Anonymous
04/11/2017 10:20
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
While I detest Clarence Thomas, he is correct that
"Good manners open doors that the best education cannot."
"Good manners open doors that the best education cannot."
Anonymous
04/11/2017 09:59
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
If your husband isn't interested in doing anything about this, and it makes you really angry/uncomfortable, then you will have to push back. It will likely make everyone mad at you, but I'm guessing your in-laws already don't think much of you, based on the previous descriptions.
There is never any magic way to get other people to do what you want while simultaneously guaranteeing that no one gets upset. Right now, they don't care if you're upset.
There is never any magic way to get other people to do what you want while simultaneously guaranteeing that no one gets upset. Right now, they don't care if you're upset.
Anonymous
04/11/2017 09:55
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am from the south and OP's inlaws sound incredibly rigid.
I would work with your kids and teach them to say "yes sir" and "yes ma'am" to their grandparents and to most adults. It might take them a while, but work with them. Some older southerners do expect this, especially from anyone younger (including children and grandchildren.)
I would also call the inlaws what they want to be called, whether that is Mr. and Mrs. Jones, or Miss Larla. Lots of older people are called Miss Larla or Mr. Larlo, as well as people who work with younger children. Not sure why, they just are.
The MIL rephrasing what you have just told her to a "more polite version" is impolite in and of itself. Not sure what you can do about that, she needs to respect you as well.
It sounds to me like your inlaws have real control issues, have to maintain the upper hand at all times, and that they are wrapping themselves up in southern manners to do so.
it's best if your kids do learn "yes ma'am" "yes sir" at an early age, because it will be more automatic later. And, calling the inlaws what they want to be called. Any other rephrasing requests from you or the kids are bogus and insulting.
So basically OP should be pushed around by her inlaws?
No. What I said, simplified: meet them halfway by calling them what they want to be called (completely rational), have the kids try and learn how to say "yes sir etc.." (borderline, but still polite), the rephrasing of anything else she or the children say (hell, no.)
Anonymous
04/11/2017 09:32
Subject: Re:Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
It's polite to address people however they prefer. So if your in-laws prefer to be addressed as sir/ma'am or Mr./Mrs. Lastname, then that's how you and your kids should address them.
However, it's rude and bizarre for mil to insist that you call her ma'am after every sentence. You don't work for her and you two are not interacting in a formal work setting.
However, it's rude and bizarre for mil to insist that you call her ma'am after every sentence. You don't work for her and you two are not interacting in a formal work setting.
Anonymous
04/11/2017 08:47
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I love when kids (any age) say sir and ma'am. I think it is a good habit to learn. Politeness is never wrong.
Actually, a MIL forcing her DIL to say m'am after every sentence is wrong, and controlling and obnoxious. It's also terrible manners.
It's this that bothers me. I don't object necessarily to having the kids say ma'am or sir, and it would be good for them to learn. Excessive, perhaps, but really it's a small thing that they can learn to do just with MIL/FIL.
However, I would take serious issue with being corrected about my own language. I am a very polite person, always say please and thank you, you're welcome, pardon instead of huh, etc., but what you are describing is beyond. It comes down to whether you want to make an issue out of it. They are not going to change. So, you can either ignore it, address it directly (and be prepared for the consequences), or have DH address it. Personally, I am in favor of the latter since it's his parents.
Anonymous
04/11/2017 02:22
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
Anonymous wrote:I love when kids (any age) say sir and ma'am. I think it is a good habit to learn. Politeness is never wrong.
Actually, a MIL forcing her DIL to say m'am after every sentence is wrong, and controlling and obnoxious. It's also terrible manners.
Anonymous
04/11/2017 02:01
Subject: Re:Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
Hope you find a resolution that is best for you and your family. You already know nothing is going to change on the in-laws end. Sounds as if your husband should be the one to express how you want your children to respond to them. If neither of you want to respect the other's wishes, even when valid, it will be difficult to have an enjoyable relationship. Neither of you are right or wrong, you just have different ideas in regard to what is respectful and polite.
Anonymous
04/11/2017 00:23
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
I am from the Midwest and I don't think I have ever said 'yes sir' in my life, and I am not teaching my kids to say that. You can ask your kids to call your ILs sir and ma'am, but if I were you, I would tell your ILs that you are not teaching them that, so please stop trying to get the kids to say that. Please Ana thank you are universal and important, this 'sir' business needs to go.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 23:49
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
Anonymous wrote:I love when kids (any age) say sir and ma'am. I think it is a good habit to learn. Politeness is never wrong.
It can be overdone, though.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 23:30
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
Anonymous wrote:I love when kids (any age) say sir and ma'am. I think it is a good habit to learn. Politeness is never wrong.
But you can be polite without saying this too. Please/thank you are more common in my household.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 23:28
Subject: Re:Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
Anonymous wrote:It's just one more behavior to have to enforce upon your children. Life is too short. Anyway, politeness when speaking is more about tone and eye contact. Over focusing on the lack of a "ma'am" at the end of every sentence seems petty.
+1. DH is southern and wants our kids to say sir and ma'am. I didn't grow up doing this and just don't see the point. My SIL is constantly reminding her kids to say it and they're still in the south where it is more common. I'd never be able to keep up with it even if I wanted to. Plus it's just so formal- niece and nephew always stiffen up when they call me "ma'am."
Anonymous
04/10/2017 21:40
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
I love when kids (any age) say sir and ma'am. I think it is a good habit to learn. Politeness is never wrong.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 21:25
Subject: Re:Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
It's just one more behavior to have to enforce upon your children. Life is too short. Anyway, politeness when speaking is more about tone and eye contact. Over focusing on the lack of a "ma'am" at the end of every sentence seems petty.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 21:22
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
Anonymous wrote:If anyone ever corrected the way I speak when they were a guest in my home I don't think they would ever be invited back.
Well said.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 21:16
Subject: Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?
If anyone ever corrected the way I speak when they were a guest in my home I don't think they would ever be invited back.