Anonymous wrote:If my kids wanted to drive before they were 18, they were required to pay their own insurance. They could drive an old car. I do not buy new cars for children, and I certainly do not pay their insurance. They are perfectly capable of working. There are no free rides in this world. We've also never had one of our children speak to us like this.

You were kucky - it was not your 'skilled parenting' but the temperament of your kids. Be thankful and don't criticize others.

I grew up in a large family and with the above mentioned rules all of the kids were very different in their teen years - some were easy, some were completely impossible, some were inbetween.

If my kids wanted to drive before they were 18, they were required to pay their own insurance. They could drive an old car. I do not buy new cars for children, and I certainly do not pay their insurance. They are perfectly capable of working. There are no free rides in this world. We've also never had one of our children speak to us like this.

I was a complete asshat when I was a 17 year old (girl). I think it is fairly common for kids to have a deep desire to leave the house. However, I was also punished if I said mean things to my parents. Take the car away for a few weeks or other punishment when she says stuff like that, and it will stop.

If ypu feel like she is too privledged, take the car away or make her pay insurance. Do something to make her understand that life is not so easy (my parents made me work from the day I turned 16)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents gave me all that and more and I still spoke like that, regularly, while I lived at home. Locked horns on everything. I'm 34 now and my parents are my best friends and the greatest people I have ever known. Just take the long view, OP!

Similar, except I am 40 and have a great relationship with my parents. I was a class A asshole at 15, then late 17/early 18. My parents still talk about how I came back from study abroad when I was 20 as a new, likeable person. Yes, they paid for study abroad too and I became a self-sufficient adult. Shocking.

My DH was apparently (per MIL and DH) a wonderful, non-asshole teen, and has a much more distant relationship with his folks.

It really all depends.

maybe you and dh grew up in different cultures - different cultures have different standards for what the adult child-parent relationship should look like.

Why all these excuses? I would never speak to my parents like that without some serious provocation. Op, something must be going on since you said older child did poorly in college. I would not send my kid to an expensive 4 year college or ever buy them a new car especially if she acted like you described.you take a stand now or just suffer the consequences of having your kids treat you and your wife like doirmats.

So to sum up, you never spoke like this to your parents, but you mention no teens YOU are raising, correct? If you have a teen, you would have written "my teen never speaks to me like that." Your post is useless and please indulge us and tell us how old are your kids/kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a typical 17 year old to me. I'm sure you've forgotten how obnoxious you were at that age. It's part of leaving the nest and trying out their almost adulthood. The good news is most of us figure it out and grow up and relax.

This - we are going through the same thing right now with DD 17 and about to graduate. It started up in January and I expect it to last until she heads out into the world in 6 weeks.

Yes, very typical. I was like this (and didn't have near the privilege of OP's DD) as were many friends. I've heard endless stories from my mom's friends that said the same of their kids. That doesn't excuse it but, really, you need to pick your battles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents gave me all that and more and I still spoke like that, regularly, while I lived at home. Locked horns on everything. I'm 34 now and my parents are my best friends and the greatest people I have ever known. Just take the long view, OP!

Similar, except I am 40 and have a great relationship with my parents. I was a class A asshole at 15, then late 17/early 18. My parents still talk about how I came back from study abroad when I was 20 as a new, likeable person. Yes, they paid for study abroad too and I became a self-sufficient adult. Shocking.

My DH was apparently (per MIL and DH) a wonderful, non-asshole teen, and has a much more distant relationship with his folks.

It really all depends.

maybe you and dh grew up in different cultures - different cultures have different standards for what the adult child-parent relationship should look like.

Why all these excuses? I would never speak to my parents like that without some serious provocation. Op, something must be going on since you said older child did poorly in college. I would not send my kid to an expensive 4 year college or ever buy them a new car especially if she acted like you described.you take a stand now or just suffer the consequences of having your kids treat you and your wife like doirmats.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents gave me all that and more and I still spoke like that, regularly, while I lived at home. Locked horns on everything. I'm 34 now and my parents are my best friends and the greatest people I have ever known. Just take the long view, OP!

Similar, except I am 40 and have a great relationship with my parents. I was a class A asshole at 15, then late 17/early 18. My parents still talk about how I came back from study abroad when I was 20 as a new, likeable person. Yes, they paid for study abroad too and I became a self-sufficient adult. Shocking.

My DH was apparently (per MIL and DH) a wonderful, non-asshole teen, and has a much more distant relationship with his folks.

It really all depends.

maybe you and dh grew up in different cultures - different cultures have different standards for what the adult child-parent relationship should look like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents gave me all that and more and I still spoke like that, regularly, while I lived at home. Locked horns on everything. I'm 34 now and my parents are my best friends and the greatest people I have ever known. Just take the long view, OP!

Similar, except I am 40 and have a great relationship with my parents. I was a class A asshole at 15, then late 17/early 18. My parents still talk about how I came back from study abroad when I was 20 as a new, likeable person. Yes, they paid for study abroad too and I became a self-sufficient adult. Shocking.

My DH was apparently (per MIL and DH) a wonderful, non-asshole teen, and has a much more distant relationship with his folks.

It really all depends.

This is PP. I will say my parents did not tolerate disrespect, there were always consequences.

Anonymous wrote:My parents gave me all that and more and I still spoke like that, regularly, while I lived at home. Locked horns on everything. I'm 34 now and my parents are my best friends and the greatest people I have ever known. Just take the long view, OP!

Similar, except I am 40 and have a great relationship with my parents. I was a class A asshole at 15, then late 17/early 18. My parents still talk about how I came back from study abroad when I was 20 as a new, likeable person. Yes, they paid for study abroad too and I became a self-sufficient adult. Shocking.

My DH was apparently (per MIL and DH) a wonderful, non-asshole teen, and has a much more distant relationship with his folks.

It really all depends.

Are you all the same parents giving "entertainment and clothing" allowances to your college students too??!

Anonymous wrote:State school. Live in the dorms . No car.

Check back in the spring.

+1 million

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a typical 17 year old to me. I'm sure you've forgotten how obnoxious you were at that age. It's part of leaving the nest and trying out their almost adulthood. The good news is most of us figure it out and grow up and relax.

This is a lamest of tropes. No, not every 17-year-old is a selfish asshole. My two sons were awesome kids at 17, and they are awesome adults today. I think people like you -- who think its acceptable for kids to act like sh**heads around their parents -- are the reason why some kids act that way. The solution is simple: Be a good parent and bring energy to raising your kids. It's actually quite easy. Do not accept that kind of behavior and it won't happen.

Well, I dunno. My DS1 was also great at 17 (though not at 13 or 14). I was not so great to my parents at 17. My parents didn't parent that differently from the way DH and I parent. So I think it has a lot to do with personality and temperament.

Yep, my parents were (and still are) good parents who brought energy to raising their kids, and I was probably still no joy to live with when I was 17. I was ready to leave home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a typical 17 year old to me. I'm sure you've forgotten how obnoxious you were at that age. It's part of leaving the nest and trying out their almost adulthood. The good news is most of us figure it out and grow up and relax.

This is a lamest of tropes. No, not every 17-year-old is a selfish asshole. My two sons were awesome kids at 17, and they are awesome adults today. I think people like you -- who think its acceptable for kids to act like sh**heads around their parents -- are the reason why some kids act that way. The solution is simple: Be a good parent and bring energy to raising your kids. It's actually quite easy. Do not accept that kind of behavior and it won't happen.

Well, I dunno. My DS1 was also great at 17 (though not at 13 or 14). I was not so great to my parents at 17. My parents didn't parent that differently from the way DH and I parent. So I think it has a lot to do with personality and temperament.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a typical 17 year old to me. I'm sure you've forgotten how obnoxious you were at that age. It's part of leaving the nest and trying out their almost adulthood. The good news is most of us figure it out and grow up and relax.

This is a lamest of tropes. No, not every 17-year-old is a selfish asshole. My two sons were awesome kids at 17, and they are awesome adults today. I think people like you -- who think its acceptable for kids to act like sh**heads around their parents -- are the reason why some kids act that way. The solution is simple: Be a good parent and bring energy to raising your kids. It's actually quite easy. Do not accept that kind of behavior and it won't happen.

I like the cut of your jib.

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a typical 17 year old to me. I'm sure you've forgotten how obnoxious you were at that age. It's part of leaving the nest and trying out their almost adulthood. The good news is most of us figure it out and grow up and relax.

This - we are going through the same thing right now with DD 17 and about to graduate. It started up in January and I expect it to last until she heads out into the world in 6 weeks.