Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 13:17     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know lots of men are willing to get snipped, but my DH is not one of them. He would prefer for me to have a tubal ligation after I have our final child in a couple of months. My OB says that I 100% should not have more children due to the health risks, and that our only two safe options are tubal ligation and vasectomy. Between these, the OB doesn't understand why DH would ever want to put my body through anything else since tube "tying" is more invasive than a vasectomy, etc.

I shared all of this with DH, who said that my female OB and I "just don't understand how men feel about these things." He then started in on how the incisions wouldn't even be that big for me, etc., so I said we should just talk about it in a couple of weeks. Short of withholding his beloved oral, how can I get him to come around? Have others had success with logic when dealing with so-called "manly men"?



Great idea. Withhold sex to force he to make a life changing decision. Your OB said YOU shouldn't have more kids; not that HE shouldn't have more. Great idea just withhold sex until he leaves you.


A vasectomy can be reversed, it's not like they cut it off. If they get divorced, he reverses it. In the meantime, does he want to preserve the possibility of impregnating an AP or something?
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 13:12     Subject: Re:Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Wow, that is really selfish. Is he selfish about everything? Or is it just this issue? This would REALLY bother me - it seems like he doesn't value your health or well being at all.

Does he understand the vasectomy can be reversed? Reversal is a simple outpatient procedure too.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 13:01     Subject: Re:Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
I'm sorry OP.

After we had our last, DH volunteered to get a vasectomy. He said: "You've put your body through enough for us to have sex without pregnancy when we didn't want kids, and then you put your body through a lot to have our children. It's my turn."

and then, it was incredibly easy. Like, he took off the rest of they day and that was it. Mild soreness for like half a day--probably not even as bad as the first day of my period.

Your husband is being a selfish dick. sorry.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:53     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would go ahead and get my tubes tied.

And your DH is an ass.


OP here. That is what it is looking like. I brought it up again this morning, and DH pretty much blamed me for even raising it and not being eligible for "easier birth control options." I am pretty annoyed, since it wasn't exactly my idea to have permanent health problems (three vascular surgeries, an above average blood clot risk, and the need to take blood thinners) from bearing our children.

I also think that, putting those issues aside entirely, I did 10+ years of switching from brand to brand of the pill for one that didn't lead to breakthrough bleeding, followed by 5 years that involved 6 IUIs, 3 IVF cycles, and a bunch of FETs. When I said as much, he said "you don't even understand how selfish you sound right now."


I would have difficulty staying married to such a person, much less being intimate with him.


This is terrible, I wouldn't have sex with him until he got it. Not much to lose at this point with such a dh.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:49     Subject: Re:Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would divorce over this. I'm not kidding.


Well, and he would go off and get married and have new kids with his new young wife - which is the real reason men don't do this. They don't want to give up their fertility which can last into their 70's and maybe beyond.


they want to optionality to have more children with their next wife. just in case of divorce. just in case, of course.


That's is less than 1% of the entire male population's reasoning. However about 50% of the women in this situation assume or accuse the man of that reasoning. The bottom line is, there is only one reason we ever want anyone going in our pants.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:45     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:I'm pregnant with our last kid, and I've told DH that unless I'm having a c-section (in which case I'll do the tubal ligation), he needs to get a vasectomy.


I think this is reasonable but might go over better if handled more gently than described.

I would tell him I made an appointment for you with the urologist for (date: appox 6 weeks after baby is due). If It turns out I need a c-section, I'll cancel your appt. Otherwise, it's up to you to either keep that appointment or stock up on condoms. He will come around eventually.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:41     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:Another person who would consider divorce.

If my husband watched me go through what I've been through with pregnancy and didn't volunteer for this when we decided we were done having children I don't even know what I would do. It would be so grossly inconsiderate and unfair.

You seem pretty a-ok with it, more mildly annoyed than viscerally angry OP. Its your life but I'd value myself more than you seem to. This is like...a character flaw which means he values his own body SIGNIFICANTLY more than yours (because the risks in this case are so lopsided). This would be a marriage risking fight for me.


His body, his choice, amirite?
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:33     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:So why not wait and see if the baby is delivered naturally. If the baby comes via c-section, getting tubes tied right then is more simple than a vasectomy.


While agree that OPs husband is a selfish ass, this could be a good compromise. You agree to get tubes tied during a c-section, otherwise he has to get the vasectomy.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:27     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Another person who would consider divorce.

If my husband watched me go through what I've been through with pregnancy and didn't volunteer for this when we decided we were done having children I don't even know what I would do. It would be so grossly inconsiderate and unfair.

You seem pretty a-ok with it, more mildly annoyed than viscerally angry OP. Its your life but I'd value myself more than you seem to. This is like...a character flaw which means he values his own body SIGNIFICANTLY more than yours (because the risks in this case are so lopsided). This would be a marriage risking fight for me.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:27     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
So why not wait and see if the baby is delivered naturally. If the baby comes via c-section, getting tubes tied right then is more simple than a vasectomy.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:26     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would go ahead and get my tubes tied.

And your DH is an ass.


OP here. That is what it is looking like. I brought it up again this morning, and DH pretty much blamed me for even raising it and not being eligible for "easier birth control options." I am pretty annoyed, since it wasn't exactly my idea to have permanent health problems (three vascular surgeries, an above average blood clot risk, and the need to take blood thinners) from bearing our children.

I also think that, putting those issues aside entirely, I did 10+ years of switching from brand to brand of the pill for one that didn't lead to breakthrough bleeding, followed by 5 years that involved 6 IUIs, 3 IVF cycles, and a bunch of FETs. When I said as much, he said "you don't even understand how selfish you sound right now."


I would have difficulty staying married to such a person, much less being intimate with him.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:26     Subject: Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
I'm pregnant with our last kid, and I've told DH that unless I'm having a c-section (in which case I'll do the tubal ligation), he needs to get a vasectomy.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:24     Subject: Re:Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:I would divorce over this. I'm not kidding.


+1

I would question whether my DH cared for me and my health at all.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:21     Subject: Re:Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Mine had one 35 years ago when I was pregnant with number 2.

All I said was either you get clipped or I stay pregnant with UTIs. If he had not done it we would have 5 or more kids today. I was fertile Myrtle and he was alpha male sperm.

No regrets.

Anonymous
Post 05/18/2017 12:11     Subject: Re:Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would divorce over this. I'm not kidding.


Well, and he would go off and get married and have new kids with his new young wife - which is the real reason men don't do this. They don't want to give up their fertility which can last into their 70's and maybe beyond.


they want to optionality to have more children with their next wife. just in case of divorce. just in case, of course.


I would notbstay married to any man who thought this way. WTF?