Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 16:24     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
I'm PP..also practice outcome independence. When she denies you, just move on with your day. I know it hurts but remember, you should be the prize. If she ignores you long enough the inevitable will happen. You'll find what's missing elsewhere
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 16:23     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain brother. When I'm not having regular sex or if my wife withdraws from the relationship physically I don't feel connected . I feel like roommates except that I'm being robbed from being with someone who wants to have sex with me.

I shutdown when that component is missing from my relationship as I will feel neglected. We've been to therapy about this. Therapist said that's just the way I am, I won't change. I know she's hoping that when I get older the libido will die down a bit. But when that happens then what. I would have felt so neglected and so much resentment that it's not worth it.

I am an active person, very athletic and competitive so I have a high libido. I remember my wife complaining to the therapist about it. Therapist - who was a women - said people like me usually have high libidos. That's not going to change anytime soon. She told my wife you better find a way to rekindle or it won't work.

For me, it's to stop being so walled off. So we both have issues but my resentment stems from lack of sex.

I feel robbed frankly. So I understand how you feel OP


I am 43, my libido has calmed down. I remember being in your shoes. It was horrible, the toll on the marriage. I cheated, a lot. I think many men cheat at that age, late 20s, early 30s when libido is still high and women's is low from having babies.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 16:21     Subject: Re:I am currently being distant to wife
Once a week sex where the man initiates in the norm in marriage. Sure, some people do it more, some do it less. Your situation is normal.

You trade hot sex for love and security and family when you get married. Of course people know the sex cools off when the ring goes on. That's why men have a proverbial bachelor party.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 16:21     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
I feel your pain brother. When I'm not having regular sex or if my wife withdraws from the relationship physically I don't feel connected . I feel like roommates except that I'm being robbed from being with someone who wants to have sex with me.

I shutdown when that component is missing from my relationship as I will feel neglected. We've been to therapy about this. Therapist said that's just the way I am, I won't change. I know she's hoping that when I get older the libido will die down a bit. But when that happens then what. I would have felt so neglected and so much resentment that it's not worth it.

I am an active person, very athletic and competitive so I have a high libido. I remember my wife complaining to the therapist about it. Therapist - who was a women - said people like me usually have high libidos. That's not going to change anytime soon. She told my wife you better find a way to rekindle or it won't work.

For me, it's to stop being so walled off. So we both have issues but my resentment stems from lack of sex.

I feel robbed frankly. So I understand how you feel OP
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 16:15     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know her age and what her lifestyle is like (I.e., children/workload/etc.), but expecting daily sex is not actually doable for many people.

Just sayin'......


24 hours in the day

Sex takes 15 minutes or less

Just sayin'......


But she could use that time to watch dance moms...
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 10:12     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
Anonymous wrote:I don't know her age and what her lifestyle is like (I.e., children/workload/etc.), but expecting daily sex is not actually doable for many people.

Just sayin'......


24 hours in the day

Sex takes 15 minutes or less

Just sayin'......
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 09:52     Subject: Re:I am currently being distant to wife
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are you doing for her? Have you talked to her about how you feel? Does she work, too? Any kids?


He said he works, stays in shape, cooks, and feeds the kids. And, he initiates sex. If my wife was doing all that for me, I'd be ecstatic.


What is he doing for her? Working, cooking and feeding the kids are part of the family. That's not for her. Buying flowers and gifts. Taking her out and fully planning it, including child care is for her. Just sitting with her.


+1


Exactly, he gave a lot away right there. It was like he's doing her a big favor when those are equally his responsibilities.


A study just came out showing that couples these days are having significantly less sex than older generations.

Men are doing way more household chores and child rearing than their fathers or grandfathers did. So being equal participants around the house has no correlation with sexual frequency. It may be that he has to step up and do more of the work outside of the house and she should do less if that's what it takes to recharge her sexual batteries.



In fact, I think the 'choreplay' deal actually turns out opposite. Women lose sexual interest in a man that runs around the house in an apron. Prepare for the coming protestations...most women are more sexually attracted to gruff, outdoorsy men. Men who are men. They may choose a man for a mate who helps around the house, but that ain't who she wants to bang...This isn't a justification for a man not doing housework. It's just a reality.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 00:53     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you'd like to google a bit, you'll find that emotional abuse websites usually include "giving the cold shoulder" under emotionally abusive behavior. It's manipulative and unkind.


Calling giving someone the cold shoulder "emotionally abusive behavior" is ridiculous. Yes, it's dumb and immature but abusive? Is "not listening" emotionally abusive? Is "not doing what you are told" emotionally abusive? We've become a society where dumb, stupid acts that have been around forever are now given the descriptor "emotionally abusive behavior". Emotionally abusive behavior is when you treat someone with contempt, debase all they do and make them feel like a lesser being. Cold shoulder? Please - we all get the cold shoulder at many points in our lives and part of growing up is dealing with it.


Of course we all get the cold shoulder and worse from people at times, and we deal with it. If you think it's healthy behavior in a relationship, though, you're screwed up. Don't dismiss abusive behaviors just because they're not the most extreme form. You don't have to beat someone to a pulp emotionally or physically for your behavior to be abusive. Emotionally abusive behavior involves acting in a way to hurt and manipulate someone. Giving someone you supposedly love the cold shoulder is designed to upset and scare and hurt them, right? It's not designed to do anything else.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2017 23:17     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
Anonymous wrote:Find your own interests and work on yourself. Now is the perfect time to get jacked again. She'll come around once she notices other women paying attention to you, that's how it always works.

Beyond that, work in other things, improve your house, work on career aspirations. She can either come along for the ride or find herself alone on the street. Attraction is not negotiable. She either wants you or not. If she does, your stick is already high once you've made these improvements and you'll find a compatible partner anyway.


I meant if she doesn't, your stock is high.
Givinng the cold shoulder is passive aggressive and something woman do. Man up, stop relying on her for validation. Validate yourself first. Once you have, you will have stuff to work on to improve - everyone does.

If you're fit, have a good job and make a decent income, and you man up when needed ( can do basic house repairs, fix stuff on your car, be consistent and prepared for basic stuff) you'll already be ahead of 90% of the idiots out there. Having a good job and being a good dad are required and you shouldn't pride yourself on that. It's your duty.

Having an nice body and being able to do basic maintenance tasks will set you apart.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2017 23:10     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
Find your own interests and work on yourself. Now is the perfect time to get jacked again. She'll come around once she notices other women paying attention to you, that's how it always works.

Beyond that, work in other things, improve your house, work on career aspirations. She can either come along for the ride or find herself alone on the street. Attraction is not negotiable. She either wants you or not. If she does, your stick is already high once you've made these improvements and you'll find a compatible partner anyway.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2017 23:07     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
I don't know her age and what her lifestyle is like (I.e., children/workload/etc.), but expecting daily sex is not actually doable for many people.

Just sayin'......
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2017 20:17     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samantha-rodman-phd/why-wives-who-do-all-the-housework-dont-want-sex_b_8395378.html


Lots of hoops to jump through. But, I'd probably jump those hoops routinely if they resulted in an active sex life. Maybe that advice works in some relationships, but I've never seen sexual frequency or enthusiasm correlate to my increased chore-load or my wife's increased downtime, at all.

So much of this is hormonal. (I see some correlation between her menstrual cycle and enthusiasm.) But women don't want to hear this -- probably related to having legitimate feelings dismissed as being because of "that time of the month." Much more pleasant to hear that it's the man's fault and he should devote his energies to improving her life.


I am a woman and I agree with this: my interest is highest the week after my period and gradually tapers off. It doesn't mean that I can't be convinced but it takes longer. It is sad to me that there seem to be so many women who never want to have sex. I want to but do not have a man right now
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2017 19:46     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
Anonymous wrote:If you'd like to google a bit, you'll find that emotional abuse websites usually include "giving the cold shoulder" under emotionally abusive behavior. It's manipulative and unkind.


Calling giving someone the cold shoulder "emotionally abusive behavior" is ridiculous. Yes, it's dumb and immature but abusive? Is "not listening" emotionally abusive? Is "not doing what you are told" emotionally abusive? We've become a society where dumb, stupid acts that have been around forever are now given the descriptor "emotionally abusive behavior". Emotionally abusive behavior is when you treat someone with contempt, debase all they do and make them feel like a lesser being. Cold shoulder? Please - we all get the cold shoulder at many points in our lives and part of growing up is dealing with it.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2017 19:44     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
Anonymous wrote:If you'd like to google a bit, you'll find that emotional abuse websites usually include "giving the cold shoulder" under emotionally abusive behavior. It's manipulative and unkind.


Totally, it's like water boarding, but worse.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2017 18:35     Subject: I am currently being distant to wife
If you'd like to google a bit, you'll find that emotional abuse websites usually include "giving the cold shoulder" under emotionally abusive behavior. It's manipulative and unkind.