Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you on birth control? If so, do you know how/why it failed?

On the pill. Best guess is there was a break in daily medication when it ran out between orders. Won't make that mistake again.

So you WEREN'T on birth control. You had been, and then you stopped taking it because you ran out, right? Not a judgement, but just clarifying - the pill didn't fail, you just didn't take it as prescribed.

I hate to pile on, but it does bother me when people say their birth control failed when it didn't really fail.
I had a college roommate who used to take a fistful of her pills at a time on Fridays and then cried dramatically about "why me? I did everything right, I was on birth control, why am I one of the unlucky ones" when she got pregnant and had an abortion. I sat there with my mouth shut, and over the years as she retold the story of her "birth control failure", and it really bothers me that it is severe misinformation on a very important topic.

That's frustrating, but that's not what happened here. A person missed a couple of doses of birth control and probably did not realize it. That's not the same as what you're talking about. I wonder why your friend felt like she needed to lie about birth control, why she wasn't able to take it consistently, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you on birth control? If so, do you know how/why it failed?

On the pill. Best guess is there was a break in daily medication when it ran out between orders. Won't make that mistake again.

So you WEREN'T on birth control. You had been, and then you stopped taking it because you ran out, right? Not a judgement, but just clarifying - the pill didn't fail, you just didn't take it as prescribed.

I hate to pile on, but it does bother me when people say their birth control failed when it didn't really fail.
I had a college roommate who used to take a fistful of her pills at a time on Fridays and then cried dramatically about "why me? I did everything right, I was on birth control, why am I one of the unlucky ones" when she got pregnant and had an abortion. I sat there with my mouth shut, and over the years as she retold the story of her "birth control failure", and it really bothers me that it is severe misinformation on a very important topic.

+1 I know someone that admittedly wasn't taking her pill correctly but tells people she got a surprise birth control baby. She kept it though.

DH OP: I have some advice for you, as I was your DW once, even down to this event being on a "memorable" date. I thought I'd struggle with that but went ahead anyway with the procedure. I even cried in the waiting room. Guess what? Turns out I do not struggle with it at all. It was the right choice, yet even so, it was hard to make at the time.

As she's coming down from this, her feelings might ebb and flow dramatically because, well, pregnancy hormones are involved and they've been dramatically cut off.

The surgical option is a good one but she may still bleed and that may involve passing large clots. She could feel great in 48 hours or need to be in bed for longer. She could feel great tomorrow and have a weird bleeding episode or small infection in a week. Those things are normal, so be prepared for her physical unpredictability as well. She'll be fine.

Get her the food she wants tonight and let her binge on Netflix all weekend.

And at some point, watch Season 2 of Crazy Ex Girlfriend because a character in that show makes the same decision and it's portrayed so sympathetically, honestly, and in a way that is uplifting but not heart wrenching at all.

Hugs to both of you. You'll be fine.

Np here - I had an abortion last spring
Very similar circumstances but broken condom and plan b didn't work
Hard decision but walked out afterwards feeling a 1000 lbs lighter. Like many people I wish the situation didn't happen but I do not regret my decision, my husband does not regret it and I am so glad we were able to make the choice.
I thought of it this way - it was a potential baby. If I'd miscarried at the same point I would have said oh well wasn't meant to be. It was just us making the decision

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Abortion is often presented as this heartrending decision and momentous life event that will stick with you forever but I always wondered if that's really true. Or if, for a lot of people, it's more just one of the many serious decisions adults have to make all throughout their lives.

How are you feeling about the decision currently? Momentous event that will stick with you or just a normal, important/serious but not earth shattering decision you had to make as an adult?

Not OP, but it was not that dramatic to me. I don't mourn on the anniversary of my abortion or the date the fetus would have been born. I don't light a candle or anything. I was upset the day off, and by the time I was physically recovered, I was emotionally recovered.

I think you have to know yourself. I'm moving forward with an unplanned pregnancy (birth control failure, taken correctly, etc.) because I'm an anxious, neurotic person who would have had emotional baggage. I think most people know which category they would fall into when making the decision.

Anonymous wrote:Abortion is often presented as this heartrending decision and momentous life event that will stick with you forever but I always wondered if that's really true. Or if, for a lot of people, it's more just one of the many serious decisions adults have to make all throughout their lives.

How are you feeling about the decision currently? Momentous event that will stick with you or just a normal, important/serious but not earth shattering decision you had to make as an adult?

Not OP, but it was not that dramatic to me. I don't mourn on the anniversary of my abortion or the date the fetus would have been born. I don't light a candle or anything. I was upset the day off, and by the time I was physically recovered, I was emotionally recovered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you on birth control? If so, do you know how/why it failed?

On the pill. Best guess is there was a break in daily medication when it ran out between orders. Won't make that mistake again.

So you WEREN'T on birth control. You had been, and then you stopped taking it because you ran out, right? Not a judgement, but just clarifying - the pill didn't fail, you just didn't take it as prescribed.

I hate to pile on, but it does bother me when people say their birth control failed when it didn't really fail.
I had a college roommate who used to take a fistful of her pills at a time on Fridays and then cried dramatically about "why me? I did everything right, I was on birth control, why am I one of the unlucky ones" when she got pregnant and had an abortion. I sat there with my mouth shut, and over the years as she retold the story of her "birth control failure", and it really bothers me that it is severe misinformation on a very important topic.

Anonymous wrote:You guys should have actually used birth control. Not smart.
What are your education levels?

My husband's vasectomy failed and I got pregnant. Shit happens, you know? Can't plan for everything even when you try.

Be patient with your wife if she has a deeper response than you. My DH was very "decision made, moving on" but I found myself dealing with unexpected emotions that randomly pop up after the fact. I still cry randomly about it and it has been 8 years. It's OK if she is totally fine with it too -- there's no right way to feel about having an abortion.

I don't know why people feel like you are wrong if you are affected and wrong if you aren't, based on their views of abortion. WTF. Either or both or going back and forth....all OK and I know women who've had all those responses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys should have actually used birth control. Not smart.
What are your education levels?

People make mistakes, PP. Even smart, educated people. Get over yourself

+1

Hats off to you, OP. Tough decision, but I would do the same and I have zero kids.

Anonymous wrote:You guys should have actually used birth control. Not smart.
What are your education levels?

People make mistakes, PP. Even smart, educated people. Get over yourself

You guys should have actually used birth control. Not smart.
What are your education levels?

When I had one, my husband (then BF) had to sit in the lobby the whole time. He was worried about me, the nurse who took care of me afterwards told me so. They let him know I was ok.

Wishing her peace!

Anonymous wrote:So now everybody is suddenly in love with this guy! May God help us all!

what gave you that impression?