People are not lamenting the lack of free food--it's the concept of community and human connection they miss when people don't care for new parents.
It is a result of the independent "I can do it all and rely on no one" thinking that is pervasive in the D.C. area.

We had 2 friends bring us food. 1 cooked a lasagna, 1 bought a pizza. I am not into maternal food-work, I don't plan meals now, and I don't care about family dinners. We eat together but not the same things, and the world has not stopped spinning. So, I really don't care about people cooking me food. I would really rather just order in or eat sandwiches, which is exactly what I did both times.

Anonymous wrote:Why is this even an issue on DCUM where a salary of 300k is the average? Can't you order out 2 meals a day for 6 weeks? I mean if those New Yorkers you all mock all the time for not owning property and not saving for retirement can do it every day indefinitely, can’t you all order out for 6 weeks for childbirth recovery?

lol honey the mean annual income in this area is a lot let than 300k. You must live in a Chevy Chase bubble or something.

Anonymous wrote:We recently had a baby, and I'm completely flabbergasted that nobody (family) who visited the baby in the first days (other than my own parents) brought us food or even offered to bring us a freezer meal.

I'm NOT trying to sound like this is expected. But I'm a little confused. My parents came to visit right away, bringing us lunch that first day home. It was wonderfully received. We were all starved! That same evening, my ILs and DH grandparents came at dinner time, and not one person brought food or suggested food or ordered food. My DH figured out pizza while I struggled to get situated with a new baby. Other family came in the following days, but not one meal.

I've always assumed everyone fed the new parents. That's what I've always done! You visit, you bring a dish. Right? Are my hormones just raging, or is this crazy! Talk me down!

this is some kind of subcultural thing--not mainstream. Don't take it personally OP!

Anonymous wrote:Grow up people. You just willingly made a baby. You probably had a baby registry and already asked people to buy you brand new things to clothe and take care of it. Now you want those same people to feed you for the pleasure of visiting you?!?!

And all of you whining about how you couldn't prepare, etc., how much time and effort did you put into making the cutest nursery ever? How about pregnancy pics or a babymoon? A whole new maternity wardrobe? You just squandered away all your money on that unnecessary crap, and expect others to feed you for a choice you willingly made. You are a bunch of entitled losers.

Eh, I don't expect people to necessarily cook FOR me, but get annoyed when out of town guests expect me to cook for THEM while caring for a newborn. That's pretty entitled too don't you think?

So sorry OP! We recently brought dinner to some friends who had a new baby (2nd child) and they were telling us how when both sets of grandparents visited, the grandparents expected to be fed or treated for dinner! They never helped at all or offered to go get takeout. I was flabbergasted by this. Luckily our parents are generally pretty helpful- my folks bring food and my ILs always have to fly in but they will get takeout for us, etc. Once we got passed the new baby stage we would cook dinner occasionally while they played with DS.

Mealtrain.com


It's a great way for people who do want to cook for families to help. You can set up food preferences and a time frame. It's a nice thing to do and not just after a birth. Our friend group uses it. I wouldn't add it to a shower invite, but if someone asks how to help out that's a great link to send. Have a friend or relative that's low drama set it up.

I didn't use it because our allergies are complicated, but a few mom friends that were familiar with cooking without allergen contamination did cook for us. It was a wonderful gift and really helped in early days. We also received a few bulk things from Costco through family that helped.

We were fully capable of handling meals and cooked ahead, but it was so nice to not have to and recieve thoughtful and nourishing foods.

It's s gift I give when I know it will be welcomed. Pay it forward.

Grow up people. You just willingly made a baby. You probably had a baby registry and already asked people to buy you brand new things to clothe and take care of it. Now you want those same people to feed you for the pleasure of visiting you?!?!

And all of you whining about how you couldn't prepare, etc., how much time and effort did you put into making the cutest nursery ever? How about pregnancy pics or a babymoon? A whole new maternity wardrobe? You just squandered away all your money on that unnecessary crap, and expect others to feed you for a choice you willingly made. You are a bunch of entitled losers.

Anonymous wrote:Hey lady who said that having a healthy newborn isn't a big deal...want to hear how insensitive you sound?

"I can have multiple Orgasms through intercourse alone. It's no big deal. I don't know why some women need vibrators!"

"Labor was painless for me. It's no big deal. I don't know why anyone would need an epidural."

Don't be stupid. I had a life-threatening illness last year, multiple deaths in the family, lost jobs several times, and nearly lost the house. My special needs newborn nearly suffocated from breathing issues, at home, when we brought him back from hospital. I nearly died during the birth of healthy baby. We continued to cook at home, as do the immense majority of people who go through these events.

So YES, I hereby affirm that "wondering why people don't bring food after a birth" is a minor issue.

If you think I'm insensitive, then you are lucky to have lived a charmed life. I envy you!

And no, it's not culturally universal to bring meals for births, as this thread has shown. Thank you.

Nobody brought us food either. I'm the cook in our family so I had made some things ahead of time; DH doesn't cook one bit (please spare me a lecture on how I failed to marry the right man.) Plus even if he did cook, he was back at work a few days later and working 10 hour days.

Yeah, there's delivery, but in the burbs, it's pretty much pizza or Chinese. That gets old quickly. My first baby was colicky and cried constantly, so going out or even to the grocery store was nearly impossible. On the upside, I lost all my pregnancy weight within a month from eating mostly cereal and soup.

No one brought us food, actually no one visited. No family until the baby was maybe 3 months old. We had a few friends drop by but no one brought anything. Sucked.

Anonymous wrote:We received two freezer meals when we had our first, and zero freezer meals when we had our second. I think the difference is most of our friends started having kids right after us, so they were probably too busy to bring food.

Our parents were particularly unhelpful with food. With the first they rushed down to meet him but still expected us to cook meals. With the second apparently we weren't gracious enough hosts the first time because my inlaws said they were going to wait a couple weeks after my C-section to meet their second grandchild so I'd be more able to "host" them (and they sent us a list of suggested groceries to buy/foods to prepare).

Are you seriousl??
I would have said in that case, they can wait a few years.

Anonymous wrote:I had someone bring me cookies and another soup during our MICU stay. Nothing after that but for friends who got us a gift card to GrunHub. No joke - I love them so much. But I appreciated those who came by with diapers more than food. I can make a bowl of Cheerios but diapers are $$.

If you had to rely on people bringing diapers could not afford to have a child. Even an idiot known to have a HUGE supply of diapers on hand.

Anonymous wrote:We recently had a baby, and I'm completely flabbergasted that nobody (family) who visited the baby in the first days (other than my own parents) brought us food or even offered to bring us a freezer meal.

I'm NOT trying to sound like this is expected. But I'm a little confused. My parents came to visit right away, bringing us lunch that first day home. It was wonderfully received. We were all starved! That same evening, my ILs and DH grandparents came at dinner time, and not one person brought food or suggested food or ordered food. My DH figured out pizza while I struggled to get situated with a new baby. Other family came in the following days, but not one meal.

I've always assumed everyone fed the new parents. That's what I've always done! You visit, you bring a dish. Right? Are my hormones just raging, or is this crazy! Talk me down!

Why should people bring food just because you had a baby? Is your phone not working so you can call for carry out or Pea Pod for groceries? Are both you and your DH helpless and unable to scramble eggs? Why didn't you cook and freeze casseroles to use after you were home? Common sense is a wonderful gift and every human is given common sense, start using yours. FYI, food is taken to homes after a death not after giving birth.

Why is this even an issue on DCUM where a salary of 300k is the average? Can't you order out 2 meals a day for 6 weeks? I mean if those New Yorkers you all mock all the time for not owning property and not saving for retirement can do it every day indefinitely, can’t you all order out for 6 weeks for childbirth recovery?