Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh -- a lot of people have to go back to work insanely early, like even 6 weeks. The baby will be fine if your parents are willing to do it. You'll be with her at home for the whole rest of the time.

OP here. When I toured daycares with my first, I saw babies as young as 6 weeks at daycare. I genuinely felt bad and sorry for them. I guess my reasoning was many moms have to go back to work when kids are 3 months so I thought it may be ok to leave our same aged child for a few days for vacation.

We will not be booking anything until baby is born. We will see how things go. DH may book his flights with older kids and see if I and/or baby will also be going.

Oh my goodness... where to start with this.

When you work, it's usually for 8 out of the 24 hours (OK, 9...factor in commute). 9 hrs at a time, five out of seven days of the week, is a very different separation than 168 at one go. A baby 2-3 months old is still in the 4th trimester and most moms find it really hard to take even that 9 hour separation. I'm not talking about the needs of the baby here, but about the symbiosis and where the mother usually is physiologically in that process of separation. Sure, everyone needs a few hours break here and there, but that's very different than taking a week away.

With work, you also have a very different choice to face. Either you go back, or you lose your job and possibly your career, depending on the kind of work you do and how many on/off ramps there are. For moms who have decided that in the big picture it is better overall for their families if they work, it's a hard choice but it must be made.

You're talking about an elective beach vacation. Yes, spring break is coming up. So is summer vacation very shortly thereafter. You don't have one hard choice to make, you have many options, which is why I think you're getting the responses you are. I personally think it sounds like the urgency in your case doesn't come from scheduling so much as a feeling of being overwhelmed, depressed, and resenting your own choice to bring another very dependent being into this world.

I work and have done trips away when baby was 4 months, have another one coming up when baby is 3 months. I don't feel guilty. But the main thing on my mind (since I cannot reschedule these conferences) is how to make my stay as short as possible, even if that means flying in and out the same day or whatever. It's no joke to pump for all that time, to build a stash, etc. I know you said you don't want to be bothered about breastfeeding, and everyone has their reasons. But breastfeeding, among many other things, is also an emotional reminder of how often that baby needs you. Of course it's really hard, we all get that... you just sound so unhappy and it sounds like this vacation is an escape from dealing with your reality, not something that will actually help you address these feelings. Good luck, I hope you get some help for yourself -- happy mother = happy baby.

You are not selfish. The baby will be fine for a few days with the grandparents. Go and enjoy yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, 2-3 mo would be a hard time for me to enjoy being away for all the reasons PPs mentioned. But it's really a personal choice.

The main thing I would say from reading your post is that you should try to address the guilt with a therapist. It's not helping your kids to be coming from a place of guilt, and I would imagine it doesn't help you to be clear on what you really want and need.

I don't feel guilt now that I stay home. I have 100% attendance for kid events and activities. I spend tons of quality time with my children.

I know where my guilt comes from - my parents! Parents are very religious and always tried to make me feel guilty even when I shouldn't have to.

I do feel bad about potentially leaving my young baby but I also know that bringing a small baby to the beach is miserable. one of the worst vacations we ever had was going to the beach with a 3 month old when second was born. We had no gear besides pack n play and a car seat stroller combo. We had to hold baby the entire time and it was like 90 degrees outside. It was hot enough without the baby and then you were just tired and hot holding the baby.

I hear you. At the same time, you do keep saying here that you give up "a lot" for the kids, and it seems like that feeling of constant sacrifice is both wearing you down and making you subconsciously resentful. You know, I think any mom with a relatively new baby will tell you that 2-3 months is a tough time to be away for a week. The fact that you still want it so much sort of makes me feel that it comes from a place of needing to assert your freedom from the needs of this new being and not from it being just a fun thing to do.

My mother gave up her career to stay home with us and we always knew that part of her felt unhappy. I really encourage you to explore these feelings a little more and figure out what would really make YOU happy. You can always choose against it, but right now it seems you're using this ambivalence about work/motherhood to justify little rebellions here and there rather than working it towards a more sustainable longterm balance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh -- a lot of people have to go back to work insanely early, like even 6 weeks. The baby will be fine if your parents are willing to do it. You'll be with her at home for the whole rest of the time.

OP here. When I toured daycares with my first, I saw babies as young as 6 weeks at daycare. I genuinely felt bad and sorry for them. I guess my reasoning was many moms have to go back to work when kids are 3 months so I thought it may be ok to leave our same aged child for a few days for vacation.

We will not be booking anything until baby is born. We will see how things go. DH may book his flights with older kids and see if I and/or baby will also be going.

OP--since you've made up your mind about waiting until the baby is born, I'd suggest you contact Jeff, the moderator, to lock this thread. You've got your answers and if you don't lock it, the same exact answers will post over and over and over with nothing new added to the conversation.

You can click on the "Report" button at the bottom right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before I had my daughter I would have said yes, go. My mother left me with a revolving door of nannies for my while entire childhood. I can't remember any conversation with her that doesn't involve her standing in her closet or in the bathroom with her back to me.

And I thought I'd parent the same way. I came out fine. Then she was born, and there was no way in hell.

We bring the kids on vacation and bring someone with us so DH and I can slip away for alone time.

DH suggested we bring MIL with us but I don't want to travel with MIL.

I actually suggested that DH stay behind with MIL and baby and I will travel with our older children alone.

Don't know if it matters but I have awful pregnancies. I have been sick and puking these past 9 months. I'm so uncomfortable. I just want to lay out at the beach and relax for a few days. Our kids are in elementary school and awesome to travel with nowadays. They can spend a few hours at kids club while I hit the spa. It sounds lovely.

Ugh. The. Why have the third. I can not imagine leaving a newborn. Because you want to lay out at the beach.

Most all SAHMs say and daydream about getting a break from their kids. Most may not go through with it but they definitely think it. I am thinking and writing this on an anonymous message board. Probably unlikely it will actually happen. Spa day at mandarin oriental to get a break? Much more likely.

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband a teacher where spring break is his only opportunity until late June?

If he is not a teacher, then I would time it sometime in May or early June before your kids get out of school.

That way, you will not have to deal with drunk college kids tearing up everything around.

At least some of your kids will be in school for part of the day, giving the grandparents a little bit of a break. Caring for a newborn and two other kids around the clock without a break is very difficult, especially for older grandparents who have not parented in many years.

Also, your baby will be older, closer to 5 or 6 months, which is the golden age for newborns. This will make things much easier for the baby and much easier for the grandparents.

Just plan for the trip to be later than spring break.

DH is not a teacher. Our kids are the ones tied to school schedules.

Anonymous wrote:Eh -- a lot of people have to go back to work insanely early, like even 6 weeks. The baby will be fine if your parents are willing to do it. You'll be with her at home for the whole rest of the time.

OP here. When I toured daycares with my first, I saw babies as young as 6 weeks at daycare. I genuinely felt bad and sorry for them. I guess my reasoning was many moms have to go back to work when kids are 3 months so I thought it may be ok to leave our same aged child for a few days for vacation.

We will not be booking anything until baby is born. We will see how things go. DH may book his flights with older kids and see if I and/or baby will also be going.

Is your husband a teacher where spring break is his only opportunity until late June?

If he is not a teacher, then I would time it sometime in May or early June before your kids get out of school.

That way, you will not have to deal with drunk college kids tearing up everything around.

At least some of your kids will be in school for part of the day, giving the grandparents a little bit of a break. Caring for a newborn and two other kids around the clock without a break is very difficult, especially for older grandparents who have not parented in many years.

Also, your baby will be older, closer to 5 or 6 months, which is the golden age for newborns. This will make things much easier for the baby and much easier for the grandparents.

Just plan for the trip to be later than spring break.

I haven't read the other replies, but here's my two cents: I left my toddler in the care of grandparents for a week and taken my 2-month old with me on vacation. It was great. I would've had a really hard time leaving my infant, but my toddler had a great time and I was able to enjoy the vacation. I would consider taking your baby with you and leaving your older kids with the grandparents.

Eh -- a lot of people have to go back to work insanely early, like even 6 weeks. The baby will be fine if your parents are willing to do it. You'll be with her at home for the whole rest of the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before I had my daughter I would have said yes, go. My mother left me with a revolving door of nannies for my while entire childhood. I can't remember any conversation with her that doesn't involve her standing in her closet or in the bathroom with her back to me.

And I thought I'd parent the same way. I came out fine. Then she was born, and there was no way in hell.

We bring the kids on vacation and bring someone with us so DH and I can slip away for alone time.

DH suggested we bring MIL with us but I don't want to travel with MIL.

I actually suggested that DH stay behind with MIL and baby and I will travel with our older children alone.

Don't know if it matters but I have awful pregnancies. I have been sick and puking these past 9 months. I'm so uncomfortable. I just want to lay out at the beach and relax for a few days. Our kids are in elementary school and awesome to travel with nowadays. They can spend a few hours at kids club while I hit the spa. It sounds lovely.

Ugh. The. Why have the third. I can not imagine leaving a newborn. Because you want to lay out at the beach.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with others that you sound incredibly selfish. 2-3 months is too young and putting too much on the grandparents. I'd have a different opinion if the baby would be 6 months and older, but 2-3 months just isn't the right time.

totally disagree. at 2-3 months the baby is barely conscious and really has little idea who is taking care of him/her as long as they are loving. If OP is confident in the grandparents caregiving there is absolutely no reason she shouldn't do this.

Oh FFS. The bolded is SO untrue. Freaking newborns can discern the difference between their mothers and other people, and you think a three month old is barely conscious?! SMH.

This favorite DCUM notion that young infants can't tell who takes care of them is such garbage.

They have to say that. How else could they justify the amount of time they spend away from their infants? It's just whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess.

In addition to working FT, I cared for my infants 14-24 hours per day depending on the day. We have a great bond, I have a great job, and I sleep just fine, thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with others that you sound incredibly selfish. 2-3 months is too young and putting too much on the grandparents. I'd have a different opinion if the baby would be 6 months and older, but 2-3 months just isn't the right time.

totally disagree. at 2-3 months the baby is barely conscious and really has little idea who is taking care of him/her as long as they are loving. If OP is confident in the grandparents caregiving there is absolutely no reason she shouldn't do this.

Oh FFS. The bolded is SO untrue. Freaking newborns can discern the difference between their mothers and other people, and you think a three month old is barely conscious?! SMH.

This favorite DCUM notion that young infants can't tell who takes care of them is such garbage.

The baby would be absolutely fine (I left #2 at that age for a short work conference). But this is very unfair to ask of the grandparents. My husband was home with our baby. If you need to get away, go alone or with your older kids and let DH care for the baby at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with others that you sound incredibly selfish. 2-3 months is too young and putting too much on the grandparents. I'd have a different opinion if the baby would be 6 months and older, but 2-3 months just isn't the right time.

totally disagree. at 2-3 months the baby is barely conscious and really has little idea who is taking care of him/her as long as they are loving. If OP is confident in the grandparents caregiving there is absolutely no reason she shouldn't do this.

Oh FFS. The bolded is SO untrue. Freaking newborns can discern the difference between their mothers and other people, and you think a three month old is barely conscious?! SMH.

This favorite DCUM notion that young infants can't tell who takes care of them is such garbage.

They have to say that. How else could they justify the amount of time they spend away from their infants? It's just whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with others that you sound incredibly selfish. 2-3 months is too young and putting too much on the grandparents. I'd have a different opinion if the baby would be 6 months and older, but 2-3 months just isn't the right time.

totally disagree. at 2-3 months the baby is barely conscious and really has little idea who is taking care of him/her as long as they are loving. If OP is confident in the grandparents caregiving there is absolutely no reason she shouldn't do this.

Oh FFS. The bolded is SO untrue. Freaking newborns can discern the difference between their mothers and other people, and you think a three month old is barely conscious?! SMH.

This favorite DCUM notion that young infants can't tell who takes care of them is such garbage.