Anonymous wrote:First, we don't know that it doesn't bother him. We only hear her side. It would bother me if my spouse did nothing other than take care of the children and (presumably) look pretty. Judging from her posts, she's mid thirties. It wouldn't bother you to be that age and still cosseted like a child? What if he dies suddenly or leaves her for another woman?

Anonymous wrote:Is what I'm describing really that unusual? I don't know why so many people are quoting me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

No offense but what does your husband get out of this deal?

Quoted PP here. LOL, I didn't realize when I wrote this that I would be quoted this often. I don't really know what he gets out of it, we've never discussed it before and he's not introspective in the way you are talking about. When we got married, I had just turned 24 and he was 29, close to 30. We bought our first house right after our honeymoon. He had already been doing all this stuff on his own (like his taxes) so he started doing mine after our relationship was legalized. He does have a tendency to be controlling and kind of bossy. It just comes naturally to him to take the lead, especially when it comes to arranging things like travel details. For example, when we travel, he keeps all our passports in his bag and our boarding passes. Hands them out when we go through security, etc. then we hand them back. He hates the way I drive so he prefers to drive. He's very senior and respected in his office so he is used to having his opinion carry a lot of weight and it is something that has carried over into our relationship/our family. I don't usually mind because it's generally about stuff that I don't care about anyway (like investments or driving or carrying around the passports/airline tix when we travel). Our views on child rearing naturally align and we never fight about that. He wanted me to be a SAHM, I hated the career I had trained for, and was happy to quit. I haven't worked outside the home since I had our first child at 27 and I have really loved being home with the kids. The one area where we sometimes butt heads is home decor which I feel should naturally be my arena alone as I'm home way more often then he is but he still wants things his way. He doesn't always get it though As far as money goes, I have access to all our accounts and he "lets" me spend whatever I want but I usually give him a heads up out of respect. He has never said no to any request.

I wouldn't say I am "submissive." I don't even know what that means really. I would say that I am very laid back, easy going kind of person married to someone who is very Type A: ambitious, stubborn, high energy (he can't stand to sit still so when he's not working he's always working on projects in our home) and fairly controlling so our relationship might look strangely retro 1950s to other people. But we're happy so who cares? Honestly though if I was married to someone else, it would probably be different. It's not like I think all women should be "submissive" to their husbands or something. No way. It's just the way things have evolved over time due to circumstances.

Maybe you should discuss it then. Maybe he wants you to help out with this stuff rather than take care of you like you're another child.

Wow. Not PP, but your bitterness and jealousy is off.the.chain. She is coming on here and describing a problem free scenario, and you have to INVENT problems? Wow.

Come on. Have you read all her posts? He won't let her open their mail! He won't let her drive. He hands her passport out to her at the airport then collects it like she's another child. She admits to not knowing much about how their taxes and investments work. She wasn't even on the deed to their house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is what I'm describing really that unusual? I don't know why so many people are quoting me.

I think it is unusual for people on this board. Ultra feminism, "women are exactly like men" crowd. They have such a wildly different world view that it is apparently blowing their minds that one or both of you don't secretly hate each other. I have known several couples with the kind of marriage you are describing, so it doesn't seem so crazy to me. And obviously it works if each of you have the personality type for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

No offense but what does your husband get out of this deal?

Quoted PP here. LOL, I didn't realize when I wrote this that I would be quoted this often. I don't really know what he gets out of it, we've never discussed it before and he's not introspective in the way you are talking about. When we got married, I had just turned 24 and he was 29, close to 30. We bought our first house right after our honeymoon. He had already been doing all this stuff on his own (like his taxes) so he started doing mine after our relationship was legalized. He does have a tendency to be controlling and kind of bossy. It just comes naturally to him to take the lead, especially when it comes to arranging things like travel details. For example, when we travel, he keeps all our passports in his bag and our boarding passes. Hands them out when we go through security, etc. then we hand them back. He hates the way I drive so he prefers to drive. He's very senior and respected in his office so he is used to having his opinion carry a lot of weight and it is something that has carried over into our relationship/our family. I don't usually mind because it's generally about stuff that I don't care about anyway (like investments or driving or carrying around the passports/airline tix when we travel). Our views on child rearing naturally align and we never fight about that. He wanted me to be a SAHM, I hated the career I had trained for, and was happy to quit. I haven't worked outside the home since I had our first child at 27 and I have really loved being home with the kids. The one area where we sometimes butt heads is home decor which I feel should naturally be my arena alone as I'm home way more often then he is but he still wants things his way. He doesn't always get it though As far as money goes, I have access to all our accounts and he "lets" me spend whatever I want but I usually give him a heads up out of respect. He has never said no to any request.

I wouldn't say I am "submissive." I don't even know what that means really. I would say that I am very laid back, easy going kind of person married to someone who is very Type A: ambitious, stubborn, high energy (he can't stand to sit still so when he's not working he's always working on projects in our home) and fairly controlling so our relationship might look strangely retro 1950s to other people. But we're happy so who cares? Honestly though if I was married to someone else, it would probably be different. It's not like I think all women should be "submissive" to their husbands or something. No way. It's just the way things have evolved over time due to circumstances.

Maybe you should discuss it then. Maybe he wants you to help out with this stuff rather than take care of you like you're another child.

Wow. Not PP, but your bitterness and jealousy is off.the.chain. She is coming on here and describing a problem free scenario, and you have to INVENT problems? Wow.

Anonymous wrote:Is what I'm describing really that unusual? I don't know why so many people are quoting me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

It's not too late to change that dynamic a bit if you want to. I say this as someone with a mother who was like you. She has no idea about finances, taxes etc. She is 60 ( with hopefully a lot of years left), but it hit her hard when my dad's health failed.
Caused alot of additional family stress at a time when additional stress wasn't needed.
Your husband can still take the lead on things, but it shouldn't be an issue for him to include you on the details, so you are not left lost and in the dark if something happens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

No offense but what does your husband get out of this deal?

Quoted PP here. LOL, I didn't realize when I wrote this that I would be quoted this often. I don't really know what he gets out of it, we've never discussed it before and he's not introspective in the way you are talking about. When we got married, I had just turned 24 and he was 29, close to 30. We bought our first house right after our honeymoon. He had already been doing all this stuff on his own (like his taxes) so he started doing mine after our relationship was legalized. He does have a tendency to be controlling and kind of bossy. It just comes naturally to him to take the lead, especially when it comes to arranging things like travel details. For example, when we travel, he keeps all our passports in his bag and our boarding passes. Hands them out when we go through security, etc. then we hand them back. He hates the way I drive so he prefers to drive. He's very senior and respected in his office so he is used to having his opinion carry a lot of weight and it is something that has carried over into our relationship/our family. I don't usually mind because it's generally about stuff that I don't care about anyway (like investments or driving or carrying around the passports/airline tix when we travel). Our views on child rearing naturally align and we never fight about that. He wanted me to be a SAHM, I hated the career I had trained for, and was happy to quit. I haven't worked outside the home since I had our first child at 27 and I have really loved being home with the kids. The one area where we sometimes butt heads is home decor which I feel should naturally be my arena alone as I'm home way more often then he is but he still wants things his way. He doesn't always get it though As far as money goes, I have access to all our accounts and he "lets" me spend whatever I want but I usually give him a heads up out of respect. He has never said no to any request.

I wouldn't say I am "submissive." I don't even know what that means really. I would say that I am very laid back, easy going kind of person married to someone who is very Type A: ambitious, stubborn, high energy (he can't stand to sit still so when he's not working he's always working on projects in our home) and fairly controlling so our relationship might look strangely retro 1950s to other people. But we're happy so who cares? Honestly though if I was married to someone else, it would probably be different. It's not like I think all women should be "submissive" to their husbands or something. No way. It's just the way things have evolved over time due to circumstances.

Maybe you should discuss it then. Maybe he wants you to help out with this stuff rather than take care of you like you're another child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

No offense but what does your husband get out of this deal?

Quoted PP here. LOL, I didn't realize when I wrote this that I would be quoted this often. I don't really know what he gets out of it, we've never discussed it before and he's not introspective in the way you are talking about. When we got married, I had just turned 24 and he was 29, close to 30. We bought our first house right after our honeymoon. He had already been doing all this stuff on his own (like his taxes) so he started doing mine after our relationship was legalized. He does have a tendency to be controlling and kind of bossy. It just comes naturally to him to take the lead, especially when it comes to arranging things like travel details. For example, when we travel, he keeps all our passports in his bag and our boarding passes. Hands them out when we go through security, etc. then we hand them back. He hates the way I drive so he prefers to drive. He's very senior and respected in his office so he is used to having his opinion carry a lot of weight and it is something that has carried over into our relationship/our family. I don't usually mind because it's generally about stuff that I don't care about anyway (like investments or driving or carrying around the passports/airline tix when we travel). Our views on child rearing naturally align and we never fight about that. He wanted me to be a SAHM, I hated the career I had trained for, and was happy to quit. I haven't worked outside the home since I had our first child at 27 and I have really loved being home with the kids. The one area where we sometimes butt heads is home decor which I feel should naturally be my arena alone as I'm home way more often then he is but he still wants things his way. He doesn't always get it though As far as money goes, I have access to all our accounts and he "lets" me spend whatever I want but I usually give him a heads up out of respect. He has never said no to any request.

I wouldn't say I am "submissive." I don't even know what that means really. I would say that I am very laid back, easy going kind of person married to someone who is very Type A: ambitious, stubborn, high energy (he can't stand to sit still so when he's not working he's always working on projects in our home) and fairly controlling so our relationship might look strangely retro 1950s to other people. But we're happy so who cares? Honestly though if I was married to someone else, it would probably be different. It's not like I think all women should be "submissive" to their husbands or something. No way. It's just the way things have evolved over time due to circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

No offense but what does your husband get out of this deal?