Anonymous wrote:Infertility sucks. IVF sucks. If you want to choose whether to have a boy or a girl - and have the luxury of male and female embryos from which to choose - do it.

I would agreed with this, but her husband doesn't want to. I see this as more a marital issue more than a sex selection one. If they can't agree on whether or not to do it, I'd say the default decision is to just not do it.

We did not sex select or find out sex during pregnancy. IVF is so calculated that there are no real surprises. Not knowing the sex was the surprise we COULD control in a very uncontrolled situation.

Anonymous wrote:Infertility sucks. IVF sucks. If you want to choose whether to have a boy or a girl - and have the luxury of male and female embryos from which to choose - do it.

I agree! I had 2 frozen PGS tested embryos after 2 retreivals and 16 eggs being fertilized; 8 making it to testing. Ugh! We chose not to choose with the first. We really thought it was (and maybe wanted?) a girl. Surprise! It's a boy! Of course we are thrilled to be parents and I couldn't love my son more but I needed to know the sex before the 2nd transfer (still haven't done FET but planning ahead) and it is also a boy! We really wanted a daughter so I'm glad we found out and could grieve before our hopeful next pregnancy. Obviously at this point I am grateful to have a chance a second. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:If your husband doesnt want to youd do it anyway!?!??

I have two boys and am in love. Wouldn't trade it. You'll love whatever you have. Don't play God.

Too late...

They create and conceive embryos in a lab, followed by gender testing to decide on the best quality collection of cells, but choosing the baby’s sex is “playing god” Really?

I chose. My first was natural, so no choice, and I really didn't care. My DH had a preference, so if anything, I was hoping he'd get his preference. For the IVF baby, I did have a preference. And it turned out to be different than what I thought it would have been if you'd asked me pre-kids. I certainly would have been happy with either. DH didn't have a significant preference and we were generally aligned anyway, so it was pretty easy. Definitely don't regret it. There are plenty of bad reasons to choose, but also some innocuous and/or good reasons, too.

Plus - PP who pointed out that someone is choosing, is correct. Even if I didn't have a preference, I think I'd flip a coin and instruct the docs, so I knew no one else was making the decision for what I consider unethical reasons (possibly overboard, but I'd find it creepy to have someone else decide for me - not judging others who don't care though). Or I'd be certain the sex info wasn't provided by the testing lab at all.

I also think the question of whether people generally should be allowed to choose, is quite a bit different than examining the ethics of a single person's actual choice or decision not to choose.

Infertility sucks. IVF sucks. If you want to choose whether to have a boy or a girl - and have the luxury of male and female embryos from which to choose - do it.

We were never able to make blasts, so never got the chance to PGS, but, we did manage to end up with the only girl out of 12 grandchildren. We were also never able to have a second even with more IVF... but sometimes I think that at least I got my girl. The ONLY girl, and she’s mine. And that makes me feel better when I see our families popping out babies with zero effort. So you know, do what makes you happy. Infertility sucks, IVF sucks, all of it sucks. If getting your preferred sex makes it suck a tiny bit less and you have the embryos to spare, then go for it.

Girl, boy, whatever. Whatever YOU want is fine.

My friend is one of 3 girls, she’s always dreamed of having girls. She has 6 embryos ready to implant and they are all male. She’s disappointed but just so happy to be a mother (she has a son from the same batch already)

Anonymous wrote:I decided not only not to participate in PGS testing but to not find out the gender until birth. I just felt that there were so many knowns going through IVF that there had to be a surprise. Also, I figured a happy and healthy baby regardless of gender is better than no baby at all. Our DS was born happy and healthy in 2018 and we are now pregnant with Baby #2. No PGS testing and still waiting until birth to determine the gender. Both through SGF.

Same situation. We wanted a surprise after all the planning that goes into IVF. We were happy to let the embryologists choose (our two PGS normals were the same quality) and didn’t find out the sex at all during the pregnancy of our first (a son). Now pregnant with the second and taking the same approach. It has been a little harder not knowing the sex this time around but definitely makes delivery even more exciting. Definitely don’t regret our decision.

What did you end up doing, OP? I say go for it. I have a sister whom I love to pieces, and I ended up a mom of two girls. I couldn’t be happier! My kiddos were naturally conceived but had I been doing IVF, I would have chosen the same. IME with tons of friends with all sorts of combos, siblings of the same gender, especially ones that aren’t super closely spaced (2yrs or less - they could get competitive with each other as they grow up), tend to have the tightest and most special bond. Boy-girl 5yrs apart? Not as much, although of course it depends on a lot of factors and family dynamics and frankly, some luck too. We are done having kids, but had we gone for the 3rd, I would’ve preferred another girl. And by the way, my girls are not all that girly: they are athletic, adventurous and fearless.