Anonymous wrote:OP, I totally understand what you are saying. As a child everyone had such high expectations for me. I was smart, got great grades, and was told I would be very successful in life.

Now I recently turned 40, have struggled with secondary infertility for years (had one child easily then could not have a second), and never had much of a career. I work part-time and SAH part-time, and make $15 per hour in a job that just requires a Bachelor's degree. My parents are embarassed of me, both about the secondary infertility and about my complete lack of a career. I never lived up to their expectations (never became a doctor like they wanted (and I also wanted). I view my life as a series of failures. At least I have a stable, happy marriage (15 years), live in a beautiful, well decorated home, and a wonderful, healthy child. But other than that my life is a series of failures.

I graduated high school with honors and went to an Ivy college. Had too much fun in college, decided to drop pre-med, and studied abroad a lot, also had fun dating. I graduated with honors, and took a year off, where I waitressed and had fun living in a new city.

Then went to law school (which my parents pushed me into, I did not want to become a lawyer but they insisted). I hated every minute of law school, but graduated with honors. Ended up working a series of underpaid non-legal jobs after for a few years. Got fired once from one of those jobs. Failed the bar exam twice (never ended up passing). Got diagnosed with ADHD (which explains a lot about my lack of focus and inability to choose a career path for years). Never made more than $30 K. In my late 20s I decided I did want to be a doctor after all. I did a post-bacc pre-med program (taking all the science classes, got As), and then took the MCAT twice. Applied to 25 med schools. Got in nowhere. Re-applied a second time after re-taking the MCAT. Got in nowhere. My self-esteem was totally crushed.

In my early 30s I went back to school for a master's in another field that seemed like the best fit given that I did not want to be a lawyer and that I could not get into med school. Worked in that field for a few years, then got pregnant and had a very rough pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum, so I resigned from that job. Had my child. Was a SAHM until my child was 2, then took a part-time job not relating to my field, where I make $15 per hour. Love the job, have been there 4 years now, but it's not career-oriented. Now that I can't have a second child I am going to go back to work soon in the field I got a master's in and work full-time for a few years, as I really liked that field. It's not prestigious or high-powered, but I do like it and it's a good fit.

Anyhow, as you can see, my life is one big failure. Everyone, including myself, had such high expectations for me. But what I've realized is that I think this is true for many people. Many people had high expectations for themselves and then life happened, and they had to change directions/paths for whatever reason. It's the rare person who had a goal and followed that goal exactly, and ended up exactly where they thought they would be.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I totally understand what you are saying. As a child everyone had such high expectations for me. I was smart, got great grades, and was told I would be very successful in life.

Now I recently turned 40, have struggled with secondary infertility for years (had one child easily then could not have a second), and never had much of a career. I work part-time and SAH part-time, and make $15 per hour in a job that just requires a Bachelor's degree. My parents are embarassed of me, both about the secondary infertility and about my complete lack of a career. I never lived up to their expectations (never became a doctor like they wanted (and I also wanted). I view my life as a series of failures. At least I have a stable, happy marriage (15 years), live in a beautiful, well decorated home, and a wonderful, healthy child. But other than that my life is a series of failures.

I graduated high school with honors and went to an Ivy college. Had too much fun in college, decided to drop pre-med, and studied abroad a lot, also had fun dating. I graduated with honors, and took a year off, where I waitressed and had fun living in a new city.

Then went to law school (which my parents pushed me into, I did not want to become a lawyer but they insisted). I hated every minute of law school, but graduated with honors. Ended up working a series of underpaid non-legal jobs after for a few years. Got fired once from one of those jobs. Failed the bar exam twice (never ended up passing). Got diagnosed with ADHD (which explains a lot about my lack of focus and inability to choose a career path for years). Never made more than $30 K. In my late 20s I decided I did want to be a doctor after all. I did a post-bacc pre-med program (taking all the science classes, got As), and then took the MCAT twice. Applied to 25 med schools. Got in nowhere. Re-applied a second time after re-taking the MCAT. Got in nowhere. My self-esteem was totally crushed.

In my early 30s I went back to school for a master's in another field that seemed like the best fit given that I did not want to be a lawyer and that I could not get into med school. Worked in that field for a few years, then got pregnant and had a very rough pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum, so I resigned from that job. Had my child. Was a SAHM until my child was 2, then took a part-time job not relating to my field, where I make $15 per hour. Love the job, have been there 4 years now, but it's not career-oriented. Now that I can't have a second child I am going to go back to work soon in the field I got a master's in and work full-time for a few years, as I really liked that field. It's not prestigious or high-powered, but I do like it and it's a good fit.

Anyhow, as you can see, my life is one big failure. Everyone, including myself, had such high expectations for me. But what I've realized is that I think this is true for many people. Many people had high expectations for themselves and then life happened, and they had to change directions/paths for whatever reason. It's the rare person who had a goal and followed that goal exactly, and ended up exactly where they thought they would be.

Anonymous wrote:I'd consider my life ordinary by local standards as well, but I get out enough to know how fucking privileged I truly am. OP, that boring middle manager job, education, and your general health and wellness mean you are sitting at the tippy-top of Mt. Maslow with nothing left to do but ruminate. THE WORLD IS AT YOUR FEET. Don't like it? Do something!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird! You have to be a millennial. I don't mean that as a pejorative but rather you were told all those things. I am a GenXer and was told the best I could hope for was an Associates degree from a Community College and a job as a secretary. My parents expected me to go to college but the details were up to me.

I think it is really damaging to "oversell" life. We all can't be rockstars. Most of life is really boring. My DH is well known in his field and has been on a magazine cover but he hates his job. Jobs are usually boring!! Whether you're a big shot or a worker bee. Being an adult isn't sexy and exciting most of the time. Sorry. You need to find something that makes you happy. Travel? Art? Parties? Hiking? And do it. Life is what you make it.

I agree with your assessment here. I am a somewhat older millennial (30). I have a degree from a good school, I have a nice job that pays very well, I own a house, don't want for much, etc. I have the life I dreamed of when I was younger! And yet it seems like - maybe because of social media? - everyone is always doing more, being more. I think it's just this sense of missing out on something but we don't know what or why. I struggle with it, honestly.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up LMC (father was a mechanic, mother a waitress). Sometimes we didn't have enough to eat. I guess the good thing about that was that my expectations weren't too high. We have a very nice UMC lifestyle now (income in the 600k range) and I am very happy with it.

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to dismiss the feelings so many have expressed here, but a life judged on the accumulation of things and awards will never feel like enough. You need to figure out what's meaningful to your life and DO THAT. Service to others (your family, your community, etc) is key to finding your life "just right".

Anonymous wrote:Weird! You have to be a millennial. I don't mean that as a pejorative but rather you were told all those things. I am a GenXer and was told the best I could hope for was an Associates degree from a Community College and a job as a secretary. My parents expected me to go to college but the details were up to me.

I think it is really damaging to "oversell" life. We all can't be rockstars. Most of life is really boring. My DH is well known in his field and has been on a magazine cover but he hates his job. Jobs are usually boring!! Whether you're a big shot or a worker bee. Being an adult isn't sexy and exciting most of the time. Sorry. You need to find something that makes you happy. Travel? Art? Parties? Hiking? And do it. Life is what you make it.

Anonymous wrote:Weird! You have to be a millennial. I don't mean that as a pejorative but rather you were told all those things. I am a GenXer and was told the best I could hope for was an Associates degree from a Community College and a job as a secretary. My parents expected me to go to college but the details were up to me.

I think it is really damaging to "oversell" life. We all can't be rockstars. Most of life is really boring. My DH is well known in his field and has been on a magazine cover but he hates his job. Jobs are usually boring!! Whether you're a big shot or a worker bee. Being an adult isn't sexy and exciting most of the time. Sorry. You need to find something that makes you happy. Travel? Art? Parties? Hiking? And do it. Life is what you make it.