Some do but some don't because their parents purposely seek out rich families and rich kids or vips. It is so obvious to everyone.

You must mean the Great Gatsby.

There's a great danger to middle class kids who hang out with the "rich".

The danger has to do with having a different set of consequences for mistakes and errors in judgement and flat-out bad behavior.

The rich have a soft landing. If they get expelled from a private school, they find another because they can pay whatever it takes. If a lawyers is needed, they can hire a good one. If a donation will smooth the waters, they can make it.

A middle class kid involved in the same shennigans will have a far rougher time of it regardless of whose idea it was.

Consider what Fitzgerald wrote in "The Great Gadsby" about his experiences with the rich.

"I couldn't forgive him or like him, but I saw that what he had done was, to him, entirely justified. It was all very careless and confused. They were careless people, Tom and Daisy – they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together and let other people clean up the mess they had made ... "

It's like two boys walking across the same plank. The poorer kid will fall a long way and get hurt badly. The richer kid will fall a shorter distance onto a mattress. So the rich kid can take more chances and be more careless because of differential consequences..

Mine went to Holton too. I always told my dd we were the poorest of the non-poor ... i.e. not on FA but not like tons of the families there. Most of dd's friends were super rich, and I mean super. The weird thing was like the earlier poster, kids liked coming to our house because we lived in the city and they were all out in the burbs and unable to get around until they were old enough to drive. It is probably different now that kids can take uber/lyft...easier for them to get around. Most kids seemed to prefer the city.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those wealthy parents that nudges my kids towards certain families. It doesn't matter one bit to me if you are on financial aid. I want my kids to be friends with nice well behaved children with decent parents. In my experience, rich people, especially white folks (sorry to call you out) are the cheapest jerks. My kids have been on play dates at their homes and not once was a snack or a juice offered to my child over a period of 4 hours, yet when they come to my house, I order pizza and give snacks. My son's most favorite play date was at a home where the parents built a zip line in their townhouse backyard and gave him Popsicles then the mom did temp tattoos on their hands. The worst was at a huge ass home in Mclean where the mom made/served dinner in front of him without offering him a plate or a seat at the table. So moral of the story, the size of your wallet doesn't matter, it's the size of your heart. Kids can figure that out and will stay away from the jerks that beget jerks.

LOL if true. Is your kid a goon or what?

Also, you make numerous references to garbage food that causes cancer, diabetes, and obesity. I do not want my kid eating "treats" of empty calorie snacks, pizza, or sugar water juice boxes. Sorry.

No my kid is not a goon. Hard for your dumb ass to believe but there is some serious uppity white nouveau rich bitches with no class or manners. Put out a plate of whatever the organic kale crap Paltrow told you to give your kid, but at least give a kid who comes over a snack.

I like you. Your kid is welcome to come over and play with my kid any day. We have Popsicles.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter goes to Holton. We are true middle class, on some FA and she has friends that live in mansions all the way to small apartments with a single mom. None of them seem to care. She has been going there since 6th and is in upper school now.

And a few of her "rich" friends love coming to our house. Why? Because we have a house that is touchable, a basement with games, some pets, a normal neighborhood, and we are hands on parents who enjoy kids around. A few of her friends live on estates in no mans land raised by nannies. Parents travel often for work or pleasure. They get lonely. Rich doesn't always equal happiness and it has been a huge eye opener for my teen.

Halloween? We have at least 8 girls every year sleeping over. Their neighborhoods are ghost towns and we have big block party celebrations.

I like this - thanks PP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: ... garbage food that causes cancer, diabetes, and obesity.

"...garbage food that causes cancer, diabetes, and obesity"

Quick guess: you are not a scientist.

"I do not want my kid eating "treats" of empty calorie snacks, pizza, or sugar water juice boxes. Sorry."

That's fine, but you realize how obnoxious this comment is, right?

NP: "garbage" is a little bit of a strong word, but I completely agree. Please don't feed my kids pizza and popsicles, whether on a playdate, at a sports practice, or anywhere else besides a birthday party.

More or less, I agree. But there is a difference between asking parents not to offer particular foods, and discussing the food someone offers like it is garbage or a poison.

In fairness, I might just be jaded by the extreme food smugness I encountered while working for high-end food markets. After a while, you just really want to trick everyone into eating spam.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those wealthy parents that nudges my kids towards certain families. It doesn't matter one bit to me if you are on financial aid. I want my kids to be friends with nice well behaved children with decent parents. In my experience, rich people, especially white folks (sorry to call you out) are the cheapest jerks. My kids have been on play dates at their homes and not once was a snack or a juice offered to my child over a period of 4 hours, yet when they come to my house, I order pizza and give snacks. My son's most favorite play date was at a home where the parents built a zip line in their townhouse backyard and gave him Popsicles then the mom did temp tattoos on their hands. The worst was at a huge ass home in Mclean where the mom made/served dinner in front of him without offering him a plate or a seat at the table. So moral of the story, the size of your wallet doesn't matter, it's the size of your heart. Kids can figure that out and will stay away from the jerks that beget jerks.

LOL if true. Is your kid a goon or what?

Also, you make numerous references to garbage food that causes cancer, diabetes, and obesity. I do not want my kid eating "treats" of empty calorie snacks, pizza, or sugar water juice boxes. Sorry.

No my kid is not a goon. Hard for your dumb ass to believe but there is some serious uppity white nouveau rich bitches with no class or manners. Put out a plate of whatever the organic kale crap Paltrow told you to give your kid, but at least give a kid who comes over a snack.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: ... garbage food that causes cancer, diabetes, and obesity.

"...garbage food that causes cancer, diabetes, and obesity"

Quick guess: you are not a scientist.

"I do not want my kid eating "treats" of empty calorie snacks, pizza, or sugar water juice boxes. Sorry."

That's fine, but you realize how obnoxious this comment is, right?

NP: "garbage" is a little bit of a strong word, but I completely agree. Please don't feed my kids pizza and popsicles, whether on a playdate, at a sports practice, or anywhere else besides a birthday party.

Anonymous wrote: ... garbage food that causes cancer, diabetes, and obesity.

"...garbage food that causes cancer, diabetes, and obesity"

Quick guess: you are not a scientist.

"I do not want my kid eating "treats" of empty calorie snacks, pizza, or sugar water juice boxes. Sorry."

That's fine, but you realize how obnoxious this comment is, right?

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those wealthy parents that nudges my kids towards certain families. It doesn't matter one bit to me if you are on financial aid. I want my kids to be friends with nice well behaved children with decent parents. In my experience, rich people, especially white folks (sorry to call you out) are the cheapest jerks. My kids have been on play dates at their homes and not once was a snack or a juice offered to my child over a period of 4 hours, yet when they come to my house, I order pizza and give snacks. My son's most favorite play date was at a home where the parents built a zip line in their townhouse backyard and gave him Popsicles then the mom did temp tattoos on their hands. The worst was at a huge ass home in Mclean where the mom made/served dinner in front of him without offering him a plate or a seat at the table. So moral of the story, the size of your wallet doesn't matter, it's the size of your heart. Kids can figure that out and will stay away from the jerks that beget jerks.

LOL if true. Is your kid a goon or what?

Also, you make numerous references to garbage food that causes cancer, diabetes, and obesity. I do not want my kid eating "treats" of empty calorie snacks, pizza, or sugar water juice boxes. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It depends what you mean by friends, OP.

In my elite school, I was one of the least wealthy students (there was no financial aid anyway, so I didn't realize this at first), everyone was friendly with everyone else. As an international school, absence of prejudice was especially important.

However, there was no mistaking that students who got together outside of school grouped themselves in some measure by SES. Some families belonged to the same exclusive social/dancing group, others rode horses together, others traveled extensively around the world during the summer. While everyone liked me at school, I didn't feel as if I made close friends there.

This.

This??
They are friendly and there's no bullying
But the differences between lifestyle and what others have and don't have do come up every so often. Country clubs, Nantucket houses, ski vacations. A lot of families travel together over breaks etc so it's easy to feel a little left out. But no one is mean about it. (We are at STA)

Uh I hate to break it to everyone but it is like this at every school, private or public. My children attend private and I went to a public school. This situation is universal.

Anonymous wrote:250k income poster again. ...The kids that I see that do well socially in private that aren't wealthy are both great athletes and are very intelligent....or parents are big spenders. I know one (single) mom who makes half of what we do has no house equity etc...but she's always going to have the latest whatever.

Is she happy? If so, then that her business. People spend way too much time telling others how to manage their finances. At least she is living in the now. Living for a tomorrow that is not promised can also be detrimental.

250k income poster again. ...The kids that I see that do well socially in private that aren't wealthy are both great athletes and are very intelligent....or parents are big spenders. I know one (single) mom who makes half of what we do has no house equity etc...but she's always going to have the latest whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I earn $250K combined but live well below our means. Our kids feel pretty socially isolated.

That's because you are choosing to live below your means. That's fine, but I wouldn't blame your kids isolation on others but on your choice to live like paupers when you don't have to. *shrug*

That's fine...judge away. I know I won't have to sell my house if either my husband or I lose our jobs and we will be able to pay for our children's college in cash.

Aww, but keeping up with the Jonses while going into debt is so much more fun.