Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 13:55     Subject: I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?


+1

I hear it a lot from my male coworkers and male friends that wish their wives went back to work after kids were older/school age.




Until they do and the DH has to start unloading the dishwasher and paying the bills and the fridge isn't stocked and DH has to share the sick day child care and then he thinks and she makes how much??? Not worth it. I'm seeing this right now with a neighbor.


Give me a freaking break. Working moms do this without blinking every day.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 13:51     Subject: I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What kid appreciates their parents until they themselves are parents?


I'm a parent and don't appreciate that my mother was a SAHM. My brother and I BEGGED her to get a job. She watched tv or slept all day. We'd come home at 2:30 from middle school and she wouldn't have cleaned up from breakfast. She'd have left us a note to wake her 15 minutes before our dad was coming home or 15 minutes before she had to drive us somewhere. She never cleaned the house. She once tried to tell us she washed the outside of the washing machine and dryer and my brother and I burst out laughing. When we were home sick we just watched tv with her - she didn't actively do anything for us. She'd always try to claim she was so busy when we were at school, making calls and doing things. But nothing was done. Our dad did the laundry each night when he got home from work starting a load before he cooked dinner, and then we helped fold and put away. He ironed on weekends. We cleaned with him on weekends. Sometimes my mom cleaned up from dinner.

Some stay at home parents really ARE doing a lot but some are deluding themselves into thinking they're being productive.


Ummmm. . . you do realize she probably had/has some psychiatric issues, right? This is so sad that as an adult you can't look back at her behavior and realize something else was going on besides her being a shitty parent that didn't care about you.


NP here. It is pretty cruel to ask a child who was raised like this to "show appreciation" based only on a single paragraph and broad assumptions about the mother's mental healh. I don't understand the need on this board to immediately diagnose any woman who struggles or struggled with SAH with some sort of severe mental illness. Maybe PPs mom was clinically depressed, but maybe she wasn't. How can you possibly know from what the original poster wrote? In either case, why on earth are you and the other PP who said the same thing expecting her child to "show appreciation" and going on about how it's "so sad" that she isn't? Why don't you try showing some compassion before demanding it of others?

DCUM is so unforgiving and isolating of both women who don't like or struggle emotionally with SAH and their kids who -- through no choice of their own -- struggled alongside those moms. It is so Stepford here sometimes.


Actually it does sound like the mother struggled with mental health issues. While we all have some symptoms at one time or another of depression, anxiety, etc the hallmark of mental illness is it interferes significantly with normal functioning. It sounds like the mom was unable to do even the most minor things. If their interpretation is true then yes, she probably needed psychiatric health. I (NP) can understand the children not being empathetic as children, but now as adults I too am surprised that poster cannot have any empathy for someone who probably needed help.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 13:46     Subject: Re:I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why WOHM mom's feel the need to vent their own frustrations by negatively stereotyping SAHMs. I've done both. Currently I work 30 hours/week and do all the home stuff. But I had years at home for my own reasons. It was lovely, my kids benefitted from it and I now have struck a new balance that works for my family.

Who gives a crap what other ppl do. And, if you want to talk about how obnoxious SAHM's are, let me TELL YOU about the SEVERAL working moms who think everyone who doesn't work full time out of the house is "working for them" to facilitate their child's upbringing. NEWSFLASH: I gave up my lucrative career to make life in my own family less stressful not to be at your beckon call to drive your kids to the activities you pay for but can't get them too. SERIOUSLY, make your own choices and shut up about it.

One teammates mom called me every rainy day to ask if I could take her kid to practice (20 minutes out of my way both directions when it rains); another's kid of an entitled WOHM calls my teen all the time suggesting activities THAT I SHOULD TAKE THEM TO. Mom of the latter asked me to pick her kid to up bring her to a party I WAS HOSTING AT MY HOUSE.

So get a grip, their are asshole SAHM's and asshole WOHM's. Same as always, everyone is different and it's a bad idea to generalize.


Yeah I've beem wohm, sahm and part time wohm mom and entitled nuts can be in any group. I hope you set boundaries with the wohm trying to take advantage. If someone in the family is ill or something then yes, of course if you can handle it help, but if it's out of your way and the person annoys you I hope you say NO. I had to set the limit with my neighbor who when I was sahm not only tried to make me her free helper as needed, but she also made snide comments. I set limits fast. Low and behold she had her MIL come live with them and play nanny as needed. MIL also cooks for them, babysits, etc. I hope they show her more appreciation than they show to all the SAHMs they find inferior.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 13:40     Subject: I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Oops. Life skill not shill. Hehe. LOL.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 13:39     Subject: I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Haven't read all the responses. Kids need to learn to be appreciative if they aren't already. You need to make sure they show appreciation to good teachers in various ways. Your significant other needs to make sure they show appreciation to you and vice versa. This will help them throughout life. Spouses wanted to be appreciated by eachother and so do friends. Life shill.

Ignore the obnoxious comments about sahm. People happy with their life choices usually don't judge. There is something to be said for having a parent mom or DAD home making meals that aren't filled with sodium and preservatives, keeping things somewhat tidy, helping with homework as needed and being well rested enough to be calm for everyone else flipping out. To those who work full time outside the home and do everything a SAHM mom does too and you aren't in the middle of a manic phase, awesome. You truly are super-people. Kudos. You are part of the less than !% of the population with endless energy, patience, etc. Don't judge those who aren't like you. Empathy is important to model for our kids.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 12:33     Subject: I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.


What does you me husband say? Mine would get my kids in line right quick.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 12:31     Subject: I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.


This has to be a troll. OP kids are teens. What exactly does she do most days?


Honestly, people like you are what make living in this society so horrible. You will get yours for judging how others "spend their day". I bet your spouse wants nothing to do with you and you are miserable obsessing about what others have and do.


Uh, I'm actually on your side. I was saying no SAHM would actually make this comment and was some teenage trying to cause a dust up. A SAHM to teens really has a lot of free time, but that arrangement is between her and her DH. Not even the kids really have a say in it. Hence why I assumed it was a troll.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 12:28     Subject: I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?


+1

I hear it a lot from my male coworkers and male friends that wish their wives went back to work after kids were older/school age.




Until they do and the DH has to start unloading the dishwasher and paying the bills and the fridge isn't stocked and DH has to share the sick day child care and then he thinks and she makes how much??? Not worth it. I'm seeing this right now with a neighbor.


Working women still do all of that stuff which is why they give the eye roll to the "have it so hard-SAHM type".


Really? Crazy. I was under the impression that working women paid handily for others to watch their children during the day. I didn't realize they were earning an income while doing all that SAHM do all day. That's pretty awesome.


FFS. Read the previous PP. this whole thread is about kids that are older, independent and in school during the day.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 12:15     Subject: Re:I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why WOHM mom's feel the need to vent their own frustrations by negatively stereotyping SAHMs. I've done both. Currently I work 30 hours/week and do all the home stuff. But I had years at home for my own reasons. It was lovely, my kids benefitted from it and I now have struck a new balance that works for my family.

Who gives a crap what other ppl do. And, if you want to talk about how obnoxious SAHM's are, let me TELL YOU about the SEVERAL working moms who think everyone who doesn't work full time out of the house is "working for them" to facilitate their child's upbringing. NEWSFLASH: I gave up my lucrative career to make life in my own family less stressful not to be at your beckon call to drive your kids to the activities you pay for but can't get them too. SERIOUSLY, make your own choices and shut up about it.

One teammates mom called me every rainy day to ask if I could take her kid to practice (20 minutes out of my way both directions when it rains); another's kid of an entitled WOHM calls my teen all the time suggesting activities THAT I SHOULD TAKE THEM TO. Mom of the latter asked me to pick her kid to up bring her to a party I WAS HOSTING AT MY HOUSE.

So get a grip, their are asshole SAHM's and asshole WOHM's. Same as always, everyone is different and it's a bad idea to generalize.


Thank you. I hope you vote (D) in 2018. We need more level headed women like you on our team.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 12:11     Subject: I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.


This has to be a troll. OP kids are teens. What exactly does she do most days?


Honestly, people like you are what make living in this society so horrible. You will get yours for judging how others "spend their day". I bet your spouse wants nothing to do with you and you are miserable obsessing about what others have and do.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 12:05     Subject: Re:I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
I wish this hadn't turned into a WOHM/SAHM thing. Being unappreciated by kids is something that can be a shared experience regardless of WOH/SAH and it's not really necessary to light into each other over what is most likely a shared experience. Is there any thread that can avoid this nonsense?

OP, I think you need to ask more of your kids. Entitlement creeps in when expectations are low. This can be harder to combat once it's set in, but it's certainly fixable. Also, IME the PP who say that this is actually a marital problem are right. If each partner respects the other, the kids pick up on that. Your DH needs to be on-board with fixing their attitude and by showing appreciation himself.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 11:57     Subject: Re:I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
^^I get the same as a WAHM from SAHMs with multiple (3 or more kids) that can't get all their kids the places they need to be. I also used to have SAH friend that would call me to pick up her kid from school because she was running late from a beauty appointment. Even more annoying because she'd get angry when I had a teleconference or meeting and could not do it. Something about me being at home makes people think I am not actually working.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 11:31     Subject: Re:I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
I don't understand why WOHM mom's feel the need to vent their own frustrations by negatively stereotyping SAHMs. I've done both. Currently I work 30 hours/week and do all the home stuff. But I had years at home for my own reasons. It was lovely, my kids benefitted from it and I now have struck a new balance that works for my family.

Who gives a crap what other ppl do. And, if you want to talk about how obnoxious SAHM's are, let me TELL YOU about the SEVERAL working moms who think everyone who doesn't work full time out of the house is "working for them" to facilitate their child's upbringing. NEWSFLASH: I gave up my lucrative career to make life in my own family less stressful not to be at your beckon call to drive your kids to the activities you pay for but can't get them too. SERIOUSLY, make your own choices and shut up about it.

One teammates mom called me every rainy day to ask if I could take her kid to practice (20 minutes out of my way both directions when it rains); another's kid of an entitled WOHM calls my teen all the time suggesting activities THAT I SHOULD TAKE THEM TO. Mom of the latter asked me to pick her kid to up bring her to a party I WAS HOSTING AT MY HOUSE.

So get a grip, their are asshole SAHM's and asshole WOHM's. Same as always, everyone is different and it's a bad idea to generalize.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 11:28     Subject: I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.


Have them start doing everything for themselves - and I mean everything. Since its so easy should take them no time at all.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2017 11:02     Subject: I feel completely unappreciated by my kids
You the parent are the fool.... if that were me, id chain the refrigerator, only food would be bread, water, and peanut butter... I wouldn't wake them up in the morning, iron or wash clothes, or take them anywhere.... I'd do only the basics required as a parent... oh and all the name brand clothes and shoes would be gone. I'd make them crawl back begging....