Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO.

It is amazing this still needs to be said nowadays.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO.

It is amazing this still needs to be said nowadays.

I almost did this then did my homework on how it could be done but was still not safe. His family didn't like me and they could have fought for his share of the house or at least tied it up legally if something happened to him. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO!!!

Anonymous wrote:You are asking several different questions. If you are having regrets before even marrying? Don't do it!

+1. Didn't read any further because this says it all. If you are not both willing to look out for each other (like the story Gift of the Magi) marriage will be a hard road. I've seen couples navigate tough decisions like where to live when one person wanted city and country living. Usually they both compromise. Like start city living and wait until kids are older (when you aren't in the tough infant years and your kids are old enough to appreciate really getting to run around and not be on top of neighbors). Or if they move more rural, the other person that hates commuting and prefers living closer in gets to be the SAHP and the person willing to be in the car longer to live further out on a bigger piece of property takes on the commute.

Your concerns about being an introvert and leaving your support network, not being on the deed, worsening your financial outlook by taking a pay cut to work in the further out area ...I'm not seeing where your boyfriend is sacrificing for you. He should be running the numbers so he can pay the mortgage himself but still put you on the deed. Your anticipated pay cut should be offset by not contributing to the mortgage so you can still pay off your loan at the same rate. If for some reason you break up, you would have to get back up to making your old salary and sometimes jobs are all about paying what you currently make plus maybe a small bump. But having part ownership of the house would help offset this. Haven't addressed the support network compromise but maybe that means hosting your close friends over at the new place more than you did before or boyfriend agreeing to aid your efforts to build a support network in the further out area.

I apologize if I anyone takes offense to this, but I cannot fathom ever purchasing a house with a boyfriend/girlfriend. There is no stock in that relationship other than time, and you are going to go and make a huge financial decision like that? No one thinks about what will happen if you break up.

My best friend did just that: bought a house with her ex boyfriend. Boyfriend ran off, got into drugs, and eventually prison and my friend got stuck with the bill. Not a good idea, EVER.

To the OP, if you are having this many doubts, marriage to this man is probably not going to work out. Been there, done that, bought the tshirt. There is a difference between sacrificing and justifying your/his actions. I'd get the hell out, now.

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO.

It is amazing this still needs to be said nowadays.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I got engaged and then bought a house. I was in grad school at the time so he bought it solely in his name. I was not put on the deed. We planned to live there for 5-7 years and then sell it and move to our forever home. We (he) bought at the top of the market. The market crashed. We were totally underwater and couldn't sell it. It worked to our advantage to not have me on the deed because we ended up having to short sell. They couldn't count any asset that was mine or jointly owned, only what was solely in DH's name. So it actually ended up behooving us.

But it doesn't sound like he's taking your preferences into consideration. Red flag.

You got lucky. Everything about your real estate strategy was stupid, from buying a starter home to "buying" a home before you were married and (you) were still in grad school.