Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nah. I've never touched my trust as we make plenty of money. My kids have trusts too, so I think we are okay.

Anyway. I think we've established that people without trusts simply can't relate. So, reflexively they accuse people with trusts, because you have absolutely no idea what you would do in another's shoes- you won't ever have to worry about it.

This is just beating a dead horse though. You win, if you want. I feel very lucky to have what we have and don't need to "win" with you.

The only thing I saw established was that some people couldn't imagine being married without legally shielding their assets from their spouses. I'm glad I'm not in that kind of marriage.

I don't think you really understand the situation. It's not the spouse shielding "their" assets. It's the spouse's parent protecting the parent's assets. It's the parent's money and it's their right to decide how they're going to give it. If you, the DIL, think you need more control -- well then, you just have to be prepared to reject the money.

I am the DIL in this situation and I am more than willing to sign a pre-nup for the down payment gift my MIL gave us. That's because I realize that she's doing it for her family, and not for me, per se. I also know how very hard she worked for her money. And, I benefit from the money regardless of the prenup: I'm on the deed, so I get all the appreciation from the house (well, 1/2 if we split up). I also benefit from living in a great house in a good school zone close to work. Basically I don't feel like I have any right to MIL's money, and she's giving me a lot just by helping us buy the house.

However, I never would have agreed to her actually being on the deed. That is crazy talk. DH has the right to get back the money she gave him out of the house sale (proportionate to any loss) and that's it. We needed an additional mortgage to cover the balance on the house, and it's just DH and I on it.

I think it depends on the size of the gift. $100k, yeah I'd have concerns. $10k, not so much.

Anonymous wrote:Divorce occurs ~50% - You all have life insurance right? I'm sure your death rate is not 50%, so why buy it? You're mixing emotion with reality. if you don't have a prenup you deserve to lose it.

to OP - if you're this worried about a divorce, I would give an amount you are comfortable "losing" for deposit, and gift money towards the children's college fund/private school education or to your DC directly after they are married.

Death rate is 100%.

Not good with numbers, are you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My trust is very large. I have a ton of confidence in my marriage of 12 years and three kids. I don't believe he would ever leave- BUT if, say, he cheated you think he gets 1/2 of the money I have in a trust?

Nope. It's not about having a good marriage or not- it's common sense.

I get that but you do have to admit that you don't fully trust him.
Otherwise, you wouldn't say that.
I totally understand, you want insurance.

I think that it's easy to say what you'd do when it isn't an issue for you.

NP here; the "issue" for you is the lack of trust you have in your husband and marriage. PP nailed it.

Okay. You guys know me! I'm busted!

Get back to me when you can talk about your trust funds and what trustees mandate.

You don't get it--there are things more important to some people than money. If someone had told me to choose between my wife and a bajillion dollar trust, I'd have chosen (and continue to choose) my wife every time.

Forgive me for being obtuse- but I'm happily married. In what scenario would I have to choose between my trust and my spouse?

Are you in a religion where people are not allowed to be wealthy AND married?

I think what the trust funders are telling us is that some trusts might require their beneficiaries to enter into a pre-nup, perhaps upon pain of losing access to the money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We gifted our daughter $50,000 towards a house with the understanding that this amount would be deducted before her inheritance from our estate was calculated. This was put in writing and I'm sure could be used in any divorce proceeding as a way to increase her equity in the house.

Sounds like its a marital asset.

They both love in the house? Absolutely a marital asset.

Anonymous wrote:We gifted our daughter $50,000 towards a house with the understanding that this amount would be deducted before her inheritance from our estate was calculated. This was put in writing and I'm sure could be used in any divorce proceeding as a way to increase her equity in the house.

Sounds like its a marital asset.

Divorce occurs ~50% - You all have life insurance right? I'm sure your death rate is not 50%, so why buy it? You're mixing emotion with reality. if you don't have a prenup you deserve to lose it.

to OP - if you're this worried about a divorce, I would give an amount you are comfortable "losing" for deposit, and gift money towards the children's college fund/private school education or to your DC directly after they are married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nah. I've never touched my trust as we make plenty of money. My kids have trusts too, so I think we are okay.

Anyway. I think we've established that people without trusts simply can't relate. So, reflexively they accuse people with trusts, because you have absolutely no idea what you would do in another's shoes- you won't ever have to worry about it.

This is just beating a dead horse though. You win, if you want. I feel very lucky to have what we have and don't need to "win" with you.

The only thing I saw established was that some people couldn't imagine being married without legally shielding their assets from their spouses. I'm glad I'm not in that kind of marriage.

If you get married and have a trust the law shields that. The law also shields inheritance. I'm glad I'm not married to someone with as little financial savvy as you, so I guess it all worked out well! I'm protected and we are wealthy, and you share your pretend money with your spouse. We all get what we want!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nah. I've never touched my trust as we make plenty of money. My kids have trusts too, so I think we are okay.

Anyway. I think we've established that people without trusts simply can't relate. So, reflexively they accuse people with trusts, because you have absolutely no idea what you would do in another's shoes- you won't ever have to worry about it.

This is just beating a dead horse though. You win, if you want. I feel very lucky to have what we have and don't need to "win" with you.

The only thing I saw established was that some people couldn't imagine being married without legally shielding their assets from their spouses. I'm glad I'm not in that kind of marriage.

Agree

FFS I'm so sick of these people with multi million dollar trusts who can't figure out why the rest of us can't make life work.

We gifted our daughter $50,000 towards a house with the understanding that this amount would be deducted before her inheritance from our estate was calculated. This was put in writing and I'm sure could be used in any divorce proceeding as a way to increase her equity in the house.

Anonymous wrote:Nah. I've never touched my trust as we make plenty of money. My kids have trusts too, so I think we are okay.

Anyway. I think we've established that people without trusts simply can't relate. So, reflexively they accuse people with trusts, because you have absolutely no idea what you would do in another's shoes- you won't ever have to worry about it.

This is just beating a dead horse though. You win, if you want. I feel very lucky to have what we have and don't need to "win" with you.

The only thing I saw established was that some people couldn't imagine being married without legally shielding their assets from their spouses. I'm glad I'm not in that kind of marriage.

Nah. I've never touched my trust as we make plenty of money. My kids have trusts too, so I think we are okay.

Anyway. I think we've established that people without trusts simply can't relate. So, reflexively they accuse people with trusts, because you have absolutely no idea what you would do in another's shoes- you won't ever have to worry about it.

This is just beating a dead horse though. You win, if you want. I feel very lucky to have what we have and don't need to "win" with you.

Anonymous wrote:That's why people comparing 6 figure inheritances are not comparing apples to apples when talking about a large (8 digit millions) trust.

They are very different things.

Exactly. The latter is deathly afraid they'll end up like the former, and it makes them weird.