your game. But he chose you. You should feel secure in that.

I’d like to take a moment to point out, if your DH is getting in great shape, other women are probably going to start noticing him. This is going to cause problems with your history/paranoia. Are you going to ask him to never have contact with any woman you perceive to be flirting with him? You’re setting a bad precedent here if you ask him to alter his good habits to coddle your insecurities. I’ve never seen that go down well long term. I’m going to reiterate my therapy suggestion to work on building your self esteem and get over your issues with your mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is an insecure person.

I think OP is jealous because someone else has something in common with her husband and she wishes she had an activity she could share with him, but doesn’t.

OP’s husband has done absolutely nothing—zip, zilch, nada, NOT ONE THING—that indicates infidelity or even disinterest in OP. So, go ahead, OP. Take advice from all the bitter, controlling nut jobs on this board. Start making accusations. Start controlling who he can be friends with. See how wonderful that works for your marriage. Go ahead! Report back please.

This board is full of insecure women who always jump to the "he's cheating" line whenever someone brings up a completely benign situation. None of these women would even think of asking their husbands to stop running with her...but it's sooo easy to tell OP to do it.

If you’re a woman, do you text “hey gorgeous” to male friends?

If you’re a man, would you care if your wife did?

I’m not saying he’s cheating but she definitely doesn’t respect his marriage. And that is a slippery slope.

OP, here is the question from your original post:

"Even though we've had numerous discussions about her and the running, it's still unsettling. Is this setting a stage for an affair? Or am I being paranoid? "

The answer is yes and yes. Anything can set the stage for an affair. They already work together occasionally so I would think that would be an even more ripe situation. You have the right to be paranoid but there's not much you can do about it. They're both grown adults and if an affair happens, there's nothing you can do to stop it. They already know each other well so making him stop running isn't going to eliminate their contact.

They have some things in common and they enjoy running while you don't. It's ok. If he's leaving his phone around and not worried about hiding her messages nor covering anything up, he's likely not cheating. The relationship is likely just what he says it is.
Your jealousy and harping on there relationship may put thoughts in his or her mind. He might have dismissed any thought of it given the age gap and that they both seem happily married.
One way to find out is to interact socially. Her husband may be having the same insecurities. Go out to dinner, have a few laughs and a few drinks. If there is anything strange, you should be able to tell from getting together a couple times.

I’m a runner and very close to the small circle of people in my regular group and yes we maintain a very regular group text with all sorts of inappropriate off color jokes that are only funny to us because many times during the run our convos go off into such bizarre subjects. I mention this because maybe the “gorgeous” text was some such comment that has absolutely nothing to do with what you might assume. Maybe it’s a movie line or an snl skit or something so stupid and mundane. Did you ask him to explain?

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is an insecure person.

I think OP is jealous because someone else has something in common with her husband and she wishes she had an activity she could share with him, but doesn’t.

OP’s husband has done absolutely nothing—zip, zilch, nada, NOT ONE THING—that indicates infidelity or even disinterest in OP. So, go ahead, OP. Take advice from all the bitter, controlling nut jobs on this board. Start making accusations. Start controlling who he can be friends with. See how wonderful that works for your marriage. Go ahead! Report back please.

This board is full of insecure women who always jump to the "he's cheating" line whenever someone brings up a completely benign situation. None of these women would even think of asking their husbands to stop running with her...but it's sooo easy to tell OP to do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is an insecure person.

I think OP is jealous because someone else has something in common with her husband and she wishes she had an activity she could share with him, but doesn’t.

OP’s husband has done absolutely nothing—zip, zilch, nada, NOT ONE THING—that indicates infidelity or even disinterest in OP. So, go ahead, OP. Take advice from all the bitter, controlling nut jobs on this board. Start making accusations. Start controlling who he can be friends with. See how wonderful that works for your marriage. Go ahead! Report back please.

I agree.

+1,000 Jesus Christ if you're so jealous get up and run with them.

I think the line is not the running together, but the way she talks to him. I'd approach it that way. You should ask him whether he'd feel comfortable if you talked to another man that way or vice versa and tell him that it's left you feeling uncomfortable. I'd ask *him* what he thinks should be done.

My DH used to do pilates with some ridiculously hot ladies (we lived in LA) and it never bothered me. But it never bothered me *because* they always treated him like a friend. They did not flirt or call him "gorgeous." Likewise DH lets me hang out with my male work friends with no issue because it's clear it is about work. If they started talking about how hot I am (I'm not anymore but neither of my friends) I'd definitely see him being bad. So I think it isn't the time but the dynamic. I think you will come across a lot less paranoid and more reasonable if you focus on that aspect.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is an insecure person.

I think OP is jealous because someone else has something in common with her husband and she wishes she had an activity she could share with him, but doesn’t.

OP’s husband has done absolutely nothing—zip, zilch, nada, NOT ONE THING—that indicates infidelity or even disinterest in OP. So, go ahead, OP. Take advice from all the bitter, controlling nut jobs on this board. Start making accusations. Start controlling who he can be friends with. See how wonderful that works for your marriage. Go ahead! Report back please.

I agree.

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't he running with a male partner? Most men run faster/at a different than most women do. I was a high school/college runner. I still run now. The girls trained in their own pacing group while the guys trained in their own. Sometimes the exceptionally fast female runner would join the middle of the pack men's group. That's a tiny detail but I still find it weird that he's sticking to a female to run with. Probably doesn't mean anything

Anyways. Why not invite her and her husband out on a double date with you guys? It can give you a chance to establish more of a relationship with her, to observe your husband and her together, and even to see what her relationship with her husband is like.

Most likely she is at his pace or faster because he is ten years older than she is, and until recently 20 pounds overweight.

Can you join them for a part of their run?

Why isn't he running with a male partner? Most men run faster/at a different than most women do. I was a high school/college runner. I still run now. The girls trained in their own pacing group while the guys trained in their own. Sometimes the exceptionally fast female runner would join the middle of the pack men's group. That's a tiny detail but I still find it weird that he's sticking to a female to run with. Probably doesn't mean anything

Anyways. Why not invite her and her husband out on a double date with you guys? It can give you a chance to establish more of a relationship with her, to observe your husband and her together, and even to see what her relationship with her husband is like.

She's young, fit, and likes the same things that he does. I guess you better start running honey.