B or C - and only if your baby is ok in the car.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just skip it. My ILs are having their (once in a lifetime) 50th anniversary party one week before my due date this summer...and since it involves a flight and long drive we are obviously not going. They invited my parents, and my mom thought it was really weird they didn't hold it a month or so earlier so that we could attend. My parents would have done that, because our attendance would've been way more important to them than holding it closer to the exact date of their anniversary. It isn't on the exact date, BTW, it's the Saturday after. And, yes, it was planned after we had already announced we were expecting.

But every family is different. If your attendance was super important, your MIL would accommodate. It's just a small 4th of July BBQ, so I can understand why she would want to hold it on the 4th...but that doesn't also mean she can demand that you come.

Wow, this one takes the cake! How odd that they wouldn't want to include their entire family in this milestone event. Yes, "the date" is important for an anniversary party, but there is no way it is more important than the actual attendees who are family!

PP here, and that's what I think. But DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, so whatever, I guess. It's not that his family isn't close or anything, they're just really different about this kind of stuff. It's extra weird because they pretty much never plan big parties, unlike my family. The last big event they planned was an engagement/pre-wedding party at their house for people who wouldn't be able to travel to my hometown for the wedding...and this party is a lot bigger and fancier than that one. But, yeah, it's pretty weird. My mom actually thinks DH should still go on his own if I haven't had the baby, but he's against it. We'll play it by ear when we're a little closer...I have a feeling the baby will already be born by then anyway.

I see this as completely different than the backyard barbecue. Maybe more people were able to make it on the date they chose, which is closer to their actual anniversary. I don't think it's weird or messed up at all, especially if they aren't giving you any grief for not going. This party is more about them, not "family" in general.

Uh, no. You don't celebrate a marriage with friends and family, KNOWING your son and his family can't be there.

Well, apparently some people do! I wonder if the couple's other children will be there.

First PP here. Yes, SIL and her family will be there. They are local to ILs. Anyway, I think it's pretty weird since it's not like they do a big get together for their anniversary every year and the whole point of this one is to celebrate it with other people. But it's also not my issue, since it's not my parents. DH hasn't let on that he's hurt by this. I would be pretty hurt if my parents did this, TBH, but they wouldn't...so it will never be an issue for me. I've given up trying to understand IL's family dynamics, because they are so different from my own. They are generally pretty nice to me, so I don't sweat the stuff I don't understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is the way OP presented the case. She set her family as priority by establishing their trip as a prior commitment. The IL's do this every year. The fourth is not a surprise to anyone and there is ample time to plan. Of course she should skip it and probably from now on too. What she shouldn't do is want the celebration, which includes others, moved to accommodate her desire to save vacation time for her family. What she is really asking is "my family is more important than his, right?" The answer is that you spend your vacation time as you please and you acknowledge that you cannot go to every event.

OP here. *I never asked for the event to be moved. My husband did. Without even asking me, because it seemed to him such an obvious solution.*

And yeah, the fourth is not a surprise. But my pregnancy and maternity leave weren't exactly timed with a BBQ in mind!

Also, even calling it a party is a bit of a stretch. "having local family over to grill out" is more like it.

We are going to go, but leave at 2 p.m. Thus, we will only see the extended family very briefly. MIL isn't thrilled, but whatever. If she had a BBQ on the third, or even made it a breakfast/brunch on the Fourth, she'd get to show of her new grandchild more. Oh well!

You are a better woman than I am, OP. I would have stayed home rather than take a baby in July 4th traffic. I hope you have a nice time with your family at least.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just skip it. My ILs are having their (once in a lifetime) 50th anniversary party one week before my due date this summer...and since it involves a flight and long drive we are obviously not going. They invited my parents, and my mom thought it was really weird they didn't hold it a month or so earlier so that we could attend. My parents would have done that, because our attendance would've been way more important to them than holding it closer to the exact date of their anniversary. It isn't on the exact date, BTW, it's the Saturday after. And, yes, it was planned after we had already announced we were expecting.

But every family is different. If your attendance was super important, your MIL would accommodate. It's just a small 4th of July BBQ, so I can understand why she would want to hold it on the 4th...but that doesn't also mean she can demand that you come.

Wow, this one takes the cake! How odd that they wouldn't want to include their entire family in this milestone event. Yes, "the date" is important for an anniversary party, but there is no way it is more important than the actual attendees who are family!

PP here, and that's what I think. But DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, so whatever, I guess. It's not that his family isn't close or anything, they're just really different about this kind of stuff. It's extra weird because they pretty much never plan big parties, unlike my family. The last big event they planned was an engagement/pre-wedding party at their house for people who wouldn't be able to travel to my hometown for the wedding...and this party is a lot bigger and fancier than that one. But, yeah, it's pretty weird. My mom actually thinks DH should still go on his own if I haven't had the baby, but he's against it. We'll play it by ear when we're a little closer...I have a feeling the baby will already be born by then anyway.

I see this as completely different than the backyard barbecue. Maybe more people were able to make it on the date they chose, which is closer to their actual anniversary. I don't think it's weird or messed up at all, especially if they aren't giving you any grief for not going. This party is more about them, not "family" in general.

Uh, no. You don't celebrate a marriage with friends and family, KNOWING your son and his family can't be there.

It sounds to me like celebrating their anniversary near their anniversary date is more important than making sure everyone can be there. I don't think that's horrible.

Add me to that. I feel like holidays have to happen on the actual day or else it's just not the same. Move your wedding day so important family can be there? Sure. Move Thanksgiving to Friday? No way!!

So if your husband is recovering from surgery, in the hospital, you wouldn't move it to Saturday? The day is not the day! It's about family.

No, I wouldn't. Maybe I would have a second thanksgiving when he got home, or have a mini thanksgiving in his hospital room.

To quote Paula Abdul, "C-c-cold-hearted, ooh ahh ahhhh..."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just skip it. My ILs are having their (once in a lifetime) 50th anniversary party one week before my due date this summer...and since it involves a flight and long drive we are obviously not going. They invited my parents, and my mom thought it was really weird they didn't hold it a month or so earlier so that we could attend. My parents would have done that, because our attendance would've been way more important to them than holding it closer to the exact date of their anniversary. It isn't on the exact date, BTW, it's the Saturday after. And, yes, it was planned after we had already announced we were expecting.

But every family is different. If your attendance was super important, your MIL would accommodate. It's just a small 4th of July BBQ, so I can understand why she would want to hold it on the 4th...but that doesn't also mean she can demand that you come.

Wow, this one takes the cake! How odd that they wouldn't want to include their entire family in this milestone event. Yes, "the date" is important for an anniversary party, but there is no way it is more important than the actual attendees who are family!

PP here, and that's what I think. But DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, so whatever, I guess. It's not that his family isn't close or anything, they're just really different about this kind of stuff. It's extra weird because they pretty much never plan big parties, unlike my family. The last big event they planned was an engagement/pre-wedding party at their house for people who wouldn't be able to travel to my hometown for the wedding...and this party is a lot bigger and fancier than that one. But, yeah, it's pretty weird. My mom actually thinks DH should still go on his own if I haven't had the baby, but he's against it. We'll play it by ear when we're a little closer...I have a feeling the baby will already be born by then anyway.

I see this as completely different than the backyard barbecue. Maybe more people were able to make it on the date they chose, which is closer to their actual anniversary. I don't think it's weird or messed up at all, especially if they aren't giving you any grief for not going. This party is more about them, not "family" in general.

Uh, no. You don't celebrate a marriage with friends and family, KNOWING your son and his family can't be there.

It sounds to me like celebrating their anniversary near their anniversary date is more important than making sure everyone can be there. I don't think that's horrible.

Add me to that. I feel like holidays have to happen on the actual day or else it's just not the same. Move your wedding day so important family can be there? Sure. Move Thanksgiving to Friday? No way!!

So if your husband is recovering from surgery, in the hospital, you wouldn't move it to Saturday? The day is not the day! It's about family.

No, I wouldn't. Maybe I would have a second thanksgiving when he got home, or have a mini thanksgiving in his hospital room.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just skip it. My ILs are having their (once in a lifetime) 50th anniversary party one week before my due date this summer...and since it involves a flight and long drive we are obviously not going. They invited my parents, and my mom thought it was really weird they didn't hold it a month or so earlier so that we could attend. My parents would have done that, because our attendance would've been way more important to them than holding it closer to the exact date of their anniversary. It isn't on the exact date, BTW, it's the Saturday after. And, yes, it was planned after we had already announced we were expecting.

But every family is different. If your attendance was super important, your MIL would accommodate. It's just a small 4th of July BBQ, so I can understand why she would want to hold it on the 4th...but that doesn't also mean she can demand that you come.

Wow, this one takes the cake! How odd that they wouldn't want to include their entire family in this milestone event. Yes, "the date" is important for an anniversary party, but there is no way it is more important than the actual attendees who are family!

PP here, and that's what I think. But DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, so whatever, I guess. It's not that his family isn't close or anything, they're just really different about this kind of stuff. It's extra weird because they pretty much never plan big parties, unlike my family. The last big event they planned was an engagement/pre-wedding party at their house for people who wouldn't be able to travel to my hometown for the wedding...and this party is a lot bigger and fancier than that one. But, yeah, it's pretty weird. My mom actually thinks DH should still go on his own if I haven't had the baby, but he's against it. We'll play it by ear when we're a little closer...I have a feeling the baby will already be born by then anyway.

I see this as completely different than the backyard barbecue. Maybe more people were able to make it on the date they chose, which is closer to their actual anniversary. I don't think it's weird or messed up at all, especially if they aren't giving you any grief for not going. This party is more about them, not "family" in general.

Uh, no. You don't celebrate a marriage with friends and family, KNOWING your son and his family can't be there.

It sounds to me like celebrating their anniversary near their anniversary date is more important than making sure everyone can be there. I don't think that's horrible.

Add me to that. I feel like holidays have to happen on the actual day or else it's just not the same. Move your wedding day so important family can be there? Sure. Move Thanksgiving to Friday? No way!!

So if your husband is recovering from surgery, in the hospital, you wouldn't move it to Saturday? The day is not the day! It's about family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just skip it. My ILs are having their (once in a lifetime) 50th anniversary party one week before my due date this summer...and since it involves a flight and long drive we are obviously not going. They invited my parents, and my mom thought it was really weird they didn't hold it a month or so earlier so that we could attend. My parents would have done that, because our attendance would've been way more important to them than holding it closer to the exact date of their anniversary. It isn't on the exact date, BTW, it's the Saturday after. And, yes, it was planned after we had already announced we were expecting.

But every family is different. If your attendance was super important, your MIL would accommodate. It's just a small 4th of July BBQ, so I can understand why she would want to hold it on the 4th...but that doesn't also mean she can demand that you come.

Wow, this one takes the cake! How odd that they wouldn't want to include their entire family in this milestone event. Yes, "the date" is important for an anniversary party, but there is no way it is more important than the actual attendees who are family!

PP here, and that's what I think. But DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, so whatever, I guess. It's not that his family isn't close or anything, they're just really different about this kind of stuff. It's extra weird because they pretty much never plan big parties, unlike my family. The last big event they planned was an engagement/pre-wedding party at their house for people who wouldn't be able to travel to my hometown for the wedding...and this party is a lot bigger and fancier than that one. But, yeah, it's pretty weird. My mom actually thinks DH should still go on his own if I haven't had the baby, but he's against it. We'll play it by ear when we're a little closer...I have a feeling the baby will already be born by then anyway.

I see this as completely different than the backyard barbecue. Maybe more people were able to make it on the date they chose, which is closer to their actual anniversary. I don't think it's weird or messed up at all, especially if they aren't giving you any grief for not going. This party is more about them, not "family" in general.

Uh, no. You don't celebrate a marriage with friends and family, KNOWING your son and his family can't be there.

It sounds to me like celebrating their anniversary near their anniversary date is more important than making sure everyone can be there. I don't think that's horrible.

Add me to that. I feel like holidays have to happen on the actual day or else it's just not the same. Move your wedding day so important family can be there? Sure. Move Thanksgiving to Friday? No way!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just skip it. My ILs are having their (once in a lifetime) 50th anniversary party one week before my due date this summer...and since it involves a flight and long drive we are obviously not going. They invited my parents, and my mom thought it was really weird they didn't hold it a month or so earlier so that we could attend. My parents would have done that, because our attendance would've been way more important to them than holding it closer to the exact date of their anniversary. It isn't on the exact date, BTW, it's the Saturday after. And, yes, it was planned after we had already announced we were expecting.

But every family is different. If your attendance was super important, your MIL would accommodate. It's just a small 4th of July BBQ, so I can understand why she would want to hold it on the 4th...but that doesn't also mean she can demand that you come.

Wow, this one takes the cake! How odd that they wouldn't want to include their entire family in this milestone event. Yes, "the date" is important for an anniversary party, but there is no way it is more important than the actual attendees who are family!

PP here, and that's what I think. But DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, so whatever, I guess. It's not that his family isn't close or anything, they're just really different about this kind of stuff. It's extra weird because they pretty much never plan big parties, unlike my family. The last big event they planned was an engagement/pre-wedding party at their house for people who wouldn't be able to travel to my hometown for the wedding...and this party is a lot bigger and fancier than that one. But, yeah, it's pretty weird. My mom actually thinks DH should still go on his own if I haven't had the baby, but he's against it. We'll play it by ear when we're a little closer...I have a feeling the baby will already be born by then anyway.

I see this as completely different than the backyard barbecue. Maybe more people were able to make it on the date they chose, which is closer to their actual anniversary. I don't think it's weird or messed up at all, especially if they aren't giving you any grief for not going. This party is more about them, not "family" in general.

Uh, no. You don't celebrate a marriage with friends and family, KNOWING your son and his family can't be there.

It sounds to me like celebrating their anniversary near their anniversary date is more important than making sure everyone can be there. I don't think that's horrible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just skip it. My ILs are having their (once in a lifetime) 50th anniversary party one week before my due date this summer...and since it involves a flight and long drive we are obviously not going. They invited my parents, and my mom thought it was really weird they didn't hold it a month or so earlier so that we could attend. My parents would have done that, because our attendance would've been way more important to them than holding it closer to the exact date of their anniversary. It isn't on the exact date, BTW, it's the Saturday after. And, yes, it was planned after we had already announced we were expecting.

But every family is different. If your attendance was super important, your MIL would accommodate. It's just a small 4th of July BBQ, so I can understand why she would want to hold it on the 4th...but that doesn't also mean she can demand that you come.

Wow, this one takes the cake! How odd that they wouldn't want to include their entire family in this milestone event. Yes, "the date" is important for an anniversary party, but there is no way it is more important than the actual attendees who are family!

PP here, and that's what I think. But DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, so whatever, I guess. It's not that his family isn't close or anything, they're just really different about this kind of stuff. It's extra weird because they pretty much never plan big parties, unlike my family. The last big event they planned was an engagement/pre-wedding party at their house for people who wouldn't be able to travel to my hometown for the wedding...and this party is a lot bigger and fancier than that one. But, yeah, it's pretty weird. My mom actually thinks DH should still go on his own if I haven't had the baby, but he's against it. We'll play it by ear when we're a little closer...I have a feeling the baby will already be born by then anyway.

I see this as completely different than the backyard barbecue. Maybe more people were able to make it on the date they chose, which is closer to their actual anniversary. I don't think it's weird or messed up at all, especially if they aren't giving you any grief for not going. This party is more about them, not "family" in general.

Uh, no. You don't celebrate a marriage with friends and family, KNOWING your son and his family can't be there.

Well, apparently some people do! I wonder if the couple's other children will be there.

I know, right? So unnecessarily tacky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just skip it. My ILs are having their (once in a lifetime) 50th anniversary party one week before my due date this summer...and since it involves a flight and long drive we are obviously not going. They invited my parents, and my mom thought it was really weird they didn't hold it a month or so earlier so that we could attend. My parents would have done that, because our attendance would've been way more important to them than holding it closer to the exact date of their anniversary. It isn't on the exact date, BTW, it's the Saturday after. And, yes, it was planned after we had already announced we were expecting.

But every family is different. If your attendance was super important, your MIL would accommodate. It's just a small 4th of July BBQ, so I can understand why she would want to hold it on the 4th...but that doesn't also mean she can demand that you come.

Wow, this one takes the cake! How odd that they wouldn't want to include their entire family in this milestone event. Yes, "the date" is important for an anniversary party, but there is no way it is more important than the actual attendees who are family!

PP here, and that's what I think. But DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, so whatever, I guess. It's not that his family isn't close or anything, they're just really different about this kind of stuff. It's extra weird because they pretty much never plan big parties, unlike my family. The last big event they planned was an engagement/pre-wedding party at their house for people who wouldn't be able to travel to my hometown for the wedding...and this party is a lot bigger and fancier than that one. But, yeah, it's pretty weird. My mom actually thinks DH should still go on his own if I haven't had the baby, but he's against it. We'll play it by ear when we're a little closer...I have a feeling the baby will already be born by then anyway.

I see this as completely different than the backyard barbecue. Maybe more people were able to make it on the date they chose, which is closer to their actual anniversary. I don't think it's weird or messed up at all, especially if they aren't giving you any grief for not going. This party is more about them, not "family" in general.

Uh, no. You don't celebrate a marriage with friends and family, KNOWING your son and his family can't be there.

Well, apparently some people do! I wonder if the couple's other children will be there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just skip it. My ILs are having their (once in a lifetime) 50th anniversary party one week before my due date this summer...and since it involves a flight and long drive we are obviously not going. They invited my parents, and my mom thought it was really weird they didn't hold it a month or so earlier so that we could attend. My parents would have done that, because our attendance would've been way more important to them than holding it closer to the exact date of their anniversary. It isn't on the exact date, BTW, it's the Saturday after. And, yes, it was planned after we had already announced we were expecting.

But every family is different. If your attendance was super important, your MIL would accommodate. It's just a small 4th of July BBQ, so I can understand why she would want to hold it on the 4th...but that doesn't also mean she can demand that you come.

Wow, this one takes the cake! How odd that they wouldn't want to include their entire family in this milestone event. Yes, "the date" is important for an anniversary party, but there is no way it is more important than the actual attendees who are family!

PP here, and that's what I think. But DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, so whatever, I guess. It's not that his family isn't close or anything, they're just really different about this kind of stuff. It's extra weird because they pretty much never plan big parties, unlike my family. The last big event they planned was an engagement/pre-wedding party at their house for people who wouldn't be able to travel to my hometown for the wedding...and this party is a lot bigger and fancier than that one. But, yeah, it's pretty weird. My mom actually thinks DH should still go on his own if I haven't had the baby, but he's against it. We'll play it by ear when we're a little closer...I have a feeling the baby will already be born by then anyway.

I see this as completely different than the backyard barbecue. Maybe more people were able to make it on the date they chose, which is closer to their actual anniversary. I don't think it's weird or messed up at all, especially if they aren't giving you any grief for not going. This party is more about them, not "family" in general.

Uh, no. You don't celebrate a marriage with friends and family, KNOWING your son and his family can't be there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just skip it. My ILs are having their (once in a lifetime) 50th anniversary party one week before my due date this summer...and since it involves a flight and long drive we are obviously not going. They invited my parents, and my mom thought it was really weird they didn't hold it a month or so earlier so that we could attend. My parents would have done that, because our attendance would've been way more important to them than holding it closer to the exact date of their anniversary. It isn't on the exact date, BTW, it's the Saturday after. And, yes, it was planned after we had already announced we were expecting.

But every family is different. If your attendance was super important, your MIL would accommodate. It's just a small 4th of July BBQ, so I can understand why she would want to hold it on the 4th...but that doesn't also mean she can demand that you come.

Wow, this one takes the cake! How odd that they wouldn't want to include their entire family in this milestone event. Yes, "the date" is important for an anniversary party, but there is no way it is more important than the actual attendees who are family!

PP here, and that's what I think. But DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, so whatever, I guess. It's not that his family isn't close or anything, they're just really different about this kind of stuff. It's extra weird because they pretty much never plan big parties, unlike my family. The last big event they planned was an engagement/pre-wedding party at their house for people who wouldn't be able to travel to my hometown for the wedding...and this party is a lot bigger and fancier than that one. But, yeah, it's pretty weird. My mom actually thinks DH should still go on his own if I haven't had the baby, but he's against it. We'll play it by ear when we're a little closer...I have a feeling the baby will already be born by then anyway.

I see this as completely different than the backyard barbecue. Maybe more people were able to make it on the date they chose, which is closer to their actual anniversary. I don't think it's weird or messed up at all, especially if they aren't giving you any grief for not going. This party is more about them, not "family" in general.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, any job that vacation "bean counts"s sucks. Get something more flexy. -Tenured professor who is loving the summer right now![/quote]

How much do you want to bet that this poster is a man who will never have to use literally all of his leave to have a baby?[/quote]

I am a man. Living the dream. I work for 6-7 months out of the year and have a great paying job. Very few responsibilities. It pretty much rocks.[/quote]

Wow, you are an ass. Sorry. And I say this as a tenured professor myself, although one who also works in the summer because I actually do the research (and mentor PhDs) that tenured professors are supposed to be doing as part of being tenured. Guessing you're not first on the list for the pay raises your school gives out being such a leach.

But more generally, realistically many jobs that don't "suck" have specific leave times and vacation times. Grow up.

(Prof and woman who actually wasn't able to take maternity leave because it created massive trails of paperwork for my research program)

Oh and op either go to the ILs and come back Monday morning or don't go. Enjoy your baby (and your vacation). Congrats![/quote]

You are awesome!

Anonymous wrote:The problem is the way OP presented the case. She set her family as priority by establishing their trip as a prior commitment. The IL's do this every year. The fourth is not a surprise to anyone and there is ample time to plan. Of course she should skip it and probably from now on too. What she shouldn't do is want the celebration, which includes others, moved to accommodate her desire to save vacation time for her family. What she is really asking is "my family is more important than his, right?" The answer is that you spend your vacation time as you please and you acknowledge that you cannot go to every event.

OP here. *I never asked for the event to be moved. My husband did. Without even asking me, because it seemed to him such an obvious solution.*

And yeah, the fourth is not a surprise. But my pregnancy and maternity leave weren't exactly timed with a BBQ in mind!

Also, even calling it a party is a bit of a stretch. "having local family over to grill out" is more like it.

We are going to go, but leave at 2 p.m. Thus, we will only see the extended family very briefly. MIL isn't thrilled, but whatever. If she had a BBQ on the third, or even made it a breakfast/brunch on the Fourth, she'd get to show of her new grandchild more. Oh well!

The problem is the way OP presented the case. She set her family as priority by establishing their trip as a prior commitment. The IL's do this every year. The fourth is not a surprise to anyone and there is ample time to plan. Of course she should skip it and probably from now on too. What she shouldn't do is want the celebration, which includes others, moved to accommodate her desire to save vacation time for her family. What she is really asking is "my family is more important than his, right?" The answer is that you spend your vacation time as you please and you acknowledge that you cannot go to every event.