Anonymous
08/12/2017 20:50
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:A tough decision. You say that you have been alone long enough, so it sounds like you have tried dating in the past (for years?) and didn’t find anyone better. His not having kids of his own may be an advantage in the future, in that you won’t need to negotiate which kids to go visit when they are grown, won’t have stress associated with whether you are welcome at his child’s wedding, etc.
But do you really enjoy being with him, outside the bedroom? Is this someone you would want to spend your golden years with, traveling the world in retirement, taking care of each other should you become ill? If you love talking with him and doing things with him, I would stay together. If it’s only for the security you would have, I would not.
This.
Anonymous
08/12/2017 17:54
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
You are soulmates. I feel it. He'll change!
Anonymous
08/12/2017 17:39
Subject: Re:He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
You have to talk to him about this and have an open and honest conversation before you make any decisions. Find out what is at the root of his problem. My husband is 50, I am 45, and our sex life is as hot as it was years ago. We both have a high sex drive and need it often, so age is not always a factor. He may have a medical issue that he is hesitant to tell you about, or he may just be shy about initiating. You'll never know until you ask.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 23:57
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:Are you currently living together?
Live together first. He's 45 and has never been married. Has he at least lived with someone over a long period of time?
Unless you live with this man, you really don't know how secure, stable, compatible he is. He's on his best behavior with you, but before you make tradeoffs based on the assumption you have that he is secure/stable or good for you and your kids, you need to make sure that he's also compatible with you in a living situation b/c likely he's very used to living alone.
I've known men who look good on paper -- financially secure, nice, polite, etc. -- but are entirely different once they move in with you. That's when you really see who the person is. And given he's never been married (which is usually a red flag for a 45-year-old man or woman), living together is the only way for you to be sure there isn't something you're missing.
You may find that he's not as good for you as what you are imagining. His benefits and money won't mean much if he's miserable to live with.
The other thing is that if you are truly going to marry this man mainly because he's financially secure, you should make sure he is actually financially secure and not just telling you he is.
I'm not saying it's a good idea to marry him just for the financial security, but if you are going to do that, I wouldn't do it solely based on his word.
PP above, +1 to all of this!
Anonymous
08/11/2017 23:56
Subject: Re:He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:Sex doesn't pay the bills, put children into college, make you live a quality life, etc. This sounds like a good man! You can teach a man who lacks in the sexual department. Also, toys and porn really help the sexually inexperience folks to learn some techniques. However, an unstable dude with a great D can't offer you anything outside of sex. Your sex drive will decline anyway. So, choose security over sex.
+ 1
Your priority is clear. There is the 80/20 rule. And everyone compromises in some way. One of the first PPs upthread suggested discussing with him; take that talk further and consider whether you would want the option for an open marriage, or therapy, or classes, etc. if you commit to live out the rest of your days with him, and him with you. Listen to what he says without judgement. Request the same. Allow yourself time to think it through, and if you find the 80 good is worth the 20 that is bad? Go for it, and be happy. You're going in with your eyes open. Just remember that you have to remember the vulnerability that you are going in with too, from the jump; being sexually dissatisfied. To thine own self be true. You know you best. Do you. Recognize whether you are being rooted in an environment that challenges your ability to do that, and how you will respond. Can you afford to go to your weakest point? It is a different answer for everyone. Agree in general, choose security over sex. But make sure you are truly choosing security. Emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, they are all equally important to your wellbeing. Good luck. Your situation sounds favorable, but you know you best.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 23:39
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Are you currently living together?
Live together first. He's 45 and has never been married. Has he at least lived with someone over a long period of time?
Unless you live with this man, you really don't know how secure, stable, compatible he is. He's on his best behavior with you, but before you make tradeoffs based on the assumption you have that he is secure/stable or good for you and your kids, you need to make sure that he's also compatible with you in a living situation b/c likely he's very used to living alone.
I've known men who look good on paper -- financially secure, nice, polite, etc. -- but are entirely different once they move in with you. That's when you really see who the person is. And given he's never been married (which is usually a red flag for a 45-year-old man or woman), living together is the only way for you to be sure there isn't something you're missing.
You may find that he's not as good for you as what you are imagining. His benefits and money won't mean much if he's miserable to live with.
The other thing is that if you are truly going to marry this man mainly because he's financially secure, you should make sure he is actually financially secure and not just telling you he is.
I'm not saying it's a good idea to marry him just for the financial security, but if you are going to do that, I wouldn't do it solely based on his word.
Live together first. He's 45 and has never been married. Has he at least lived with someone over a long period of time?
Unless you live with this man, you really don't know how secure, stable, compatible he is. He's on his best behavior with you, but before you make tradeoffs based on the assumption you have that he is secure/stable or good for you and your kids, you need to make sure that he's also compatible with you in a living situation b/c likely he's very used to living alone.
I've known men who look good on paper -- financially secure, nice, polite, etc. -- but are entirely different once they move in with you. That's when you really see who the person is. And given he's never been married (which is usually a red flag for a 45-year-old man or woman), living together is the only way for you to be sure there isn't something you're missing.
You may find that he's not as good for you as what you are imagining. His benefits and money won't mean much if he's miserable to live with.
The other thing is that if you are truly going to marry this man mainly because he's financially secure, you should make sure he is actually financially secure and not just telling you he is.
I'm not saying it's a good idea to marry him just for the financial security, but if you are going to do that, I wouldn't do it solely based on his word.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 18:33
Subject: Re:He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Sex doesn't pay the bills, put children into college, make you live a quality life, etc. This sounds like a good man! You can teach a man who lacks in the sexual department. Also, toys and porn really help the sexually inexperience folks to learn some techniques. However, an unstable dude with a great D can't offer you anything outside of sex. Your sex drive will decline anyway. So, choose security over sex.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 14:02
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:46 and you are worried about sex? Your sex life is quickly running out. It will be nonexistent soon. The truth is women's libido stop somewhere around 45-50.
So untrue. I am hornier than ever and I am a 52 year old woman.
How long have you been married, if at all?
(So often, horny older women seem to be single or recently remarried.)
Decades of bad sex will make you not want it as much. Reminds me of people I know who come to avoid a particular food they once loved after they move to a region where it isn't cooked properly.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 14:00
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous
08/11/2017 14:00
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:A tough decision. You say that you have been alone long enough, so it sounds like you have tried dating in the past (for years?) and didn’t find anyone better. His not having kids of his own may be an advantage in the future, in that you won’t need to negotiate which kids to go visit when they are grown, won’t have stress associated with whether you are welcome at his child’s wedding, etc.
But do you really enjoy being with him, outside the bedroom? Is this someone you would want to spend your golden years with, traveling the world in retirement, taking care of each other should you become ill? If you love talking with him and doing things with him, I would stay together. If it’s only for the security you would have, I would not.
I'm a woman who desire just dried up after menopause, but I was never had a very high sex drive anyhow, but it was decent. So happy the man I married is my friend as well as my husband, because otherwise having to maintain a sex life would be unpleasant at this point. I have friends who are the complete opposite and can not have enough sex.
Will require some soul searching on your part OP; do you think sex will still be just as important to you in 5-10 years as it is now? Has your desire gone down with age? What you if met a man who was better in bed, but did not have a secure financial future or had a couple kids from a previous marriage? Is he just used to not having a lot of sex, having been single (and not married) for so long?
Anonymous
08/11/2017 13:54
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:46 and you are worried about sex? Your sex life is quickly running out. It will be nonexistent soon. The truth is women's libido stop somewhere around 45-50.
So untrue. I am hornier than ever and I am a 52 year old woman.
How long have you been married, if at all?
(So often, horny older women seem to be single or recently remarried.)
Almost 21 years and good point, I'm not very into sex with my husband. I am just lucky and have spontaneous rather than responsive desire.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 13:50
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:46 and you are worried about sex? Your sex life is quickly running out. It will be nonexistent soon. The truth is women's libido stop somewhere around 45-50.
So untrue. I am hornier than ever and I am a 52 year old woman.
How long have you been married, if at all?
(So often, horny older women seem to be single or recently remarried.)
49 y/o here. Also hornier than ever, now finally have a man who will match me, but I was just as horny before, and my 20 plus year husband became less so over time. We both remained fit/attractive, its just he became abusive and nasty. So I didnt want sex with him, but still wanted sex. Just did without. It was torture. But then so was being married to him which is why I divorced.
A lot of women over want sex, its just not talked about because no one believes us and also there are haters, entirely women in my experience!!!
Anonymous
08/11/2017 12:20
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
A tough decision. You say that you have been alone long enough, so it sounds like you have tried dating in the past (for years?) and didn’t find anyone better. His not having kids of his own may be an advantage in the future, in that you won’t need to negotiate which kids to go visit when they are grown, won’t have stress associated with whether you are welcome at his child’s wedding, etc.
But do you really enjoy being with him, outside the bedroom? Is this someone you would want to spend your golden years with, traveling the world in retirement, taking care of each other should you become ill? If you love talking with him and doing things with him, I would stay together. If it’s only for the security you would have, I would not.
But do you really enjoy being with him, outside the bedroom? Is this someone you would want to spend your golden years with, traveling the world in retirement, taking care of each other should you become ill? If you love talking with him and doing things with him, I would stay together. If it’s only for the security you would have, I would not.
Anonymous
08/11/2017 12:17
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:46 and you are worried about sex? Your sex life is quickly running out. It will be nonexistent soon. The truth is women's libido stop somewhere around 45-50.
So untrue. I am hornier than ever and I am a 52 year old woman.
How long have you been married, if at all?
(So often, horny older women seem to be single or recently remarried.)
Anonymous
08/11/2017 12:14
Subject: He loves me, has great benefits, good income, sex is terrible
Anonymous wrote:46 and you are worried about sex? Your sex life is quickly running out. It will be nonexistent soon. The truth is women's libido stop somewhere around 45-50.
So untrue. I am hornier than ever and I am a 52 year old woman.