Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I'm still reading.

Ok, I'm mostly upset and jealous because my son works a lot and my DIL just stops caring during the school year. Or she plans their weekend schedules during the school year according to what she wants to do. She's accomodating a little more in the summer, meets me halfway with kids or something but she is so regimented with the kids schedules in the school year. I feel like I just don't fit in. She never tries to get the kids together with me ever on a day my husband works. But she always sees her parents. Sometimes my husband and her see her parents on his days off.. It's a miracle when they make it to Sunday dinners. Maybe I'm jealous, but I'm sad. Why am I not important to her or my son, but they can meet her parents for Saturday lunch?

Isn't that what everyone does???

Your post is confusing. Who is "they" when writing that "it's a miracle when THEY make it to Sunday dinners."
"SOmetimes my husband and her see her parents on his days off." Are you married with a husband or do you mean "my son".
"SHe never tries to get the kids together with me ever on a day my husband works." Again, do you mean "my son" or are you really referring to the man YOU are married to. If so, it's really confusing.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I'm still reading.

Ok, I'm mostly upset and jealous because my son works a lot and my DIL just stops caring during the school year. Or she plans their weekend schedules during the school year according to what she wants to do. She's accomodating a little more in the summer, meets me halfway with kids or something but she is so regimented with the kids schedules in the school year. I feel like I just don't fit in. She never tries to get the kids together with me ever on a day my husband works. But she always sees her parents. Sometimes my husband and her see her parents on his days off.. It's a miracle when they make it to Sunday dinners. Maybe I'm jealous, but I'm sad. Why am I not important to her or my son, but they can meet her parents for Saturday lunch?

There may be various reasons, but you seem like you don't want to hear them. Maybe you are not as helpful or flexible as her parents are. Maybe the drive is too far for her.

This is OP and I'm still reading.

Ok, I'm mostly upset and jealous because my son works a lot and my DIL just stops caring during the school year. Or she plans their weekend schedules during the school year according to what she wants to do. She's accomodating a little more in the summer, meets me halfway with kids or something but she is so regimented with the kids schedules in the school year. I feel like I just don't fit in. She never tries to get the kids together with me ever on a day my husband works. But she always sees her parents. Sometimes my husband and her see her parents on his days off.. It's a miracle when they make it to Sunday dinners. Maybe I'm jealous, but I'm sad. Why am I not important to her or my son, but they can meet her parents for Saturday lunch?

My MIL used to show up week nights and it did annoy me because she's picky and I felt like I had to do a big dinner for her and it was stressful. She didn't lift a finger, ignored the kids and we were waiting on her, it was awful! I think she could tell (because I was bitchy I'll admit!) and now things have improved.

For a while she would cook at our house but that was a mess too because she literally would manage to use every pot and pan, fancy serving dishes/platters etc and leave us with mountains of dishes! And if it's about seeing the kids she didn't much because she was cooking for a full hour. Don't want to complain about a home cooked meal but yeah I am. Eventually she starting cooking the meal at home (she's retired so literally has all day) and then heating it up to serve. It is SO much easier. I actually enjoy my time with her and am not stressed. It feels like we've found s groove. It's a help, not a burden. Such a relief.

OP maybe you can pick a night for example - tell them you know they are so busy how about you come over ever Wednesday night and bring dinner? And occasionally offer to babysit a Saturday night so mom & dad can go on a date

Deeply examine how you interact with them and whether your values run counter to those of your son's nuclear family. I try to limit how often my parents see my kids because of my father's horrible political beliefs and my mother's lack of boundaries and hypercriticism. Both consistently and blatantly undermine my daughter's self-confidence and empathy for others. My kid would be Stacey Dash if I let them se her more.

I prefer to spend X with my grandkids when they're parents aren't present and frequently correcting them or me. I have them for overnights every weekend. Their parents count on it.

I think you're pushing boundaries. In my 20s my parents made me miserable with their incessant demands that I see them at least once a month. You aren't satisfied with a few hours every damned week. I would have moved to Alaska if I was your DIL.

Anonymous wrote:OP is gone and won't be coming back. And she will take zero of this advice.

+1

Such a drama queen. No wonder her family finds her annoying.

"Our time is so limited with our children, every moment counts and I don't want to spend it with parents, because it becomes all about their time instead of my time. Let your children be parents.