Anonymous wrote:Looking for some advice ... I'm 40, with 8, 4 and 2 year old sons. I don't feel like our family is complete, but that *may* be because I don't have a daughter. Four has always been my "max," so I'd definitely be done having children after my fourth, no matter the gender. I just worry I am too old. My husband is 44. We could financially do it...but we would have to work for 25 more years (which we're planning to do any way).

I just need some help working out my thoughts on the matter. Will I forever regret it if I don't have a fourth child or will I feel ready to move on from the parental role with children in my house in my late 50's? Also, I know adding another child takes away from my existing children but I also know adding one adds one more to love. But maybe this boat has left the dock and I really am pushing it age-wise (for a healthy pregnancy/child although my doctor did not seem to be concerned)? I appreciate any thoughts on the matter, especially if you had to make the same decision.

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing, OP - Do you think you would ever really feel like you were done? I have five kids and for several years after my youngest was born, I felt like I wanted another. My blood pressure went up with my last pregnancy and never came down, so another baby would have been dangerous. Had that not been the case, we might have had one more. I was only 34 when my fifth was born. I think some of us just really feel that strong biological desire for kids more than others. I'm not sure I ever would have really felt done. (I definitely would have stopped at 6 for financial reasons.)

I am 50 now and have two grandbabies. Our kids are all out if the house except for one high school senior. I cannot imagine what life would be like with a young child. The desire to have another slowly faded as our youngest got older. I absolutely loved having a houseful of kids, but I'm also really happy in this new stage of life.

Anonymous wrote: 1.How does your husband feel about it?

2. What does your doctor say about it? How is your health? Do you have a history of difficult pregnancies?

3.. What is your plan for the kids should you and husband not be able to? It's tough to think about but care for 3 kids is a lot different than 4.

4. Are you and your husband okay with time off work? A 40 something is a lot different than a 30 something leaving.
It's not fair, but I've seen colleagues get sidelined for the younger colleagues after maternity/paternity leaves.

5. How would you feel if you had twins. That's a real possibility given your age. Are you game for 2 babies?

6. How would you feel if you had another son instead of a daughter?

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for helpful input. To the PP, we are planning to work for 25 more years but with a 4th finishing college in about 22 years, we would definitely have to work no matter what. I am trying to say that our flexibility would be altered.

Also, if I were to have this child, it would be next year when my kids would be 9,5,3. Not sure that is a big difference from the 4/2 year old scenario but it feels easier to me.

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some advice ... I'm 40, with 8, 4 and 2 year old sons. I don't feel like our family is complete, but that *may* be because I don't have a daughter. Four has always been my "max," so I'd definitely be done having children after my fourth, no matter the gender. I just worry I am too old. My husband is 44. We could financially do it...but we would have to work for 25 more years (which we're planning to do any way).

I just need some help working out my thoughts on the matter. Will I forever regret it if I don't have a fourth child or will I feel ready to move on from the parental role with children in my house in my late 50's? Also, I know adding another child takes away from my existing children but I also know adding one adds one more to love. But maybe this boat has left the dock and I really am pushing it age-wise (for a healthy pregnancy/child although my doctor did not seem to be concerned)? I appreciate any thoughts on the matter, especially if you had to make the same decision.

Anonymous wrote:Why resurrect a four year old question?

Anonymous wrote:One more thing, my girl was the second born of the 4, so I completely understand your wanting to try again for a girl. I definitely would feel like I was missing something had all 4 of mine been boys. Funny thing is my daughter is not a girly girl. She didn't go to prom, hasn't had a boyfriend yet, etc. so a lot of the "traditional" things you experience with a girl, I still haven't experienced.