Do you people live in a world where no one ever gets sick or disabled? I recently found out I have a genetic disorder that is literally destroying my body from the inside out. One of the things that has been destroyed is my thyroid. I take synthetic thyroid hormones, but it hasn't helped. My joints and connective tissue are also disintegrating, so I am not allowed to workout aside from no-impact aquatic therapy, and even that is becoming problematic. I also have to take medication known for causing weight gain so I don't, you know, die. So I've gained 40 lbs, going from a size 0-2 to a 10-12. I can tell just from the difference in the way my husband treats me that he no longer finds me attractive (although other people do - I'm tall, so I carry the weight well and don't have rolls or a double chin or anything). Add the strain on our relationship and finances from my having to stop working, and I'm depressed. I had to give up wine because of the meds, so now I end up indulging in a bowl of ice cream every night just to make life seem bearable for a few minutes. Glad to know all of this makes me a horrible spouse. It confirms the message I'm getting from my own spouse. I didn't ask to get sick and I'm in constant, debilitating physical pain, but I guess I should get used to the emotional abuse from my husband because after all, I brought this on myself by being a horrible spouse who isn't 29 and underweight anymore. Bait and switch, amirite?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine you are at the grocery store, choosing some ground beef in those 1lb packs. Now imaging 50 of those injected all over your body. Do you not see how utterly unattractive that is? Do you not care how your partner might be completely turned off by this?

It's not about how much you weigh, but how much weight you've gained while married. If you have gained more than like 20 lbs, that makes you a horrible spouse. Sorry but regardless of all the other great/nice things you do, none of that can make up for your unattractive weight gain.

Control your diet and lose the weight. You can do it. This is the first move every recent divorcee makes: loses weight to attract dates. Why not do it for your current spouse?

I have gained more than 20 pounds since we got married. But my husband has gained much more. So long as I gain less than he has, I guess I'm ok.

Agreed. Shame on him. But it seems maintaining weight isn't that important to you either.

The big marital divide occurs when ONE spouse gains significant weight while the other maintains.
Because clearly one side cares, the other doesn't. THAT is where the divorces happen.

Knowledge

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine you are at the grocery store, choosing some ground beef in those 1lb packs. Now imaging 50 of those injected all over your body. Do you not see how utterly unattractive that is? Do you not care how your partner might be completely turned off by this?

It's not about how much you weigh, but how much weight you've gained while married. If you have gained more than like 20 lbs, that makes you a horrible spouse. Sorry but regardless of all the other great/nice things you do, none of that can make up for your unattractive weight gain.

Control your diet and lose the weight. You can do it. This is the first move every recent divorcee makes: loses weight to attract dates. Why not do it for your current spouse?

I have gained more than 20 pounds since we got married. But my husband has gained much more. So long as I gain less than he has, I guess I'm ok.

Agreed. Shame on him. But it seems maintaining weight isn't that important to you either.

The big marital divide occurs when ONE spouse gains significant weight while the other maintains.
Because clearly one side cares, the other doesn't. THAT is where the divorces happen.

Anonymous wrote:Imagine you are at the grocery store, choosing some ground beef in those 1lb packs. Now imaging 50 of those injected all over your body. Do you not see how utterly unattractive that is? Do you not care how your partner might be completely turned off by this?

It's not about how much you weigh, but how much weight you've gained while married. If you have gained more than like 20 lbs, that makes you a horrible spouse. Sorry but regardless of all the other great/nice things you do, none of that can make up for your unattractive weight gain.

Control your diet and lose the weight. You can do it. This is the first move every recent divorcee makes: loses weight to attract dates. Why not do it for your current spouse?

I have gained more than 20 pounds since we got married. But my husband has gained much more. So long as I gain less than he has, I guess I'm ok.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You spouse knows. They live with you. They know if you are actually concerned about them and their health or vain. They also know if you are neglecting York young children and family in order to workout.

Stop already with the bullshit excuses about time for working out.
You are lying to yourself about the reason you are overweight. You justify being fat as a sacrifice "for the children/family".

Weight gain is all about your diet, not your workout.
It take LESS time to eat less.
So there: I just saved you time AND you are losing weight.

Yeah basically this. All the working out in the world isn't going to help if you keep stuffing your face. Well unless you're a professional athlete and training 8 hours a day. Just consider it would take me 45 minutes of walking to burn off a snickers bar. If you know you're busy and can't work out, you really have to watch your intake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You spouse knows. They live with you. They know if you are actually concerned about them and their health or vain. They also know if you are neglecting York young children and family in order to workout.

Stop already with the bullshit excuses about time for working out.
You are lying to yourself about the reason you are overweight. You justify being fat as a sacrifice "for the children/family".

Weight gain is all about your diet, not your workout.
It take LESS time to eat less.
So there: I just saved you time AND you are losing weight.

Not PP, but it strikes me as silly to say that your options are being overweight and "neglecting" your family to work out. What about family walks? What about each spouse taking 30 minutes a day in the evening to exercise? What about gyms that offer childcare? These things just aren't neglect, although both partners may need to be involved.

Anonymous wrote:You spouse knows. They live with you. They know if you are actually concerned about them and their health or vain. They also know if you are neglecting York young children and family in order to workout.

Stop already with the bullshit excuses about time for working out.
You are lying to yourself about the reason you are overweight. You justify being fat as a sacrifice "for the children/family".

Weight gain is all about your diet, not your workout.
It take LESS time to eat less.
So there: I just saved you time AND you are losing weight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There has been plenty of discussion on whether spouse has put on weight and if that led to not being attracted to them, affairs, divorce, etc. Of course physical attraction and sex are important in marriage, but just want to put this out there... Is weight gain really a good reason to break up a marriage? Isn't a person about so much more than their weight and physical appearance? Personality, how he/she is as a parent, community member, activity partner, supporter in time of need, etc etc. Seems a shame that all of these things are swept away with such a focus on physical appearance. And this is not to say that people shouldn't care about their appearance, be slovenly, etc. But weight gain being the death knell of committed relationship, really? Seems like our society is not going down the best track...

No. It isn't a really good reason to break up a marriage. But I sympathize. Because it is difficult to tell your spouse you find them downright unattractive with that extra 50 pounds on. And he/she may not be able to do anything about it, anyway.

Agreed. My DH has put on more than 100 pounds, and I've learned it is easiest to say nothing. I do not find him attractive at all, but I love him.

It's not worth saying anything because as this thread proves he would just get defensive and then try to gaslight you into thinking he gained 100 lbs by focusing on 74 different activities and enterprises.

Well, speaking from experience, he would be shades of defensive and hurt, would promise to change his behavior, and then would start eating in secret for a few weeks before resuming chips on the couch and falling asleep at 9 p.m. So sexy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is also perfectly self-illustrating about why this issue does cause problems for some marriages. I can only imagine how it must feel to approach your spouse concerned about their ballooning weight and already feeling bad about how it makes you feel only for them to turn it around and suggest that you only care about vanity whereas they are overweight because of their activism. Now you are made to be a shallow, selfish, vain person because you wonder what happened to the person you married and worry about their health.

Oh my. You are the king of gas lighting. Poor you! Can't imagine how that feels!

I'm the king of gas lighting?? No no. That is the people who just insist that their focus on writing and yard work and their reading list made them overweight. And nobody better mention it or else they'll martyr themselves by saying they were just so devoted to taking care of everyone else while the spouse who DIDN'T gain 100 lbs only cared about vanity.

Please. All you care about is yourself and how it makes you feel. Do you think there is any possibility that your spouse doesn't know that they have gained weight? The answer is no. So save yourself the faux concern and STfU. If it bothers you that much, leave. Otherwise shut your trap. You aren't concerned about your spouse. You are just a jerk.

I'm not a jerk. You're overly sensitive about your weight but that doesn't make me a jerk.

My weight is fine, thanks. You are a jerk, though. It is very clear from your posts. Your spouse likely loathes you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is also perfectly self-illustrating about why this issue does cause problems for some marriages. I can only imagine how it must feel to approach your spouse concerned about their ballooning weight and already feeling bad about how it makes you feel only for them to turn it around and suggest that you only care about vanity whereas they are overweight because of their activism. Now you are made to be a shallow, selfish, vain person because you wonder what happened to the person you married and worry about their health.

Oh my. You are the king of gas lighting. Poor you! Can't imagine how that feels!

I'm the king of gas lighting?? No no. That is the people who just insist that their focus on writing and yard work and their reading list made them overweight. And nobody better mention it or else they'll martyr themselves by saying they were just so devoted to taking care of everyone else while the spouse who DIDN'T gain 100 lbs only cared about vanity.

Please. All you care about is yourself and how it makes you feel. Do you think there is any possibility that your spouse doesn't know that they have gained weight? The answer is no. So save yourself the faux concern and STfU. If it bothers you that much, leave. Otherwise shut your trap. You aren't concerned about your spouse. You are just a jerk.

I'm not a jerk. You're overly sensitive about your weight but that doesn't make me a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is also perfectly self-illustrating about why this issue does cause problems for some marriages. I can only imagine how it must feel to approach your spouse concerned about their ballooning weight and already feeling bad about how it makes you feel only for them to turn it around and suggest that you only care about vanity whereas they are overweight because of their activism. Now you are made to be a shallow, selfish, vain person because you wonder what happened to the person you married and worry about their health.

Oh my. You are the king of gas lighting. Poor you! Can't imagine how that feels!

I'm the king of gas lighting?? No no. That is the people who just insist that their focus on writing and yard work and their reading list made them overweight. And nobody better mention it or else they'll martyr themselves by saying they were just so devoted to taking care of everyone else while the spouse who DIDN'T gain 100 lbs only cared about vanity.

Please. All you care about is yourself and how it makes you feel. Do you think there is any possibility that your spouse doesn't know that they have gained weight? The answer is no. So save yourself the faux concern and STfU. If it bothers you that much, leave. Otherwise shut your trap. You aren't concerned about your spouse. You are just a jerk.

So, if you know it, fix it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put more simply, people who gain a bunch of weight just don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff and it would be hard to be a person who cares married to one who doesn't.

Please don't start with thyroid excuses, we all know that's not what anybody is talking about.

What an asshole you are. How about this? Put more simply, people who gains bunch of weight are busy caring about things other than vanity, like their children, their elderly parents, their moody partner, their housework, their friends, their community, their yard, their extended family, their reading list, their writing, their activism, their hobbies, their travels, their volunteer work, etc.

Some of us prioritize a LOT of things above our appearance.

You say that like it's a good thing. It's not. It's actually very unhealthy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is also perfectly self-illustrating about why this issue does cause problems for some marriages. I can only imagine how it must feel to approach your spouse concerned about their ballooning weight and already feeling bad about how it makes you feel only for them to turn it around and suggest that you only care about vanity whereas they are overweight because of their activism. Now you are made to be a shallow, selfish, vain person because you wonder what happened to the person you married and worry about their health.

Oh my. You are the king of gas lighting. Poor you! Can't imagine how that feels!

I'm the king of gas lighting?? No no. That is the people who just insist that their focus on writing and yard work and their reading list made them overweight. And nobody better mention it or else they'll martyr themselves by saying they were just so devoted to taking care of everyone else while the spouse who DIDN'T gain 100 lbs only cared about vanity.

Please. All you care about is yourself and how it makes you feel. Do you think there is any possibility that your spouse doesn't know that they have gained weight? The answer is no. So save yourself the faux concern and STfU. If it bothers you that much, leave. Otherwise shut your trap. You aren't concerned about your spouse. You are just a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is also perfectly self-illustrating about why this issue does cause problems for some marriages. I can only imagine how it must feel to approach your spouse concerned about their ballooning weight and already feeling bad about how it makes you feel only for them to turn it around and suggest that you only care about vanity whereas they are overweight because of their activism. Now you are made to be a shallow, selfish, vain person because you wonder what happened to the person you married and worry about their health.

Oh my. You are the king of gas lighting. Poor you! Can't imagine how that feels!

I'm the king of gas lighting?? No no. That is the people who just insist that their focus on writing and yard work and their reading list made them overweight. And nobody better mention it or else they'll martyr themselves by saying they were just so devoted to taking care of everyone else while the spouse who DIDN'T gain 100 lbs only cared about vanity.

You spouse knows. They live with you. They know if you are actually concerned about them and their health or vain. They also know if you are neglecting York young children and family in order to workout.

Imagine you are at the grocery store, choosing some ground beef in those 1lb packs. Now imaging 50 of those injected all over your body. Do you not see how utterly unattractive that is? Do you not care how your partner might be completely turned off by this?

It's not about how much you weigh, but how much weight you've gained while married. If you have gained more than like 20 lbs, that makes you a horrible spouse. Sorry but regardless of all the other great/nice things you do, none of that can make up for your unattractive weight gain.

Control your diet and lose the weight. You can do it. This is the first move every recent divorcee makes: loses weight to attract dates. Why not do it for your current spouse?