Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a diagnosis now? LOL

I know, right?

It's called entitlement and lazy parenting.

And you’re an assh0le.

Anonymous wrote:Is this a diagnosis now? LOL

I know, right?

It's called entitlement and lazy parenting.

My 34 year old SIL has some mental health issues as well as obesity and COPD. I have watched my in-laws “make a plan for her to launch next year” for 16 years. She’s always had a job but never full time. My in-laws struggle to set boundaries because she needs a phone to get a job, she needs health insurance for her medical issues, etc etc. It’s frustrating to watch as an outsider and u am very worried about what happens when my in-laws die… but it’s also easy for me to say that I would do better when I haven’t been other shoes. Basically, her lifestyle is modest enough that my in-laws are pretty comfortably supporting her but comfortable enough that my SIL has no real incentive to change. She has a cell phone, a 15 year old reliable vehicle, her own room with a bathroom, groceries and internet/cable. She doesn’t really have friends or a social life at all. She doesn’t travel. She doesn’t shop. I feel sad for her.

I don’t think it’s the parents’ fault. I think my parents would have always let the adult children move back in, and they’ve given a lot of financial assistance along the way (easily afforded and part of estate planning, but also when needed). Nobody was ever back home for more than short stretches early on in their twenties.

Not sure if those are diagnoses. I have a family member who is a therapist… yet is one of the enablers in my vent here: Instead of my adult child taking healthy guidance, he accuses me of talking down to him. When I offer advice on budgeting, he disregards it but expects me to be his personal bank every week, sometimes more frequently. When I explained how I felt used and unappreciated until he needed something, he disowned me. He hasn’t spoken to me in months. I’m no longer allowed to know anything about him or my grandchild. My family enables him and his fiancé by providing for them. Instead of supporting me in teaching them how to survive independently and not rely on others’ money to support them, even though he earns enough to support himself, his fiancé, and their child, my son and his fiancé engage in fiduciary abuse by guilt-tripping family members to pay for their needs and wants. They’re ungrateful and rude, expecting things to be handed to them. My grandmother instilled this entitlement in my children when they were young, but she continues to cater to my son, even after I’ve asked her and other family members to help me teach them and guide them toward becoming responsible adults. #
Entitled Adult Dependent Syndrome #Estranged Families #Failure to Launch Syndrome

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:21:40 here and I agree wholeheartedly with PP. If you’re in group 3, talk therapy won’t fix this the child or sibling. (Although it might be helpful for you, just to process it all ).

A hopeful person here that some combination of cognitive behavior therapy and new meds will get my child back on track.

I'm the PP with the kid in college who worries about this possibility.

I didn't mean to imply that CBT or DBT plus meds don't ever work. They do. They can make a huge difference for many people. They've made a huge difference for many people I know, and so far seem to be helping my son. Already he's far surpassing family members in previous generations with the same diagnosis, in terms of his ability to do things like hold a paying job. So, I think you have every reason to be hopeful.

But just like any other life threatening disease, the fact that some people find cures or solutions that let them live productive lives doesn't mean that the people who aren't cured, or their parents are doing something wrong. It means that these diseases look different in each person, and what works is different for each person. Some people might find success with the first thing they tried. Some, like my kid (I hope) might find success with the 10th thing they tried. And some may not find it ever or for a very long time.

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious. Kick their ass out of the house and tell them to get a job!

What is “hilarious” is how self righteous & ignorant you are are when it comes to mental health issues. Educate yourself!

Anonymous wrote:21:40 here and I agree wholeheartedly with PP. If you’re in group 3, talk therapy won’t fix this the child or sibling. (Although it might be helpful for you, just to process it all ).

A hopeful person here that some combination of cognitive behavior therapy and new meds will get my child back on track.