Personally I really don't like itemizing. With people we go out with frequently (or are on a trip together) I prefer to alternate. However, I'd never drop a friend over this, if nothing else that would really limit the pool of potential friends!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is hard for me to be friends with people who are not generous. I am a very generous person with gifts, favors, anything. I have 3 kids and time is worth the most. I can't keep company who is keeping tabs. It sounds like half the people think it is preferable to itemize. For acquaintances, that is fine but I just can't do it with a friend.

Maybe it’s not that she’s not generous, but that she’s strapped for cash. Geez!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is hard for me to be friends with people who are not generous. I am a very generous person with gifts, favors, anything. I have 3 kids and time is worth the most. I can't keep company who is keeping tabs. It sounds like half the people think it is preferable to itemize. For acquaintances, that is fine but I just can't do it with a friend.

In general, I like separate checks. It allows everyone to eat/drink within their means whatever that may be. I’ve gotten to the point I don’t like going to the large group birthday parties where you split the check. Inevitably, I find myself spending over double what my meal cost, at the opposite end of the table as my friend, and I will barely drink yet subsidizing everyone else is having 3 glasses. I would rather take the birthday girl out on my own - more enjoyable all around.

As for only going out with friends that are generous, that’s your choice. I have several friends that will typically get a separate check or look to splt the bill if it’s close, itemize if it’s not roughly the same. They will take me out for my birthday to eat. They are there for me if I ever had something going on and needed to talk to someone. I’ve known them since college. If I had almost overpayment of group meals as my measuring stick for friendships, I would have missed out on good friends. I would add that depending on the person, overpayment of the group meal may not even be true generousity but rather not wanting to look cheap, an ego thing like money doesn’t matter, or sometimes a point of pride like when people argue that they want to be the one to pick up the check. I look at the person as a whole, not just one thing. Personally, I would love to have more friends that are willing to organize get togethers. It seems most people are content to say yeah or nay but not to actually commit themselves to a date and then plan and invite others,

She needs to pay for whatever she eats. I’d ask her if she’d like to split an appitizer before ordering it. I think this makes it clear. Nothing to end a friendship over.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is hard for me to be friends with people who are not generous. I am a very generous person with gifts, favors, anything. I have 3 kids and time is worth the most. I can't keep company who is keeping tabs. It sounds like half the people think it is preferable to itemize. For acquaintances, that is fine but I just can't do it with a friend.

I consider time of no value unless the person is explicitly paid for time spent (opportunity cost is nothing too when it's choice) It seems like you do keep tabs as you are annoyed by those who try to pay their share only. Gifts, favors? Can you be friends without a non-stop exchange of something?

Why can't you do separate checks? I'm part of a foodie group and we do it all the time. It's no big deal. Maybe she's saving money for retirement or trying to pay off debt. Don't judge her based on this. You seem shallow.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is hard for me to be friends with people who are not generous. I am a very generous person with gifts, favors, anything. I have 3 kids and time is worth the most. I can't keep company who is keeping tabs. It sounds like half the people think it is preferable to itemize. For acquaintances, that is fine but I just can't do it with a friend.

With close friends, we take turns taking the entire bill. Kind of like a pact that you will have to get together again.

Either this or an even split. I would never itemize the bill in a large group. Not only is that nitpicking but it’s a ridiculous amount of work for the wait staff. Even an even split would be better if one person puts it on their card and the rest throw in cash.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is hard for me to be friends with people who are not generous. I am a very generous person with gifts, favors, anything. I have 3 kids and time is worth the most. I can't keep company who is keeping tabs. It sounds like half the people think it is preferable to itemize. For acquaintances, that is fine but I just can't do it with a friend.

With close friends, we take turns taking the entire bill. Kind of like a pact that you will have to get together again.

OP here. It is hard for me to be friends with people who are not generous. I am a very generous person with gifts, favors, anything. I have 3 kids and time is worth the most. I can't keep company who is keeping tabs. It sounds like half the people think it is preferable to itemize. For acquaintances, that is fine but I just can't do it with a friend.

So happy to live in Montreal where separate checks are a given!

Yikes that is so tacky. I always feel second hand embarrassment for those types. Cringe.

If $20 is no big deal to all you “split the bill” people, why don’t you just pay it yourself?

Anonymous wrote:OP, ask the waiter to just separate her entree and/or drink, and the rest of you can share the bill. I think she is just a special case. I'm surprised you call her your friend. She wants it to be certain way. then let her. Leave her out of figuring out the rest of the check. If she does take a few bites out of the appetizers, she should throw in some cash for your check or offer to tip more on hers.
How's her tipping?
I'm a DCUM resident waiter and people ask to separate tabs all the time. Most of the separated tabs are withing few bucks of each other. Why not just let me charge all cards evenly (easier than separating checks), and you all figure it out by some tipping more and some less or nothing. But more importantly, who counts the $2-$3 you might overpay? If few bucks is so important, why not stay home or go to McDonalds that's up the street.
I have too many "jokes" to tell you. They are not funny though. One day I'll just scream: " get the fuk out, I'll pay for the $20 tab and tip myself too". I have no problem paying for the $20 instead of separating it 4 ways, and tipping myself as long as people like them won't come back, but they will.
Best part is when people pay half cash and half credit card. They only tip on the credit card part. Then they say how great the service was.
OP, dump your friend.

Are you the same waiter who wants us to clean after ourselves?
Please, pay my $20 bill, I will send friends your way. You clearly working as a waiter for something else than money.

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Anonymous wrote:I absolutely hate it when one or two people decide to order bottles of wine or appetizers “for the table” and then expect everyone to share the cost. It’s obnoxious. If you want it, order it, and then pay for it. Let everyone else do the same.

I agree this is obnoxious. It is as obnoxious as someone that itemizes a check down to the nickel during a meal where this didn't happen and everyone is roughly within 20 bucks of each other.

I loathe the itemizers OP, and I also tend to overpay than underpay. It speaks of a great lack of generosity. IMO the spirit of the event should be that all the friends want it to be easy and equitable. So if someone orders a bottle of wine then they volunteer to chip in more at the end, but getting into the details is annoying and awkward. I would prefer people on a budget just pick a less expensive restaurant.

As someone who is on a budget, I'd rather go to a nicer place but order strategically (itemize and order say an entree and a glass of water for myself) than subsidize meals and drinks at a cheaper restaurant I don't like as much.

At the expense of the comfort of your co-diners. If you want to itemize, figure out a way to do it in a way that doesn't make the table awkward.

I think when people do this it means they've been counting. And that colors the entire meal. Knowing someone has been monitoring the dollar amount of my meal and measuring it against their own and thinking about how to bring it up at the end. Which sometimes makes me alter what I order to try to be more in line with the person I'm with if I know they're like that. It makes the meal uncomfortable. So if you want to eat at a shi shi place and itemize then ask for separate bills up front or always bring cash and figure out how to round up quickly.

I think its really rude to itemize, it turns the entire outing into an accounting exercise. I always throw in more than I think I owe or split it evenly because I'm happy to be out with people I enjoy spending time with and the only person/people I'm concerned about is myself.

If your friend is on a budget such that she has to choose a cheaper entree and not order alcohol or appetizers and add up the cost of everything, that is a bummer FOR HER. How are you possibly making it into an insult to you? Your friend is trying to maintain a friendship with someone who is wealthier by ordering carefully, and can't afford to blow her mortgage payment on stuff she didn't order as the cost of maintaining a friendship, and you're going to call HER lacking in empathy? Good lord.

Now, of course, if you have independent, verified knowledge that your friend has plenty of money (like you are her accountant), then OK, call her cheap and stop being her friend. But people rarely know anybody else's financial situation that well. It's better to assume your friend is itemizing out of necessity, and not take it as a personal insult.

I bolded the part of my post you missed (and intentionally left out of your bolding). If you have to do this figure out how to do it in a way that doesn't make it seem like you were counting up how many gyoza out of the app I ate.

I would rather just do a different activity with someone struggling rather then subject us all to this exercise in anxiety.

Itemizing the bill causes you anxiety? Oh my.

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Anonymous wrote:I absolutely hate it when one or two people decide to order bottles of wine or appetizers “for the table” and then expect everyone to share the cost. It’s obnoxious. If you want it, order it, and then pay for it. Let everyone else do the same.

I agree this is obnoxious. It is as obnoxious as someone that itemizes a check down to the nickel during a meal where this didn't happen and everyone is roughly within 20 bucks of each other.

I loathe the itemizers OP, and I also tend to overpay than underpay. It speaks of a great lack of generosity. IMO the spirit of the event should be that all the friends want it to be easy and equitable. So if someone orders a bottle of wine then they volunteer to chip in more at the end, but getting into the details is annoying and awkward. I would prefer people on a budget just pick a less expensive restaurant.

As someone who is on a budget, I'd rather go to a nicer place but order strategically (itemize and order say an entree and a glass of water for myself) than subsidize meals and drinks at a cheaper restaurant I don't like as much.

At the expense of the comfort of your co-diners. If you want to itemize, figure out a way to do it in a way that doesn't make the table awkward.

I think when people do this it means they've been counting. And that colors the entire meal. Knowing someone has been monitoring the dollar amount of my meal and measuring it against their own and thinking about how to bring it up at the end. Which sometimes makes me alter what I order to try to be more in line with the person I'm with if I know they're like that. It makes the meal uncomfortable. So if you want to eat at a shi shi place and itemize then ask for separate bills up front or always bring cash and figure out how to round up quickly.

I think its really rude to itemize, it turns the entire outing into an accounting exercise. I always throw in more than I think I owe or split it evenly because I'm happy to be out with people I enjoy spending time with and the only person/people I'm concerned about is myself.

If your friend is on a budget such that she has to choose a cheaper entree and not order alcohol or appetizers and add up the cost of everything, that is a bummer FOR HER. How are you possibly making it into an insult to you? Your friend is trying to maintain a friendship with someone who is wealthier by ordering carefully, and can't afford to blow her mortgage payment on stuff she didn't order as the cost of maintaining a friendship, and you're going to call HER lacking in empathy? Good lord.

Now, of course, if you have independent, verified knowledge that your friend has plenty of money (like you are her accountant), then OK, call her cheap and stop being her friend. But people rarely know anybody else's financial situation that well. It's better to assume your friend is itemizing out of necessity, and not take it as a personal insult.

I bolded the part of my post you missed (and intentionally left out of your bolding). If you have to do this figure out how to do it in a way that doesn't make it seem like you were counting up how many gyoza out of the app I ate.

I would rather just do a different activity with someone struggling rather then subject us all to this exercise in anxiety.