Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This post is exactly why I have always feared leaving the work force as a woman.

Anonymous wrote:A 50th birthday party at a restaurant or venue with a bar tab will be well over $1k. I host business dinners for 10 people that easily cost more than $1k, and nobody is drinking heavily (since it's a business meal, not a party).

Again: if your husband has told you what he wants...and he was very specific...then *that* is precisely what he wants. I'm sure he knows how much it costs, so I wouldn't worry about cost.

And FFS, do not drag your sports-loving husband to a Broadway show for his 50th birthday. Not cool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: Thanks to those who answered the actual question. I work FT and actually now make a little bit more than my husband, so the whole debate with the random guy who responded about his SAH wife is not really germane for me personally.

I know that no one can gauge my budget, so that wasn't what I was asking (as I noted at the outset.) We literally NEVER spend serious money, although I manage to spend a lot in Target or grocery runs. We both have respectable DC salaries (not Big Law, think two veteran fed level salaries.) But between two kids and the fact that my husband grew up as a poor immigrant who believes he has to be prepared for the apocalypse with cash under the mattress, we live way below our means.

My theory has been that between $1k & $2k all in (since I think this will entail travel) is probably justifiable -- since as PPs said, that's what a 50th bash would cost. But it's still mind boggling for me, and so before I pulled the trigger I wanted to get a sense of what others have spent.

BTW the team is Golden State Warriors - actually he just wants to see Steph Curry play, He wanted courtside seats but my plan is for the third row, plus a night on his own (which he will value almost as much as the game.) I may bring the kids the next day and all spend a night at my family's beach house. Although it won't be beach weather, it's a special place for our whole family so I think it might be nice to do.

OP, sorry this got hijacked. I think your plan sounds perfect, including the stay at the beach house. Neither my DH nor I were used to spending much money on ourselves or each other. We splurged and took a wonderful trip to Italy. Great memories and no regrets. I say go for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: Thanks to those who answered the actual question. I work FT and actually now make a little bit more than my husband, so the whole debate with the random guy who responded about his SAH wife is not really germane for me personally.

I know that no one can gauge my budget, so that wasn't what I was asking (as I noted at the outset.) We literally NEVER spend serious money, although I manage to spend a lot in Target or grocery runs. We both have respectable DC salaries (not Big Law, think two veteran fed level salaries.) But between two kids and the fact that my husband grew up as a poor immigrant who believes he has to be prepared for the apocalypse with cash under the mattress, we live way below our means.

My theory has been that between $1k & $2k all in (since I think this will entail travel) is probably justifiable -- since as PPs said, that's what a 50th bash would cost. But it's still mind boggling for me, and so before I pulled the trigger I wanted to get a sense of what others have spent.

BTW the team is Golden State Warriors - actually he just wants to see Steph Curry play, He wanted courtside seats but my plan is for the third row, plus a night on his own (which he will value almost as much as the game.) I may bring the kids the next day and all spend a night at my family's beach house. Although it won't be beach weather, it's a special place for our whole family so I think it might be nice to do.

OP, sorry this got hijacked. I think your plan sounds perfect, including the stay at the beach house. Neither my DH nor I were used to spending much money on ourselves or each other. We splurged and took a wonderful trip to Italy. Great memories and no regrets. I say go for it.[b]

you do realize the OP was from 3 f*ing years ago, right? I'm pretty sure OP had figured it all out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: Thanks to those who answered the actual question. I work FT and actually now make a little bit more than my husband, so the whole debate with the random guy who responded about his SAH wife is not really germane for me personally.

I know that no one can gauge my budget, so that wasn't what I was asking (as I noted at the outset.) We literally NEVER spend serious money, although I manage to spend a lot in Target or grocery runs. We both have respectable DC salaries (not Big Law, think two veteran fed level salaries.) But between two kids and the fact that my husband grew up as a poor immigrant who believes he has to be prepared for the apocalypse with cash under the mattress, we live way below our means.

My theory has been that between $1k & $2k all in (since I think this will entail travel) is probably justifiable -- since as PPs said, that's what a 50th bash would cost. But it's still mind boggling for me, and so before I pulled the trigger I wanted to get a sense of what others have spent.

BTW the team is Golden State Warriors - actually he just wants to see Steph Curry play, He wanted courtside seats but my plan is for the third row, plus a night on his own (which he will value almost as much as the game.) I may bring the kids the next day and all spend a night at my family's beach house. Although it won't be beach weather, it's a special place for our whole family so I think it might be nice to do.

OP, sorry this got hijacked. I think your plan sounds perfect, including the stay at the beach house. Neither my DH nor I were used to spending much money on ourselves or each other. We splurged and took a wonderful trip to Italy. Great memories and no regrets. I say go for it.[b]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: Thanks to those who answered the actual question. I work FT and actually now make a little bit more than my husband, so the whole debate with the random guy who responded about his SAH wife is not really germane for me personally.

I know that no one can gauge my budget, so that wasn't what I was asking (as I noted at the outset.) We literally NEVER spend serious money, although I manage to spend a lot in Target or grocery runs. We both have respectable DC salaries (not Big Law, think two veteran fed level salaries.) But between two kids and the fact that my husband grew up as a poor immigrant who believes he has to be prepared for the apocalypse with cash under the mattress, we live way below our means.

My theory has been that between $1k & $2k all in (since I think this will entail travel) is probably justifiable -- since as PPs said, that's what a 50th bash would cost. But it's still mind boggling for me, and so before I pulled the trigger I wanted to get a sense of what others have spent.

BTW the team is Golden State Warriors - actually he just wants to see Steph Curry play, He wanted courtside seats but my plan is for the third row, plus a night on his own (which he will value almost as much as the game.) I may bring the kids the next day and all spend a night at my family's beach house. Although it won't be beach weather, it's a special place for our whole family so I think it might be nice to do.

Anonymous wrote:Looks like OP has found her answer.

But I am curious if most women are OK with paying 50-50 for household and child-related expenses if both spouses work full-time, make the same amount of money and split all chores and childcare more or less equally?

My wife expects me to pay more than her (60-70%), became unhappy, shows me no affection and has gradually reduced frequency of sex which is now near-zero.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

Yuck. I don't think your point of view is as universal as you think. Many people would appreciate an expensive gift out of the household earnings, precisely because they wouldn't just buy themselves so expensive on their own.
And of course thoughtful gifts are better than ones with no thought, but that's the case regardless of the price tag or source of money.

I think YOU don't get it. I feel the same way as the poster above whos wife buys thoughtless gifts with his earning. The notion that a unilateral expensive gift chose is better when made by your wife because you wouldn't buy it for yourself doesn't change the fact that it was a unilateral choice made by one person about "joint" funds. Shows lack of consideration for the other person. What I ALWAYS wanted from my wife was to demonstrate to me that she truly appreciated and cared about the work I did for the family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

Yuck. I don't think your point of view is as universal as you think. Many people would appreciate an expensive gift out of the household earnings, precisely because they wouldn't just buy themselves so expensive on their own.
And of course thoughtful gifts are better than ones with no thought, but that's the case regardless of the price tag or source of money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This post is exactly why I have always feared leaving the work force as a woman.

Not all men have this attitude. DW doesn’t work, can spend as much as she wants in whatever she wants. I don’t look at the bank statements and don’t really care what she spends money on. I trust her. I buy her expensive gifts, I can’t imagine saying you need to get my approval before buying an expensive gift.