Anonymous
Post 04/10/2017 10:08     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:What is this odd trend of matchy matchy for the mother/MIL to the wedding party?? Understand not wearing white - but saying she needs to compliment the bridesmaids? color scheme? Really??? All I asked my M/MIL was that they wear something they felt wonderful in so that they would enjoy themselves. (I did have bridesmaids but gave them a color and said any dress within that range was fine w/me.) There is NO tradition of this - it is a made up fad. And yes - just let it go.


Same feelings here. The MOB and MOG should wear something pretty. I told my mom and MIL to wear whatever they liked. They both looked nice. Of course, I think it's stupid that women expect other grown women to wear matching outfits. People are not photo props.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2017 09:20     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here, well I definitely gave her a reaction unfortunately. I wasn't rude, but she's not calling or emailing me back.

Also, mother of the brides are supposed to complement the bride and bridesmaids, not match. It's the standard etiquette.


Complement, not match means she shouldn't traipse down the aisle in a strapless polyester get-up from Davids Bridal. It doesn't mean she can't wear a tasteful, age-appropriate gown in the same color as the bridesmaids.

Frankly, you are starting to sound a little bridezilla-like. I would maybe think about counseling after the wedding, so that you are aware of your own self-absorbed tendencies, and can choose to behave differently.


How does she sound like bridezilla? It's HER wedding. Ugh OP, I'm glad you let her know her you felt. I'm trying to figure out why you have to appease your mom at YOUR wedding. Unless she's paying for everything, she should respect your wishes.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2017 08:29     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:Yeah OP, My MIL wore black to my Spring afternoon garden wedding. More than a few people raised their eyebrows. I just told her how lovely she looked and proceeded to have a good time.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Do not give her the satisfaction of a reaction.


What a wonderful attitude. You solved that problem in the only way you could, and still come out ahead. Bravura.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2017 07:17     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
People now wear black to weddings. I went to a wedding and all the bridesmaids wore black dresses. Do you really think she will be mistaken for you. This is not a hill to die on.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2017 04:29     Subject: Re:My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
I have not read all five pages. But I will say this: we do not live in a formal era where the right color or the right this or the right that matters much or symbolizes much. Times may have been different in the past when social convention and tradition carried a lot more weight that to forgo them did send a message.

Today? As long as she's nicely dressed, she's fine. It's not worth fighting over, family is more important. I wouldn't blink at any other guess wearing white or cream at a wedding. Frankly, you're not a virgin so what gives you the right to wear a white wedding dress, anyway? I only mention this to show that times have changed.

Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 19:07     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP. I've got one of those moms. Put your foot down OP, and tell her the ride is over, get off. She wears what you tell her is acceptable or she is not welcome at your wedding!. You will need to repeat that often after the marriage. You must be very firmly clear with hubby to be that you must always present a United front or she will use the divide and conquer method to control the marriage. This is where her control stops, or she isn't welcome. Get used to putting your foot down now.


Wow! I cannot imagine being told what I had to wear or else unless I was in the military or flipping burgers. Really? Who thinks this is rational, let alone acceptable behavior??

You mean if your mom was a narcissist and wanted to wear a dress to your wedding to compete with you, you'd be okay with that? What if she wore an S&M outfit? Would you not tell her what the dress code is? You clearly don't have a mom like OP, if her mom is indeed a narcissist.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 18:57     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP. I've got one of those moms. Put your foot down OP, and tell her the ride is over, get off. She wears what you tell her is acceptable or she is not welcome at your wedding!. You will need to repeat that often after the marriage. You must be very firmly clear with hubby to be that you must always present a United front or she will use the divide and conquer method to control the marriage. This is where her control stops, or she isn't welcome. Get used to putting your foot down now.


Wow! I cannot imagine being told what I had to wear or else unless I was in the military or flipping burgers. Really? Who thinks this is rational, let alone acceptable behavior??


Yes. This is insane. You don't get to tell people what they wear to your wedding, maybe bridesmaids accepted because that's traditional, but frankly, most folks I know just ask the bridesmaids to get something in a matching color.
[b]

My sister in law told me I had to wear navy blue to the wedding. I wasn't in the wedding party so I wore what I want. Navy blue dress? Is this Mary poppins wedding??
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 18:45     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:Why do you care so much? My MIL wore cream/champagne. Who cares? Everyone knows she gave birth to my DH and SILs.

Yes this
My mom wore a B&W pantsuit to my out door beach wedding.
She looked lovely and it did not bother me.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 18:30     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:Why can't she wear coral? My mom wore light blue, my bridesmaid wore navy blue, my MIL wore royal blue, my step-mom wore navy blue, and a few guests wore shades of blue.

It was fine.


+1

No idea why MOB can't wear the same color as a bridesmaid. Her dress won't be the same style and she won't be walking in with them. Nobody is going to be confused.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 17:11     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do people really spend time obsessing over what their parents wear to their wedding? I can't fathom this.


+1.


Cannot even imagine.


I went to a wedding where the bride had an exquisite ball gown but it wasn't embellished with stuff. The mother wore a huge ball gown -similar color to bridesmaids but it was drenched in sequins and geegaws.

Also cost 4 times as much as the bridal gown. too weird-the mom also wore a white dress similar to the bride's to the shower. Oh well.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 17:07     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:What is this odd trend of matchy matchy for the mother/MIL to the wedding party?? Understand not wearing white - but saying she needs to compliment the bridesmaids? color scheme? Really??? All I asked my M/MIL was that they wear something they felt wonderful in so that they would enjoy themselves. (I did have bridesmaids but gave them a color and said any dress within that range was fine w/me.) There is NO tradition of this - it is a made up fad. And yes - just let it go.


My mom and MIL chose their dresses on their own. Each chose long and pink independently. I wore white and bridesmaids a coral.
For OP's wedding the crème depends on the shade of crème and the style.

What's wrong with this [beige]? http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/alex-evenings-lace-dress-jacket-plus-size/3519263?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=CHAMPAGNE

Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 15:40     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:Oh OP, I get it, I don't know why everyone is jumping all over you. This is your wedding and you will have pictures of your family on this day for the rest of your life, and you don't want to cringe every time you look at those pictures.

My bridesmaids wore green and I told my mom to wear any color but purple, because I can't stand green and purple together. Guess what color dress she bought? I told her I was unhappy but didn't go as far as telling her she couldn't wear it. A week or so before the wedding, she told me that she tried on her dress again and didn't like the way it fit, so she went out and bought a lovely cranberry colored dress that looked great with the wedding party. If my opinion had anything to do with her choice she never admitted it to me. Hoping for a similar result for you -- maybe expressing your opinion and then letting it go will give her time to rethink.


I would prefer purple to cranberry with green, that would be too Christmas-looking for me. But purple and green might look like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ha ha ha.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 15:37     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do people really spend time obsessing over what their parents wear to their wedding? I can't fathom this.


+1.


Cannot even imagine.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 15:31     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is this odd trend of matchy matchy for the mother/MIL to the wedding party?? Understand not wearing white - but saying she needs to compliment the bridesmaids? color scheme? Really??? All I asked my M/MIL was that they wear something they felt wonderful in so that they would enjoy themselves. (I did have bridesmaids but gave them a color and said any dress within that range was fine w/me.) There is NO tradition of this - it is a made up fad. And yes - just let it go.


+1 I can't imagine having to tell my MIL or mother what to wear to my wedding. They picked out what worked for them.


Every time I hear of a bride trying to do this, it never works out well.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 15:23     Subject: My mom wants to wear white to my wedding.
Anonymous wrote:What is this odd trend of matchy matchy for the mother/MIL to the wedding party?? Understand not wearing white - but saying she needs to compliment the bridesmaids? color scheme? Really??? All I asked my M/MIL was that they wear something they felt wonderful in so that they would enjoy themselves. (I did have bridesmaids but gave them a color and said any dress within that range was fine w/me.) There is NO tradition of this - it is a made up fad. And yes - just let it go.


+1 I can't imagine having to tell my MIL or mother what to wear to my wedding. They picked out what worked for them.