Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 19:35     Subject: OMG tween just had epic tantrum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous
+1. I can't believe so many posters are excusing this kid's behavior. Aw, poor little guy he was probably hungry, he must have been anxious, he needs to learn to talk about his feelings, etc. He is 11 years old - way too old to be hitting, kicking, AND biting! What do you think is going to happen if he gets upset and police are around. Let's say he was at the park and hit his friend and a policeman is walking by. The police tell him to walk with him to separate the kids and leads him by slightly touching him. Is he going to kick, bit, or hit the policeman? My 10 year Latino son looks like he is 12 or 13. No way in hell would I allow him to act like that anywhere. If he bit, kicked or hit me I would consider having his dad spank him a belt. He would be grounded for a month. Better for us to discipline him than get shot by a cop or arrested.


+1 I agree with you. Such a behavior at the age of 11 makes it necessary to set limits and send a clear message, and a spanking with a belt is the best way to do that. Of course it is important to talk with him in a calm manner about his misbehavior first; after that it is time for the spanking. 10-12 licks given with moderately force will make an impression without harming the boy.


Let me know when your parenting book comes out.


For an 11yo, peer relationships are going to more motivating than short term pain. Yet all the motivation in the world doesn't teach missing skills. If he doesn't have the skills to identify and cool his hot emotions. He needs to learn those skills.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 13:42     Subject: OMG tween just had epic tantrum
Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous
+1. I can't believe so many posters are excusing this kid's behavior. Aw, poor little guy he was probably hungry, he must have been anxious, he needs to learn to talk about his feelings, etc. He is 11 years old - way too old to be hitting, kicking, AND biting! What do you think is going to happen if he gets upset and police are around. Let's say he was at the park and hit his friend and a policeman is walking by. The police tell him to walk with him to separate the kids and leads him by slightly touching him. Is he going to kick, bit, or hit the policeman? My 10 year Latino son looks like he is 12 or 13. No way in hell would I allow him to act like that anywhere. If he bit, kicked or hit me I would consider having his dad spank him a belt. He would be grounded for a month. Better for us to discipline him than get shot by a cop or arrested.


+1 I agree with you. Such a behavior at the age of 11 makes it necessary to set limits and send a clear message, and a spanking with a belt is the best way to do that. Of course it is important to talk with him in a calm manner about his misbehavior first; after that it is time for the spanking. 10-12 licks given with moderately force will make an impression without harming the boy.


Let me know when your parenting book comes out.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2017 12:31     Subject: OMG tween just had epic tantrum
[quote=Anonymous
+1. I can't believe so many posters are excusing this kid's behavior. Aw, poor little guy he was probably hungry, he must have been anxious, he needs to learn to talk about his feelings, etc. He is 11 years old - way too old to be hitting, kicking, AND biting! What do you think is going to happen if he gets upset and police are around. Let's say he was at the park and hit his friend and a policeman is walking by. The police tell him to walk with him to separate the kids and leads him by slightly touching him. Is he going to kick, bit, or hit the policeman? My 10 year Latino son looks like he is 12 or 13. No way in hell would I allow him to act like that anywhere. If he bit, kicked or hit me I would consider having his dad spank him a belt. He would be grounded for a month. Better for us to discipline him than get shot by a cop or arrested.


+1 I agree with you. Such a behavior at the age of 11 makes it necessary to set limits and send a clear message, and a spanking with a belt is the best way to do that. Of course it is important to talk with him in a calm manner about his misbehavior first; after that it is time for the spanking. 10-12 licks given with moderately force will make an impression without harming the boy.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2017 14:23     Subject: OMG tween just had epic tantrum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get out the belt. Problem solved.


You are a disgusting person. I hope you did not reproduce.


No, YOU are a disgusting person.


Thanks to people like you, I have to deal with kids like this. It didn't used to be like this.


+1. I can't believe so many posters are excusing this kid's behavior. Aw, poor little guy he was probably hungry, he must have been anxious, he needs to learn to talk about his feelings, etc. He is 11 years old - way too old to be hitting, kicking, AND biting! What do you think is going to happen if he gets upset and police are around. Let's say he was at the park and hit his friend and a policeman is walking by. The police tell him to walk with him to separate the kids and leads him by slightly touching him. Is he going to kick, bit, or hit the policeman? My 10 year Latino son looks like he is 12 or 13. No way in hell would I allow him to act like that anywhere. If he bit, kicked or hit me I would consider having his dad spank him a belt. He would be grounded for a month. Better for us to discipline him than get shot by a cop or arrested.


No one is saying don't have consequences of bad behavior. However, do you get cranky or snap at people when you are hungry? Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Everyone does, hopefully to less severity than PP's young son. Part of parenting is teaching your kid to identify and anticipate situations like this where we all struggle and how to deal with them in more appropriate ways, and even to avoid them whenever possible.

What does hitting your kid with a belt teach in terms of being an adult? Noting but more bad parenting.


NP. But by 11 a kid should already know how to control themselves or express themselves without hitting or biting, good grief. Do people really consider that normal or age appropriate? If he were snotty or back-talked, that I would get. But an 11 year old reacting like that? OP if this is the first time, talk to the kid and chalk it up to he had a bad day but enforce consequences, just as there would be if he hit someone as an adult (since DCUM is all about that angle on things). If this happens a lot, look to your overall parenting.


I agree that an 11 year old should know this. They should also know their times tables, and how to tie their shoes. And yet, sometimes, 11 year olds don't know things that they should know. This can happen for all sorts of reasons, including disability, parenting differences, environmental stressors that interfere etc . . .

However it happens that a child ends up with missing skills, beating kids with belts isn't the solution. Beating a kid won't make the know how to tie their shoes, or remember 7 x 8, and it won't make them know how to regulate their emotions.

I agree that if a child hasn't learned self regulation skills by age 11, for whatever reason, involving professionals who specialize in this area (psychologists) make sense. If a change in parenting strategies is in order, they can make that recommendation.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2017 13:58     Subject: OMG tween just had epic tantrum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get out the belt. Problem solved.


You are a disgusting person. I hope you did not reproduce.


No, YOU are a disgusting person.


Thanks to people like you, I have to deal with kids like this. It didn't used to be like this.


+1. I can't believe so many posters are excusing this kid's behavior. Aw, poor little guy he was probably hungry, he must have been anxious, he needs to learn to talk about his feelings, etc. He is 11 years old - way too old to be hitting, kicking, AND biting! What do you think is going to happen if he gets upset and police are around. Let's say he was at the park and hit his friend and a policeman is walking by. The police tell him to walk with him to separate the kids and leads him by slightly touching him. Is he going to kick, bit, or hit the policeman? My 10 year Latino son looks like he is 12 or 13. No way in hell would I allow him to act like that anywhere. If he bit, kicked or hit me I would consider having his dad spank him a belt. He would be grounded for a month. Better for us to discipline him than get shot by a cop or arrested.


No one is saying don't have consequences of bad behavior. However, do you get cranky or snap at people when you are hungry? Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Everyone does, hopefully to less severity than PP's young son. Part of parenting is teaching your kid to identify and anticipate situations like this where we all struggle and how to deal with them in more appropriate ways, and even to avoid them whenever possible.

What does hitting your kid with a belt teach in terms of being an adult? Noting but more bad parenting.


NP. But by 11 a kid should already know how to control themselves or express themselves without hitting or biting, good grief. Do people really consider that normal or age appropriate? If he were snotty or back-talked, that I would get. But an 11 year old reacting like that? OP if this is the first time, talk to the kid and chalk it up to he had a bad day but enforce consequences, just as there would be if he hit someone as an adult (since DCUM is all about that angle on things). If this happens a lot, look to your overall parenting.


Obviously no one is considering it normal or appropriate and no one is excusing it. Understanding what happened and why is a step towards teaching him how to manage his emotions for himself. From long experience, I know I can turn into a raging bitch if I'm habitually short on sleep. So I prioritize getting enough sleep and I learn to bite my tongue when I find myself getting triggered by little things when I'm tired. Being able to control my out-sized reactions while I'm tired didn't just happen overnight.

OP, there's a lot of good advice in this thread on how to deescalate in the moment. I would second looking into therapy -- CBT specifically might be beneficial if he has an overall pattern of anxiety or getting out of control.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2017 09:14     Subject: OMG tween just had epic tantrum
No one is saying to ignore this - quite the contrary.

Most of us with useful advice and experience are saying that if OP is to solve this problem (which is the goal, right?) she needs to look a) at underlying causes, and b) choose strategies that work. Meeting violence with violence, in language or on his body doesn't do the job at either a) or b).

OP potentially has a big problem. Part of the solution will be modeling calm responses to unpleasant situations.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2017 05:39     Subject: OMG tween just had epic tantrum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get out the belt. Problem solved.


You are a disgusting person. I hope you did not reproduce.


No, YOU are a disgusting person.


Thanks to people like you, I have to deal with kids like this. It didn't used to be like this.


+1. I can't believe so many posters are excusing this kid's behavior. Aw, poor little guy he was probably hungry, he must have been anxious, he needs to learn to talk about his feelings, etc. He is 11 years old - way too old to be hitting, kicking, AND biting! What do you think is going to happen if he gets upset and police are around. Let's say he was at the park and hit his friend and a policeman is walking by. The police tell him to walk with him to separate the kids and leads him by slightly touching him. Is he going to kick, bit, or hit the policeman? My 10 year Latino son looks like he is 12 or 13. No way in hell would I allow him to act like that anywhere. If he bit, kicked or hit me I would consider having his dad spank him a belt. He would be grounded for a month. Better for us to discipline him than get shot by a cop or arrested.


So basically you would hit your kid because you didn't like what he was doing while telling your kid not to hit other people just because he doesn't like what that person did.

Can you show me the logic in that?
Anonymous
Post 05/11/2017 16:58     Subject: OMG tween just had epic tantrum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get out the belt. Problem solved.


You are a disgusting person. I hope you did not reproduce.


No, YOU are a disgusting person.


Thanks to people like you, I have to deal with kids like this. It didn't used to be like this.


+1. I can't believe so many posters are excusing this kid's behavior. Aw, poor little guy he was probably hungry, he must have been anxious, he needs to learn to talk about his feelings, etc. He is 11 years old - way too old to be hitting, kicking, AND biting! What do you think is going to happen if he gets upset and police are around. Let's say he was at the park and hit his friend and a policeman is walking by. The police tell him to walk with him to separate the kids and leads him by slightly touching him. Is he going to kick, bit, or hit the policeman? My 10 year Latino son looks like he is 12 or 13. No way in hell would I allow him to act like that anywhere. If he bit, kicked or hit me I would consider having his dad spank him a belt. He would be grounded for a month. Better for us to discipline him than get shot by a cop or arrested.


No one is saying don't have consequences of bad behavior. However, do you get cranky or snap at people when you are hungry? Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Everyone does, hopefully to less severity than PP's young son. Part of parenting is teaching your kid to identify and anticipate situations like this where we all struggle and how to deal with them in more appropriate ways, and even to avoid them whenever possible.

What does hitting your kid with a belt teach in terms of being an adult? Noting but more bad parenting.


NP. But by 11 a kid should already know how to control themselves or express themselves without hitting or biting, good grief. Do people really consider that normal or age appropriate? If he were snotty or back-talked, that I would get. But an 11 year old reacting like that? OP if this is the first time, talk to the kid and chalk it up to he had a bad day but enforce consequences, just as there would be if he hit someone as an adult (since DCUM is all about that angle on things). If this happens a lot, look to your overall parenting.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2017 15:59     Subject: OMG tween just had epic tantrum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get out the belt. Problem solved.


You are a disgusting person. I hope you did not reproduce.


No, YOU are a disgusting person.


Thanks to people like you, I have to deal with kids like this. It didn't used to be like this.


+1. I can't believe so many posters are excusing this kid's behavior. Aw, poor little guy he was probably hungry, he must have been anxious, he needs to learn to talk about his feelings, etc. He is 11 years old - way too old to be hitting, kicking, AND biting! What do you think is going to happen if he gets upset and police are around. Let's say he was at the park and hit his friend and a policeman is walking by. The police tell him to walk with him to separate the kids and leads him by slightly touching him. Is he going to kick, bit, or hit the policeman? My 10 year Latino son looks like he is 12 or 13. No way in hell would I allow him to act like that anywhere. If he bit, kicked or hit me I would consider having his dad spank him a belt. He would be grounded for a month. Better for us to discipline him than get shot by a cop or arrested.


No one is saying don't have consequences of bad behavior. However, do you get cranky or snap at people when you are hungry? Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Everyone does, hopefully to less severity than PP's young son. Part of parenting is teaching your kid to identify and anticipate situations like this where we all struggle and how to deal with them in more appropriate ways, and even to avoid them whenever possible.

What does hitting your kid with a belt teach in terms of being an adult? Noting but more bad parenting.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2017 00:42     Subject: OMG tween just had epic tantrum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get out the belt. Problem solved.


You are a disgusting person. I hope you did not reproduce.


No, YOU are a disgusting person.


Thanks to people like you, I have to deal with kids like this. It didn't used to be like this.


+1. I can't believe so many posters are excusing this kid's behavior. Aw, poor little guy he was probably hungry, he must have been anxious, he needs to learn to talk about his feelings, etc. He is 11 years old - way too old to be hitting, kicking, AND biting! What do you think is going to happen if he gets upset and police are around. Let's say he was at the park and hit his friend and a policeman is walking by. The police tell him to walk with him to separate the kids and leads him by slightly touching him. Is he going to kick, bit, or hit the policeman? My 10 year Latino son looks like he is 12 or 13. No way in hell would I allow him to act like that anywhere. If he bit, kicked or hit me I would consider having his dad spank him a belt. He would be grounded for a month. Better for us to discipline him than get shot by a cop or arrested.