Anonymous
07/22/2019 07:58
Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:NP. You do have a point, if a kid came out as a Right-wing racist for example, it would not be appropriate to unconditionally "support" that nonsense. But nothing like that is the case here.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why not ask? Hey, whats going on with you and Larlo? I saw you kiss and hold hands. Just so you know I think he's a great kid and fully support what ever you choose.
I like this with just one change -
Hey, whats going on with you and Larlo? I saw you kiss and hold hands. Just so you know I think he's a great kid and [b]fully support you.
Saying you "fully support whatever you choose" makes it sound like you think sexuality is a choice - and its pretty clear that its not. So, don't say that.
You fully support whatever your kid chooses?! Wow. Your job is to bra parent, you know. Not a best friend.
Yeah, PP. Try to be a better bra parent.
The right bra parent offers full support.
No. The best parent offers guidance, develops character and produces a decent human being. The right parent does not offer unconditional "support" for every crazy, bad it simply wrong thing a child comes up with.
The Ymes had an article about this. I think it was the Times. Maybe the Atlantic.
Son was treated rather badly in the aftermath of an unfounded accusation by a girl. He felt scared, alone, and betrayed but found support and community in right wing chat rooms. His mom coped and the son found his way back. It is worth a read if for no other reason than what it felt like to be this young boy.
Anonymous
07/22/2019 07:44
Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My son has been friends with this boy since kindergarten. The boy recently lost his dad, day of the funeral I saw my son kiss the other boy on the cheek and hold his hand. When he was over here yesterday they were holding hands again and when I left for work this morning they were in bed together and he had his arm around him.
Both boys are 16 so it's not as though dating is unexpected. I'm also not homophobic I made a point not to be, as I was raised with that hate and didn't want that in my son's life, My question is why hasn't he told me?
He had a girlfriend last summer and earlier this year and I knew about them.
Obviously, he hasn't said anything for a reason, so is there a way to mention this without making things awkward?
The weirdest part of your post is that you allow lovers in your child's bed...not age appropriate.
Up until a few weeks ago I never saw anything that would lead me to believe they were anything beyond friends, the kiss and hand holding alone at the funeral didn't stand out that much given the context.
I'm fine with my son having a boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night or have sex in our home, I don't think banning teens from sex is the right approach.
The problem with your position, OP, is that the best friend is in a very vulnerable state right now, so escalating the relationship into sex may not be the best right now. Talk to your DS. I would say the same thing if the best friend were a girl.
Anonymous
07/21/2019 12:57
Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:My son has been friends with this boy since kindergarten. The boy recently lost his dad, day of the funeral I saw my son kiss the other boy on the cheek and hold his hand. When he was over here yesterday they were holding hands again and when I left for work this morning they were in bed together and he had his arm around him.
Both boys are 16 so it's not as though dating is unexpected. I'm also not homophobic I made a point not to be, as I was raised with that hate and didn't want that in my son's life, My question is why hasn't he told me?
He had a girlfriend last summer and earlier this year and I knew about them.
Obviously, he hasn't said anything for a reason, so is there a way to mention this without making things awkward?
Teenagers frequently want privacy when they start dating. They're feeling their way through a new experience and often want to do it without their parents looking at them or asking a lot of questions. It's hard enough to start dating without having an audience, even if it's a loving, supportive audience.
Just leave it alone. He'll tell you when and if he's ready.
Anonymous
07/21/2019 12:52
Subject: Re:I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Op honestly you should post this in a different forum. I think the only responses you should heed are ones from lgbtq folks or Ally parents. Let them tell their experience and stories, since your son is his own person only he knows his reasons for not saying anything directly but those who can posit best are not those who don't live this. I have gay siblings and I am an ally to the core but I also know when it's not my time to give advice bc it's not my story. Looks like lots on this thread haven't figured that out. Armchair experts.
Anonymous
07/21/2019 12:37
Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:Because it's none of your business.
In what twisted universe is a teenager having a significant other NOT a parent's business? WTF.
Anonymous
07/21/2019 10:07
Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My son has been friends with this boy since kindergarten. The boy recently lost his dad, day of the funeral I saw my son kiss the other boy on the cheek and hold his hand. When he was over here yesterday they were holding hands again and when I left for work this morning they were in bed together and he had his arm around him.
Both boys are 16 so it's not as though dating is unexpected. I'm also not homophobic I made a point not to be, as I was raised with that hate and didn't want that in my son's life, My question is why hasn't he told me?
He had a girlfriend last summer and earlier this year and I knew about them.
Obviously, he hasn't said anything for a reason, so is there a way to mention this without making things awkward?
The weirdest part of your post is that you allow lovers in your child's bed...not age appropriate.
Up until a few weeks ago I never saw anything that would lead me to believe they were anything beyond friends, the kiss and hand holding alone at the funeral didn't stand out that much given the context.
I'm fine with my son having a boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night or have sex in our home, I don't think banning teens from sex is the right approach.
I will let my kids know that I am homophobic and no way in hell they are having sex in our house.
And you will be the grandma that horrifies your grandkids. Congrats.
Sad that you are proud of being a bigot.
Anonymous
07/21/2019 08:28
Subject: Re:I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:My son was out to the world for almost a year before he told us and we're gay. Kids just tell you things in their own time.
I like this answer. This is what kids are like.
Even when they are close to their parents.
Mine tells me nearly nothing, but comes to me when he needs advice. Right now he isn’t having questions or issues, so I am out of the loop. In contrast, a friend of mine brings plenty of drama to life and his son does, too. No surprise that his kid is more open with his parent about sexuality, because it is in their nature to turn everything into a dramatic tale.
Anonymous
07/21/2019 08:22
Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My dd knows I'm not homophobic and it was still hard for her to come out. She was more afraid of extended family reactions. She has anxiety and OCD and once she got the idea that because of my parents being homophobic, I'd be homophobic, in her head, it took a while to change her way of thinking.
We just make sure to set an open and affirming example in our home, and it isn't something we have to discuss frequently.
He's never known his grandparents though, it's just us and the family I've created for us, he's got several aunts and uncles that are gay it's never been an issue. I just don't know why he feels he can't tell me he's dating his best friend.
Kids like space. Perhaps he thinks if he tells you, you will talk it to death?
Anonymous
07/21/2019 07:45
Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
Anonymous wrote:I thought it was funny.
So did I.
Anonymous
07/21/2019 07:44
Subject: I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.
My DD is a lesbian. She talks to me about girls she likes and girls who like her (those two haven’t matched up yet). She’s welcome to have girls over. I’d drive to dates and allow cuddling on the sofa or floor. No bedroom. Definitely no bed.