Anonymous wrote:

Guerita32 wrote:WHAT??

This blows my mind. You throw someone else's belongings away?

This is some of the most entitled and grossest behavior ever.

Disgusting.

Only really torn things that he's ok with. Otherwise, the only stuff I've tossed were old gf pictures that didn't belong in our home. Especially one that harassed us for some time. That's about it.

Ugh, I'm so glad that I am not married to you. Photos are something that is non-recoverable. While you are completely justified in asking that such photos be put in storage and not kept anywhere you can see them, throwing out someone else's memories of the past is really unacceptable behavior. You can ask him to throw them away, but if he wants to keep it, and put it in storage, that's his choice. Even if the person harassed you, you have no business throwing your spouse's belongings out. I would consider that controlling behavior, bordering on abusive. My belongings are mine to dispose of.

I just got DH to agree to have a tshirt quilt made with his worn out college shirts he keeps trying to wear in public. not quite throwing them away, but that's 20 less raggedy shirts he has to choose from.

Guerita32 wrote:WHAT??

This blows my mind. You throw someone else's belongings away?

This is some of the most entitled and grossest behavior ever.

Disgusting.

Only really torn things that he's ok with. Otherwise, the only stuff I've tossed were old gf pictures that didn't belong in our home. Especially one that harassed us for some time. That's about it.

Good grief. It's 1950 all over again!

I won't throw out something without asking, but in the several years between his mother's death and our joining of households, the man didn't replace any of his underwear, socks, towels, etc. He will put a hole ridden sock right back in the dresser. Now, I ask him to please toss it out and I will buy more socks, as I do 95% of the household shopping. Ditto underwear and grungy undershirts. He has his suits made when he's abroad and I replenish his Brooks Brothers dress shirts as I see them wear out.

The control freak part of me would like to hem his weekend jeans and cull his tshirt drawer, but it's not like I'm sitting around looking for more chores.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Better question is why marry someone who can't manage or rotate a wardrobe?

Basing your choices of a life partner on their ability to shop is definitely a good choice. So glad my dh still picked me even though I can't do car repairs.

I have a tall, skinny dh and until he sicced me on the stores, he never could find clothes that fit. Most shirts are made for men with stomachs. And the skinny men's clothes didn't have the wider shirt necks he needed.

I so have to second that. It's just about impossible to find a pair of jeans with a 32 waist and 36 inseam unless you order online, even then it's a tossup if they are going be true to sizing.

Fortunately I sew and can take in a pair of pants or reinforce a knee as needed. I still need a way to reinforce socks so they last longer than a few months.

Anonymous wrote:Better question is why marry someone who can't manage or rotate a wardrobe?

Basing your choices of a life partner on their ability to shop is definitely a good choice. So glad my dh still picked me even though I can't do car repairs.

I have a tall, skinny dh and until he sicced me on the stores, he never could find clothes that fit. Most shirts are made for men with stomachs. And the skinny men's clothes didn't have the wider shirt necks he needed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here and this sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I appreciate the way my wife always looks out for me and I like to help her too.

I usually go through her email and text messages before she reads them and delete the ones she doesn't need to see, to take that stress off her plate. Then I will review and edit her outgoing draft messages before they are sent to make sure she isn't saying anything embarrassing. Oh, and I clean her purse out for her periodically, too. That woman, I don't know what she'd do without me taking care of her.

My wife used to open my mail. I considered that crossing a line, mostly because I'd hear about my ATM withdrawals.

My husband checks my email sometimes as anything kid related comes to my email. His logic is to let me sleep, which I far prefer. He takes care of all the computers, phones and iPads so its easier to complain than to figure it out. Now, if I find out he makes an ATM withdrawal and money doesn't appear in my wallet, I get annoyed as I have to hunt down his to get money. We both rarely carry cash and when I do its because he usually puts it in there for me.

Pirahna Fish used to empty my wallet while I was sleeping. I'd be someplace knowing I had cash because I'd gotten cash yesterday, and damn it! Can someone cover me? I've been robbed again, marriage.

I've only done it once with a shirt that I absolutely hated.

Better question is why marry someone who can't manage or rotate a wardrobe?

Anonymous wrote:

I periodically edit his clothes, because I just don't want him to badly dressed. He sometimes looks around for something and tattered Tshirt, sweats with stains, like a momma cat looking for a missing kitty. I never confess because he would get mad. He should thank me.

I hope he throws your clothes away. This is as bad as opening mail addressed only to him.

I do that too. We have no secrets.

I bet you see this as a sign you have a really strong relationship.,it's actually a mark of abuse.

NP, here. PP you are nuts. I would love if my DH went through my mail (if he'd actually handle everything). And frankly, hypo-PP, if he wanted to clean up my email and/or purse, godspeed. We have shared bank accounts, shared phone plan, share each other's laptops, heck even the iphones in a pinch. It is bizarre to me how partners in DCUM marriages seem to want operate as two hostile states in national security lockdown. I have nothing to hide--much of my day-to-day is VERY boring, which is exactly why I'd love someone else to deal with 99% of it--and I'm sure DH would love to offload all of this to me too!

Do you have any friends? Any people in your life who may want to share something with you and NOT with your DH?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here and this sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I appreciate the way my wife always looks out for me and I like to help her too.

I usually go through her email and text messages before she reads them and delete the ones she doesn't need to see, to take that stress off her plate. Then I will review and edit her outgoing draft messages before they are sent to make sure she isn't saying anything embarrassing. Oh, and I clean her purse out for her periodically, too. That woman, I don't know what she'd do without me taking care of her.

My wife used to open my mail. I considered that crossing a line, mostly because I'd hear about my ATM withdrawals.

My husband checks my email sometimes as anything kid related comes to my email. His logic is to let me sleep, which I far prefer. He takes care of all the computers, phones and iPads so its easier to complain than to figure it out. Now, if I find out he makes an ATM withdrawal and money doesn't appear in my wallet, I get annoyed as I have to hunt down his to get money. We both rarely carry cash and when I do its because he usually puts it in there for me.