Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HOLY FUCK. There's a girl there being rehomed who has been with her current family for a decade.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!

I can't believe this is legal.

How is it better to leave her in a home with people who are almost certainly not treating her well?

These are tragic situations, but what is your actual happy ending solution?

Provide post adoption counseling and support, especially for those with international, older child and foster care adoptions for several years after the adoption and continue till 18 if a family needs it. These families would not give away their biological children so there is no excuse to give the ones who they adopted. Many have a rescue complex and do it for religious or other needs and those kids cannot live up to their unrealistic expectations. Many of the kids don't get counseling which is vital to older kids.

What is your real life solution for families in this situation right now?

Real life is get the kids and families counseling. Get the kids evaluated for mental health, medical and academic issues. Get a behaverialist in to work with parents and kids. Get the kids Iep and services at school and private after school. Many of these parents are unwilling to do those things that the rest of us do to make our kids successful. Parents need to learn to parent these kids. They need to stick it out till 18. If it is bad, you get them to a residential treatment center or group care.

No good comes from forcing a family to keep a child they realize they are not equipped to care for. I can't believe you think these children will grow up to be successful adults if their original adoptive family keeps them. Forcing it and providing services (which really don't exist as you seem to believe) is not going to make the child feel loved or any less rejected.

I for one have always believed that one of the best things that ever happened to my child was being re-homed with me. But make no mistake, as motivated as I was, making it work was one of the most difficult things I ever did.

+1. Who is "getting them" these services? Once a child is adopted, there is no Children and Family Services involvement. Even if there was, there are not a lot of these resources most places, certainly not the intensive one-on-one and family counseling you are prescribing. Maybe you imagine Dr. Phil could help every one of these families ...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HOLY FUCK. There's a girl there being rehomed who has been with her current family for a decade.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!

I can't believe this is legal.

How is it better to leave her in a home with people who are almost certainly not treating her well?

These are tragic situations, but what is your actual happy ending solution?

Provide post adoption counseling and support, especially for those with international, older child and foster care adoptions for several years after the adoption and continue till 18 if a family needs it. These families would not give away their biological children so there is no excuse to give the ones who they adopted. Many have a rescue complex and do it for religious or other needs and those kids cannot live up to their unrealistic expectations. Many of the kids don't get counseling which is vital to older kids.

What is your real life solution for families in this situation right now?

Real life is get the kids and families counseling. Get the kids evaluated for mental health, medical and academic issues. Get a behaverialist in to work with parents and kids. Get the kids Iep and services at school and private after school. Many of these parents are unwilling to do those things that the rest of us do to make our kids successful. Parents need to learn to parent these kids. They need to stick it out till 18. If it is bad, you get them to a residential treatment center or group care.

No good comes from forcing a family to keep a child they realize they are not equipped to care for. I can't believe you think these children will grow up to be successful adults if their original adoptive family keeps them. Forcing it and providing services (which really don't exist as you seem to believe) is not going to make the child feel loved or any less rejected.

I for one have always believed that one of the best things that ever happened to my child was being re-homed with me. But make no mistake, as motivated as I was, making it work was one of the most difficult things I ever did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HOLY FUCK. There's a girl there being rehomed who has been with her current family for a decade.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!

I can't believe this is legal.

How is it better to leave her in a home with people who are almost certainly not treating her well?

These are tragic situations, but what is your actual happy ending solution?

Provide post adoption counseling and support, especially for those with international, older child and foster care adoptions for several years after the adoption and continue till 18 if a family needs it. These families would not give away their biological children so there is no excuse to give the ones who they adopted. Many have a rescue complex and do it for religious or other needs and those kids cannot live up to their unrealistic expectations. Many of the kids don't get counseling which is vital to older kids.

What is your real life solution for families in this situation right now?

Real life is get the kids and families counseling. Get the kids evaluated for mental health, medical and academic issues. Get a behaverialist in to work with parents and kids. Get the kids Iep and services at school and private after school. Many of these parents are unwilling to do those things that the rest of us do to make our kids successful. Parents need to learn to parent these kids. They need to stick it out till 18. If it is bad, you get them to a residential treatment center or group care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HOLY FUCK. There's a girl there being rehomed who has been with her current family for a decade.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!

I can't believe this is legal.

How is it better to leave her in a home with people who are almost certainly not treating her well?

These are tragic situations, but what is your actual happy ending solution?

Provide post adoption counseling and support, especially for those with international, older child and foster care adoptions for several years after the adoption and continue till 18 if a family needs it. These families would not give away their biological children so there is no excuse to give the ones who they adopted. Many have a rescue complex and do it for religious or other needs and those kids cannot live up to their unrealistic expectations. Many of the kids don't get counseling which is vital to older kids.

What is your real life solution for families in this situation right now?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HOLY FUCK. There's a girl there being rehomed who has been with her current family for a decade.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!

I can't believe this is legal.

How is it better to leave her in a home with people who are almost certainly not treating her well?

These are tragic situations, but what is your actual happy ending solution?

Provide post adoption counseling and support, especially for those with international, older child and foster care adoptions for several years after the adoption and continue till 18 if a family needs it. These families would not give away their biological children so there is no excuse to give the ones who they adopted. Many have a rescue complex and do it for religious or other needs and those kids cannot live up to their unrealistic expectations. Many of the kids don't get counseling which is vital to older kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HOLY FUCK. There's a girl there being rehomed who has been with her current family for a decade.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!

I can't believe this is legal.

I saw this Reuters article posted on DCUM, and it's worth reposting. There are some horrible pedophiles out there posing as loving families willing to take in these troubled kids.
http://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1
Anyone trying to adopt an older child needs to read this article.

This is a great article.

Anonymous wrote:Adoption agencies are in the business of getting kids adopted---especially the more evangelical ones---which, in my experience---gloss over very real and serious issues like FASD. I can only imagine the experience of some of these more religious families living in smaller towns and rural areas---who adopt older kids with serious issues and then have no support from the adoption agency or and few if any local professional resources to help them manage situations for which they were completely unprepared.

Based on our experiences, I know so much more about FASD---its symptoms and management---than the adoption agency with whom we initially worked, which was focused much more on whether we were sufficiently "Christian" than they were on training us in how to handle potential issues. But we were fortunate to live in the DC metro area which has a very well-developed network of therapists and other clinicians who can offer useful assistance.

Its not just FASD, its drugs, alcohol and mental health, especially if a child is out of foster care. Many birthparents have mental health issues, some are genetic and can pass to the kids. Adoption agencies are a business - they are out to make money. Many are in it for the profit.

Adoption agencies are in the business of getting kids adopted---especially the more evangelical ones---which, in my experience---gloss over very real and serious issues like FASD. I can only imagine the experience of some of these more religious families living in smaller towns and rural areas---who adopt older kids with serious issues and then have no support from the adoption agency or and few if any local professional resources to help them manage situations for which they were completely unprepared.

Based on our experiences, I know so much more about FASD---its symptoms and management---than the adoption agency with whom we initially worked, which was focused much more on whether we were sufficiently "Christian" than they were on training us in how to handle potential issues. But we were fortunate to live in the DC metro area which has a very well-developed network of therapists and other clinicians who can offer useful assistance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HOLY FUCK. There's a girl there being rehomed who has been with her current family for a decade.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!

I can't believe this is legal.

I saw this Reuters article posted on DCUM, and it's worth reposting. There are some horrible pedophiles out there posing as loving families willing to take in these troubled kids.
http://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1
Anyone trying to adopt an older child needs to read this article.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's this organization: https://www.facebook.com/secondchanceadoptions/

They are constantly looking for adoptive parents for children in the age range you describe. They are almost all physically healthy.

Those folks are getting a serious side-eye from me. What on earth? A private adoption that may or may not involve a home study and is illegal in at least 4 states?

It may not even be a legal adoption. Sometimes its just done informally where the parents give the new parents a letter. Most adoptions require a homestudy but sometimes, in these, they don't. It still happens in those states but they just work around the laws. We know of one situation it was done in and very very shady.

I am not an adoptive parent, nor am I working for this agency, but I do think they are doing necessary work. All of you are warning OP about the pitfalls of older-child adoption. Too many families are unprepared, and there needs to be a remedy for these children besides foster care.

This particular group is an adoption agency; the reason they are illegal in some states is that some states will not work with an out-of-state agency:

These children in Second Chance are not currently state or foster children, but were originally adopted from either the U.S. foster care or from overseas. They have experienced adjustment problems, and their parents want to help find a new family to adopt them. The new adoption will be done fully legally and recognized by the child's first state and the new family's state. A private home study by a state licensed social worker or home study agency will be needed for an adoption of one of these children.

This program is to help parents with a new legal secondary adoption, not a guardianship or conservatorship. All state and federal laws are followed.

A disruption of an adoption is often the result of unknown issues the children bring with them from whatever situation they came from, whether from a foreign country or foster care. Families are often not prepared for the extreme behaviors these children exhibit. We do not condemn these families; we understand their frustrations and feelings of despair.

The Second Chance program was designed to give disrupting families a way to locate a home study approved family and make sure that the adoptions follow state laws and are ICPC approved. Our adoptions are more expensive than the ones people do by independently advertising on the internet because we work hard to find the best homes available for these hurting children and we ensure that all parties’ needs are met.

Second Chance adoptions are Direct Consent adoptions. This means that the placing family has an attorney working with them on the placement and the adopting family also has an attorney working for them. All applicable state laws are adhered to and the ICPC is approved by both states.
Our program has had successful re-adoptions for the last three years. We have the children’s best interests constantly in mind when we work with their disrupting families. Second Chance is a program with a state licensed adoption agency, Wasatch Adoptions, located in Ogden, UT. Wasatch has been licensed as a full service child-placing agency since 1997.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HOLY FUCK. There's a girl there being rehomed who has been with her current family for a decade.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!

I can't believe this is legal.

How is it better to leave her in a home with people who are almost certainly not treating her well?

These are tragic situations, but what is your actual happy ending solution?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's this organization: https://www.facebook.com/secondchanceadoptions/

They are constantly looking for adoptive parents for children in the age range you describe. They are almost all physically healthy.

Those folks are getting a serious side-eye from me. What on earth? A private adoption that may or may not involve a home study and is illegal in at least 4 states?

It may not even be a legal adoption. Sometimes its just done informally where the parents give the new parents a letter. Most adoptions require a homestudy but sometimes, in these, they don't. It still happens in those states but they just work around the laws. We know of one situation it was done in and very very shady.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's this organization: https://www.facebook.com/secondchanceadoptions/

They are constantly looking for adoptive parents for children in the age range you describe. They are almost all physically healthy.

That is adoption rehoming and should be illegal. Basically families who adopted are offloading the kids as they don't feel like being a parent anymore. They may be physically health but have other issues, such as mental health/behavioral. They will have even more when they are given away and placed with another family. Some may be ok, but many of them will be traumatized for life. Same on those "parents."

No it's not "rehoming". It's a private adoption.

And it is very much the reality of older child adoption.

Yes, that page does a great job of making these kids sound like perfect angels but the reality is almost every one has very real and significant mental health issues that go beyond just needing someone to love them.

Its rehoming/private adoption. Call it what you want but it is. Some of those kids were adopted as infants and toddlers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's this organization: https://www.facebook.com/secondchanceadoptions/

They are constantly looking for adoptive parents for children in the age range you describe. They are almost all physically healthy.

That is adoption rehoming and should be illegal. Basically families who adopted are offloading the kids as they don't feel like being a parent anymore. They may be physically health but have other issues, such as mental health/behavioral. They will have even more when they are given away and placed with another family. Some may be ok, but many of them will be traumatized for life. Same on those "parents."

No it's not "rehoming". It's a private adoption.

And it is very much the reality of older child adoption.

Yes, that page does a great job of making these kids sound like perfect angels but the reality is almost every one has very real and significant mental health issues that go beyond just needing someone to love them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HOLY FUCK. There's a girl there being rehomed who has been with her current family for a decade.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!

I can't believe this is legal.

She's 11. They adopted her at 1 and are now giving her away.

Monsters.