I think it's best to wait, OP. We took DD to Disney at 3 and it was overwhelming to her, plus it seemed like a waste to buy the passes and have her sleep all afternoon anyway. Your little boy will love it at 4 and 5, maybe even more, and by that time the older children may not want to go. Or you can let them explore the park on their own a bit, or at least go to a movie without you while their brother does something preschooly. Then you could have some time with just your little one.

I think it's fine. I would do it.

Anonymous wrote:What about just you going with the 3 year old? Seems like it would obviate most of the concerns presented here.

She doesn't just want to take him, she wants to go with her husband and have the nuclear family experience. Not the single mom experience and not the stepmom experience.

I hope she's annoyed at herself, because it's her own choices that led to this. You can't be annoyed at a 10 year old for wanting to go to Disney with her own father.

OP, I have sympathy for you. It would have been a really nice trip with just your little one. The age gap is so big, it's hard to find activities that all the kids would enjoy, and the experience of relaxing with one kid who naps, is so different from having to manage three.

Maybe you can do something else that's magical. Shenandoah is lovely in the fall, and I'm sure it would be very special for your little boy.

What about just you going with the 3 year old? Seems like it would obviate most of the concerns presented here.

OP here. I didn't realize this would be such a hot topic. I just read every single post. I posted thinking I'd get validation from blended families who do this stuff all the time. I was mistaken.
I wouldn't have posted if I wasn't feeling bad about the conversation with the ex. I suppose I have this fantasy about the magic of Disney World. I wanted to share that with my son, who will probably be the only "baby" I'll ever have.
We are not going to go. I'm pretty annoyed actually, but I think that the ex might be right. It seems fair that we should be able to take him, especially since the others have already been, but I know kids are not rational in that way. The happy family we are trying to create could be damaged. Sigh. We are not going. We'll save a bit each month and do it in a year or two.

OP you can rationalize all you want but a child centered trip like this means all the children go or you wait until you can afford to do so. (And as PPs have said - it will be a memory of short duration for the 3yo but a slight forever for the others. This isn't just about you: you are setting up a breach in the relationship between these siblings. You may see them as a lesser tie but for your DD - they are hers forever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the posters are overreacting. My parents divorced when I was little and my dad remarried and had 2 more kids. I visited him and sometimes went on vacations like the beach with them. A few times they went on big vacations like Hawaii and Disney and I didn't go. I was old enough to understand that my dad was allowed to vacation with his other kids without taking me. I didn't feel left out. My mom took me on vacations too so honestly, I ended up going on vacation twice most years. I wouldn't take a 3 yr old to Disney myself. I'd wait a few years until the kid could actually remember the trip and by then, the older kids won't be interested anyway.

But what if you had felt left out and specifically asked to be included, and your dad said no?

10 is not really old enough to "understand" and, frankly, I'm not sure s/he should have to. Disney is not just any vacation for a 10 year old.

I'm a child of divorce and my dad vacationed without me (and without my step sibs) with just my step mother and half brother (i.e., their kid) all the time. Sometimes I was a little jealous, but I realized that I got to go on vacations with my mom too that my half brother didn't get to go on. A trip to Disney World or any place that I specifically loved or requested to go? I would have lost my shit. Disney World is made for 10 year olds not 3 year olds. Take everyone for a cheaper trip now or take your 3 year old to Sesame Place (which he will like better anyway) and wait a few years for the Disney trip when the older two will likely be over it. Can you go to Disney World with just your 3 year old? Absolutely. Will your relationship with your step kids ever be the same? Not a chance in hell. Even more importantly, will your husband's relationship with his kids ever be the same? No.

The OP stated that the older kids had been to Disney twice already so they are old enough to understand that this trip is for the younger sibling who has never been at all.

Anonymous wrote:Not ok. Your 3-year-old is the one who won't know what he/she is missing and the one I'd leave behind!

Seriously. The 3 year old will not remember a thing about the trip. We went when my son was 4 and I regret going that young. It is an expensive trip and I wish we waited until he was a bit older.

Anonymous wrote:I think the posters are overreacting. My parents divorced when I was little and my dad remarried and had 2 more kids. I visited him and sometimes went on vacations like the beach with them. A few times they went on big vacations like Hawaii and Disney and I didn't go. I was old enough to understand that my dad was allowed to vacation with his other kids without taking me. I didn't feel left out. My mom took me on vacations too so honestly, I ended up going on vacation twice most years. I wouldn't take a 3 yr old to Disney myself. I'd wait a few years until the kid could actually remember the trip and by then, the older kids won't be interested anyway.

Agree with this. 3 yo probably won't remember Disney now and if you wait a few years the older kids won't care about going.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the posters are overreacting. My parents divorced when I was little and my dad remarried and had 2 more kids. I visited him and sometimes went on vacations like the beach with them. A few times they went on big vacations like Hawaii and Disney and I didn't go. I was old enough to understand that my dad was allowed to vacation with his other kids without taking me. I didn't feel left out. My mom took me on vacations too so honestly, I ended up going on vacation twice most years. I wouldn't take a 3 yr old to Disney myself. I'd wait a few years until the kid could actually remember the trip and by then, the older kids won't be interested anyway.

But what if you had felt left out and specifically asked to be included, and your dad said no?

10 is not really old enough to "understand" and, frankly, I'm not sure s/he should have to. Disney is not just any vacation for a 10 year old.

I'm a child of divorce and my dad vacationed without me (and without my step sibs) with just my step mother and half brother (i.e., their kid) all the time. Sometimes I was a little jealous, but I realized that I got to go on vacations with my mom too that my half brother didn't get to go on. A trip to Disney World or any place that I specifically loved or requested to go? I would have lost my shit. Disney World is made for 10 year olds not 3 year olds. Take everyone for a cheaper trip now or take your 3 year old to Sesame Place (which he will like better anyway) and wait a few years for the Disney trip when the older two will likely be over it. Can you go to Disney World with just your 3 year old? Absolutely. Will your relationship with your step kids ever be the same? Not a chance in hell. Even more importantly, will your husband's relationship with his kids ever be the same? No.

Anonymous wrote:I think the posters are overreacting. My parents divorced when I was little and my dad remarried and had 2 more kids. I visited him and sometimes went on vacations like the beach with them. A few times they went on big vacations like Hawaii and Disney and I didn't go. I was old enough to understand that my dad was allowed to vacation with his other kids without taking me. I didn't feel left out. My mom took me on vacations too so honestly, I ended up going on vacation twice most years. I wouldn't take a 3 yr old to Disney myself. I'd wait a few years until the kid could actually remember the trip and by then, the older kids won't be interested anyway.

But what if you had felt left out and specifically asked to be included, and your dad said no?

NO, you cannot take just one kid to Disney! If you want a vacation with just your 3yo, go to sesame place or some other place geared toward little kids. Your big kids would get much more from a trip to Disney than the toddler who won't remember and is too short for most of the rides.

I think the posters are overreacting. My parents divorced when I was little and my dad remarried and had 2 more kids. I visited him and sometimes went on vacations like the beach with them. A few times they went on big vacations like Hawaii and Disney and I didn't go. I was old enough to understand that my dad was allowed to vacation with his other kids without taking me. I didn't feel left out. My mom took me on vacations too so honestly, I ended up going on vacation twice most years. I wouldn't take a 3 yr old to Disney myself. I'd wait a few years until the kid could actually remember the trip and by then, the older kids won't be interested anyway.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's okay especially since the kids have been there twice. If anything isn't fair, it is skipping the trip altogether because you can't afford to take everyone. The kids have been twice. That's enough.

But even if OP feels that it is okay, is it worth disappointing them and making them feel like they aren't really part of their father's family anymore? I bet they would love to show their half brother around Disneyland. OP is passing up a real bonding experience and hurting the kids' feelings over a small amount of money. Just go next year!