Hi all, OP here. Chemicals have definitely subsided. Thanks for all the good advice.

If my DH told me this? It would not end well. DO NOT tell him.

My Dad cheated and left the family for the other woman when I was 3. I mostly ignore his calls now, and -- when I had a son of my own -- I figured out I had a lot of unresolved anger over what the fucker had done. That was over 40 years ago.

Just one person's story.

Anonymous wrote:What would you say to those thinking of re-igniting an affair?

Are you still in your marriage? Don't be a fool. You can't understand what is wrong with this? How much incredible pain you will be inflicting on people you allegedly love?

What would you say to those thinking of re-igniting an affair?

Don't do it. Even though it's fun and whirling up a lot of exciting new feelings the grass is NOT greener. Once the excitement fades you will feel ashamed and that's hoping your family doesn't find out

Anonymous wrote:12:05 again. If it's not enough to just do the right thing, know this: if you have an affair, it will not end well, no matter how it goes. If one of you falls for the other, but it's not reciprocated - no good. If either of your spouses find out - no good. If you fall in love with each other and decide to divorce your respective spouses, you will always have guilt, and probably the scorn of more than a few people. There is no positive outcome from an affair, ultimately.

Yup. Imagine you both fall for each other and pine for them but you can never be together...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:05 again. If it's not enough to just do the right thing, know this: if you have an affair, it will not end well, no matter how it goes. If one of you falls for the other, but it's not reciprocated - no good. If either of your spouses find out - no good. If you fall in love with each other and decide to divorce your respective spouses, you will always have guilt, and probably the scorn of more than a few people. There is no positive outcome from an affair, ultimately.

This. Exactly. You don't mention children, but if you have children, they will find out sooner or later and you will lose their respect for the rest of your life. And are you ready for friends, family, co-workers, etc. to whisper behind your back until the end of time that you are cheater? For scandal to follow you like a cloud? Many friends will have nothing to do with you once they know.

I won't argue that affairs are destructive but I think you overestimate how much other people will care. No one will whisper behind your back until the end of time. People are way too focused on their own lives to care about what you did or didn't do. Nothing will follow you like a cloud and your friends won't care. We just aren't that important to anyone else.

Also, if I found out either of my parents cheated, it wouldn't change how I feel about them in the slightest.

My parents divorced because of cheating. I despise the cheater and deny all contact. I despised the cheater even more after I grew up and knew what marriage was.

So no, maybe not "everyone" will know about what you did and lose respect for you. Just the most important people in your life (relatives, children).

I don't know how people would let this slide. The unfaithful parent just brought dysfunction into the household. Why would anybody do that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:05 again. If it's not enough to just do the right thing, know this: if you have an affair, it will not end well, no matter how it goes. If one of you falls for the other, but it's not reciprocated - no good. If either of your spouses find out - no good. If you fall in love with each other and decide to divorce your respective spouses, you will always have guilt, and probably the scorn of more than a few people. There is no positive outcome from an affair, ultimately.

This. Exactly. You don't mention children, but if you have children, they will find out sooner or later and you will lose their respect for the rest of your life. And are you ready for friends, family, co-workers, etc. to whisper behind your back until the end of time that you are cheater? For scandal to follow you like a cloud? Many friends will have nothing to do with you once they know.

I won't argue that affairs are destructive but I think you overestimate how much other people will care. No one will whisper behind your back until the end of time. People are way too focused on their own lives to care about what you did or didn't do. Nothing will follow you like a cloud and your friends won't care. We just aren't that important to anyone else.

Also, if I found out either of my parents cheated, it wouldn't change how I feel about them in the slightest.

My parents divorced because of cheating. I despise the cheater and deny all contact. I despised the cheater even more after I grew up and knew what marriage was.

So no, maybe not "everyone" will know about what you did and lose respect for you. Just the most important people in your life (relatives, children).

Anonymous wrote:I felt like things were getting too flirty with a guy at work. I told my husband.

It made me feel better to tell him. I knew then I wouldn't do anything.

Of course now, as DH, paranoia goes into overdrive. "Did she just tell me that to deceive me because she's already having sex with this guy?"

This is the most savage thread that I have read in awhile. I don't want to slut shame, but some of y'all need Jesus.

I felt like things were getting too flirty with a guy at work. I told my husband.

It made me feel better to tell him. I knew then I wouldn't do anything. I had always known I wouldn't, but this just confirmed it. My spouse and I are in it for the long haul. We know we both can admire other people and not act on it. You wouldn't be human if you went through life and never felt a spark between yourself and another person.

It feels good to feel a connection with someone. It can even be intoxicating. But feeling is not acting. You can share a close moment with someone without physically acting on it.

Stick with your husband. There's a lot of rewards that come from long term fidelity. Maybe read the book Passionate Marriage to bring some excitement back into your married bedroom....

Anonymous wrote:Think how good it would feel to make sweaty, passionate love with this man. You will probably never feel this way again about anybody, and soon you will be old. He could be your soulmate.

[Somebody had to make the opposite case.]

Now think of your kids knowing Mom is a cheater, and knowing that the rest of their lives.

Anonymous wrote:Think how good it would feel to make sweaty, passionate love with this man. You will probably never feel this way again about anybody, and soon you will be old. He could be your soulmate.

[Somebody had to make the opposite case.]

So true! Yolo

Think how good it would feel to make sweaty, passionate love with this man. You will probably never feel this way again about anybody, and soon you will be old. He could be your soulmate.

[Somebody had to make the opposite case.]