Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't know how to tell him.

When I tell my husband he gets defensive and immature. I’ve given up - not that big of a deal.

He slurps his soup and tea. He hunches over his food with his elbow on the table like his food will run away. He inhales his food like he’s starving. Then he scrapes the plate clean with a fork so that it looks like he licked it (at least he didn’t actually lick it!). If he’s eating anything saucy he literally picks up his plate and pushes the food into his mouth. BTW he’s a UMC Brit, which makes me wonder why they pride themselves on manners!

Yeah, it’s the scarfing of food down extra fast that is especially gross to me. I’m disgusted by it since DH has gained a bunch of weight. Sometimes I wonder if he eats like that at client dinners.

My DH has also had declining table manners with age. It's really frustrating. We had soup last night and he sat there slurping every spoonful. And you are right, he wouldn't do that in a restaurant at someone else's house, because he's self aware enough to recognize this is tacky AF. But he'll do it in front of me and the kids for some reason. I don't get it.

He's also lax about napkin use at home, gets more food on his face, scrapes the plates with his knife and fork, etc. Again, never like this when we were dating, doesn't do it in public.

He was raised by people without great manners but learned them in college (scholarship kid at an Ivy) and I think a lot of it is just him regressing to how his family behaved when he was growing up.

Recently I walked in on him in the kitchen swigging lemonade straight from the carton and was really grossed out. "You weren't supposed to see that" he said. So now I have to assume all the beverages in the refrigerator have his backwash in them because he's doing this disgusting thing behind my back, which he knows is gross and that's why he hides it, and yet he still can't be bothered to just get out a glass, pour some lemonade in it, and stick it in the dishwasher afterwards.

I sometimes wish I'd thought more critically about his upbringing before marrying him, but the thing is I'm not some upper crust, refined person. My parents were middle class. But I learned some manners from them and refined them as an adult and then stuck with it because I believe having good manners is respectful and better than having poor manners.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you. Mine is like that, and he also grunts loudly, makes hawking sounds in his throat, sucks in air as he takes each bite, and randomly blows his nose. He practically squats in his chair, hunched over the food with his arms around it, and he chews so loudly, with mouth open, smacking his lips, it looks like a caricature of gross eating or like someone raised by wild animals. He also spears huge hunks of meat or other food on his fork and gnaws. When he eats any kind of pasta or noodles, he keeps a stream of them going in, with half of them being spit back into the bowl all at once, to eat them as fast as possible.

Ever see Chinese people eat noodles - this plus slurping! So gross!

Earplugs?
Record him and then play it for him with a gentle request to stop doing X and Y (the two worst thing)?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't know how to tell him.

When I tell my husband he gets defensive and immature. I’ve given up - not that big of a deal.

He slurps his soup and tea. He hunches over his food with his elbow on the table like his food will run away. He inhales his food like he’s starving. Then he scrapes the plate clean with a fork so that it looks like he licked it (at least he didn’t actually lick it!). If he’s eating anything saucy he literally picks up his plate and pushes the food into his mouth. BTW he’s a UMC Brit, which makes me wonder why they pride themselves on manners!

I have misophonia too. Luckily my DH is a great guy and stays in good humor about it. We also eat with the loud kitchen fan on.

Play background noise at home.

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please explain to me how jaw clicking is a manners issue?

http://healthcare.utah.edu/the-scope/shows.php?shows=0_a1wgqdwy

Dr. Lowder: There are actually two kinds of popping that patients report. One is when they're almost at their widest opening, like when you when you yawn. This type of popping is more of a subluxation where the lower jaw bone passes over a ridge in the upper jaw bone, and that's a normal occurrence caused by just a hyperextended lower jaw.

The other type of popping is the one that's more concerning, and it involves the displacement of the cartilage-like disc which is inside the joint. This type of popping occurs usually quietly when you're closing. The disc will slip forward of the lower jaw bone. Then when you go to open again, there will be a louder pop or crack that happens when the disc repositions itself onto the condyle of the lower jaw.

Interviewer: So, talking or chewing, is that when this happens?

Dr. Lowder: Yes. It can happen

Interviewer: And even just opening your mouth.

Dr. Lowder: It can even be bothersome to other people at the table where you're eating. They can hear it, and they'll wonder what's going on, and that's usually because that disc is dislocating on closure and then reducing back to normal position on opening. If it's painful, it's usually painful because the ligament that controls the disc is being stretched, or the muscles that control the jaw movement are also being affected by that dysfunction.

+1

It’s a medical condition called TMJ and it can become terribly painful. I ended up needing surgery where they had to repair the cushioning disks in my jaw, stitch them in place, and smooth out the bones that had been damaged from rubbing together. Before you judge him for the popping noise, please have him evaluated by a dentist (and possibly an oral surgeon if the dentist can’t resolve the issue) to see if treatment is necessary.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/tmj/symptoms-causes/syc-20350941

So I have to share:

Once you divorce - they get in shape and engage in all of the fun, expensive activities

I have watched this

They know what they are doing

This is real. I hate listening to my husband eat. So incredibly gross.

That was sarcasm, friend

It is good for the literal people to explain thu

Anonymous wrote:I had this in my marriage

you have to re program yourself and find ways to cope

I do not think you can “tell”
him this and expect a change

Marriage is about coping with all of these blah things men (and woman) do as they age. We cope … we become flexible to survive it.

Sshhhhh don’t tell the kids or they might never get married !

Terrible advice. Terrible.

Tell children the truth. If they decide against marriage as a result of truth and reality, so be it.

Deal or Divorce

I had this in my marriage

you have to re program yourself and find ways to cope

I do not think you can “tell”
him this and expect a change

Marriage is about coping with all of these blah things men (and woman) do as they age. We cope … we become flexible to survive it.

Sshhhhh don’t tell the kids or they might never get married !

Anonymous wrote:Eating with someone who is loud, slurps, grunts, inhales their food so loudly is not a fact of life. It’s gross. Manners please.

TWELVE YEAR OLD THREAD