OP here. The venue is a small hotel in Old Town Alexandria. We are thinking small (50 people) gathering of closest friends and family, most of whom are local. 4:30 pm ceremony. 5-6 reception; 7-9 dinner 10 - 11 dancing. Not a big wedding."

Can you do a 6 pm ceremony, 6:30-7:30 cocktails, 7:30-9:30 dinner? That is doable for a weekday night.

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Anonymous wrote:If people do attend, many will be there out of a sense of obligation and won't be very happy to be there. Is that how you want your wedding day to feel?

Not only that, even the ones who decline will ALWAYS REMEMBER that you chose a venue over your guests. It's incredibly immature of you to even consider doing this, to the point that you're too immature to be getting married.

Ehh or she was prioritizing being married over having a party

OP here. The venue is a small hotel in Old Town Alexandria. We are thinking small (50 people) gathering of closest friends and family, most of whom are local. 4:30 pm ceremony. 5-6 reception; 7-9 dinner 10 - 11 dancing. Not a big wedding.

You are treating a weeknight wedding like a Saturday extravaganza. 4:30 is too early. 7pm ceremony straight into reception/dinner. No dancing. If you want 6+ hpirs from your guests, it needs to be on a weekend.

This. If you want a weekday wedding, skip the cocktail hour and the dancing and just have the ceremony and dinner. Six hours is way too long for a weekday event.

Anonymous wrote:We're trying to plan a small weekday wedding in early November as we really want to marry this year. Problem is, most guests have children and work, obviously. Is this a terrible idea? Its the only way we can afford our venue.

OP, years out from my wedding my memories are about who was there and how much fun it was celebrating with everyone. I hardly think about the venue though it was our first choice (outdoor wedding at an old mansion in our town) and everything was beautiful, including the weather. I think you will regret a venue that will make it difficult for guests to attend. Unless, of course, you want a wedding so small it doesn't matter how many people show up. Be prepared for last minute cancellations, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If people do attend, many will be there out of a sense of obligation and won't be very happy to be there. Is that how you want your wedding day to feel?

Not only that, even the ones who decline will ALWAYS REMEMBER that you chose a venue over your guests. It's incredibly immature of you to even consider doing this, to the point that you're too immature to be getting married.

Ehh or she was prioritizing being married over having a party

OP here. The venue is a small hotel in Old Town Alexandria. We are thinking small (50 people) gathering of closest friends and family, most of whom are local. 4:30 pm ceremony. 5-6 reception; 7-9 dinner 10 - 11 dancing. Not a big wedding.

You are treating a weeknight wedding like a Saturday extravaganza. 4:30 is too early. 7pm ceremony straight into reception/dinner. No dancing. If you want 6+ hpirs from your guests, it needs to be on a weekend.

Anonymous wrote:I would go for a sibling or my 2 best friends. No one else

Pretty much this. I have a handful of friends that I'd take the day off for (and the day after most likely). My siblings too.

Cousins, other friends, etc? I'll go on a weekend, but not during the week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If people do attend, many will be there out of a sense of obligation and won't be very happy to be there. Is that how you want your wedding day to feel?

Not only that, even the ones who decline will ALWAYS REMEMBER that you chose a venue over your guests. It's incredibly immature of you to even consider doing this, to the point that you're too immature to be getting married.

Ehh or she was prioritizing being married over having a party

OP here. The venue is a small hotel in Old Town Alexandria. We are thinking small (50 people) gathering of closest friends and family, most of whom are local. 4:30 pm ceremony. 5-6 reception; 7-9 dinner 10 - 11 dancing. Not a big wedding.

I find taking a couple of days off work in the middle of the week is harder than taking a four-day weekend, so I probably wouldn't travel for this unless your wedding was on a Monday, Thursday (and I could feasibly travel on Thursday and make it on time) or Friday. Tuesday or Wednesday would be out. But even then, with an early November wedding I still might not be able to take the time. I find that to be a really busy time of year as people try to get things wrapped up before the holidays, and if I have holiday travel plans of my own, I may not be able to take the additional days off.

If I were local, probably either DH or I would come (depending on who's closer to you), and the other person wouldn't. There would be too much to work out with work schedules, child care, etc., that can be unpredictable or hard to find (I find it hard to find weekday sitters who are available during the afternoon and also late into the night -- if they're kids, their parents may not want them out that late, if they're older they may be working themselves during the day), and so we'd RSVP for one and the other would plan to cover everything else to let that person attend rather than RSVP'ing for both and risk having one person no-show. Before we had kids, it would have been easier for both of us to attend.

Can you get married at the courthouse and then have a party at the venue you like a few months later? If you're willing to take a gamble on a winter reception they might have lower prices, or you could try for the Sunday before MLK Jr. or President's Day.

If many of your guests work, let's assume half, you are transferring your costs to them in the form of lost wages. Friends from DC had their wedding at the groom's small town to save (their) money, but it cost the guest more to get there in lost time. There was tons of griping the bridal couple never heard. With a later start however you could get away with it.

OP, a 4:30 pm ceremony is a super early time. People are going to take off at least a half day of work the day of your wedding in order to make it to Alexandria at that time. And I wouldn't expect anyone to stay until 11 dancing if they have to be up for work the next day. Plus, if kids aren't invited, they're shelling out money for a babysitter and/or trying to work out their kids' after school activities. I would do this for my best friend and no one else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your guests are local and you aren't going to be upset about most people leaving immediately after dinner, that sounds lovely. Asking people to travel for a week day wedding is another story.

This.

If your guests are local, don't have kids, and you aren't going to be upset that many people skip the ceremony because they can't take off from work or are late to the ceremony because they got held up at work or in traffic, and that many people leave immediately after dinner, then go for it.

You should add those considerations.

Anonymous wrote:For a small 50 person wedding, weekday is fine especially if most of your guests are local. I would try to make it a Thurs or Friday night. 11 PM is not very late. It's not that different than going out for a nice restaurant for dinner.

However, I would try to shorten the schedule.

6 PM ceremony- so that your local guests could leave work at a relatively normal time.
7-9 dinner
9-10/11 socializing/dancing

And don't expect a lot of dancing. Many people will leave after dinner because they have to go to work the next day. And people won't drink as much, which will also cut down on the dancing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We're trying to plan a small weekday wedding in early November as we really want to marry this year. Problem is, most guests have children and work, obviously. Is this a terrible idea? Its the only way we can afford our venue.

Both my weddings were on weekdays for the same reason. A Monday and a Thursday. I backed both up against holidays. No hard feelings if people couldn't make it. Only person I missed was a friend whose flight was canceled.

You may not have had any hard feelings towards your guests, but i guarantee they had hard feelings against you. They just didn't tell you.

Are people really that upset if they couldn't make it to a friend or distant relative's wedding? I can understand if it's your bestie or sister, but the rest of the basketball team? The girl who was your housemate senior year? They are so upset over missing a 20 min ceremony, an overpriced chicken dinner, and buttercream frosting that they hold it against the bride?

It's not necessarily that they are upset they missed the wedding. They are upset that the timing of the wedding indicated that the bride and groom didn't really care whether or not they attended.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If people do attend, many will be there out of a sense of obligation and won't be very happy to be there. Is that how you want your wedding day to feel?

Not only that, even the ones who decline will ALWAYS REMEMBER that you chose a venue over your guests. It's incredibly immature of you to even consider doing this, to the point that you're too immature to be getting married.

Ehh or she was prioritizing being married over having a party

OP here. The venue is a small hotel in Old Town Alexandria. We are thinking small (50 people) gathering of closest friends and family, most of whom are local. 4:30 pm ceremony. 5-6 reception; 7-9 dinner 10 - 11 dancing. Not a big wedding.

No way. I'd have to leave work early, get my kids, get ready, etc. Then I'd be up really late but have to get up for work the next morning. If you want a wedding there, have a later ceremony and a dinner and skip the dancing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're trying to plan a small weekday wedding in early November as we really want to marry this year. Problem is, most guests have children and work, obviously. Is this a terrible idea? Its the only way we can afford our venue.

Both my weddings were on weekdays for the same reason. A Monday and a Thursday. I backed both up against holidays. No hard feelings if people couldn't make it. Only person I missed was a friend whose flight was canceled.

You may not have had any hard feelings towards your guests, but i guarantee they had hard feelings against you. They just didn't tell you.

Are people really that upset if they couldn't make it to a friend or distant relative's wedding? I can understand if it's your bestie or sister, but the rest of the basketball team? The girl who was your housemate senior year? They are so upset over missing a 20 min ceremony, an overpriced chicken dinner, and buttercream frosting that they hold it against the bride?

Anonymous wrote:For a small 50 person wedding, weekday is fine especially if most of your guests are local. I would try to make it a Thurs or Friday night. 11 PM is not very late. It's not that different than going out for a nice restaurant for dinner.

However, I would try to shorten the schedule.

6 PM ceremony- so that your local guests could leave work at a relatively normal time.
7-9 dinner
9-10/11 socializing/dancing

I agree with shortening the schedule and trying for a Thursday or Friday night, disagree that 11 pm isn't that late. 11 pm end means that I'm not home until 11:30/11:45ish and not in bed until after midnight. I get up before 6 am for work, so this timing would be rough, especially early in the work week. On a Monday or Tuesday night, I'd definitely be going home right after dinner....but on a Thursday night, I'd probably stay out longer, since I'd only have to get through one sleep deprived day before the weekend.