Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So let's say you meet someone online...then you both agree to go out and so you do.
Now, it'e bill time. I'm a male, date didn't go well. I had no connection, was bored didn't like her personality. So the check comes, she said "let's pay for our portion" and kinda does the whole alligator arms thing. I'm like okay...you owe 20 bucks.

She seemed shocked. But she paid, we left and I went up to meet friends because frankly the date sucked.

I get a message the next day about how she was nervous and apologized. I figure sure, nerves take over sometimes, let's try this again. But she mentioned she was a little shocked I actually made her pay for her portion and that guys usually pick up the check. No second date lady. First off, date sucked. Second, pay for your own stuff. Third, self entitlement is a turn-off.

I asked a few friends (male and female) but got mixed responses.

Her part was $20 and you made her pay?! You suck. I'd be embarrassed to ask for $20. I'm a waitress, I would pay for both of you 2 the hell out of my section. I could get my table back and maybe have people there who will cough up a payment card or cash and won't sit there fighting about it and playing alligator.
It can't be about money. She offered to pay her share, which is nice really and fair and you can't see that it's only $20?!
If you both need money, we are hiring all the time.

He's a idiot, likely single for a long time.

Anonymous wrote:So let's say you meet someone online...then you both agree to go out and so you do.
Now, it'e bill time. I'm a male, date didn't go well. I had no connection, was bored didn't like her personality. So the check comes, she said "let's pay for our portion" and kinda does the whole alligator arms thing. I'm like okay...you owe 20 bucks.

She seemed shocked. But she paid, we left and I went up to meet friends because frankly the date sucked.

I get a message the next day about how she was nervous and apologized. I figure sure, nerves take over sometimes, let's try this again. But she mentioned she was a little shocked I actually made her pay for her portion and that guys usually pick up the check. No second date lady. First off, date sucked. Second, pay for your own stuff. Third, self entitlement is a turn-off.

I asked a few friends (male and female) but got mixed responses.

Her part was $20 and you made her pay?! You suck. I'd be embarrassed to ask for $20. I'm a waitress, I would pay for both of you 2 the hell out of my section. I could get my table back and maybe have people there who will cough up a payment card or cash and won't sit there fighting about it and playing alligator.
It can't be about money. She offered to pay her share, which is nice really and fair and you can't see that it's only $20?!
If you both need money, we are hiring all the time.

Anonymous wrote:I am a generous person so even when I am out with girlfriends I pick up their check sometime and they return the favor. I find either you are generous and you pay for others ( even this bad date) or you count your nickels and dimes and are cheap and try to make everything " fair" or even. It wasn't required but could have been considered nice if you had paid for her meal. I'm sure it wasn't that expensive unless you went to an extremely fancy meal.

What you are doing is actually worse. You don't like her but at least she did pay. Now you are moaning and bitching about her ( yes, I know it is anoyomous) but how would you feel if you read this thread and figured it was you he was talking about?

Not cool

So you're a sucker...

Have fun getting treated like garbage

Anonymous wrote:I am a generous person so even when I am out with girlfriends I pick up their check sometime and they return the favor. I find either you are generous and you pay for others ( even this bad date) or you count your nickels and dimes and are cheap and try to make everything " fair" or even. It wasn't required but could have been considered nice if you had paid for her meal. I'm sure it wasn't that expensive unless you went to an extremely fancy meal.

What you are doing is actually worse. You don't like her but at least she did pay. Now you are moaning and bitching about her ( yes, I know it is anoyomous) but how would you feel if you read this thread and figured it was you he was talking about?

Not cool

No he wasn't. He was asking because his friends had mixed opinions.

I am a generous person so even when I am out with girlfriends I pick up their check sometime and they return the favor. I find either you are generous and you pay for others ( even this bad date) or you count your nickels and dimes and are cheap and try to make everything " fair" or even. It wasn't required but could have been considered nice if you had paid for her meal. I'm sure it wasn't that expensive unless you went to an extremely fancy meal.

What you are doing is actually worse. You don't like her but at least she did pay. Now you are moaning and bitching about her ( yes, I know it is anoyomous) but how would you feel if you read this thread and figured it was you he was talking about?

Not cool

Anonymous wrote:Usually whoever asked for the first date, pays. When the relationship progresses, people take turns.

But usually it's a good idea to keep first dates modest in terms of money and time investment. Go out for coffee. If you end up not liking her (or him), it's like half an hour and 10 bucks. Easy.

+1

I preferred to keep first time meetups to cofee and preferably where I could go up and order my own coffee or the person offers to get my cofee up front (not expected and I might have already gotten my coffee). This way at worst, I've spent $5.00 getting a coffee I would have gotten myself anyway or from his perspective he has spent $10 total including his own coffee.

I do think to some extent the person that issues the invitation should pay whether you have a good time or not. Only invite someone to a venue that you are happy to pay for good time or not. While not exactly the same, I have been at those big gatherings with friends and friends of friends where we all split the bill it it has cost me $15-20 more than I would have paid had I just paid for my stuff, but I suck it up because that's how it goes at those big group gatherings. There was one where I had an awful time and I think that was what turned me off of going to gatherings like that ever again. There isn't a good manners clause like if I have a good time and like my friend's friends will I be willing to pay for other people's beers but if I am having a sucky time I get to pay for my one beer when everyone wants to split the bill. If I don't feel like dealing with all that, I simply won't agree to go to those venues/gatherings upfront. If I agree the go, I roll the dice and the money is committed good time to not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Female here. I always offer to split and I've had mixed responses.. I'd say 75% of guys insist on paying after I offer, and 25% say okay great and we each just throw in our cards.

I'm with another PP.. I'm uncomfortable with not paying half.

I wouldn't even request she pay half, just what she had

What if what she had was more than half?

Then pay your portion, you're a big girl, out in your big girl pants

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Female here. I always offer to split and I've had mixed responses.. I'd say 75% of guys insist on paying after I offer, and 25% say okay great and we each just throw in our cards.

I'm with another PP.. I'm uncomfortable with not paying half.

I wouldn't even request she pay half, just what she had

What if what she had was more than half?

Anonymous wrote:Who was the first person to suggest getting together?

LOL, when are women EVER the first to invite a man on a date?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have told him I'll leave the tip, he's paying the bill.

I'd tell you thanks, but pay for your own meal. Tip is up to you. Then tell the server to split it. Done...

Guess you don't plan on any second dates.

OP said the date was lousy, why would he?

Anonymous wrote:If the guy made me pay half on a first day, I would have excused myself to go to the ladies room then outside to let air out of his tires and key his car.

Yeah...there you go, vandalize his property because you're a lousy date. Have you been evaluated for your mental instability?

If the date is going bad, I don't blame the OP for not picking up her tab. What's the point in throwing more money at a crappy situation? If she offers to split the check, I would glad let her.

If the date is going well and I know I want to see her again, I will certainly pay without hesitation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have told him I'll leave the tip, he's paying the bill.

I'd tell you thanks, but pay for your own meal. Tip is up to you. Then tell the server to split it. Done...

Guess you don't plan on any second dates.

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind paying for my own meal if the date sucked and I have no plans to see a guy ever again. I'm not sure I would go on a second date with a man who made me pay for my own meal though.

I agree with this. The less I like a guy, the more likely I am to pay for myself. If I don't plan to see him again, I'll insist harder on paying my part.

Anonymous wrote:Notice in a restaurant the server almost always puts the bill by the man? There's a reason for that, it's call social norms. Men have expectations of women, women have the same.

No they don't. Equal rights, feminism and all that. In case you haven't noticed, chivalry is dead. Women didn't want it anymore