There are a lot of Pollyannas in this thread.

Listen, at one point in my marriage, I was planning to leave my spouse as soon as I felt the kids were old enough. I started putting money away in a separate account and did this for many years. At some point in that period of time, I kind of started to develop better feelings towards my spouse and decided to stay. I told my spouse about the account. I lied about the reasons why. He was suspicious, but it blew over.

OP, I bet you dollars to donuts that your husband was putting that aside for himself to use in the event of your marriage dissolving. Maybe he is planning to stay now or maybe there's another less rosy reason that he has disclosed this to you. Either way, I would be more vigilant if I were you. The only way I was able to start as much cash as I did for years is because my husband is basically financially illiterate and has delegated management of the finances to me. You need to wake up and be a participant in the financial life of your family, otherwise you may be caught off guard one day.

Anonymous wrote:Get your name on the bank account. If he balks then that raises questions. Since that money wasn't from an inheritance, gift or $ he had before marriage, you own half of it.

I was the first PP and said the same thing. Get your name on there. If something happened to him how would you have known this account existed? And now that you do know it exists, your name needs to be on it so that there is no issue should something happen to him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has about $300,000 worth of stock in it. I didn't know about this account. He says it is for "us". But if that was so, then why do I not know about it? This all came to light when we were talking about budgeting and how to spend less on the credit card. We have minimal debt, other than the house payment but dh worries about it. That's when he mentioned that account. It's not retirement or college account. It is just sitting there. Meanwhile, I've been scrimping and saving to pay for kids activities, etc, nevermind clothing or whatever for me. All this time that money was there. He says he just didn't think to lay everything out and it wasn't purposeful. He has always been tight with money but I didn't think of him as being dishonest. Would you be upset about this?

I work full time. My paycheck goes into the joint account. He knows where my money is. It feels unfair.

1. "It's not a retirement or college account" - The account can be used for retirement or college. It might not be designated as such but it can still be used for those purposes.
2. "All this time that money was there" - If you have been able to pay for the necessities plus activities, clothing, etc. then why does it matter if the money was there. That's probably the reason why he didn't mention it. You have been able to get by with your current income so why touch the long-term money that he has invested?

Sounds like your husband is doing a good job. He should've told you about the account, and designated you as the beneficiary but I can understand why he didn't tell you about it up until now.

Nailed it. She states in the first post that if she knew the money was there then she would have spent it

Anonymous wrote:He has about $300,000 worth of stock in it. I didn't know about this account. He says it is for "us". But if that was so, then why do I not know about it? This all came to light when we were talking about budgeting and how to spend less on the credit card. We have minimal debt, other than the house payment but dh worries about it. That's when he mentioned that account. It's not retirement or college account. It is just sitting there. Meanwhile, I've been scrimping and saving to pay for kids activities, etc, nevermind clothing or whatever for me. All this time that money was there. He says he just didn't think to lay everything out and it wasn't purposeful. He has always been tight with money but I didn't think of him as being dishonest. Would you be upset about this?

I work full time. My paycheck goes into the joint account. He knows where my money is. It feels unfair.

1. "It's not a retirement or college account" - The account can be used for retirement or college. It might not be designated as such but it can still be used for those purposes.
2. "All this time that money was there" - If you have been able to pay for the necessities plus activities, clothing, etc. then why does it matter if the money was there. That's probably the reason why he didn't mention it. You have been able to get by with your current income so why touch the long-term money that he has invested?

Sounds like your husband is doing a good job. He should've told you about the account, and designated you as the beneficiary but I can understand why he didn't tell you about it up until now.

I wouldn't freak out since he told you about it - it would be a different case if you discovered it on your own. Don't overthink this.

Anonymous wrote:OP just have him add your name and don't fuss about it.

If he won't then you have a problem.

He will probably agree to add her as a beneficiary. I don't think he wants to give her control of the account. His silence has already made that obvious.
By the way OP, do you have any plans or suggestions on what to do with the money? Since you aren't in financial need, you should just let him handle the account since he seems to be doing a good job.

If it were an inheritance he never told you about, that's one thing, but he's skimming marital assets and putting it into an account in his name only? Huge red flag.

Still not ok, but it wold be less bad if he put you on the account and just never told you about it. At least you'd get the money if he died. Wonder who he listed as beneficiary?

OP just have him add your name and don't fuss about it.

If he won't then you have a problem.

No big deal. It's not like he was hiding $300k in debt. He obviously had a separate financial life before you and didn't merge this part of it. My guess is that he wants to keep that money safe, make his own decisions about it, and doesn't trust you with spending or managing it.

Only he knows why and asking an anonymous internet message board will not give you the answer. I consider your post a vent, and that you are upset and feel unvalued in the relationship. Talk to him to figure it out.

My opinion is that since your family is getting by with current income, he didn't feel like blowing all the money that he has saved...just because it was sitting there. You'll thank him when you are planning to retire and send your kids to college.

Shady, yes, but not marriage disqualifying.

You need to have an honest conversation with him about how this revelation makes you feel. He needs to commit to be open with sharing his money situation going forward, or provide reasons why he struggles to do so. If this is difficult to handle directly, it may help hiring a therapist to get through the discussion.

Good lord, people are projecting all over the place here. Take what makes sense from the rational people on this thread, op, and ignore the rest.

DH here. I run the household finances and frequently move money into and out of accounts. Our rule is that once a quarter I send DW a balance sheet (I call it the family 10Q). It's irresponsible to have secret accounts - if I die and she doesn't know about it that money goes to the state eventually.

Anonymous wrote:I strongly doubt that your husband is saving $$ in order to divorce you since he mentioned the account on his own accord.

Still....
I would be upset w/him for keeping it secret from you.

Except we have only heard one side of the story. No doubt OP is a frivolous spender and he feels the need to protect the family with a secret savings account

I strongly doubt that your husband is saving $$ in order to divorce you since he mentioned the account on his own accord.

Still....
I would be upset w/him for keeping it secret from you.

The double standard here is hilarious