Yes. Mom had a personality disorder, threatened suicide by driving into a bridge with the kids in the minivan, and had an affair with an IT sales rep at her job.

I know of two situations. In both, the mother had drug/legal issues. In one, the mother didn't bother trying to get it back and is essentially now a friend to her HS daughter. The other, she has worked up to ~40% custody after 5 years of supervised, then unsupervised, then every other weekend, and now gets summers too.

But in general, unless the parent (mom or dad) has DOCUMENTED legal/drug issues, untreated and/or dangerous mental health issues or just voluntarily gives it up, courts aren't going to just take away custody or award it to the other parent because they ask. Even if one parent is rich, the lawyer isn't buying off the judge. Perhaps they are just able to afford to dig up more dirt to use against the other parent.

They really try for 50/50 whenever possible if parents can't come to an agreement themselves. And I've seen parents who don't deserve to have their kids for that amount of time and only do it to screw with the other parent or limit the amount of child support.

I've seen great agreements that are every other week, with dinner on Wednesday night with the other parent. Plus, the other parent can help do activities during the week or weekend. But, parents live near each other, so activities/school isn't an issue. I think that is the ideal arrangement. One switch off a week. Each parent gets a good chunk of time to themselves.

2 situations I know of where it happened. 1 where the mother was a hot mess: mental health issues, drug addiction, and living with a felon boyfriend (and even then she had every other weekend for awhile).

The other situation I don't know the details. I know the wife cheated but they both seemed to be loving parents. the husband had a lot more income. I've never been able to figure that one out; I figure she must not have really wanted custody or at least not enough to go through a painful custody battle.

PP here. His ex has documented mental issues, many incidents of police having to intervene with her. This was a serious case.

My DH has primary custody and full legal for my 2 step kids. It has been this way for almost 10 years. His ex has mental issues.

Yes, two girls, initially 50/50. One year in court awarded full custody because the mother couldn't move on and just kept bringing minute issues before the court. Judge deemed it as destructive (and it was) to the girls and she got visitation every other weekend with one dinner a week.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My friend lost custody to her ex. He could afford a good lawyer and she could not. She gets holidays, summers, and every other weekend. The judge basically decided he had more money and more extended family and that meant he could provide a better lifestyle.

Doubtful. I'm guessing there is way more to the story than you know. I've never heard of a case that doesn't grant at least 50/50 unless the mom is living in a gutter, an alcoholic, a drug abuser, or an abuser themselves.

NoVa Dad here. My daughter's best friend and her sister live with their Dad. He has full custody. Mom lives in CA and comes to visit. She also has to pay child suppport.

I don't know the background story, but either she didn't want them or was too f**ked up to keep them. In any case, in this day and age, why should the courts defer to women as the parent who should have sole custody? You shouldn't get it just because you're female.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the woman is the one who wants to break-up the family, than yes the father gets custody.

NO, this is wrong.

OP, I've never seen it happen around here, but it does happen more and more. He would need to come up with a VERY compelling case (and probably a child custody evaluation which would take 6 months and at least $20,000) to prove that there is something wrong with you.

And even then, he would probably only get 2/3 of the time.

I think 50-50 is pretty much the going thing right now. Good luck to you.

I know a mom in VA who walked out with the kid and got full physical and legal custody. The father never showed up at the custody hearing. No abuse that I know of. Dad travels a lot. Now she moved out of state. Mind you she's spent the equivalent of the child's college education.

Well, if the father didn't show up at the custody hearing, that's another thing entirely! It's practically abandonment.

I stand by everything I wrote above.

Anonymous wrote:As a divorce attorney, I have seen fathers get primary custody only in three circumstances:

(1) Mom doesn't want custody (used to be unheard of early in my practice, but now, in my 23rd year of practice, roughly once a year, I come across a mom who doesn't want custody).

(2) Father is a stay at home dad or works very little and has been the kids' primary caretaker for a long time.

(3) Mom has severe and documented mental or substance abuse problems. If the problems aren't documented, the man will need a slew of witnesses with nothing to gain (so, for instance, kids' teacher but not dad's meddling mom who is eager to edge out biological mom).

I have never seen a man get primary custody against an involved, normal mother who is fighting for custody. The most he can hope for is 50/50.

Can you bracket normal for us? Is averagely flawed, with cause for the occasional nothing-to-gain-witness's disapproval OK? The story upthread of the mom with very little visitation rights because "she came across as angry and vindictive" is terrifying. If someone was using expensive lawyers that I couldn't afford to take my kids away from me, in addition to whatever had led to the divorce, I just might come across as angry and vindictive too.

I know of one case. The mother had untreated bipolar disorder and the father was the primary caregiver. He also spent a ton of money on the best lawyers he could find to ensure he got custody. His son was 6 months old at the time and this was about 10 years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the woman is the one who wants to break-up the family, than yes the father gets custody.

NO, this is wrong.

OP, I've never seen it happen around here, but it does happen more and more. He would need to come up with a VERY compelling case (and probably a child custody evaluation which would take 6 months and at least $20,000) to prove that there is something wrong with you.

And even then, he would probably only get 2/3 of the time.

I think 50-50 is pretty much the going thing right now. Good luck to you.

I know a mom in VA who walked out with the kid and got full physical and legal custody. The father never showed up at the custody hearing. No abuse that I know of. Dad travels a lot. Now she moved out of state. Mind you she's spent the equivalent of the child's college education.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a divorce attorney, I have seen fathers get primary custody only in three circumstances:

(1) Mom doesn't want custody (used to be unheard of early in my practice, but now, in my 23rd year of practice, roughly once a year, I come across a mom who doesn't want custody).

(2) Father is a stay at home dad or works very little and has been the kids' primary caretaker for a long time.

(3) Mom has severe and documented mental or substance abuse problems. If the problems aren't documented, the man will need a slew of witnesses with nothing to gain (so, for instance, kids' teacher but not dad's meddling mom who is eager to edge out biological mom).

I have never seen a man get primary custody against an involved, normal mother who is fighting for custody. The most he can hope for is 50/50.

Yes but watch an unscrupulous attorney work really hard to portray a mom as mentally ill. If she's not up for the fight she can definitely lose.
Most people have some issue in their closet or out in the open that can be exploited by the right person. If ex to be is vengeful I'd hire a very thorough attorney and not be trying for mediation or anything like that.

PP divorce lawyer here. It is not the unscrupulousness of dad's lawyer that matters in cases of false accusations. It is the second factor you mentioned: whether or not mom is up for the fight. I have seen women have breakdowns when called upon to fight for their children or refuse to take good advice, thinking that if they put up less of a fight, dad will remember he loves mom again. And then when it is too late, mom realizes dad wasn't kidding and is going all the way with his bid for full custody. If OP wisens up and fights for her kids, the most dad will get is 50/50.

Yes, when one isn't up for the fight of doesn't listen to advice things go poorly- that's exactly it.
There are some people that you just can't help or you can't help them in time and the damage is done already and really can't be fixed.

Or if one doesn't have the family resources and the other one does - things also go poorly.

Yes, the mother had mental issues and attempted suicide. They had a temporary joint custody order while their case was pending and mom took kid out of state and didn't return him, essentially kidnapped him. Court gave the dad full custody. A few years later, she was able to get joint custody again.

It's unusual for a court to award full custody.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My friend lost custody to her ex. He could afford a good lawyer and she could not. She gets holidays, summers, and every other weekend. The judge basically decided he had more money and more extended family and that meant he could provide a better lifestyle.

I'm surprised this worked. My ex tried this argument and it failed. I got primary custody, and was allowed to move to another state.

It didn't help that the person assigned to represent the child sucked. She never actually visited with my friend.