Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 18:03     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:My DH didn't have many friends when we first met. I'm also happy with a small circle for myself, so I never wanted him to change, but I have strongly encouraged him to pursue friendships whenever he meets people he likes, because I have seen too many old men who have no social network fall apart when their wives die. So from my perspective it wasn't about changing his habits or how often he wanted to go see his friends, but facilitating outings with new coworkers or neighbors he could connect with so he had more friends to choose from. This happened without judgment or pressure and he does seem much happier now, and that's what it was about: Whatever would make his life as fulfilling as it could be. I like to think that's the right approach to your partner as opposed to wanting to change a core component of his personality...


Op here- I actually really like this...thank you
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 16:20     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
My DH didn't have many friends when we first met. I'm also happy with a small circle for myself, so I never wanted him to change, but I have strongly encouraged him to pursue friendships whenever he meets people he likes, because I have seen too many old men who have no social network fall apart when their wives die. So from my perspective it wasn't about changing his habits or how often he wanted to go see his friends, but facilitating outings with new coworkers or neighbors he could connect with so he had more friends to choose from. This happened without judgment or pressure and he does seem much happier now, and that's what it was about: Whatever would make his life as fulfilling as it could be. I like to think that's the right approach to your partner as opposed to wanting to change a core component of his personality...
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 16:04     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Why are you with him when you clearly don't accept him the way he is?
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 13:35     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
I am married to a man with 0 friends and very little desire to be social with people or do activities. . We have one child. Does it bother me? I will admit that it sometimes does. Not so much the no friends part, but the part where he won't participate in something, attend something or join me somewhere because he can't deal with the social aspect. However, I was always rather independent and still am now. If I want to do an activity and DH doesn't, I just go and do it (and take Larla with me). I plan activities and outings and if he complains about going, we just go by ourselves. That being said, he participates in every family holiday, vacation, kid activity etc.

Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 13:16     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The red flag to me is that you're comparing him to your ex.



Op here- not comparing, just giving an example. Trust me, no part of me would ever desire to be with my ex again lol I was just using that as an example. My best friends husband seems to constantly hang out with his best friend from high school and leave her with the baby so I guess I shouldn't complain. I honestly was just curious as I'm the complete opposite and I even grew up with my dad still having bi weekly "guys night" with his college buddies.


You are so not over your ex. You lol is very telling. Please don't marry your fiance. You are not in love with him. You are only 28. You have time to find another guy whom you will truly love. You do not need to rush into this to keep up with your friends, you do not need to get married to meet some arbitrary "by 30" deadline you created for yourself when you were 19, you do not need to do this to have babies. You have time to find the right guy and have kids with him ( if kids is what you want) this guy is not it.
Please don't do it OP. Sve yourself the pain. Save him the pain.
It's hard, but it's easier to break up an engagement than it is a marriage.


Op here- omg what? Where are you even getting ANY of that from? My ex and I had such a toxic relationship. He worked in law enforcement and was so controlling and emotionally abusive. I got out way later then I should have. So NO, I am not still into my ex. I love my fiancé. We have 0 issues at all and he's perfect for me. I wouldn't leave him because he has no friends. I was just truly curious if this was normal for anyone else's husband or boyfriend or whatever. I'm definitely more social then he is and that's never been an issue because when I do want to go out with friends, he's fine coming along. It always just made me a bit sad that he didn't have his own buddies to hang out with but I guess it can be normal for some people.


It's the DCUM armchair Dr Phils. Just laugh and disregard


Eh, pp's likely right how many posts a day do we see from women wanting to divorce their husbands because they are exactly the man they married- and that one little thing about them never changed, but they can't ignore it now that the excitement and attention of planning a wedding is over and they've met their soulmate at the gym.
Better to get out now, and yes it will suck, but a broken engagment at 28 is a lot better than a divorce at 34.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 13:05     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind someone without the social skills to make friends is probably not going to advance at work very well, where lifelong earnings are almost always based off of EQ.


Completely depends on the field.


EQ is not the same as friends. EQ is more about being friendly. Not going out drinking or what ever. Maybe if you are a car salesman....


Exactly, introvert doesn't mean horribly awkward, it just means the person needs more alone time than an extrovert. An introvert can still be good at reading social cues and getting ahead at work.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 12:56     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
OP the person coming after you is a troll who has done this on multiple threads, always with the same tone. Why are you even bothering to respond?
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 12:55     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The red flag to me is that you're comparing him to your ex.



Op here- not comparing, just giving an example. Trust me, no part of me would ever desire to be with my ex again lol I was just using that as an example. My best friends husband seems to constantly hang out with his best friend from high school and leave her with the baby so I guess I shouldn't complain. I honestly was just curious as I'm the complete opposite and I even grew up with my dad still having bi weekly "guys night" with his college buddies.


You are so not over your ex. You lol is very telling. Please don't marry your fiance. You are not in love with him. You are only 28. You have time to find another guy whom you will truly love. You do not need to rush into this to keep up with your friends, you do not need to get married to meet some arbitrary "by 30" deadline you created for yourself when you were 19, you do not need to do this to have babies. You have time to find the right guy and have kids with him ( if kids is what you want) this guy is not it.
Please don't do it OP. Sve yourself the pain. Save him the pain.
It's hard, but it's easier to break up an engagement than it is a marriage.


Op here- omg what? Where are you even getting ANY of that from? My ex and I had such a toxic relationship. He worked in law enforcement and was so controlling and emotionally abusive. I got out way later then I should have. So NO, I am not still into my ex. I love my fiancé. We have 0 issues at all and he's perfect for me. I wouldn't leave him because he has no friends. I was just truly curious if this was normal for anyone else's husband or boyfriend or whatever. I'm definitely more social then he is and that's never been an issue because when I do want to go out with friends, he's fine coming along. It always just made me a bit sad that he didn't have his own buddies to hang out with but I guess it can be normal for some people.


It's the DCUM armchair Dr Phils. Just laugh and disregard


Someone who thinks. Dr. Phil is legit advice cannot be taken seriously.


No they cannot. Nor can someone who follows his lead and dispenses psychological diagnoses to people they barely know. Hence the nickname
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 12:54     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The red flag to me is that you're comparing him to your ex.



Op here- not comparing, just giving an example. Trust me, no part of me would ever desire to be with my ex again lol I was just using that as an example. My best friends husband seems to constantly hang out with his best friend from high school and leave her with the baby so I guess I shouldn't complain. I honestly was just curious as I'm the complete opposite and I even grew up with my dad still having bi weekly "guys night" with his college buddies.


You are so not over your ex. You lol is very telling. Please don't marry your fiance. You are not in love with him. You are only 28. You have time to find another guy whom you will truly love. You do not need to rush into this to keep up with your friends, you do not need to get married to meet some arbitrary "by 30" deadline you created for yourself when you were 19, you do not need to do this to have babies. You have time to find the right guy and have kids with him ( if kids is what you want) this guy is not it.
Please don't do it OP. Sve yourself the pain. Save him the pain.
It's hard, but it's easier to break up an engagement than it is a marriage.


Op here- omg what? Where are you even getting ANY of that from? My ex and I had such a toxic relationship. He worked in law enforcement and was so controlling and emotionally abusive. I got out way later then I should have. So NO, I am not still into my ex. I love my fiancé. We have 0 issues at all and he's perfect for me. I wouldn't leave him because he has no friends. I was just truly curious if this was normal for anyone else's husband or boyfriend or whatever. I'm definitely more social then he is and that's never been an issue because when I do want to go out with friends, he's fine coming along. It always just made me a bit sad that he didn't have his own buddies to hang out with but I guess it can be normal for some people.


It's the DCUM armchair Dr Phils. Just laugh and disregard


Someone who thinks. Dr. Phil is legit advice cannot be taken seriously.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 12:53     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The red flag to me is that you're comparing him to your ex.



Op here- not comparing, just giving an example. Trust me, no part of me would ever desire to be with my ex again lol I was just using that as an example. My best friends husband seems to constantly hang out with his best friend from high school and leave her with the baby so I guess I shouldn't complain. I honestly was just curious as I'm the complete opposite and I even grew up with my dad still having bi weekly "guys night" with his college buddies.


You are so not over your ex. You lol is very telling. Please don't marry your fiance. You are not in love with him. You are only 28. You have time to find another guy whom you will truly love. You do not need to rush into this to keep up with your friends, you do not need to get married to meet some arbitrary "by 30" deadline you created for yourself when you were 19, you do not need to do this to have babies. You have time to find the right guy and have kids with him ( if kids is what you want) this guy is not it.
Please don't do it OP. Sve yourself the pain. Save him the pain.
It's hard, but it's easier to break up an engagement than it is a marriage.


Op here- omg what? Where are you even getting ANY of that from? My ex and I had such a toxic relationship. He worked in law enforcement and was so controlling and emotionally abusive. I got out way later then I should have. So NO, I am not still into my ex. I love my fiancé. We have 0 issues at all and he's perfect for me. I wouldn't leave him because he has no friends. I was just truly curious if this was normal for anyone else's husband or boyfriend or whatever. I'm definitely more social then he is and that's never been an issue because when I do want to go out with friends, he's fine coming along. It always just made me a bit sad that he didn't have his own buddies to hang out with but I guess it can be normal for some people.


You have zero issues except this one thing that you just had to query DCUM about LOLz. Yeah right lady!. It's your life but please consider holding of on kids for 5 years, so you won't have to drag them through your divorce.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 12:42     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Fiancé and I have been together for 2.5 years now. Since I've known him, he's pretty much had no friends besides two guys that he sees maybe every 3-5 months. He works 60 hours a week and come the weekend, doesn't want to do anything. I on the other hand, love to go grab dinner and drinks with some of my friends and their boyfriends or husbands. When we go out, he has a good time and is friendly with my best friends husband but not to the level of hanging out by themselves. He honesty doesn't care that he doesn't really have any friends but this bothers me. He thinks it's not a big deal but for some reason it just really bothers me. We spend a lot of weekends just going out together and running errands and grabbing dinner. Probably 1-2 weekends a month we go out with one of my couple friends. Would this bother anyone else? I want him to have his own set of friends that I can get to know and we can go out with or just friends he can go have guy time with. Is this a red flag or do some guys just truly not care about having close friends?


I want everyone 2 see this. The fiance does have friends.

OP, is upset because he's not going out drinking with his buddies every weeken like her ex used to do. I'm not mking up the part about the ex she mentions him in her posts at 22:18 and 22:24

It's OP with the issues and she's projecting them onto her fiance.


Op here- lol no. I'm not upset that he's not out drinking every weekend. If he was, that would be its own issue. The two guys I mentioned are literally in their 40s (fiancé is 27) and are more like family friends he grew up with that are friends of his dads. So yes they are "friends" but not really. And when I say that he sees them every 3-5 months, I mean he literally sees them at the grocery store or gas station and chats for 10 minutes type of thing. Last time he hung out with one of them was back in November when he helped one work on his truck.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 12:40     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The red flag to me is that you're comparing him to your ex.



Op here- not comparing, just giving an example. Trust me, no part of me would ever desire to be with my ex again lol I was just using that as an example. My best friends husband seems to constantly hang out with his best friend from high school and leave her with the baby so I guess I shouldn't complain. I honestly was just curious as I'm the complete opposite and I even grew up with my dad still having bi weekly "guys night" with his college buddies.


You are so not over your ex. You lol is very telling. Please don't marry your fiance. You are not in love with him. You are only 28. You have time to find another guy whom you will truly love. You do not need to rush into this to keep up with your friends, you do not need to get married to meet some arbitrary "by 30" deadline you created for yourself when you were 19, you do not need to do this to have babies. You have time to find the right guy and have kids with him ( if kids is what you want) this guy is not it.
Please don't do it OP. Sve yourself the pain. Save him the pain.
It's hard, but it's easier to break up an engagement than it is a marriage.


Op here- omg what? Where are you even getting ANY of that from? My ex and I had such a toxic relationship. He worked in law enforcement and was so controlling and emotionally abusive. I got out way later then I should have. So NO, I am not still into my ex. I love my fiancé. We have 0 issues at all and he's perfect for me. I wouldn't leave him because he has no friends. I was just truly curious if this was normal for anyone else's husband or boyfriend or whatever. I'm definitely more social then he is and that's never been an issue because when I do want to go out with friends, he's fine coming along. It always just made me a bit sad that he didn't have his own buddies to hang out with but I guess it can be normal for some people.


It's the DCUM armchair Dr Phils. Just laugh and disregard
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 12:40     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
My DH is like that. He is a great guy and is sociable but is equally content with his own company. I love that about him.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 12:39     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:DH had very few friends when we met. Yes, it's a red flag. It's clearly already bothering you and I will tell you from experience, once you have kids, the social connections for your entire family will fall on you. Now, this is pretty common that women run the family social life, however, a DH w/o friends is likely someone who has some social deficiencies and that can be a huge stressor. At least it is for me.


Doesn't matter. My DH was very social and had tons of friends but once kids are in picture its moms and moms alone who drive social calendar -- trust me he had tried but all the moms just think he is an odd duck and coordinate with me
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2017 12:37     Subject: He pretty much has no friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The red flag to me is that you're comparing him to your ex.



Op here- not comparing, just giving an example. Trust me, no part of me would ever desire to be with my ex again lol I was just using that as an example. My best friends husband seems to constantly hang out with his best friend from high school and leave her with the baby so I guess I shouldn't complain. I honestly was just curious as I'm the complete opposite and I even grew up with my dad still having bi weekly "guys night" with his college buddies.


You are so not over your ex. You lol is very telling. Please don't marry your fiance. You are not in love with him. You are only 28. You have time to find another guy whom you will truly love. You do not need to rush into this to keep up with your friends, you do not need to get married to meet some arbitrary "by 30" deadline you created for yourself when you were 19, you do not need to do this to have babies. You have time to find the right guy and have kids with him ( if kids is what you want) this guy is not it.
Please don't do it OP. Sve yourself the pain. Save him the pain.
It's hard, but it's easier to break up an engagement than it is a marriage.


Op here- omg what? Where are you even getting ANY of that from? My ex and I had such a toxic relationship. He worked in law enforcement and was so controlling and emotionally abusive. I got out way later then I should have. So NO, I am not still into my ex. I love my fiancé. We have 0 issues at all and he's perfect for me. I wouldn't leave him because he has no friends. I was just truly curious if this was normal for anyone else's husband or boyfriend or whatever. I'm definitely more social then he is and that's never been an issue because when I do want to go out with friends, he's fine coming along. It always just made me a bit sad that he didn't have his own buddies to hang out with but I guess it can be normal for some people.