I am not a big fan of downsizing. We are used to a lot of space and privacy. When we rent a smaller place like at the beach it just seems cramped. If you can afford it why not stay in your home. 55 is not 80

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been married for 20 years. DH is 55, me 44. Our last child will be leaving for college in the fall. DH says once DD is gone, he would like to downsize the house, declutter, and move to one of our smaller rental properties in the area. He also says he thinks is time for him to quit his job and take some time off. After 20 years of supporting a wife and family, he says he's burnt out. However, I resent he thinks I should keep working. I've only been able to really rests lush myself in my career and just gained a six figure income for the first time. I would like to to treat myself to some nice things, like a new car, maybe some brand name fashion items, etc.

DH is eligible to retire now, and would net some money from his Federal pension. Selling the house would save $2500 per month and we would net about $300K from the sale. His pension would bring in $2600 per month, and he says he could do some part time work to add to his income. I make about $115K per year.

I think he is being childish and selfish and needs to buck up for another 10 years or do.

glad you are not my wife. are you trying to kill your dh?

Well let me ask the obvious. If a man has support a family for decades and wants to downsize - smaller house, smaller cars, less stressful job, does he have the "right" to do that if his role has taken a toll on him? I would really love to get answers from non-troll women on this one.

SAHM of 24 years here, with one launched and another who will need lifelong care. My DH and I are almost 55 and I have been putting the idea in his head that we should consider downsizing and consider his retirement in five or so years. He says he'll need to work until he dies. No way, in my book. I'm starting to cut back on our lifestyle now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are greedy OP. You want him to keep working so you can satisfy your desire for vulgar material goods. Shameful.

How is desire for luxury goods any worse than wanting to sit on one's ass all day long starting at age 55? Unless there is a serious health condition I despise people who want to retire to early. There was even a sponge Bob episode that made fun of this.

You "despise" peopel who want to retire early, but you watch Sponge Bob?

+1. I think pp is just jelly.

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to add, I'm not sure how she and DH came to the decision for her to SAH but so many of things in life are about perspective. By marrying someone older and marrying so young you were in a position to financially have the option to SAH. You were able to reap all the benefits of being a SAHM and being there for your children every step of the way and not dividing/juggling your time with an outside the home job. Now when you are working, you can 100% focus in your career and are making six figures! You are still young enough at 44 to enjoy being able to spend time with DH when you get home from work. I'm roughly your age and our kids are in middle school. When they went to their grandparents for a week we were giddy with excitement of going to a movie on a school night, happy hours, whatever ...it was like early courtship again. By the time it happens full-time I will be 51. And with my job, I am trying to make the move to take on more responsibility now because I can't wait until I'm 51 to finally step up and do all that I'm capable of doing to have a more fulfilling career.

I'm not saying real questions about finances don't need to be answered, but rather there is a different perspective to sacrifices you both have made to have the life you have. But at the end of the day, having a 20 year happy marriage still intact and launching how many happy, well-adjusted, kids off to do their thing is a major accomplishment these days.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are greedy OP. You want him to keep working so you can satisfy your desire for vulgar material goods. Shameful.

How is desire for luxury goods any worse than wanting to sit on one's ass all day long starting at age 55? Unless there is a serious health condition I despise people who want to retire to early. There was even a sponge Bob episode that made fun of this.

What?

My parents retired early (50 and 40) and have been traveling (in a frugal manner) ever since. They do not sit on their asses all day long, unlike when they were working. They're by no means rich but have planned their finances out very carefully.

traveling is not productive either. I despise people who make that the center of their lives, too.

You sound very, very jealous PP.

I agree. She sounds envious of those who have choices she does not have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been married for 20 years. DH is 55, me 44. Our last child will be leaving for college in the fall. DH says once DD is gone, he would like to downsize the house, declutter, and move to one of our smaller rental properties in the area. He also says he thinks is time for him to quit his job and take some time off. After 20 years of supporting a wife and family, he says he's burnt out. However, I resent he thinks I should keep working. I've only been able to really rests lush myself in my career and just gained a six figure income for the first time. I would like to to treat myself to some nice things, like a new car, maybe some brand name fashion items, etc.

DH is eligible to retire now, and would net some money from his Federal pension. Selling the house would save $2500 per month and we would net about $300K from the sale. His pension would bring in $2600 per month, and he says he could do some part time work to add to his income. I make about $115K per year.

I think he is being childish and selfish and needs to buck up for another 10 years or do.

glad you are not my wife. are you trying to kill your dh?

Well let me ask the obvious. If a man has support a family for decades and wants to downsize - smaller house, smaller cars, less stressful job, does he have the "right" to do that if his role has taken a toll on him? I would really love to get answers from non-troll women on this one.

Yes. SAHM. I wish my DH would quit or at least go "of counsel" at his law firm. I don't want him dropping dead at his desk. He is burnt out. He won't quit until the kids are out of college. I am ready to sell the big house and the vacation house and live a simpler life. Hopefully, he will decide to give himself the chance to enjoy life before it is too late.

Anonymous wrote:My parents were in this situation. My dad wanted to wind down, work less, retire and volunteer. He pushed downsizing into their rental condo in DC. My mother was in the opposite spot, her career took off right at 55 and enjoyed her large house even though we all went to college or were working. The result? They got divorced, my mother is living the life she wants with a boyfriend, etc. and my father is living in the DC condo with a woman and both are happy but it took looking at their future and seeing that they wanted different things and were done raising us that sparked the decision, I think.

Your dad is my idol.

Anonymous wrote:
Compromise. You both work five more years then retire. Together. Like a married couple should.

Um how is that a compromise? You think the man should work until he's 60 even though he's burnt out but the woman only has to work until she is 50?! And really the only reason for this arrangement is for the woman to amass luxury crap.

I'm a woman and I find that outrageous.

I just wanted to add, I'm not sure how she and DH came to the decision for her to SAH but so many of things in life are about perspective. By marrying someone older and marrying so young you were in a position to financially have the option to SAH. You were able to reap all the benefits of being a SAHM and being there for your children every step of the way and not dividing/juggling your time with an outside the home job. Now when you are working, you can 100% focus in your career and are making six figures! You are still young enough at 44 to enjoy being able to spend time with DH when you get home from work. I'm roughly your age and our kids are in middle school. When they went to their grandparents for a week we were giddy with excitement of going to a movie on a school night, happy hours, whatever ...it was like early courtship again. By the time it happens full-time I will be 51. And with my job, I am trying to make the move to take on more responsibility now because I can't wait until I'm 51 to finally step up and do all that I'm capable of doing to have a more fulfilling career.

I'm not saying real questions about finances don't need to be answered, but rather there is a different perspective to sacrifices you both have made to have the life you have. But at the end of the day, having a 20 year happy marriage still intact and launching how many happy, well-adjusted, kids off to do their thing is a major accomplishment these days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also feel DH owes me for the years I took off to raise the kids.

Is your math 1 year of work outside the home equals 1.5 years with the kids? I still don't understand what math you are doing why his number of working years should be 10 or 11 more years than yours? You are not the same age. If you said you and DH are the same age and you sacrificed time to stay at home with the kids and this means you can't retire until age 60 and he is retiring now at 55 I could maybe understand the bitterness. But assuming he fully supports you retiring at 55 too what the heck.

This! You supported his career but he was working too! why does he have to keep on working now? Rather, why do you get to retire at 44? Of course you get to or have to keep working. I'm a DW btw.

Where's OP to answer some of these questions?

Have you seen a financial planner?

Is this plan of his different than the original plan you decided on?

What WAS the original plan?

DH and I have a similar age gap with me being the younger one. Our plan is for him to work ten more years. I will work another 15 years. So, yes, there will be a few years there where I am working and he is not (though he would love to get a part time job in order to stay busy). I am terrified of retiring before 60 but I want to be able to retire and travel with my DH before he ends up in a position to no longer be able to do so. We have met with our financial planner and he assures us we are on track with this plan. DH would obviously like to retire a few years earlier than this plan has him doing but he also recognizes that he needs to do his part to help us reach our goal of retiring comfortably.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are greedy OP. You want him to keep working so you can satisfy your desire for vulgar material goods. Shameful.

How is desire for luxury goods any worse than wanting to sit on one's ass all day long starting at age 55? Unless there is a serious health condition I despise people who want to retire to early. There was even a sponge Bob episode that made fun of this.

What?

My parents retired early (50 and 40) and have been traveling (in a frugal manner) ever since. They do not sit on their asses all day long, unlike when they were working. They're by no means rich but have planned their finances out very carefully.

traveling is not productive either. I despise people who make that the center of their lives, too.

You sound very, very jealous PP.

Agree with the suggestion to see a financial planner. Is the husband planning to work again? Is college paid for? Is the OP going to be able to retire at 55 as well, or is that something only the husband gets to do?

Go to a financial planner and see what it really looks like.

Feds don't just get a pension, they get a SS gap payment. So he would get a pension, a payment worth the same as Social Security, plus he said that he would get another job, plus he is managing 3 rental properties.

He wants to retire from his current job, but it sound like he wants to work, just not in his current job.

I don't think moving out of the family home when the kids go to college is good, they want to come back to something familiar and wee their friends for the 1st year or 2.

OP married a provider and now she is upset that she has to do some work herself.