Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. Let me clarify, my SIL was directly "mean" to my daughter by not acknowledging her. Whether my daughter understands that or not, it's not right.

Anyway, this is just how I feel on the inside...on the outside, I'm very nice to her and we get along. I'm throwing the baby shower for her. I just don't understand how people can act this way towards a baby. I had fertility issues as well and it was hard watching all my friends get pregnant, but I never ran out crying or not acknowledge the baby.

You know what? You should not throw her a baby shower. Obviously, you are hurt about her behaviour towards your child. No need to compound the resentment by throwing a baby shower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL sounds self centered. I would be hurt by her making the day your child was born all about HER. She sounds immature.

Wow.
Some of you really are heartless.

And they lack empathy, compassion--after all the world revolves them and their spawn.

Oh bullshit! The person who says she sounds immature is spot on.

Do women (and men) struggling with infertility deserve empathy and compassion? Absolutely, without a doubt, unequivocally, yes. But there are still *limits* to behavior that can be justified by suffering. If you read the thread more carefully you will note that the SIL has also ignored another older child over a period of years. This is not just about one time that she ran out the room crying when faced with a newborn (which none of us would find surprising under the circumstances). I doubt OP would have posted if it were only that. It's that she continued to behave coldly toward the baby for months after and has been cold to another child for years! Infertility and the very real grief that comes with it does not give someone the excuse to behave the way SIL has toward the children. And it doesn't matter if the baby and the 4 year old don't notice, all the other siblings and in-laws do. This woman is so selfish and immature, she thinks her suffering trumps all else and everything is all about her.

+1

Hmm., I wonder if op has always been a drama queen?

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby about a year ago, which was also around the same time my brother's wife (SIL) found out her chances of having a baby were slim to none. After my daughter was born, she was so mean to her. SIL wouldn't even hold or acknowledge her. At the hospital she started crying when she saw my daughter and ran out of my room. This mean behavior went on for a few months and then it stopped after she found out she was pregnant. I'm really happy that there will be a new member in our family, but it's just so hard for me to be happy for my SIL after the way she treated my daughter. I would never treat an innocent child like that.

I don't know what to do. Any advice?

Crap on a cracker. She was traumatized and didn't acknowledge the baby. The baby won't remember it. You need to let it go. She was having a trauma and didn't handle it well. That happens. Let it go.

Anonymous wrote:OMG, I can't read any more of the ridiculous responses on this thread. I cannot believe that most PPs are actually justifying the horrible behavior of the SIL.

to the OP: please stop responding to the dysfunctional PPs on this thread who are turning this around on you. They are are nuts. Grief does not entitle people to act like assholes. LOTS of people endure infertility and they don't behave like this woman (SIL). She is the one who is immature and self-centered. Not being able to have a child does not entitle you to ignore the children of your relatives. To justify this behavior as acceptable is demented.

I am sorry your SIL is such a selfish jerk. It is best that you are being nice to her on the face of things, because you are stuck with her for the long haul and you will want your children to have a nice relationship. But you are entitled to judge her on the inside, because she deserves it.

+100000000000000000000000000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL sounds self centered. I would be hurt by her making the day your child was born all about HER. She sounds immature.

Wow.
Some of you really are heartless.

And they lack empathy, compassion--after all the world revolves them and their spawn.

Oh bullshit! The person who says she sounds immature is spot on.

Do women (and men) struggling with infertility deserve empathy and compassion? Absolutely, without a doubt, unequivocally, yes. But there are still *limits* to behavior that can be justified by suffering. If you read the thread more carefully you will note that the SIL has also ignored another older child over a period of years. This is not just about one time that she ran out the room crying when faced with a newborn (which none of us would find surprising under the circumstances). I doubt OP would have posted if it were only that. It's that she continued to behave coldly toward the baby for months after and has been cold to another child for years! Infertility and the very real grief that comes with it does not give someone the excuse to behave the way SIL has toward the children. And it doesn't matter if the baby and the 4 year old don't notice, all the other siblings and in-laws do. This woman is so selfish and immature, she thinks her suffering trumps all else and everything is all about her.

Yet, op thinks her happiness trumps everyone else's grief...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL sounds self centered. I would be hurt by her making the day your child was born all about HER. She sounds immature.

Wow.
Some of you really are heartless.

And they lack empathy, compassion--after all the world revolves them and their spawn.

Oh bullshit! The person who says she sounds immature is spot on.

Do women (and men) struggling with infertility deserve empathy and compassion? Absolutely, without a doubt, unequivocally, yes. But there are still *limits* to behavior that can be justified by suffering. If you read the thread more carefully you will note that the SIL has also ignored another older child over a period of years. This is not just about one time that she ran out the room crying when faced with a newborn (which none of us would find surprising under the circumstances). I doubt OP would have posted if it were only that. It's that she continued to behave coldly toward the baby for months after and has been cold to another child for years! Infertility and the very real grief that comes with it does not give someone the excuse to behave the way SIL has toward the children. And it doesn't matter if the baby and the 4 year old don't notice, all the other siblings and in-laws do. This woman is so selfish and immature, she thinks her suffering trumps all else and everything is all about her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have some empathy, OP. Your daughter was not mistreated. Neither were you. This is what grief can look like.

Agree. OPs daughter wasn't impacted at all by the behavior and none of it was directed at the baby. Sounds like her SIL was just struggling to come to terms with some bad news.

THIS! Have you ever stopped to think that emotionally she was just fragile? Your newborn baby has no idea. Empathy is what is needed. Not judgment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL sounds self centered. I would be hurt by her making the day your child was born all about HER. She sounds immature.

Wow.
Some of you really are heartless.

And they lack empathy, compassion--after all the world revolves them and their spawn.

Anonymous wrote:SIL sounds self centered. I would be hurt by her making the day your child was born all about HER. She sounds immature.

Wow.
Some of you really are heartless.

SIL sounds self centered. I would be hurt by her making the day your child was born all about HER. She sounds immature.

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think this might have been written by the SIL?

I don't understand how someone can be so self-absorbed and narcissistic as the OP (if real and as stated), that it seems like it *has* be be written by a troll, or a "from the other perspective" sort of approach.

What would be the point?

Sounds totally believable to me. Young women stay this insufferable until life beats them down. That's how they learn empathy. Before this happens, it is exactly like you described: self-centered to the extreme.

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think this might have been written by the SIL?

I don't understand how someone can be so self-absorbed and narcissistic as the OP (if real and as stated), that it seems like it *has* be be written by a troll, or a "from the other perspective" sort of approach.

Nope, I'm betting it is legit. My DH and I dealt with infertility for years, before finally conceiving our DD through IVF. Unfortunately, I encountered quite a bit of thoughtlessness from several people, including close friends/family, during that time. For some reason, people seem to have very little empathy for infertility.
I spent years putting on a brave face and hiding my true feelings. "Sucking it up" to attend showers and visit new babies and their mothers, because these ladies were my friends, and, despite how painful it was to think I might never have a child, I wanted to be there for them. It was isolating and heart-wrenching and a horribly painful experience.
You never truly know what someone else is going through. Maybe that hospital visit or missed birthday party occurred just after the SIL experienced a miscarriage or received news that the latest treatment cycle didn't work or insurance coverage had fallen through, or any number of things. I can remember walking out of a Starbuck's in tears on Mother's Day two years ago - the barista had wished me a Happy Mother's Day just a few days after our most recent cycle failure, and I just couldn't handle it any more. I'm sure she thought I was crazy.

Does anyone think this might have been written by the SIL?

I don't understand how someone can be so self-absorbed and narcissistic as the OP (if real and as stated), that it seems like it *has* be be written by a troll, or a "from the other perspective" sort of approach.

I think you are the mean one. Really, really mean. Wow.