Anonymous
Post 07/02/2016 06:50     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
I had my first 35 and my second at 40. I'm very grateful to have them both, but with my second, I do feel like one of the old moms as opposed to the norm. Most of his friends' moms are 5-10 years younger than me. I feel much more middle aged than I did with my first. And I worry a lot more about being around as they grow up -- I have friends who have died young or are cancer survivors, I lost my mom when she was 63 and my dad now has advanced Alzheimers. If I had had my kids in my 20s, they would have had active, healthy grandparents in their lives - and I would have a better chance of being around to see my own grandchildren.

It's true that there's nothing unusual about AMA parents in the DC area - I know too many 50-something new dads! And I wouldn't have traded my experiences and career building during my 20s and early 30s, in part because it's allowed me to have a really interesting, flexible career now. (Also because I had a lot of fun doing stuff that would be a lot more complicated with 2 kids!!) But I recognize that there are issues that come along with being an "older" mom.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2016 06:32     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you new here? They're all 45 year old first time moms.


Seriously, DC is like the GrannyMom capital of the world. And no, the alternative is not having kids at 20. Many, many people have kids in their early 30s before the grannies start going crazy about establishing their financial independence pre-kids.


I was in grad school in my early 30s, then working, traveling, having fun, making $$$. It's wonderful to have kids later in life. I was able to switch to a good paying job with great work - life balance because of the education and experience that I got pre-kids. Honestly, I feel bad for those moms who had kids early on, work in dead end jobs with no flexibility, never got established, cannot afford a nice spa day, gym, derm appointments, vacations, and have to shop at Sams.


LOL you feel sorry for a demographic that isn't here. As I see it the majority of DCUM posters fall into two camps:

1. Much older moms who are financially comfortable
2. Somewhat younger moms who are financially comfortable

Of course there's outliers but very few of us here are truly struggling because we had kids too early. I had mine at 24 and 28. Just went on vacation this week, get my hair done regularly, wear nice clothes, and have a flexible career that allows me to bring in a second income we don't strictly need, bank it, and still puts me home before 5 pm. I'm 31, have had my kids, and have the rest of my adult life to work, travel with them, and lead a pretty nice lifestyle without having to mortgage myself for IVF at age 43. The older mim crowd seems to have this notion that defying basic biology makes them superior people. It doesn't. Glad you like your choices but that doesn't automatically mean the alternative choices suck.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2016 01:51     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
Had my first in my twenties. Then I had babies at 40 and 43. The pregnancies and births were all normal, but I was way too tired at 43, in part because I'd never caught up on sleep from the previous one, hadn't even weaned the previous toddler, and was burning the candle at both ends with work and kids. I didn't take good care of myself, and you feel it much more in your 40s and then later. If you're going to do pregnancy in your 40s, put your self-care as the top priority, especially in the years after the births.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2016 00:07     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everyone is going to be different.

I had both of mine in my late 30s - 37 and 38 to be exact.

I am now 47 and while I could get pregnant tomorrow probably (never any problems in that dept) and carry a baby to term, I would be ravaged by fatigue and very unhappy about sacrificing all my sleep for another 3-4 years thereafter.

I feel past it now. But not past it for my existing kids, just any new ones.

However, if you've NEVER had a kid and start at 45 and have one then I am more than sure it is 100% fine because I have friends who have done exactly that.


You think you could get pregnant with no issues at 47, 9 years after your last kid because you did not have fertility issues in your 30s? And full term, for sure, no both defects? I admire the confidence!

Plus 1. Conception extremely unlikely at this age
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 23:58     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
Anonymous wrote:Everyone is going to be different.

I had both of mine in my late 30s - 37 and 38 to be exact.

I am now 47 and while I could get pregnant tomorrow probably (never any problems in that dept) and carry a baby to term, I would be ravaged by fatigue and very unhappy about sacrificing all my sleep for another 3-4 years thereafter.

I feel past it now. But not past it for my existing kids, just any new ones.

However, if you've NEVER had a kid and start at 45 and have one then I am more than sure it is 100% fine because I have friends who have done exactly that.


You think you could get pregnant with no issues at 47, 9 years after your last kid because you did not have fertility issues in your 30s? And full term, for sure, no both defects? I admire the confidence!
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 23:31     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
I know that celebrities such as Halle Berry, Kelly Preston + Savannah Gunthrie make having a baby in middle-age look like a piece of cake, but keep in mind these women have the best medical care available to them that money can buy.

For us mere mortals, it can be a huge challenge!

Getting pregnant naturally & delivering a healthy baby at your age is a bit risky.
I would be worried about a chemical pregnancy, low birthweight or Down Syndrome.

However I am by no means a M.D.
Talk to yours and see what their take on this is.

Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 22:40     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
I gave birth to my second a couple of months after my 39th birthday. We only tried for 3 months, and there he was. He's a beautiful healthy toddler. So positive news here! I can't say I'm the most energetic mom out there - I do feel my age - but we're fine.

Obviously everyone has a completely different experience - I have friends with similarly serendipitous stories, and many more who struggled at this age or even several years younger. You just never know until you try. Good luck!!
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 22:33     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
OP, I'm so glad you posted this! I have one that I had at 28, I'm 35 and divorced and would love to have another one! I feel like my time may be up soon especially since I haven't really met anyone new. Hopefully I'll meet someone in the next few years and I get my second baby!
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 22:07     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
Everyone is going to be different.

I had both of mine in my late 30s - 37 and 38 to be exact.

I am now 47 and while I could get pregnant tomorrow probably (never any problems in that dept) and carry a baby to term, I would be ravaged by fatigue and very unhappy about sacrificing all my sleep for another 3-4 years thereafter.

I feel past it now. But not past it for my existing kids, just any new ones.

However, if you've NEVER had a kid and start at 45 and have one then I am more than sure it is 100% fine because I have friends who have done exactly that.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 21:42     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you new here? They're all 45 year old first time moms.


Seriously, DC is like the GrannyMom capital of the world. And no, the alternative is not having kids at 20. Many, many people have kids in their early 30s before the grannies start going crazy about establishing their financial independence pre-kids.


I was in grad school in my early 30s, then working, traveling, having fun, making $$$. It's wonderful to have kids later in life. I was able to switch to a good paying job with great work - life balance because of the education and experience that I got pre-kids. Honestly, I feel bad for those moms who had kids early on, work in dead end jobs with no flexibility, never got established, cannot afford a nice spa day, gym, derm appointments, vacations, and have to shop at Sams.


I was in grad school from 22-25 and was making six figures from 25 to 30 when I had my first child (and continued to afterwards). You also don't have to wait until your 30s to go to grad school. Just saying. Have less well-paying job now in my late 30s that is great work-life balance, basically because I was already established by the time I switched out of the rat race.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 21:08     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
Had my first at 36, second last year at 39. It took longer to get pregnant the 2nd time and hubby and I are more tired. But both were easy pregnancies and easy babies. I wouldn't mind trying for one more if we weren't so old and these damn kids weren't so expensive. Good luck OP!
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 19:18     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
38 and 41. Two healthy cute girls. I say they keep me young, but whoo, they wear me out.

I likely would have been more tired in my 30s, due to health problems.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 19:01     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you new here? They're all 45 year old first time moms.


Seriously, DC is like the GrannyMom capital of the world. And no, the alternative is not having kids at 20. Many, many people have kids in their early 30s before the grannies start going crazy about establishing their financial independence pre-kids.


I was in grad school in my early 30s, then working, traveling, having fun, making $$$. It's wonderful to have kids later in life. I was able to switch to a good paying job with great work - life balance because of the education and experience that I got pre-kids. Honestly, I feel bad for those moms who had kids early on, work in dead end jobs with no flexibility, never got established, cannot afford a nice spa day, gym, derm appointments, vacations, and have to shop at Sams. [/quote


SAMs has huge vats of mayo though. How could anyone not want to go there?
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 18:58     Subject: Late 30's/40's pregnancies
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you new here? They're all 45 year old first time moms.


Seriously, DC is like the GrannyMom capital of the world. And no, the alternative is not having kids at 20. Many, many people have kids in their early 30s before the grannies start going crazy about establishing their financial independence pre-kids.


I was in grad school in my early 30s, then working, traveling, having fun, making $$$. It's wonderful to have kids later in life. I was able to switch to a good paying job with great work - life balance because of the education and experience that I got pre-kids. Honestly, I feel bad for those moms who had kids early on, work in dead end jobs with no flexibility, never got established, cannot afford a nice spa day, gym, derm appointments, vacations, and have to shop at Sams.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 18:48     Subject: Re:Late 30's/40's pregnancies
Anonymous wrote:married at 38, first baby at 39, second at 41. No fertility issues, but #2 was small for gestational age--a tiny baby at birth, but seems to have caught up. No known cause of small size, but perhaps due to environment in womb. Is now a happy, healthy, slightly chubby four year old.

Downsides: we wont be retiring early, i worry about dying before my kids are grown up, worry about being an old grandma who can't help out.


My 75 y/o mom had us in her 40s and she helped a lot with my first. She's super healthy, active, and full of energy. My MIL is 15 years older, overweight, and barely keeping up with the grandkids.