Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

Totally disagree. And I have a fairly gentle boy, and a fairly rough-and-ready girl, but there are clearly innate differences that are not socialization. DD is a little nurturer with her dolls, sushing them and putting them down to sleep, and ds just wants to build bridges all over the house. Of course each kid is individual and I support the idea that everyone should "be who they are", but I don't see how you can have any experience with children and say gender differences are strictly due to socialization.

But don't you understand your girl is not representative of all girls? I have two - one sounds just like your boy and one sounds just like your girl. I don't go around saying "Oh all older girls are rough and ready and younger girls are nurturing." Also, sometimes in different scenarios they sort of swap "preferences". Which leads me to feel even more strongly that you can't lock them into specific characterizations like that.

I have no idea what you're trying to say. Of course I don't think my girl is representative of all girls. And my girl is the younger one, fwiw. That's my whole point - they are who they are. And if you spend time with groups of boys and groups of girls, it seems clear that there are innate gender differences that cannot be ascribed strictly to socialization. Of course there are individual variations within those groups, but that doesn't change the general point.

Actually, for most of the things that can be studied, the inter-gender range is greater than the differences between the sexes. One can say that "on average" boys are X or girls are Y, but that tells you very little about a given individual. And a lot of things we think we know are just the result of confirmation bias. I'm certain that there are some hard-wired differences, but I find that pretty useless in terms of dealing with actual children.

Anonymous wrote:It's so weird to me to hear so many DCUMers say gender differences are innate because you guys are also so defensive about working outside the home. Like if women are the weaker/gentler/more nurturing sex then why not let your men go out and earn the money while you stay home and raise your children? Why expect the same promotions and treatment at work?

The desire to contribute to one's family is not a male vs female thing. I know many sahmwho find ways to contribute financially whether through part time work or economizing, etc.
No one said women are weaker. The fact is males and females re different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#boymom is the new "he's ALL BOY," which is to say, just sheer ridiculousness.

I think phrases like these are helpful, though, because then I know to stay far away from the person using those phrases.

Since schools are trying to turn them into girls it is an accomplishment for them to still be boys by middle school.

#allboy

Exactly! They force them to have a whole month devoted to women's history! What's the value in that!?

I tell ya, we're turning 'em into sissies.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I think DCUM overthinks things. At least among those in my FB feed who use hashtags, they often come across as little self-deprecating or humorous points.

Stereotypically, a house full of girls isn't going to have arm-fart contests. A dad of all girls is more likely to have his kids painting his toenails pink than a dad of all boys. It may be nature it may be nurture, it's just observations. I see similar things from families with one child versus families with three or more kids. Seriously, stop overthinking this stuff!

My girls have real fart contests. They are 10 and 13. I wouldn't admit this anywhere except here. But a boy mom would be proud of it. I suppose that's a perfect example of socialization.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy moms are judged all the time and this thread show it.

I judge people who wear dumb t-shirts and use dumb hashtags. I don't give a hoot about moms who have boys.

I am sure if you judge a tshirt you judge a kid not sitting still in a restaurant, or throwing things in their house.

If the parent isn't taking appropriate measures to squash that behavior in the moment, then yes, I judge that. Are you saying that it's not possible to behave in a restaurant if you're a boy? or that boys are the only ones who throw things in the house?

Anonymous wrote:#boymom is the new "he's ALL BOY," which is to say, just sheer ridiculousness.

I think phrases like these are helpful, though, because then I know to stay far away from the person using those phrases.

Since schools are trying to turn them into girls it is an accomplishment for them to still be boys by middle school.

#allboy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy moms are judged all the time and this thread show it.

I judge people who wear dumb t-shirts and use dumb hashtags. I don't give a hoot about moms who have boys.

I am sure if you judge a tshirt you judge a kid not sitting still in a restaurant, or throwing things in their house.

Anonymous wrote:What I think is strange is that the people who are posting #boymom are usually only raising boys, and have no idea if that parenting experience is unique to raising that particular gender. They're just using some kind of characterization or stereotype to back into what they think a parenting experience for that gender is supposed to be.

That's why it's dumb.

I was a nanny for 15+ years. There is absolutely a difference between boys and girls. Why do you need them to be innately the same when they aren't?

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 of each gender and there is absolutely noticeable gender differences…what a strange question?

I have one of each and there is a definite noticeable difference with some things.

My 11 year old likes glitter, cute things (stuffed animals with big eyes, journals with unicorns on them, shirts with girl sayings on them (Girl Power), stereotypical girl colors (turquoise, pink, purple), and decorating things for hours on end (washi tape, decorative duct tape). She would not watch sports tv. She would never ask for a Lego set for a gift (other than the Friends series and even that she didn't really LOVE - though she will, on occasion, free play with Lego pieces WITH her brother). She wouldn't touch things like frogs, turtles or cicadas.

My almost 10 year old boy likes Lego building, watching baseball, playing baseball, watching football, playing football, touching things like frogs, turtles, and cicadas.

There are also loads of things they both like, but as said above, there IS a definite gender difference. The would both cooks, make slime, read, play with friends, play a game, go camping, go to a local creek to throw rocks into it, go fishing, swim, etc. Look at your kids' Christmas lists...you really see no noticeable gender difference!?!?

#boymom is the new "he's ALL BOY," which is to say, just sheer ridiculousness.

I think phrases like these are helpful, though, because then I know to stay far away from the person using those phrases.

I didn't have any interest in raising a girl either and now I have two and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

Wrong!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy who is older, and who plays with a lot of girls, and yes - there are (generalized) differences! Things like risk taking, style of play, physicality, noise, when certain types of maturity occur, etc... It's real. It's not all kids, but it's a generalization that bears weight in lots of cases. So I guess I am a #boymom.

Would I ever write that hashtag on Facebook or something? No way. That seems icky. Like showing a photo of my new concealer and saying #onlyforladiez - I mean sure, mostly for ladies, but that's not the entire truth!

When I've noted differences aloud to closer friends or neighbors, I usually say "I hate to generalize" or "This probably is just my experience" and 9 out of 10 times the other person say "Oh. No. I see it. It's real." They just don't hashtag it!

Nope. It's socialization.

Wrong!

I honestly have no interest in raising a girl.

Anonymous wrote:Boy moms are judged all the time and this thread show it.

I judge people who wear dumb t-shirts and use dumb hashtags. I don't give a hoot about moms who have boys.