Anonymous
06/09/2016 09:56
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
OP here. Overwhelmed at all of these responses. Thank you for sharing. Peace and healing to all.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 08:09
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
When I was younger (maybe 6/7) a guy called the house and told me that mom had signed me up to be a model. And that, as such he needed more information about me. It started with questions about my age, hair color. Then it was about how long my legs were ect.
Before I knew it I was being told to touch myself ect. I kept asking him why his voice was shaking ect. Looking back- I know that he was getting off on it.
The calls went on for about 6 months. I had no idea that anything was 'wrong'. Mostly because I was raised in an extremely physically abusive home and did not have proper boundaries.
After a few months I asked him again about the modeling jobs- and he started screaming at me.
Next day- the guy called and told me what I was wearing at school that day.
I am honestly not sure how it all ended.
Before I knew it I was being told to touch myself ect. I kept asking him why his voice was shaking ect. Looking back- I know that he was getting off on it.
The calls went on for about 6 months. I had no idea that anything was 'wrong'. Mostly because I was raised in an extremely physically abusive home and did not have proper boundaries.
After a few months I asked him again about the modeling jobs- and he started screaming at me.
Next day- the guy called and told me what I was wearing at school that day.
I am honestly not sure how it all ended.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 05:03
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
it was my pediatrician, back in the late 1970s/early 1980s. starting at the age of around 5 or 6yo. he was a solo practitioner, and his wife was the nurse/front desk person. nobody else worked there, as far as i recall.
i was unescorted in all of my examinations - mom waiting in the waiting room, male pediatrician alone with me (and all other patients, likely) in the exam rooms. each time, he would pull aside my underwear and digitally penetrate me. first, he would warn me that it would be embarrassing, but he had to do it because he was my doctor. and then he would do it. i hated it there so much but since he was my doctor, i never told anybody and assumed that it was a "normal" part of my exams. it wasn't until i was 14yo and went with a friend to get her yearly physical with her pediatrician (can't remember why i was with her and not her parents), and i came in the room with her for her exam. her pediatrician was also male, and was escorted by a female nurse. i saw every bit of the exam and i was waiting to be sent from the room for the part of the exam that i "knew" was coming. well, it never came. and i realized, holy shit, that was not a necessary exam. my mom had already moved me to a new pediatrician so i was not subjected to him anymore, but i still felt shameful.
i never told anybody until i was an adult, and have only told my DH. i looked up my former pediatrician, and the news report was that this "beloved" pediatrician had a massive stroke and was vegetative, then died. i thought, served him right.
i was unescorted in all of my examinations - mom waiting in the waiting room, male pediatrician alone with me (and all other patients, likely) in the exam rooms. each time, he would pull aside my underwear and digitally penetrate me. first, he would warn me that it would be embarrassing, but he had to do it because he was my doctor. and then he would do it. i hated it there so much but since he was my doctor, i never told anybody and assumed that it was a "normal" part of my exams. it wasn't until i was 14yo and went with a friend to get her yearly physical with her pediatrician (can't remember why i was with her and not her parents), and i came in the room with her for her exam. her pediatrician was also male, and was escorted by a female nurse. i saw every bit of the exam and i was waiting to be sent from the room for the part of the exam that i "knew" was coming. well, it never came. and i realized, holy shit, that was not a necessary exam. my mom had already moved me to a new pediatrician so i was not subjected to him anymore, but i still felt shameful.
i never told anybody until i was an adult, and have only told my DH. i looked up my former pediatrician, and the news report was that this "beloved" pediatrician had a massive stroke and was vegetative, then died. i thought, served him right.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 04:01
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So many posters never told their parents or anyone else about the abuse. What can be done to help victims seek help? What might have made a difference?
I'm so sad for all of you who suffered abuse and wish you all peace.
For parents not to blame the victim.
I know I had my dad's friend come onto me and my mom told me to not tell anyone and not talk about it.
My high school teacher whispered with his lips touching my ear that it seemed I washed my black head band with my whites. I wanted to transfer out of his class. I told my mother so she would sign the transfer slip and she said to get over it. I don't know if I'm conveying how creepy that was but he did stuff like that constantly to many girls.
This subtle sexual abuse in rampant. A gym teacher in the middle school where I teach was just suspended because he'd been having girls perform "CPR" on him when they were learning about it. Daughters of our friends go to this school, and told their mom they were uncomfortable after gym class one day because of the way he was trying to position some girls during a game. Mom said they were making a big deal out of nothing. Once it came out that he'd been suspended, mom felt bad for brushing it off.
I don't get the inclination to brush it off. If my daughters had approached me with a similar concern I would have had a serious problem.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 03:52
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So many posters never told their parents or anyone else about the abuse. What can be done to help victims seek help? What might have made a difference?
I'm so sad for all of you who suffered abuse and wish you all peace.
For parents not to blame the victim.
I know I had my dad's friend come onto me and my mom told me to not tell anyone and not talk about it.
PP here. The following are my friend's experiences:
-Friend molested by uncle (living with her and her mother temporarily) at age eight. Told mother and was told never to talk about it again.
-Friend molested by grandfather, didn't say anything until her younger sister told her she'd been molested by him too (friend at this point was a teen). Friend called the police who ridiculed her and demanded "evidence." Other family members didn't do anything except paint friend as troublemaker.
-Friend skipped school with older football star. He raped her. She went to teachers the next day and they accused her of trying to get attention.
These are just a few examples. Even if people DO tell they're told to shut up, blamed somehow, or just shamed into silence.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 02:38
Subject: Re:Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
Raped by an acquaintance of a friend when I was 21. In my parents' home, with my parents there, and my friend asleep in the same bedroom at the time. When I woke the next day, very late and alone in the house, I was very confused, very foggy, and horrified and repulsed by what I could feel physically. It was clear to me that I'd had unprotected sex, but I couldn't figure out how or why or what could have happened. I called my friend who said there was no way I'd had sex - she was with me the entire night, we'd slept in my bed together, and she thought she would have known. She then called the acquaintance - whose friends had driven us home from the bar, and who had stayed over with us at my parents house for some reason - who said we'd had consensual sex. My friend believed him. I didn't know what to do - I was just horrified and sickened - so I looked in the phone book and found a number for a pregnancy hotline. They suggested a rape crisis hotline, but I didn't call. I tried to get ready and drive to work, but turned around after a mile because I realized it was utterly unsafe for me to be driving. I was drinking the night before - it had been my 21st birthday - but I definitely didn't drink enough to feel so groggy the next afternoon. I remember him buying me a beer at the bar, and oddly it was several years before I realized that he probably put something in it. I only ever recalled snippets from that night - flashes of being on the floor of my bedroom with him, him penetrating me anally. I never told my parents, and it was years before I called it rape, even to myself. I couldn't tell you what he looked like - that night was the first and only time I met him, and I wasn't attracted to him - but I remember his hair. Almost 2 decades later I still feel nauseous and repulsed when I see men with long blonde hair.
Anonymous
06/08/2016 23:08
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
Multiple rapes by my first boyfriend when I was 16-17. I would say no and he would proceed. He was physically and emotionally abusive, and I was afraid he would hurt me if I tried to resist more than saying no. When I tried to break up with him, he came to my home and threatened himself (and me) with a large kitchen knife, while my parents were in the home sleeping. When I successfully broke up with him, finally, he stalked me for several years. At least once a week I would look in my rearview mirror while driving and see him behind me. Whenever I would arrive at my home, he would call and hang up as soon as someone answered, I think just to show me for years how closely he was watching. It was horrible and creepy and I feared for my life for a long time. Eventually his attentions were directed to another poor woman, and a few years later he died of an overdose. It was the first time since I was 16 that I felt safe, when I learned he had passed away.
I never told my parents but they knew he was controlling. I later learned that my father had purchased a gun while we were dating, just to protect the family from the psycho if needed, and that my parents consulted a lawyer about a restraining order when I broke up with him (which was ultimately decided against). My parents would have been supportive of me. I was just very ashamed of the situation I was in. Was the "perfect good girl" type and totally blamed myself for being in the situation. I also stopped taking communion at church during those years, which I think conveyed some things to my parents as well.
I never told my parents but they knew he was controlling. I later learned that my father had purchased a gun while we were dating, just to protect the family from the psycho if needed, and that my parents consulted a lawyer about a restraining order when I broke up with him (which was ultimately decided against). My parents would have been supportive of me. I was just very ashamed of the situation I was in. Was the "perfect good girl" type and totally blamed myself for being in the situation. I also stopped taking communion at church during those years, which I think conveyed some things to my parents as well.
Anonymous
06/08/2016 22:15
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
I was abused. I told my mother over and over. She refused to hear me. So I told my boyfriend in high school. He helped me track down my father, who I hadn't talked to since I was 7. We met up. I couldn't tell my father, but sat on the floor of a bathroom and told his girlfriend. Years later she would become his wife, and crazy to the point that my husband I would get a restraining order against her. But that day she was totally in control and told my father and he moved back to where I lived, lived in a hotel for months while he engaged in a wretched custody fight with my mother to get custody of me, which he eventually did.
Anonymous
06/08/2016 22:11
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
Anonymous wrote:So many posters never told their parents or anyone else about the abuse. What can be done to help victims seek help? What might have made a difference?
I'm so sad for all of you who suffered abuse and wish you all peace.
Embarrassment. Fear of not being believed. Just having your name associated with it (of course people would discuss it).
I came from a very conservative, Catholic family. Sex was simply not discussed. And if it was, it was usually in the context of it being immoral. So, part of me thought I was immoral. Even though I was a kid.
Anonymous
06/08/2016 21:14
Subject: Re:Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
Does anybody have recommendations for therapists that deal with childhood sexual abuse?
My H was molested as a child, 1 st revealed recently at the age of 50 to me, his wife. We are trying to get him help but the current therapist does not seem knowledgable in this area of trauma.
My H was molested as a child, 1 st revealed recently at the age of 50 to me, his wife. We are trying to get him help but the current therapist does not seem knowledgable in this area of trauma.
Anonymous
06/08/2016 21:10
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So many posters never told their parents or anyone else about the abuse. What can be done to help victims seek help? What might have made a difference?
I'm so sad for all of you who suffered abuse and wish you all peace.
For parents not to blame the victim.
I know I had my dad's friend come onto me and my mom told me to not tell anyone and not talk about it.
My high school teacher whispered with his lips touching my ear that it seemed I washed my black head band with my whites. I wanted to transfer out of his class. I told my mother so she would sign the transfer slip and she said to get over it. I don't know if I'm conveying how creepy that was but he did stuff like that constantly to many girls.
Anonymous
06/08/2016 21:02
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am a guy
Age: 7-9 sexual abuse by a babysitter. Male.
I told everyone I was supposed to after the first instance. And was firmly rebuked and informed that this sort of thing just "doesn't happen" in THIS community (Main Line Philadelphia).
What did the babysitter do?
Go fuck yourself.
Lovely.
Actually I agree with fuck yourself. Why are details so important unless it's to get some perv's rocks off? [/quotes
Sorry OP. Looking Back, what could your parents have done to protect you?
++1000000
I am fuck yourself and was to appalled to use anything but shorthand. Thanks for picking up my slack!
NP here. A charitable reading would be "what did the babysitter do when you reported it to your parents" - so maybe the PP meant that? That's the only thing I can think of, because otherwise, totally f-ed up to ask.
Anonymous
06/08/2016 21:00
Subject: Re:Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
From a poster who DID tell her parents. They did nothing. That hurts as much as the molestation.
Anonymous
06/08/2016 20:59
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
Anonymous wrote:So many posters never told their parents or anyone else about the abuse. What can be done to help victims seek help? What might have made a difference?
I'm so sad for all of you who suffered abuse and wish you all peace.
If I had believed my dad wouldn't kill the guy with his bare hands and spend the rest of his life in prison, I might have told. But I just felt like it would blow up my entire family. And we'd lose our beloved babysitter/nanny. I also am pretty sure she would have committed suicide -- she's mentally unstable and had attempted when we were kids (not around us, but my dad's a shrink, so he got her help and we knew). To this day she still might consider suicide if she knew. My dad would be shattered but he's too old to kill anyone now, although he most certainly would fantasize about it. Hell, I fantasize about it.
Anonymous
06/08/2016 20:49
Subject: Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.
Anonymous wrote:So many posters never told their parents or anyone else about the abuse. What can be done to help victims seek help? What might have made a difference?
I'm so sad for all of you who suffered abuse and wish you all peace.
For parents not to blame the victim.
I know I had my dad's friend come onto me and my mom told me to not tell anyone and not talk about it.