Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

Hi OP, you seem really cool. I replied to you upthread about him texting you Monday or not at all. A bit more of my wisdom for you.....

1) He has a girlfriend. That is why he didn't text you or respond to you. If he was truly single, based on the chemistry you described and his wanting to sleep with you that night, he would at least have replied to you on social media. If for no other reason, to keep you simmering on the back burner, "in case of emergency, text OP" status. That he didn't even respond indicates he realizes he can get in trouble with his girlfriend and he realizes its not worth the risk of texting with a girl he isn't sleeping with. Men are dogs. Especially handsome men who can woo a woman over drinks and get her to the point of almost going home with him.

2) His sharing emotional stories with you, they are very authentic versions of him, but I will tell you why he shared them: a) he was very comfortable talking to you (go OP!) which is a compliment to you that you put him at ease to do so; but also b) people love talking about themselves. If you give someone booze and a microphone, they will talk about themselves. In fact, when I was single, I learned that what made me a great date was asking women questions, and letting them talk....about themselves.

Better that you didn't sleep with him. He would have ghosted you. Have fun in the dating world, it will be over before you know it!

Op here,
Yes, more great points, thank you. Makes sense to me. I appreciate the "it's not you it's him" version of events
I actually have dates on Friday and Saturday lined up so I'm pretty much over it but sincerely appreciate all the help for navigating this in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

Hi OP, you seem really cool. I replied to you upthread about him texting you Monday or not at all. A bit more of my wisdom for you.....

1) He has a girlfriend. That is why he didn't text you or respond to you. If he was truly single, based on the chemistry you described and his wanting to sleep with you that night, he would at least have replied to you on social media. If for no other reason, to keep you simmering on the back burner, "in case of emergency, text OP" status. That he didn't even respond indicates he realizes he can get in trouble with his girlfriend and he realizes its not worth the risk of texting with a girl he isn't sleeping with. Men are dogs. Especially handsome men who can woo a woman over drinks and get her to the point of almost going home with him.

2) His sharing emotional stories with you, they are very authentic versions of him, but I will tell you why he shared them: a) he was very comfortable talking to you (go OP!) which is a compliment to you that you put him at ease to do so; but also b) people love talking about themselves. If you give someone booze and a microphone, they will talk about themselves. In fact, when I was single, I learned that what made me a great date was asking women questions, and letting them talk....about themselves.

Better that you didn't sleep with him. He would have ghosted you. Have fun in the dating world, it will be over before you know it!

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP finding someone on FB or other social media is fine if you met at a bar or party and didn't exchange information. But if he has your number already finding and messaging him, especially so soon, is too much.

I'd likely block someone who did this. In the future, OP, ask your male friends what they would think and/or do. When sharing/swapping dating stories - I've heard many of my male friends laugh or be mildly freaked out by the women who found them on social media and contacted them. With that being said, I did end up texting a guy whose number I had and hadn't heard from after a second date just to say "thanks, had a good time and would love to go to a baseball game if up for it". Did hear back and now married and with a kid.

How old are you? It's not a knock on you, but younger people use social media a bit differently and friending or messaging someone you met out and had a good conversation with is not totally out of line.

I think you are missing the point. She gave the guy her number. He DIDN'T use it. There is probably a reason for this. Therefore, going and finding him on FB and messaging him, was creepy and stalkerish.

I agree with the posters who have said that he was probably just looking for a hook up and when it didn't work out, moved on. And as for the conversation, the guys with a lot of game are the ones who have intimate conversations and want to make you feel comfortable like they are emotionally available, sensitive, etc.

I am a guy, and I would say that if a girl gave me her number and I was interested, I would always send a text, something simple like I hope you and your friends got home safe. It is a non-committal text, doesn't come off as desperate, but opens the door for her to engage in a conversation if she wants to, or not respond at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP finding someone on FB or other social media is fine if you met at a bar or party and didn't exchange information. But if he has your number already finding and messaging him, especially so soon, is too much.

I'd likely block someone who did this. In the future, OP, ask your male friends what they would think and/or do. When sharing/swapping dating stories - I've heard many of my male friends laugh or be mildly freaked out by the women who found them on social media and contacted them. With that being said, I did end up texting a guy whose number I had and hadn't heard from after a second date just to say "thanks, had a good time and would love to go to a baseball game if up for it". Did hear back and now married and with a kid.

How old are you? It's not a knock on you, but younger people use social media a bit differently and friending or messaging someone you met out and had a good conversation with is not totally out of line.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

Hi OP, you seem really cool. I replied to you upthread about him texting you Monday or not at all. A bit more of my wisdom for you.....

1) He has a girlfriend. That is why he didn't text you or respond to you. If he was truly single, based on the chemistry you described and his wanting to sleep with you that night, he would at least have replied to you on social media. If for no other reason, to keep you simmering on the back burner, "in case of emergency, text OP" status. That he didn't even respond indicates he realizes he can get in trouble with his girlfriend and he realizes its not worth the risk of texting with a girl he isn't sleeping with. Men are dogs. Especially handsome men who can woo a woman over drinks and get her to the point of almost going home with him.

2) His sharing emotional stories with you, they are very authentic versions of him, but I will tell you why he shared them: a) he was very comfortable talking to you (go OP!) which is a compliment to you that you put him at ease to do so; but also b) people love talking about themselves. If you give someone booze and a microphone, they will talk about themselves. In fact, when I was single, I learned that what made me a great date was asking women questions, and letting them talk....about themselves.

Better that you didn't sleep with him. He would have ghosted you. Have fun in the dating world, it will be over before you know it!

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

I wasn't replying to you when I said that you were missing the point. I was replying to the poster who said that FB is for finding and messaging people...

I understand that you wanted to have a hook up. And that is totally cool. But the fact of the matter is, he hasn't responded to you. I think that your original assumption that he was interested and that he felt like you blew him off was incorrect. You showed that you were clearly into him, you had a discussion about what you wanted to do sexually, etc. Maybe he has a girlfriend or a wife or something. I could see that happening. He's out, has the chance to have a hook up, but since you weren't available that night, he had to go home to his wife or girlfriend.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:Ok. I my world, if I met a guy and had a really great, long and emotionally intimate conversation, and at the end of it he asked me to his place to have sex (as opposed to asking me for my number so we could go out again), I would assume he was only interested in a hook up and nothing serious.

Am I wrong about this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP finding someone on FB or other social media is fine if you met at a bar or party and didn't exchange information. But if he has your number already finding and messaging him, especially so soon, is too much.

I'd likely block someone who did this. In the future, OP, ask your male friends what they would think and/or do. When sharing/swapping dating stories - I've heard many of my male friends laugh or be mildly freaked out by the women who found them on social media and contacted them. With that being said, I did end up texting a guy whose number I had and hadn't heard from after a second date just to say "thanks, had a good time and would love to go to a baseball game if up for it". Did hear back and now married and with a kid.

How old are you? It's not a knock on you, but younger people use social media a bit differently and friending or messaging someone you met out and had a good conversation with is not totally out of line.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP finding someone on FB or other social media is fine if you met at a bar or party and didn't exchange information. But if he has your number already finding and messaging him, especially so soon, is too much.

I'd likely block someone who did this. In the future, OP, ask your male friends what they would think and/or do. When sharing/swapping dating stories - I've heard many of my male friends laugh or be mildly freaked out by the women who found them on social media and contacted them. With that being said, I did end up texting a guy whose number I had and hadn't heard from after a second date just to say "thanks, had a good time and would love to go to a baseball game if up for it". Did hear back and now married and with a kid.