Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you start your life in abject poverty or you end up with a serious illness (neither of which I would minimize) if you work hard and don't make any major mistakes (don't have a kid before you're married or ready to, do your homework and get good grades, major in a demand field, work hard at your job) it's not hard to find yourself on dry land (not millionaire mind you, but middle upper middle class).

I tend to find that people (unless they started in abject poverty -- again not minimizing that -- inequality is a huge problem our country needs to deal with) that plan wisely and defer gratification in their teens and early 20s, don't have to be in such a shitty predicament in their 30s. YMMV.

If you are referring to me (PP), well yes, we did pretty much start out poor as shit. Put ourselves through school. Lots of debt that had to be repaid. People are different. There is no "average." And you are judgmental.

Fair enough, I don't know you so I'm not going to judge your situation. Sounds like my views don't really relate to what you've been through. However, many people here on DCUM who started out as solidly Middle Class seem to end up in these sexless passionless marriages and I can only assume if they'd care a little bit less about piling up responsibilities to impress the neighbors and focus on their relationship they would be better off.

And that's probably true. Nevertheless what you describe above isn't exactly exciting either. It's like some people on here think that life is utterly pointless if you are not having daily sex. News flash - many, many married couples, especially those with young children, aren't having regular sex and this has probably never been the case. It's a fiction.

If you don't have regular sex, yes, life is much, much less enjoyable. Not pointless, but a huge drag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you start your life in abject poverty or you end up with a serious illness (neither of which I would minimize) if you work hard and don't make any major mistakes (don't have a kid before you're married or ready to, do your homework and get good grades, major in a demand field, work hard at your job) it's not hard to find yourself on dry land (not millionaire mind you, but middle upper middle class).

I tend to find that people (unless they started in abject poverty -- again not minimizing that -- inequality is a huge problem our country needs to deal with) that plan wisely and defer gratification in their teens and early 20s, don't have to be in such a shitty predicament in their 30s. YMMV.

If you are referring to me (PP), well yes, we did pretty much start out poor as shit. Put ourselves through school. Lots of debt that had to be repaid. People are different. There is no "average." And you are judgmental.

Fair enough, I don't know you so I'm not going to judge your situation. Sounds like my views don't really relate to what you've been through. However, many people here on DCUM who started out as solidly Middle Class seem to end up in these sexless passionless marriages and I can only assume if they'd care a little bit less about piling up responsibilities to impress the neighbors and focus on their relationship they would be better off.

And that's probably true. Nevertheless what you describe above isn't exactly exciting either. It's like some people on here think that life is utterly pointless if you are not having daily sex. News flash - many, many married couples, especially those with young children, aren't having regular sex and this has probably never been the case. It's a fiction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because I have no desire anymore because of menopause. Sex is painful, even with meds and lubrication.

You don't stay 20 forever.

Is your mouth or hand painful and dry? Not being crass but there is more than one way to meet your spouse's sexual needs, which probably haven't vanished just because you experienced menopause.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you start your life in abject poverty or you end up with a serious illness (neither of which I would minimize) if you work hard and don't make any major mistakes (don't have a kid before you're married or ready to, do your homework and get good grades, major in a demand field, work hard at your job) it's not hard to find yourself on dry land (not millionaire mind you, but middle upper middle class).

I tend to find that people (unless they started in abject poverty -- again not minimizing that -- inequality is a huge problem our country needs to deal with) that plan wisely and defer gratification in their teens and early 20s, don't have to be in such a shitty predicament in their 30s. YMMV.

Not really there is a U shaped curve in marital happiness. It has been studied for years of upper middle class families.

Happiness declines for approximately 10 years, levels off for 4 years and increases as children leave and finances improve. This changes if there are more than 2 kids and if something catastrophic happens to you career.

The problem is that some people try to fight reality. This is the reality, stop blaming your spouse, it is what it is. Kids are a drain.

I think kids these days (and our days) were given too much and when the going get rough, they crumble. Find the bright side and stop complaining about the little things.

Anonymous wrote:Unless you start your life in abject poverty or you end up with a serious illness (neither of which I would minimize) if you work hard and don't make any major mistakes (don't have a kid before you're married or ready to, do your homework and get good grades, major in a demand field, work hard at your job) it's not hard to find yourself on dry land (not millionaire mind you, but middle upper middle class).

I tend to find that people (unless they started in abject poverty -- again not minimizing that -- inequality is a huge problem our country needs to deal with) that plan wisely and defer gratification in their teens and early 20s, don't have to be in such a shitty predicament in their 30s. YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you start your life in abject poverty or you end up with a serious illness (neither of which I would minimize) if you work hard and don't make any major mistakes (don't have a kid before you're married or ready to, do your homework and get good grades, major in a demand field, work hard at your job) it's not hard to find yourself on dry land (not millionaire mind you, but middle upper middle class).

I tend to find that people (unless they started in abject poverty -- again not minimizing that -- inequality is a huge problem our country needs to deal with) that plan wisely and defer gratification in their teens and early 20s, don't have to be in such a shitty predicament in their 30s. YMMV.

If you are referring to me (PP), well yes, we did pretty much start out poor as shit. Put ourselves through school. Lots of debt that had to be repaid. People are different. There is no "average." And you are judgmental.

Fair enough, I don't know you so I'm not going to judge your situation. Sounds like my views don't really relate to what you've been through. However, many people here on DCUM who started out as solidly Middle Class seem to end up in these sexless passionless marriages and I can only assume if they'd care a little bit less about piling up responsibilities to impress the neighbors and focus on their relationship they would be better off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you start your life in abject poverty or you end up with a serious illness (neither of which I would minimize) if you work hard and don't make any major mistakes (don't have a kid before you're married or ready to, do your homework and get good grades, major in a demand field, work hard at your job) it's not hard to find yourself on dry land (not millionaire mind you, but middle upper middle class).

I tend to find that people (unless they started in abject poverty -- again not minimizing that -- inequality is a huge problem our country needs to deal with) that plan wisely and defer gratification in their teens and early 20s, don't have to be in such a shitty predicament in their 30s. YMMV.

If you are referring to me (PP), well yes, we did pretty much start out poor as shit. Put ourselves through school. Lots of debt that had to be repaid. People are different. There is no "average." And you are judgmental.

Anonymous wrote:Unless you start your life in abject poverty or you end up with a serious illness (neither of which I would minimize) if you work hard and don't make any major mistakes (don't have a kid before you're married or ready to, do your homework and get good grades, major in a demand field, work hard at your job) it's not hard to find yourself on dry land (not millionaire mind you, but middle upper middle class).

I tend to find that people (unless they started in abject poverty -- again not minimizing that -- inequality is a huge problem our country needs to deal with) that plan wisely and defer gratification in their teens and early 20s, don't have to be in such a shitty predicament in their 30s. YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schedule is the biggest culprit.

"Schedule" is bullshit. You just aren't prioritizing sex. You're busy with work, kids, pets, exercise, etc.? OK, but there are 168 hours in the week, don't tell me you can't set ONE of those hours aside for sex. Stop putting sex at the bottom of the list and letting "other things" push sex off the list.

WHY you don't want to prioritize sex is the real question.

Spoken like a man who would put sex before kids, work, pets, exercise, etc.

Grow up, perv.

Math is hard. Especially for women.

One hour a week for sex leaves 167 other hours for kids, work, pets, exercise, etc. -- and that's plenty of time.

Logic is hard. Especially for women.

If you don't have sex then your kids, work, pets, exercise, etc. -- i.e., your whole life -- will suffer because your spouse will divorce you or cheat. (And if you are a woman, all the other women on DCUM will cheer you on for doing so.)

Grow up, twat.

Text your mom from the basement, you sound hungry and cranky. She needs to bring you some food.

What I'm going to do is teach my son to avoid women who think wanting one hour of sex a week makes you a "perv", "emotionally immature" with "unrealistic expectations", and a "a typical d!ck who speaks from and for his penis." There are lots of women out there, and he doesn't need one with that kind of obnoxious attitude.

Good grief, listen to yourselves. YOU ARE CRAZY. It is entirely possible, reasonable, and necessary to have sex on a regular basis, despite your "schedule".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schedule is the biggest culprit.

"Schedule" is bullshit. You just aren't prioritizing sex. You're busy with work, kids, pets, exercise, etc.? OK, but there are 168 hours in the week, don't tell me you can't set ONE of those hours aside for sex. Stop putting sex at the bottom of the list and letting "other things" push sex off the list.

WHY you don't want to prioritize sex is the real question.

Spoken like a man who would put sex before kids, work, pets, exercise, etc.

Grow up, perv.

Math is hard. Especially for women.

One hour a week for sex leaves 167 other hours for kids, work, pets, exercise, etc. -- and that's plenty of time.

Logic is hard. Especially for women.

If you don't have sex then your kids, work, pets, exercise, etc. -- i.e., your whole life -- will suffer because your spouse will divorce you or cheat. (And if you are a woman, all the other women on DCUM will cheer you on for doing so.)

Grow up, twat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because I have no desire anymore because of menopause. Sex is painful, even with meds and lubrication.

You don't stay 20 forever.

Is your mouth or hand painful and dry? Not being crass but there is more than one way to meet your spouse's sexual needs, which probably haven't vanished just because you experienced menopause.

Anonymous wrote:

Because I have no desire anymore because of menopause. Sex is painful, even with meds and lubrication.

You don't stay 20 forever.

Anonymous wrote:What makes you unattracted to your spouse?
-Physically, his weight. He is 46 and very heavy. His pants size is 40 (waist). Also, he is just not that nice to me. I do not care to go on any form of birth control, and he does not wish to use condoms or get a vasectomy. We have 4 children already, and every time I've been pregnant, he's been especially mean to me. I'm not going through that again.

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?
-I am still VERY attracted to other men.

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?
-I have no desire. It was never "good" sex anyway. Why would I bother? It's a lose/lose situation for me---bad sex, possibility of getting pregnant...absolutely no good can come of it.

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)
-nope. It's been YEARS since my husband and I have had sex. In the last year, I have started an affair. That takes care of my needs quite nicely. Before the affair, I just did without.