Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PP who told his kids their mother cheated it a dirtbag. I can totally see why she cheated. My ex husband cheated. My kids were 3 and 7 at the time. They are 28 and 24 now. They have no idea that their father cheated. All they know is that we weren't very good as husband and wife. They know that we both love them. We were both able to remain civil during our separation and divorce. I couldn't stay married to him after I found out about the cheating. But I wasn't about to allow it to further hurt my children. The divorce was tough enough.

Being an adult and a parent means putting aside your own petty need to prove you are right. It means rising above the need for revenge. Good parents protect their children from unnecessary pain. My ex cheated. I couldn't control that. But I did have control over my actions. I chose to take the high road and I have never regretted it.

Good for you. You did it right.

My dad cheated, my parents divorced. My mom made it clear every time I saw her that my dad and his cheating was the reason for divorce. It got to the point I just couldn't be around mom anymore. When you tear into my dad (or my mom) you tear into me (that's how it feels to kids, trust me on this).

Sorry to derail the thread. I liked to OP's topic better, the hot mom in lingerie pining over the neighbor, far more entertaining!

Yup.

Im the poster up thread who had a cheating XDH and instead of taking poor dysfunctional advice from DCUM in how to handle kids in a divorce, all four of us saw a therapist together to make sure the split was as painless as it could be. NEVER EVER once did this family thesrspist tell us that it was healthy to subject our kids to the gruesome details of our divorce. We assured the kids that we both loved them dearly and spent time visualizing what it would be like living in separate households. We made it clear to them that they were in no wsy to blam for our failure to remain married. The therapist warned us NOT to harbor bitterness and rancor and not to use the kids as emotional weapons, much like the sour posters here so aptly demonstrate. This kind of stunted emotional behavior backfires.

XDH and I live ,75 miles apart and the kids can bike between houses. We both show up at nearly every sporting/school event and often have to coordinate being at two places at one time. Putting the kids needs before my ego has been critical for their healthy growth. Its been 10 years and never once have the asked for any details. They know they have 2 parents who love them and their world is a secure one. The best thing we ever did was the second we decided to split, first stop was a family therapist to help us put the kids first. I assure you, the peanut gallery doesn't have sound advice. No therapist is going to sanction kids being used as weapins.

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, back to your subject here.

If all your interest in the 'dad' is sexual then there is no way you should sex with him. The close proximity will blow it all up eventually. AND, right now it's a real possibility that your husband knows you are attracted to the single dad although maybe not to the full extent. If you change that to knowing the other man in the proverbial biblical sense your body language etc. will likely be impossible to control so that added personal familiarity will be seen by him and the neighbors. This is TOO CLOSE to home!

+1

You just need to stay away from this dad. Limit your contact as much as possible. The obsession will die down the less you interact with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PP who told his kids their mother cheated it a dirtbag. I can totally see why she cheated. My ex husband cheated. My kids were 3 and 7 at the time. They are 28 and 24 now. They have no idea that their father cheated. All they know is that we weren't very good as husband and wife. They know that we both love them. We were both able to remain civil during our separation and divorce. I couldn't stay married to him after I found out about the cheating. But I wasn't about to allow it to further hurt my children. The divorce was tough enough.

Being an adult and a parent means putting aside your own petty need to prove you are right. It means rising above the need for revenge. Good parents protect their children from unnecessary pain. My ex cheated. I couldn't control that. But I did have control over my actions. I chose to take the high road and I have never regretted it.

Good for you. You did it right.

My dad cheated, my parents divorced. My mom made it clear every time I saw her that my dad and his cheating was the reason for divorce. It got to the point I just couldn't be around mom anymore. When you tear into my dad (or my mom) you tear into me (that's how it feels to kids, trust me on this).

Sorry to derail the thread. I liked to OP's topic better, the hot mom in lingerie pining over the neighbor, far more entertaining!

I had a friend who found out about mothers infidelity from the wife of the guy she cheated with. I expect this would also happen if spouse cheated within social circle. You can't protect the kids forever.

My MIL and FIL did what pp did trie to hide the real reason for their divorce well beyond what was reasonable. They found out later both my husband and his sister felt lied to and felt it was something they should have been told.

+1

It's their lives, too.

When the needs of your genitalia over ride your family, you don't get to hide behind lies.

If you are unhappy in marriage- therapy and then divorce. It's not hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PP who told his kids their mother cheated it a dirtbag. I can totally see why she cheated. My ex husband cheated. My kids were 3 and 7 at the time. They are 28 and 24 now. They have no idea that their father cheated. All they know is that we weren't very good as husband and wife. They know that we both love them. We were both able to remain civil during our separation and divorce. I couldn't stay married to him after I found out about the cheating. But I wasn't about to allow it to further hurt my children. The divorce was tough enough.

Being an adult and a parent means putting aside your own petty need to prove you are right. It means rising above the need for revenge. Good parents protect their children from unnecessary pain. My ex cheated. I couldn't control that. But I did have control over my actions. I chose to take the high road and I have never regretted it.

Good for you. You did it right.

My dad cheated, my parents divorced. My mom made it clear every time I saw her that my dad and his cheating was the reason for divorce. It got to the point I just couldn't be around mom anymore. When you tear into my dad (or my mom) you tear into me (that's how it feels to kids, trust me on this).

Sorry to derail the thread. I liked to OP's topic better, the hot mom in lingerie pining over the neighbor, far more entertaining!

I had a friend who found out about mothers infidelity from the wife of the guy she cheated with. I expect this would also happen if spouse cheated within social circle. You can't protect the kids forever.

My MIL and FIL did what pp did trie to hide the real reason for their divorce well beyond what was reasonable. They found out later both my husband and his sister felt lied to and felt it was something they should have been told.

Anonymous wrote:The PP who told his kids their mother cheated it a dirtbag. I can totally see why she cheated. My ex husband cheated. My kids were 3 and 7 at the time. They are 28 and 24 now. They have no idea that their father cheated. All they know is that we weren't very good as husband and wife. They know that we both love them. We were both able to remain civil during our separation and divorce. I couldn't stay married to him after I found out about the cheating. But I wasn't about to allow it to further hurt my children. The divorce was tough enough.

Being an adult and a parent means putting aside your own petty need to prove you are right. It means rising above the need for revenge. Good parents protect their children from unnecessary pain. My ex cheated. I couldn't control that. But I did have control over my actions. I chose to take the high road and I have never regretted it.

You are completely deluded if you think they don't know or suspect the real reason for the divorce at their ages.

Anonymous wrote:Threads like this occasionally freak me out a little because it just goes to show even if you're in a happy, thriving marriage the foundation of that only ever relies on your spouse NOT putting a few minutes of strange sex ahead of *everything you've built together.* I mean it is really shocking how many people with good lives have to come here and be scolded into not f*cking them up for sex with some random school parent. It's all so precarious.

Don't take it so seriously. I often post drivel as performance art. I collect responses for a book I'm writing.

Children absolutely have a right to know if one of their parents cheated and caused the destruction of their family.

A family and a person is a sick as their secrets.

That doesn't mean the non cheating spouse should constantly harp on the cheater to their kids for the rest of their lives.

Cheaters don't get to selfishly ruin the lives of their family and then pretend it didn't happen.

Cheaters LOVE to put their emotional and sexual needs before their kids- and avoid consequences and responsibility.

If you don't want your kids to know you are a cheater: don't cheat.

If your spouse murdered another human and was sentenced to life in prison, would you lie to your kids and make up a reason why they were gone? No. No matter how painful, you'd have to be honest.

Kids are ultra pissed when they find out they have been lied to about things that affect their childhood and lives.

The cheater and the apologists here want secrets to be kept within a family because it's hurtful.

No, what's hurtful is for a parent to selfishly put their needs before their family and then everyone to pretend it never happened.

It's a fantasy that has the potential to ruin your life.

And your kids lives...

Why do that for a fantasy?

Anonymous wrote:Threads like this occasionally freak me out a little because it just goes to show even if you're in a happy, thriving marriage the foundation of that only ever relies on your spouse NOT putting a few minutes of strange sex ahead of *everything you've built together.* I mean it is really shocking how many people with good lives have to come here and be scolded into not f*cking them up for sex with some random school parent. It's all so precarious.

I felt the same way as you. Until my wife lost interest in sex. Then I totally empathized with cheaters.

Walk a mile, then judge

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids will end up hating you because dh will tell them someday. Work with your DH. This guy might be attractive, but believe me he has his faults.

Yep, I did. Wife cheated, when kids asked why I told them. When they were younger I didn't say much but that their mom liked someone better than me. When they got older I told them. No point in hiding it, it's the truth. Don't do stuff if you're not prepared for the consequences and the the truth.

You're sick. My DH cheated on me in no way in HELL would I burden my children with that. Jesus, what a selfish prick you are. You are a real piece of shit.

NP. Boy, this is an emotional angry response. You really wish you could tell them don't you? Therapy, lady.

Misdirected anger at it's finest. PP thinks she's protecting her kids, but in reality she's trying to protect herself if she can keep up the picture of perfection she won't have to deal with the fact her husband IS a cheater.
Yes is he hasn't and won't stop.

How do I know this? My dad cheated on my mom. She didn't tell us, no she was like you and pretended. I found out anyway.

Follow along please. The woman is divorced. Don't cha think she realized he wouldn't stop when she decided to divorce him?

Keep up!

I'm the guy that originally posted I told my kids. When they were younger I didn't tell them, just that mommy didn't love me anymore. Probably wrong.

When they got older I told them. It was the truth, I'm an honest person and try not to lie. They asked the real reason and I told them. That is the fact, she's a cheater.

I moved on but they hated their step-mom and I had to tell them the reason I moved on. It is what it is. Protecting kids from reality doesn't help them when they get older. That's why we have whiny college kids and young adults. Most have a hard time facing the truth and a lot of times it's brutal and unforgiving. The world is a shitty place and people are shitty to you more often than not, that's life. Anyways, their opinion of their step-mom has changed so that's one positive outcome.

Dad of the year here! Using manupulation to paint the step mom in a more favorable light.

NP. Lol. Spoken like a liar and a cheat. Telling the truth is never manipulation. Hiding the truth so they think you didn't break up their family is manipulating them to like you based on false premises. Call it what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids will end up hating you because dh will tell them someday. Work with your DH. This guy might be attractive, but believe me he has his faults.

Yep, I did. Wife cheated, when kids asked why I told them. When they were younger I didn't say much but that their mom liked someone better than me. When they got older I told them. No point in hiding it, it's the truth. Don't do stuff if you're not prepared for the consequences and the the truth.

You're sick. My DH cheated on me in no way in HELL would I burden my children with that. Jesus, what a selfish prick you are. You are a real piece of shit.

NP. Boy, this is an emotional angry response. You really wish you could tell them don't you? Therapy, lady.

Misdirected anger at it's finest. PP thinks she's protecting her kids, but in reality she's trying to protect herself if she can keep up the picture of perfection she won't have to deal with the fact her husband IS a cheater.
Yes is he hasn't and won't stop.

How do I know this? My dad cheated on my mom. She didn't tell us, no she was like you and pretended. I found out anyway.

Follow along please. The woman is divorced. Don't cha think she realized he wouldn't stop when she decided to divorce him?

Keep up!

I'm the guy that originally posted I told my kids. When they were younger I didn't tell them, just that mommy didn't love me anymore. Probably wrong.

When they got older I told them. It was the truth, I'm an honest person and try not to lie. They asked the real reason and I told them. That is the fact, she's a cheater.

I moved on but they hated their step-mom and I had to tell them the reason I moved on. It is what it is. Protecting kids from reality doesn't help them when they get older. That's why we have whiny college kids and young adults. Most have a hard time facing the truth and a lot of times it's brutal and unforgiving. The world is a shitty place and people are shitty to you more often than not, that's life. Anyways, their opinion of their step-mom has changed so that's one positive outcome.

So you threw your kids' mom under the bus to make them like their step mom more. You still f*cking suck.

NP. No, the cheating ex-wife threw herself, her marriage and her kids under the bus. You probably did too, judging by your extreme reaction to PP. You f*cking suck.

Anonymous wrote:Threads like this occasionally freak me out a little because it just goes to show even if you're in a happy, thriving marriage the foundation of that only ever relies on your spouse NOT putting a few minutes of strange sex ahead of *everything you've built together.* I mean it is really shocking how many people with good lives have to come here and be scolded into not f*cking them up for sex with some random school parent. It's all so precarious.

Well, her spouse isn't giving her second so the temptation is understandable.

Anonymous wrote:Threads like this occasionally freak me out a little because it just goes to show even if you're in a happy, thriving marriage the foundation of that only ever relies on your spouse NOT putting a few minutes of strange sex ahead of *everything you've built together.* I mean it is really shocking how many people with good lives have to come here and be scolded into not f*cking them up for sex with some random school parent. It's all so precarious.

Lack of foundation, immature, and downright creepy.

Threads like this occasionally freak me out a little because it just goes to show even if you're in a happy, thriving marriage the foundation of that only ever relies on your spouse NOT putting a few minutes of strange sex ahead of *everything you've built together.* I mean it is really shocking how many people with good lives have to come here and be scolded into not f*cking them up for sex with some random school parent. It's all so precarious.